hi all
this is good for a laugh..and some of it sounds to familiar...
(found on the net)
HOW TO SHOWER LIKE A MAN
1. Take off clothes while sitting on bed and leave them in a pile.
2. Walk naked to bathroom. If partner seen, shake knob at her making the 'Woo' sound.
3. Look at manly physique in mirror and suck in gut to see if you have pecs. Admire size of knob in mirror scratch privates and smell fingers for one last whiff.
4. Get in shower. Don't bother to look for washcloth - don't use one.
5. Wash face and armpits. Wash privates and the surrounding area.
6. Wash butt, leaving hair on the soap.
7. Crack up how loud farts sound in the shower.
8. Shampoo hair but don't use conditioner.
9. Make shampoo mohican. Pull back curtain to see self in mirror.
10. Pee in shower.
11. Rinse off and get out of shower. Fail to notice water on floor because shower curtain outside bath for whole time.
12. Partialy dry off. Look at self again, flex muscles and admire knob (again)
13. Leave shower curtain open and wet bath mat on the floor. Leave bathroom light and fan on.
14. Return to bedroom with towel around waist. If you pass partner, pull off towel, grab knob, go 'yeah baby' and thrust pelvis at her.
15. Put on yesterdays clothes.
HOW TO SHOWER LIKE A WOMAN
1. Take off clothing and place it in sectioned laundry hamper according to lights, darks, whites, man made or natural.
2. Walk to the bathroom wearing a long dressing gown. If partner seen along the way cover up any exposed flesh and rush to the bathroom.
3. Look at womanly physique in the mirror and stick out belly. Complain and whine about getting fat.
4. Get in shower. Look for face cloth, arm cloth, loincloth, long loafer, wide loafer and pumice stone.
5. Wash hair once with Cucumber and Lamphrey shampoo with 83 added vitamins.
6. Wash hair again with Cucumber and Lamphrey shampoo with 83 added vitamins.
7. Condition hair with Cucumber and Lamphrey conditioner with enhanced Crocus Oil. Leave on hair for 15 minutes.
8. Wash face with crushed apricot facial scrub for 10 minutes until red raw. Wash entire rest of body with ginger nut and jaffa cake body wash.
9. Rinse conditioner off hair taking at least 15 minutes to make sure its all come off.
10. Shave armpits and legs with partner's razor. Consider shaving bikini area but decide to get it waxed instead.
11. Scream loudly when partner flushes toilet and water loses pressure and turns red hot.
12. Turn off shower. Squeegee all wet surfaces in shower. Spray mould spots with Tilex.
13. Get out of shower. Dry with towel the size of small African country. Wrap hair in super absorbent second towel. Check entire body for remotest sign of spots. Attack with nails/tweezers if found.
14. Return to bedroom wearing long dressing gown and towel on head. If partner seen, cover up any exposed areas then rush to bedroom to spend hour and a half getting dressed.
Love
Caz&Gav
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How Men and Women shower
Sex God
Quote by DreamerHelen
I have to admit, I actually shower more like a man(except for shaking the knob bit, for one I don't have a knob and for another I don't have a partner...LoL).
I also don't pee in the shower!!! :shock:
I just dont shower lol
But I hasten to add, that's because I dont HAVE a shower, so I have regular baths instead. Once a month seems to do the trick and saves on cleaning the bathroom :twisted:
Sex God
Quote by M
LOL, sounds about right. except I don't pee in the bath. That's disgusting. Oh, and I don't have a partner...
Excuse me! I don't pee in the bath either! I have a sponge that I wring out especially for that purpose!
The very idea that I might pee in the bath for goodness sake
(prays any readers will realise this is a piss take lol)
Sex God
Quote by Nallers
Excuse me! I don't pee in the bath either! I have a sponge that I wring out especially for that purpose!
The very idea that I might pee in the bath for goodness sake )
But think about the environmental impact of not wasting all that water flushing the bog when you can be double using that bath/shower water :shock: :shock:
Just you wait there will be an EU environmental law mandating such activities to conserve water next
N
If I did own a shower, I may well be tempted to pee in there from time to time for this very ecologically sound reason. However, as I only have a bath, I dont really wish to bathe in my own pee, hence the sponge. I'm a lady really ;) (honest!)
Sex God
I wish I had a bath. Sometimes I'm tempted to spend a night in a hotel just so I can have one. There's something very relaxing about baths. Showers are too business-like. "Get in. Get clean. Get out."
But having said that, a shower that fits two and a shower-head on a long flexible hose does have its advantages. It's best if it only just fits two.
But having said that, a shower that fits two and a shower-head on a long flexible hose does have its advantages. It's best if it only just fits two.
Sex God
Quote by DJohn
I wish I had a bath. Sometimes I'm tempted to spend a night in a hotel just so I can have one. There's something very relaxing about baths. Showers are too business-like. "Get in. Get clean. Get out."
But having said that, a shower that fits two and a shower-head on a long flexible hose does have its advantages. It's best if it only just fits two.
<whistful sigh> I'd love to have a shower, if only to share it with someone else. Lets do a house swap DJohn, just for a bath/shower. Mine's a lovely corner bath, plenty of room for two (and it still hasnt been christened by more than one person at a time <sob>)
Oh, baths are great. But my current hot-water-tank doesn't seem big enough to pull me a piping hot full bath; only a piping-hot half-bath or a vaguely-lukewarm full bath. My bath could do with being a few inches longer too... :-(
Someone wanna come help me warm the water and hunt for an extra few inches, lol.
Someone wanna come help me warm the water and hunt for an extra few inches, lol.
Sex God
Quote by Angel Chat
Mine's a lovely corner bath, plenty of room for two (and it still hasnt been christened by more than one person at a time
Ooh, Angel! I must come and visit one day. Just to use your bath.
You'd be very welcome to use my shower, but I'm afraid it only fits one. I'd have to demolish the kitchen if I wanted to fit a bath in. Even then I'm not sure there'd be enough room. The kitchen is already too small for the fridge.
But my bedroom is nice and big.
Quote by roger743
Oh, baths are great. But my current hot-water-tank doesn't seem big enough to pull me a piping hot full bath; only a piping-hot half-bath or a vaguely-lukewarm full bath.
Mines the same - you either run less water (not an option as a nice deep hot soak is more relaxing) or have a short bath before you freeze to death due to the water going cold so quickly.
Our bath related dilemma and AngelChats wishes seem a perfect combination - two in a bath means less water (it's maths you know) so what hot water there is would go further and last longer !!
Sex God
Quote by Carpathian
Oh, baths are great. But my current hot-water-tank doesn't seem big enough to pull me a piping hot full bath; only a piping-hot half-bath or a vaguely-lukewarm full bath.
Mines the same - you either run less water (not an option as a nice deep hot soak is more relaxing) or have a short bath before you freeze to death due to the water going cold so quickly.
Our bath related dilemma and AngelChats wishes seem a perfect combination - two in a bath means less water (it's maths you know) so what hot water there is would go further and last longer !!
I dont have the cold water problem anyway Carpi, combi-boilers are fantastic when it comes to having a nice full hot bath. Might go and have a soak now ;)
Warming the Bed
I have a shower 
but unfortunately its still in the shed disconnected from when I moved 
however I also have in full working order a wonderful long deep bath and an extremly good hot water boiler.. Maybe I can entice some nice gent to instal my shower and tile the bathroom at the same time 
then i'll have a choice.
but unfortunately its still in the shed disconnected from when I moved however I also have in full working order a wonderful long deep bath and an extremly good hot water boiler.. Maybe I can entice some nice gent to instal my shower and tile the bathroom at the same time then i'll have a choice. Mmmmmmmmmm - I've got a bath and hardly ever use it. Have got plans to remove the bath entirely and have a wet room instead - no cubicles for me - just one room all waterproof, a Grohe shower and plenty of space. Just waiting for the workman!
Wallowing in water in which I have washed is so awful - sharing a shower with a friend is so delightful...
Wallowing in water in which I have washed is so awful - sharing a shower with a friend is so delightful...
Sex God
Quote by Nallers
Oh, baths are great. But my current hot-water-tank doesn't seem big enough to pull me a piping hot full bath;
<snpped>
Someone wanna come help me warm the water and hunt for an extra few inches, lol.
You need a geeza who is practiced in using a twiddling stick to twiddle the little twiddly bit that twiddles the temperature setting.
Now do you need a gas or electric twiddle?
Umm Nallers.... are you any good with twiddly gas like twiddlers? Only I have a job or two for a gas twiddly gadget type man.. ;)