How many of you have taken the Vodka Scooter home ..........

6 Oct 2004

How many times have you woken up in the morning after a hard night
drinking and thought, 'How on earth did I get home?' As hard as you
try, you cannot piece together your return journey from the pub to your house.
The answer to this puzzle is that you used a 'Vodka Scooter.' The Vodka
Scooter is a mythical form of transport, owned and leased to the drunk by
Bacchus, the Roman God of Wine. Bacchus has acquired a large batch of
These magical devices. The Vodka Scooter works in the following fashion:
The passenger reaches a certain level of drunkenness and the "slurring
gland" begins to give off a Pheromone. Bacchus or one of his many
sub-contractors detects this pheromone and sends down a winged Vodka
Scooter.
The scooter scoops up the passenger and deposits them in their bedroom via a
Trans-Dimensional Portal. This is not cheap to run, so a large portion of
the passenger's in-pocket cash is taken as payment. This answers the second
questions after a night out, 'How did I spend so much money?'
Unfortunately, Vodka Scooters have a poor safety record and are thought
To be responsible for over 90% of all UDI (Unidentified Drinking
Injuries), such as bruised legs, poorly toes and a sore spot on the top of your
head.
An undocumented feature of the Vodka Scooter is the destruction of
Time segments during the trip. The nature of Trans-Dimensional Portals dictates
that time will be lost, seemingly unaccounted for.
This answers a third question after a night out, 'What the hell happened?'
With good intentions, Bacchus opted for the REMIT (Removal of Embarrassing
Moments In Time) add on, that automatically removes, in descending order,
those parts in time regretted most.
Unfortunately one person's REMIT is not necessarily the REMIT of another's
and quite often, lost time is regained in discussions over a period of time.
Independent studies have also shown that Beer Goggles often cause the
Scooter's navigation system to malfunction thus sending passengers to the
wrong bedroom, often with horrific Consequences.
For the young ladies, Vodka Scooters come equipped with flowers picked from
other people's garden and Thump-A-Lot boots (Patent Pending). These boots
are designed in such a way that no matter how quietly you tip-toe up the
stairs, you are sure to wake up your downstairs neighbours. Special
anti-gravity springs ensure that you bump into every wall in the house and
the CTSGS (Coffee Table Seeking Guidance System) explains the bruised
shins.
The final add-on Bacchus saw fit to invest in for some Scooters is the TAS
(Tobacco Absorption System). This explains how one person can apparently get
through 260 stolen Marlboro Lights in a single night, regardless of whether
or not said person is a regular smoker or not.
P.S. Don't forget the on-board heater, which allows you to comfortably get
home from the pub in sub-zero temperatures, wearing just a small outfit.
Vodka scooters, wonders of modern technology...have you ever had a ride on
one??!!

6 Oct 2004

Oh yes, I've used the Vodka scooter more than once..... complete with bruises rolleyes

:roll: :roll:

6 Oct 2004

Bloody hell, yeh, all the time.
thanks for that, i need worry no more wink

Gill x

6 Oct 2004

:laughabove: Now that is a good post - Laff - I nearly shit!
I used to eat the flowers from other peoples gardens, and you forgot to mention the left overs of every take-away on the high street deposited all over your bed and floor............

6 Oct 2004

Excellent - many of life's great mysteries all solved.

6 Oct 2004

On saturday night I left a local pizza place and began to walk home, it was only when I was about a mile down the road I realised I'd moved and didn't live within walking distance any more. Good job I was near a taxi rank, although I don't remember how I got from the taxi into bed.
Although doesn't beat a guy who I used to work with who left a nightclub at 2 am in Nottingham to walk home, walked for THREE miles then rememberd he lived in Bath.

6 Oct 2004

Having driven a cab for many, many years I can categorically state thet the vodka scooter is a smokescreen.
We got you home, we gave you the UDI dragging you out the cab, the unexplained loss of time is because we took you the long way round and surely you can guess where your in-pocket cash went. lol

:lol: :lol:

6 Oct 2004

Dear Melons,
I now realise how crazy you really are..that's the single maddest Post I've read on this site :shock: :crazy:
Erm, Nottingham is going to be very intersting & you like Robbie Williams
loon

Just playing don't take that to heart, see you soon,
Omar The WÃ¼nderhorse.

6 Oct 2004

Ride on one? I personally own one and insist on taking it out every time we venture to the local. Incidentally, mine is equipped with a navigational device to direct me to the safest driveways and front gardens I can wee in.
Silky xxx

6 Oct 2004

:rotflmao: :rotflmao:
you're talking complete bollox melons! you made all that up! there's no such thing! and here's the proof of it!
once upon a time, after a night out involving stella, vodka, brand, JD, sambuca etc etc, i found i had no cash left for the 5 mile taxi ride home, especially as the cash machine had already swallowed my card after my drunken insistence that "xxxxismy bleedin' pin number you stupid machine!" it wasn't my pin number! adios!
so i began walking. 5 miles is a long way when it's all uphill anyway, especially when you're doing the Billy Connolly drunken walk, 2 steps forward, one step back! it's even further when 2 miles down the road you black out midstep, keel over and break a rib, bouncing your head of the kerb in the process.
being somewhat dazed, and scared shitless by the taxi bearing down on me, i picked myself up sharpish, and continued on my way, only to find myself back where i started. at this point that last double brandy seemed a bad idea altogether. so far a round trip of 4 miles, with a broken rib, and heavily concussed.
some 3 hours later, i arrived home. i was somewhat surprised to find myself naked in the bath the next morning, in some considerable pain. unfortunately i tend to remember things all too well eventually, and managed to piece together the disgusting events of the evening with flashback after flashback! it's not big, and it's not clever!
neil x x x ;)

6 Oct 2004

:laughabove:
I have similar memories Neil .. .unfortunately I wasn't the drunk one :shock: Morbius got so hammered on his 25th he still has the hangover from it .... (it was his 32nd last week) I ended up carrying him home the mile or so to my house!!!!!!!
For those of you having met Morbius and myself, you will appreciate that he is a good foot taller than me and approximately 10 stone heavier ..... :!: :!: :!: :!: it was not an easy task!
Anyway re Melons post!!!
It's all very well telling us about the vodka scooter and it's ability to get you home to bed.. but doesn't explain what happens when you catch the scooter and end up in someone else's bed redface

6 Oct 2004

Quote by Calista
It's all very well telling us about the vodka scooter and it's ability to get you home to bed.. but doesn't explain what happens when you catch the scooter and end up in someone else's bed

Lol yes it does.....

Quote by melons
Independent studies have also shown that Beer Goggles often cause the Scooter's navigation system to malfunction thus sending passengers to the wrong bedroom, often with horrific Consequences.

Thanks Melons, that post has just explained an awful lot of unsolved mysteries in my life surprised

ops: :lol2:

6 Oct 2004

does the vodka scooter go the same way as the alcopop-bus???????

6 Oct 2004

Quote by well_busty_babe
does the vodka scooter go the same way as the alcopop-bus???????

It goes the same way and sometimes you can get them both in the same night.......

6 Oct 2004

thats the one!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
i have found that the alcopop bus is better at transfering you from the classy wine bar to the back street hovel where your feet stick to the floor when u walk.

6 Oct 2004

I prefer the Vodka taxi. It comes equipped with a mild mannered friendly driver who fully understands the needs of the hardened drinker. The driver will go to great lengths to assist you into the vehicle (sometimes helped by fellow binge drinkers who happen to be passing). The driver will pull over for 'unscheduled pit stops' on the way home, park on your very own drive, assist you into the house, make you a brew and even help you into bed (I know that sounds dodgy!). Shame about the torrent of abuse when the hangover kicks in!!
I still think my wife's fantastic............!!

6 Oct 2004

Classic, pure genius, classic !! :giggle:
Nice one melons
I must admit that I have been visited by the after party monkey on the odd occasion !!
You know the one who breaks into your house,
leaves the front door open,
puts bread in the toaster but does not cook it,
leaves the TV, HI Fi and DVD on ( usually full volume for all of them ),
leaves all the lights on in the house,
throws all of your clothes around your bedroom,
steals all your money and finally
does something nasty in your mouth !!! :rude:
Mmmmm on far too many occasions than I would care to mention !! I am afraid to say dunno

Ho hum Dan x x wink

7 Oct 2004

Quote by Dan Solo
Classic, pure genius, classic !! :giggle:
Nice one melons
I must admit that I have been visited by the after party monkey on the odd occasion !!
You know the one who breaks into your house,
leaves the front door open,
puts bread in the toaster but does not cook it,
leaves the TV, HI Fi and DVD on ( usually full volume for all of them ),
leaves all the lights on in the house,
throws all of your clothes around your bedroom,
steals all your money and finally
does something nasty in your mouth !!! :rude:
Mmmmm on far too many occasions than I would care to mention !! I am afraid to say
Ho hum Dan x x

Ah he is at my house most Sunday mornings !!!

7 Oct 2004

that Vodka scooter is a scary one yes!..
But the one thing i hate more than that is what i call..."THE WALK OF SHAME".... That early morning walk home in the same clothes as you were wearing the night before. Worse if you have to get public transport :shock:

7 Oct 2004

Ok I am going on a pub crawl this evening... so I shall test the vodka scooter theory.... I need one with a turbo attachment to get me back up the hill in a timely fashion as I have work tomorrow.
Can I also have the optional luggage rack to hold all the beer mats, bar towels and glasswear I am likely to put in my pockets like a mad coleptomaniac???