How long a build up pre meet?

29 Jul 2008

Am just wondering, how long do you spend on average (if there is such a thing!) building up to a meet?
The reason I ask is because I have just found out that a guy I have been in contact with from this site for probably the best part of a year, is going to meet me for drinks on Saturday. I have spent the last hour or so in delicious pre-meet turmoil!! And it's only drinks! rolleyes

Thing is, he lives down south and I'm in the North West. We have tried to get something sorted before and life got in the way. But we text and email and talk a lot. I am deliriously excited... had no idea he was coming home this weekend until he just called and arranged drinks.
Soooooo... partly all my over excitement about this is because of the unusually long build up. How long do you normally wait?
I can range from a week or so to a completely impromptu meet-me-tonight situation (with someone I already know, of course) but sometimes things take a tad longer to arrange.
So, build ups to meets... what's your optimum time?
Nola x

29 Jul 2008

ummm with your Nola I would say it has been about 7 months so far.
mmmm winchy.. about the same really so far. Others... well that has ranged from a year to two...
or a month or two.
I would say that the optimum time would be a week. My boredom kicks in at around two weeks... so it means they will feel special for just long enough afterwards that they don't feel like a used rag and I can move onto the next person, people, group or crowd without the catholic guilt setting in lol

29 Jul 2008

I would see nothing unusual in being in touch for as long as weeks or months even before meeting.

29 Jul 2008

Quote by splendid_
ummm with your Nola I would say it has been about 7 months so far.

where's the :coughsandspluttersemoticon: when you need it then....
wink

29 Jul 2008

About 5 yrs so far :lol2: :lol2:

29 Jul 2008

20 minuites give or take..... :giggle:
what? dunno

29 Jul 2008

Quote by noladreams30
ummm with your Nola I would say it has been about 7 months so far.

where's the :coughsandspluttersemoticon: when you need it then....
wink

I'm using it! lol

29 Jul 2008

Quote by winchwench
ummm with your Nola I would say it has been about 7 months so far.

where's the :coughsandspluttersemoticon: when you need it then....
wink

I'm using it! lol

give it back!

29 Jul 2008

Quote by winchwench
ummm with your Nola I would say it has been about 7 months so far.

where's the :coughsandspluttersemoticon: when you need it then....
wink

I'm using it! lol

Can I borrow it please?

29 Jul 2008

Ok, you two can have it if you promise to share. I'm off to bed whilst using the :chucklingmyarseoff: emote anyway.
Use it wisely! lol

30 Jul 2008

About a week.

30 Jul 2008

Months building up to arranging a meet then could be weeks/months until the actual meet itself..

30 Jul 2008

we've found our best meets have been, start chatting in chatroom and meet same night for a drink and play if all agree to us thats NSA fun. IMO if you have to chat / mail for months and months thats more of a dating thing which is supposed to be diferent to swinging.

30 Jul 2008

Quote by cockslut
we've found our best meets have been, start chatting in chatroom and meet same night for a drink and play if all agree to us thats NSA fun. IMO if you have to chat / mail for months and months thats more of a dating thing which is supposed to be diferent to swinging.

Chatting for months and months is called getting to know a potential playmate more intimately and can actually highten the sensation when the meet actually takes place and having to wait untill you can actually meet is called having other responsibilities which take preference...
Everyone is different and saying the way some people choose to go about things is more of a dating than swinging thing is harsh to say the least...

30 Jul 2008

I have met someone within hours of chatting and equally I chatted to a couple from another site for nearly a year before we met ...
The meeting I had within a few hrs was good but not earth shattering, we didnt know each other at all and had I gotten to know him more prob wouldnt have met ... but it filled a void for us both on the day (gosh thats sounds awful, but we had needs)
The meeting where I was chatting to them for a nearly a year was amazing, partly becuase we clicked well from the off but equally becuase we had gotten to know each other and when we met it was almost like we had always known each other ... we didnt start out to chat for so long before we met but with one thing and another (real life), holidays etc it just didnt happen ...
Dont think there is a set time for me to meet people, but for us not to have met for months it has to be someone special or I think I'd get bored with the waiting ... equally I would have to be feeling especially horny before I'd meet same day again.

30 Jul 2008

Quote by Steve
we've found our best meets have been, start chatting in chatroom and meet same night for a drink and play if all agree to us thats NSA fun. IMO if you have to chat / mail for months and months thats more of a dating thing which is supposed to be diferent to swinging.

Chatting for months and months is called getting to know a potential playmate more intimately and can actually highten the sensation when the meet actually takes place and having to wait untill you can actually meet is called having other responsibilities which take preference...
Everyone is different and saying the way some people choose to go about things is more of a dating than swinging thing is harsh to say the least...
:thumbup:
And I thought dating involved...well...dates?

30 Jul 2008

Quote by Steve
we've found our best meets have been, start chatting in chatroom and meet same night for a drink and play if all agree to us thats NSA fun. IMO if you have to chat / mail for months and months thats more of a dating thing which is supposed to be diferent to swinging.

Chatting for months and months is called getting to know a potential playmate more intimately and can actually highten the sensation when the meet actually takes place and having to wait untill you can actually meet is called having other responsibilities which take preference...
Everyone is different and saying the way some people choose to go about things is more of a dating than swinging thing is harsh to say the least...
wasn't meant to be harsh to say the least its just my opinion like i said, our way works for us if your way works for you so be it, but to get to know a potential playmate more intimately must involve cyber sex / chat which we are not we dont really want to listen to their problems their "my mrs's dont understand me" we don't need to know there real names its nsa fun.(it's just a shag)putting it bluntly. if you need to know the ins and outs of their lives "to us" that doesn't sound like nsa fun its almost a courtship.

30 Jul 2008

Quote by cockslut
we've found our best meets have been, start chatting in chatroom and meet same night for a drink and play if all agree to us thats NSA fun. IMO if you have to chat / mail for months and months thats more of a dating thing which is supposed to be diferent to swinging.

Chatting for months and months is called getting to know a potential playmate more intimately and can actually highten the sensation when the meet actually takes place and having to wait untill you can actually meet is called having other responsibilities which take preference...
Everyone is different and saying the way some people choose to go about things is more of a dating than swinging thing is harsh to say the least...
wasn't meant to be harsh to say the least its just my opinion like i said, our way works for us if your way works for you so be it, but to get to know a potential playmate more intimately must involve cyber sex / chat which we are not we dont really want to listen to their problems their "my mrs's dont understand me" we don't need to know there real names its nsa fun.(it's just a shag)putting it bluntly. if you need to know the ins and outs of their lives "to us" that doesn't sound like nsa fun its almost a courtship.
Cyber sex is something I've never done...
I do like to talk to people as my brain needs to be stimulated as much as my groin but as you say...
What works for some doesn't work for others..

30 Jul 2008

It's interesting hearing all the differences on this one. Thankfully I appear not to be the only one who can sometimes take ages though! wink

30 Jul 2008

I am happy to meet up within a few days of initial contact and have done so. I am also happy to leave it longer if the person want to...up to about four weeks it has been on occasions.

31 Jul 2008

Quote by Steve
we've found our best meets have been, start chatting in chatroom and meet same night for a drink and play if all agree to us thats NSA fun. IMO if you have to chat / mail for months and months thats more of a dating thing which is supposed to be diferent to swinging.

Chatting for months and months is called getting to know a potential playmate more intimately and can actually highten the sensation when the meet actually takes place and having to wait untill you can actually meet is called having other responsibilities which take preference...
Everyone is different and saying the way some people choose to go about things is more of a dating than swinging thing is harsh to say the least...
wasn't meant to be harsh to say the least its just my opinion like i said, our way works for us if your way works for you so be it, but to get to know a potential playmate more intimately must involve cyber sex / chat which we are not we dont really want to listen to their problems their "my mrs's dont understand me" we don't need to know there real names its nsa fun.(it's just a shag)putting it bluntly. if you need to know the ins and outs of their lives "to us" that doesn't sound like nsa fun its almost a courtship.
Cyber sex is something I've never done...
I do like to talk to people as my brain needs to be stimulated as much as my groin but as you say...
What works for some doesn't work for others..
well in my book talking about intimate things to a potential playmate over the phone or internet amounts to cyber my friend IMO.

31 Jul 2008

Quote by anais
About 5 yrs so far :lol2: :lol2:

I know that feeling girlfriend :lol2:
On a more serious note, it all depends on the mood, there are folks who i have chatted to for years online and then finally got to meet and its been great (mostly) then again i have had totally impromptu meets, as in, chatted for an hour, met, had the most fantastic sex and become the best of mates thereafter.
I guess i tend not to have hard and fast rules about it these days, i mean why constrain yourself with your own rules and regulations?
one life, live it wink

31 Jul 2008

Quote by Steve
we've found our best meets have been, start chatting in chatroom and meet same night for a drink and play if all agree to us thats NSA fun. IMO if you have to chat / mail for months and months thats more of a dating thing which is supposed to be diferent to swinging.

Chatting for months and months is called getting to know a potential playmate more intimately and can actually highten the sensation when the meet actually takes place and having to wait untill you can actually meet is called having other responsibilities which take preference...
Everyone is different and saying the way some people choose to go about things is more of a dating than swinging thing is harsh to say the least...
Sorry Steve disagree a bit there. :shock:
Of course everyone is different but to chat for months and months before a meet can seem a bit like a build up to a date. For us we tend to check a profile or chat to someone in the chat rooms, and on that basis we decide if we want to meet.
Of course a long build up can heighten the excitement of a meet, but there is nothing better than a second meet, as the nerves are calmer. You could have a long build up and the meet still can be shite as can a quick chat on the phone and then to meet can be the same. But if a first meet is good the second meet is always so much better. lol

We probably have a quick natter on the phone too, as that gives a good insight. The thought of chatting for months for us, does seem like setting up a date. We don't want a relationship we want some fun.
Before the www and the opportunities that now brings, swingers used to meet at clubs, and then play at the club or not. Now with the www obviously you can chat on a more cyber level until you feel right to take things further. Yes there are people out there who will go to a club and shag that night and others who want to build up a swinging meet. Each to their own as to how they go about it, but for us the thought of a meet taking months and months, seems a bit pointless to us. That of course is us and others of course are different. But it does seem more like a date if it takes that long to set up a meet. cool

31 Jul 2008

Quote by kentswingers777
Before the www and the opportunities that now brings, swingers used to meet at clubs, and then play at the club or not.

Unfortunately the clubs are being ruined as play clubs by the social swingers. Swinging as a sexual activity seems to be disappearing.
We've never arranged a meet in 8 years but have managed to play pretty much every week in that time. Different strokes for different folks but the dream for many doesn't seem to turn into reality very often.

31 Jul 2008

Quote by northwest-cpl

Before the www and the opportunities that now brings, swingers used to meet at clubs, and then play at the club or not.

Unfortunately the clubs are being ruined as play clubs by the social swingers. Swinging as a sexual activity seems to be disappearing.
We've never arranged a meet in 8 years but have managed to play pretty much every week in that time. Different strokes for different folks but the dream for many doesn't seem to turn into reality very often.
That does seem to be true. We used to go to a club where a lot of people never played, but it was also a party scene and they went for that side of it.
There are also a lot of people who join a swingers site with no intention of swinging at all. :shock: That somewhat baffles me. Threads have been done about that subject before. I always thought a swingers site was for like minded people to meet, with the intention of swinging? Still thats been done before and not getting into that one again. lol

31 Jul 2008

Just to clarify... I don't normally take 11 months to meet someone lol

It has purely been a geographical/work commitment thing... oh, and although there has been mucho flirting in the meantime, this is about as far away from a date as you could get... no small talk needed - I wanna seriously get down and dirty... :twisted:
Will it live up to the hype? Am sure it will, because I have enjoyed the build up. With some people I meet it's more about fulfilling an immediate need, with others it's about getting to know them first. I'm glad I don't have a set formula or pattern I follow, I think that would become tired.
I do however, have a series of I guess you'd call them safety checks that I go through to ensure any meet (however quickly arranged) is as safe as it can be. That never changes.
Things would be dull if we all did things the same though wouldn't it? wink

31 Jul 2008

Quick question......how many people have actually chatted for months before setting up a vanilla date? dunno

If I was in the market for dating, I'd not be looking for someone who lived in Inverness- so the geographical factors would likely be easier to get round. Whereas via this site, you end up flirting with people from all over the place- and find yourself in an "if only" situation with someone in Inverness (Might as bleedin well be rolleyes

). Is it as nerve racking to go on a vanilla date as a swinging meet? Unbloodylikely. So the putting it off because of nerves is unlikely to figure in it, either. I'd actually be quite shocked to find that anyone has taken months to arrange a vanilla meet.
I think what we're really talking about is getting to know someone before a meet.
Now, ahem, I've had lots of sex. Really lots. I've had sex with people I've never even spoken to, and I've had sex with people I've known in RL, and waited a year to have sex with (circumstances, not really a choice.) And all possible permutations in between.
I've come to the conclusion that (rare circumstances excepted) I cant fancy someone I don't know. I don't enjoy having sex with someone I don't fancy. When you get to know someone, you share so much more intimacy.
I'm not judging anyone- if anonymous sex does it for you then that's great. But you can still get to know someone before having recreational sex. It's not dating. wink

31 Jul 2008

Quote by winchwench
Quick question......how many people have actually chatted for months before setting up a vanilla date?

four vanilla meets all within a week of the first hello mail, all within a month of joining a vanilla dating site :dunno:
three of them resulted in mind blowing sex on the second meet, none of them produced a relationship???
member of a swing site for xxx years, very few meets, very little sex
ok, thinking whilst typing here, whats wrong with this picture?

31 Jul 2008

Quote by Pete_sw
Quick question......how many people have actually chatted for months before setting up a vanilla date?

four vanilla meets all within a week of the first hello mail, all within a month of joining a vanilla dating site :dunno:
three of them resulted in mind blowing sex on the second meet, none of them produced a relationship???
member of a swing site for xxx years, very few meets, very little sex
ok, thinking whilst typing here, whats wrong with this picture?
You're in it? :dunno:
Sorry, seriously now.....maybe you're one of the "unnatainables?" :dunno: :dunno:

31 Jul 2008

Quote by Pete_sw
Quick question......how many people have actually chatted for months before setting up a vanilla date?

four vanilla meets all within a week of the first hello mail, all within a month of joining a vanilla dating site :dunno:
three of them resulted in mind blowing sex on the second meet, none of them produced a relationship???
member of a swing site for xxx years, very few meets, very little sex
ok, thinking whilst typing here, whats wrong with this picture?
To be honest it makes you look like a club bouncer. lol