Can someone explain AUP...............pls
Thanks Planemike
Sexlightened
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how much sex in marriage?
Quote by macman_uk
Hi all,
Long time no post.
This is probably the wrong website to post this question given the nature of the placebut how often do you married couples have sex during the week? (WITH EACH OTHER :lol
My wife has no idea of my membership of this place but we are averaging sex about once every 6-7 weeks - and when it happens it is naff! :shock: An even more shocking figure is when you work out that it is only 6.5 times a freaking year! OH MY GOD:x
She doesn't want to know and simply won't discuss it and doesn't see a problem!
Just interested to know what I am missing :cry: :cry:
so I've read all the posts and there is some excelent advice out there. Loving Judy's commenst baout cheating.
But u keep asking people to answer your question so here goes form our perspective a sa couple.
We don't keep count how many times we make love or have sex during a wekk - varies quite a lots depending on other commitments, sociallife, work or just plain can't be arsed. And sometimes we're like the two poeple that have met each other again - shagging for England.
I don't believe that there are any guidleines for this or an acceptable quota that needs filling. All gets a bit too clinical then - and where's the fun,the anticipation?
If u believe that sex when you do actually do it is "naff" - what the hell r u doing to her or not doing? And if she knows that u thinks it naff it ain't gonna inspire to get her kit off u any more than what she already does. And I don't know if it's her or you with the real problem but u could just start romancing her again - not in the anticipation of anything but just cos u love her and she.
And romancing does not mean having to take her away for weekends etc - a touch, a look, a smile - anything that will regain her trust in yuou not to jump on her bones - or make her believe that's all u wnat to do. It may take months to reaaly understand that your "loving" ways are not a prelude to bed.
One thing is for certian tho - I'm pretty damn sure you ain't gonna get anything any time if she finds out u been here and not told her. That is abuse of your relationship together. It's one thing for a partner to know, give consent but not want to be involved - but for her not to know at all?
I'm with Judy on this one - it is cheating - you are witholding information from her that could potentially cripple her emotionally - and believe me - you say u love her - you think she's gonna believe that if she finds out? And it doesn't nmatter who u beeen with or not, or just here to read the forums etc - she's gonna hurt
The flip side - she doesn't see a problem . Fair enuff - she's got a low sex drive - some people do - isn't a crime tho-
anyway - my thoughts after a hard nite at work
.
Sexlightened
Its quality that counts; some weeks it can be twice or three times a day; other times there could be a month when we don't at all. It all depends on other factors such as work and social commitments, along with family issues. So this thread could be liken to 'how long is a piece of string?'
Is it your own feelings are getting in the way; 'can't see the wood fro the trees' syndrome. How about letting her express what she would like to do over a weekend. And I mean NOT sexually. If she feels 'safe' with you again you may find that things will improve. Also, should your first post read'make love' and not 'sex'? (belive us there is a difference!)
Is it your own feelings are getting in the way; 'can't see the wood fro the trees' syndrome. How about letting her express what she would like to do over a weekend. And I mean NOT sexually. If she feels 'safe' with you again you may find that things will improve. Also, should your first post read'make love' and not 'sex'? (belive us there is a difference!)
Sexlightened
Its quality that counts; some weeks it can be twice or three times a day; other times there could be a month when we don't at all. It all depends on other factors such as work and social commitments, along with family issues. So this thread could be liken to 'how long is a piece of string?'
Is it your own feelings are getting in the way; 'can't see the wood fro the trees' syndrome. How about letting her express what she would like to do over a weekend. And I mean NOT sexually. If she feels 'safe' with you again you may find that things will improve. Also, should your first post read'make love' and not 'sex'? (belive us there is a difference!)
Is it your own feelings are getting in the way; 'can't see the wood fro the trees' syndrome. How about letting her express what she would like to do over a weekend. And I mean NOT sexually. If she feels 'safe' with you again you may find that things will improve. Also, should your first post read'make love' and not 'sex'? (belive us there is a difference!)
Quote by Cheetah
Sadly the same is the case for men and women who cheat on their partners on this site. I was naive at first and expected better when I started using the site.
I must live in a bubble then
As the fem half of a couple ........ I can honestly say that we know quite a large number of couples on here........... most play together ..... but the ones who play alone are open and upfront about it ........... and therefore NOT cheating.
Quote by JudyTV
It isn't sad at all, it is in fact common sense the reason is because the wrong thing was posted on the wrong site. (Common sense is something a cheater rarely sees) When any form of cheating is discussed and certainly when it is promoted then that is sad, very sad indeed for the person who is at the receiving end. it is also very, very sad in a lot of swingers eyes because if you read back (especially in reply to your past posts) cheating of any kind is a blow to the very bedrock of swinging which is TRUST regarding each other. In the two years plus I have been here I have seen the success of this trust with many couples here and it has held them in good stead. I have many friends who are couples here and most will say that cheating destroys that trust and you will NEVER get the majority of swinging couples to say that cheating is acceptable. Yes,It is tolerated by most due to the ethos of general tollerance of this site which is of all people and all orientations on the proviso it is legat and within the AUP. I personally support that ethos and always will. There will always be those that say "Well if I don't shag him then someone else will" and this is to a point true of many of us (Including me) Double standards ? Yes, that is a fair point, however the cheating element is always disturbing to most people because some may think to themselves 'There but for the grace of God go I and my own relationship" This in itself may well mentally loosens the roots of some swinging couples.
Cheating will always go on and will up to a point be tolerated and that is fine within most peoples tollerance levels, encouraging others to do it its not aceptable in my opinion.
Finally I dont for one minute believe that cheating of anykind, whether it is on a swinging site or in any other form, will ever solve the deep rooted problems within a marriage or partnership and will in fact often end the relationship once it has been discovered. Those that walk away from a cheater will ALWAYS find support.
Jude
:thumbup:
I personally dont have a problem with married men or women being on here for NSA sex. I do have a problem with it if their partners dont know. But each to their own.
Having sex with anyone other than your partner will not solve the sex problem with your partner .......... will it ? If anything ........ I believe, it will drive you further apart.
I hope you find what you are looking for ............. but it wont put right whats wrong
Sam xxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxx
Sexlightened
Its quality that counts; some weeks it can be twice or three times a day; other times there could be a month when we don't at all. It all depends on other factors such as work and social commitments, along with family issues. So this thread could be liken to 'how long is a piece of string?'
Is it your own feelings are getting in the way; 'can't see the wood fro the trees' syndrome. How about letting her express what she would like to do over a weekend. And I mean NOT sexually. If she feels 'safe' with you again you may find that things will improve. Also, should your first post read'make love' and not 'sex'? (belive us there is a difference!)
Is it your own feelings are getting in the way; 'can't see the wood fro the trees' syndrome. How about letting her express what she would like to do over a weekend. And I mean NOT sexually. If she feels 'safe' with you again you may find that things will improve. Also, should your first post read'make love' and not 'sex'? (belive us there is a difference!)
Sexlightened
Sorry, seem to have posted same post THREE times fkng computers; moderators, please feel free to delete 2 out of three please
I'll try and be good
I'll try and be good
Thank you kcshaggers... a sensible response with good points.
It is the things my wife doesn't want me to do that I feel makes it un-enjoyable. And believe me, she makes it very plain what she wants during lovemaking. Naff was a silly and wrong word to use. Of course it needs to work both ways - both need to enjoy what is happening, but that also needs to work both ways too, if you get my meaning! You wrongly assume that I am not romancing her, and it certainly is not always done with the hope that a shag will follow. I really am not that shallow you know
I agree... it is cheating and can't be viewed in any other way. I know she would be devastated to know I am a member here and also the things I get up to in other chatrooms. Not something I am proud of - but it really is a last resort and there needs to be some acceptance by the contributors here that in certain circumstances going elsewhere for what is missing in the marriage can actually help that marriage or relationship to survive. The fact that I have found other ways of relieving my frustrations has resulted in us still being married. I have not cheated with her with another women - she remains my first and only full sex female sexual partner. I have given and received oral sex 6 times in 8 years with a fellow married man. That is the cheating part.
Exactly right and of course it is not a crime... and neither is wanting things to change so we can both be happy either.
If u believe that sex when you do actually do it is "naff" - what the hell r u doing to her or not doing? And if she knows that u thinks it naff it ain't gonna inspire to get her kit off u any more than what she already does. And I don't know if it's her or you with the real problem but u could just start romancing her again - not in the anticipation of anything but just cos u love her and she.
And romancing does not mean having to take her away for weekends etc - a touch, a look, a smile - anything that will regain her trust in yuou not to jump on her bones - or make her believe that's all u wnat to do. It may take months to reaaly understand that your "loving" ways are not a prelude to bed.
It is the things my wife doesn't want me to do that I feel makes it un-enjoyable. And believe me, she makes it very plain what she wants during lovemaking. Naff was a silly and wrong word to use. Of course it needs to work both ways - both need to enjoy what is happening, but that also needs to work both ways too, if you get my meaning! You wrongly assume that I am not romancing her, and it certainly is not always done with the hope that a shag will follow. I really am not that shallow you know
One thing is for certian tho - I'm pretty damn sure you ain't gonna get anything any time if she finds out u been here and not told her. That is abuse of your relationship together. It's one thing for a partner to know, give consent but not want to be involved - but for her not to know at all?
I'm with Judy on this one - it is cheating - you are witholding information from her that could potentially cripple her emotionally - and believe me - you say u love her - you think she's gonna believe that if she finds out? And it doesn't nmatter who u beeen with or not, or just here to read the forums etc - she's gonna hurt
I agree... it is cheating and can't be viewed in any other way. I know she would be devastated to know I am a member here and also the things I get up to in other chatrooms. Not something I am proud of - but it really is a last resort and there needs to be some acceptance by the contributors here that in certain circumstances going elsewhere for what is missing in the marriage can actually help that marriage or relationship to survive. The fact that I have found other ways of relieving my frustrations has resulted in us still being married. I have not cheated with her with another women - she remains my first and only full sex female sexual partner. I have given and received oral sex 6 times in 8 years with a fellow married man. That is the cheating part.
The flip side - she doesn't see a problem . Fair enuff - she's got a low sex drive - some people do - isn't a crime tho-
Exactly right and of course it is not a crime... and neither is wanting things to change so we can both be happy either.
Quote by blonde
I hope you find what you are looking for ............. but it wont put right whats wrong
Thank you... I get what you are saying and your thoughts are appreciated.
Quote by adi1567
If she feels 'safe' with you again you may find that things will improve. Also, should your first post read'make love' and not 'sex'? (belive us there is a difference!)
She doesn't feel unsafe now as I am not constantly badgering as people seem to be suggesting. She is perfectly comfortable with the way things are!
Thanks though!
Quote by macman_uk
I hope you find what you are looking for ............. but it wont put right whats wrong
Thank you... I get what you are saying and your thoughts are appreciated.
Quote by adi1567
If she feels 'safe' with you again you may find that things will improve. Also, should your first post read'make love' and not 'sex'? (belive us there is a difference!)
She doesn't feel unsafe now as I am not constantly badgering as people seem to be suggesting. She is perfectly comfortable with the way things are!
Thanks though!
Being the Wendy half of a couple I thought I might share in the discussion, hubby and I do nice things together that may or may not lead to intercourse. Sometimes the affection and attention is all we both require and we just fall asleep cuddling. so the amount of actual sex varies but the affection is constant.
As for your wife try reverse psychology and stop mentioning sex at all do little things for her like washing her back asking if you could wash her hair etc. this will get her attention and when she asks why, use that to say how uncertain you have become in pleasing her. and that is why you are taking things slow again, tell her you would like to re kindle your courting days again.
Dont be shy in coming forward, I was brought up believing that those close to you will answer any questions honestly and if this is not the case maybe your not as close as you think. even our own children now have no quarms about sex and the questions surrounding the subject and will often come home from school with what could be an embarrasing question and we always answer in straight terms so they know.
Hope this helps and I do not think you are missing out on a sex life but the closeness and affection that encompasses a loving relationship
Quote by macman_uk
You are obviously allowed to call me a sad bastard are you? Why does making sure I do things in my life that I look forward to make me sad? Surely that is getting a life? Social activities means having a life; private activities means I am having a life. Not having things to look forward to, whether it is egg and chips tonight or wild and rampant sex in the morning makes for a dull existence.
macman I apologise for calling you a bastard but I still think you are sad.
There is so much more to a marriage than sex and you seem to be putting sex on the top of the list so I wish you good luck with the rest of your life
Hi Dawn-Mids,
Apology accepted, genuinely. Very naughty coming from a mod and I would have expected to have got some kind of reprimand if it was the other way around. I obviously annoyed you.
Thanks for the good wishes - you still have me 100% wrong - but thanks and I am glad it has ended on a cyber cuddle
Apology accepted, genuinely. Very naughty coming from a mod and I would have expected to have got some kind of reprimand if it was the other way around. I obviously annoyed you.
Thanks for the good wishes - you still have me 100% wrong - but thanks and I am glad it has ended on a cyber cuddle
Sex God
Quote by Cheetah
Macman, Every so often someone raises this theme and all the predictable lets have a go at cheaters responses are given an airing yet again. Take no notice as what you have is biased responses from a very small minority. Both men and women cheat on their partners and most are not open about it even on this site. Even fewer admit to it. On this site it is some guys who will post about it but natualy women don't. It is common to find couples where one of them has a lower sex drive than the other. I don't think your situation is unique. It is sad that people on this site cannot be open about certain matters without receiving biased, rude and intollerant responses. Very few swingers will tell friends, family and people they work with that they are swingers because of the predictable responses they will receive. Sadly the same is the case for men and women who cheat on their partners on this site. I was naive at first and expected better when I started using the site. Now the good news! In the past I received lots of support and pms which indicates that whilst most people accept it goes on but no one wants to talk about it openly on this site. I treat you with respect and would expect that you will have tried to improve your sex life with your partner but with limited success. You wanted to share this on this site in an open and genuine way still hoping to find ways but sharing your emotional as well sexual frustration with others in a similar situatiom. It wont happen here! I have made some great contacts and also chatted to a number of people by being on this site. It takles place however outside the forum - emails, pms, phone calls etc.
Take care and don't give up hope, Cheetah
Wondered how long you'd be.
Quote by macman_uk
there needs to be some acceptance by the contributors here that in certain circumstances going elsewhere for what is missing in the marriage can actually help that marriage or relationship to survive. The fact that I have found other ways of relieving my frustrations has resulted in us still being married. I have not cheated with her with another women - she remains my first and only full sex female sexual partner. I have given and received oral sex 6 times in 8 years with a fellow married man. That is the cheating part.
There needs to be acceptance?? I dont think so!!....Under no circumstances can you justify cheating within a relationship
And while you think it is helping your marriage to survive once you are found out (and trust me you will be) then you can wave goodbye to your marriage....I honestly cant be bothered with replying anymore..... There is no way you will listen to anyone unless they are agreeing with you and your arrogance beggars belief.... :roll:
Shireen
oooooo god Shireen I am sooo glad you can't be bothered any more. I am not arrogant... simply not true... I am just defending myself against peoples opinions of me that are simply wrong - sorry if that makes you feel I am arrogant. I would like to say it has been nice but of course I can't... and I thought we had ended it all as friends.
Quote by macman_uk
Maybe its not a low sex drive, maybe it's you! icon_
Why is that always suggested! No - it is not me at all. There are such things as prudish women you know! Not all men just want what they want and on't worry about their partners.
I appreciate these are given in good faith but the wrong assumptions bug me at times!
My concern is, and always has been, the enjoyment of my partner.
I have a question about this Macman (not one I need answered, one for you to think about) - are you saying your wife is a prude? if so, didn't you already know that when you married her or are you suggesting that she has become a prude? If it's the latter, then something has changed - and as plenty of others have said, there's only one way to find out and that's to ask her. We can give positive and negative opinions for the next ten years but we are only hearing from you and your version of the problem
well as i can add my tuppence worth i would say it's your life live it as you see fit.
just look at it in your wifes perspective too.
just think how you would feel if she told you 2morrow that the reason she has not been having sex with you on a regular basis is that you are in fact crap in bed, and she has been sleeping with a 70 year old fella she met in tesco ???
just look at it from all angles, if your happily married and the sex has just taken a nose dive, there is proffesional help out there.
good luck to you anyway with whatever path you choose.
just look at it in your wifes perspective too.
just think how you would feel if she told you 2morrow that the reason she has not been having sex with you on a regular basis is that you are in fact crap in bed, and she has been sleeping with a 70 year old fella she met in tesco ???
just look at it from all angles, if your happily married and the sex has just taken a nose dive, there is proffesional help out there.
good luck to you anyway with whatever path you choose.
I don't wish to comment further on this particular individual - for reasons I do not wish to discuss.... however.... there were a number of comments some way back pretty much complaining that he was being given such a hard time and either not understanding why or condeming those who had posted their veiws.
I write this for those in dismay of his 'treatment'.
Many people in the vanilla world think of swingers to be without morals, because swinging does not conform to the moral code of our society. It is not the case that swingers are without morals, but we have different moral values – the difficulty then arises with the fact we develop our own morals and values, our own rules of conduct, based on our own view of swinging. These ‘rules’ may be influenced by the circles in which we mix, the people we feel a connection to, group pressure, our own expectations and personal definition of swinging, the experiences of our friends and so on – but they are our rules of conduct. Rules bring a feeling of order, something all human beings desire to some degree or another. Whilst this is an important point – it is one I am not prepared to spend more time (if not bloody ages) explaining at this stage. You’ll just have to take my word for it!
Now, let’s just think about the definition of swinging for a moment. This is a can of worms too, but important to bring out one point. In all of the definitions of swinging, one thing that is generally agreed upon is (where couples are involved) it does not damage or have any detrimental effect on the relationship of the couple.
So, people will have developed a set of rules or standards relating to swinging – included in which will be our own personal values - and we have some fairly common ground on the definition of swinging in relation to couples.
Is it any wonder then that every time a married man announces that he is here on this site without his wife’s knowledge that it sits somewhat uncomfortably with a proportion of swingers? To some it will be so completely against their values, rules and definition that it is almost comparable to hearing the old lady down the road was mugged for her pension. And how do we react to that moral value being stamped upon by a stranger?
Aside from the ‘playing away’ being something that most/if not all couples would not wish to find out their partner was doing, there is also that implication… the male involved is just using the site as a quick and easy shag site. Yes, some of us have just seen far too many sympathy shag threads.
So to those of you who expressed their dismay at why a guy gets hammered for being here behind his wife’s back – I hope you have a better understanding now.
In addition though, I have certainly stated an opinion somewhere on this site before questioning the difficulty of avoiding hypocrisy whilst actively swinging. This was particularly in relation to married men (cheats as they were being called – and indeed are) looking for extra-marital activities on a swinging site. I raised the question as when you consider people who go to swinging clubs and play with other club users, people who go dogging and involve the doggers (and a number of other activities) will undoubtedly come across married men who’s wives have no idea what they are doing. However, as it is not shoved under our noses that this is the case - it is not an issue. Ignorance can be bliss.
I guess my personal opinion is:
If they are dumb enough to come on here and announce they are married, their wife doesn’t know, actively look for meets or in someway suggest they want more than a place to chat and think it will be fully accepted – then they deserve what they get.
Somehow there is just too much of a hint of “easy shag†for me to feel comfortable and I just get the impression that their opinion of swingers is not particularly high one.
Edit: Additional Comment....
Move to a village filled with thatch cottages painted white – paint your cottage luminous green and fill your garden with modern art sculptures of decapitated bodies. Do you think the locals will just sit back and say “Oh, there is a different idea. Shall we bake them a cake to welcome them here†???
I write this for those in dismay of his 'treatment'.
Many people in the vanilla world think of swingers to be without morals, because swinging does not conform to the moral code of our society. It is not the case that swingers are without morals, but we have different moral values – the difficulty then arises with the fact we develop our own morals and values, our own rules of conduct, based on our own view of swinging. These ‘rules’ may be influenced by the circles in which we mix, the people we feel a connection to, group pressure, our own expectations and personal definition of swinging, the experiences of our friends and so on – but they are our rules of conduct. Rules bring a feeling of order, something all human beings desire to some degree or another. Whilst this is an important point – it is one I am not prepared to spend more time (if not bloody ages) explaining at this stage. You’ll just have to take my word for it!
Now, let’s just think about the definition of swinging for a moment. This is a can of worms too, but important to bring out one point. In all of the definitions of swinging, one thing that is generally agreed upon is (where couples are involved) it does not damage or have any detrimental effect on the relationship of the couple.
So, people will have developed a set of rules or standards relating to swinging – included in which will be our own personal values - and we have some fairly common ground on the definition of swinging in relation to couples.
Is it any wonder then that every time a married man announces that he is here on this site without his wife’s knowledge that it sits somewhat uncomfortably with a proportion of swingers? To some it will be so completely against their values, rules and definition that it is almost comparable to hearing the old lady down the road was mugged for her pension. And how do we react to that moral value being stamped upon by a stranger?
Aside from the ‘playing away’ being something that most/if not all couples would not wish to find out their partner was doing, there is also that implication… the male involved is just using the site as a quick and easy shag site. Yes, some of us have just seen far too many sympathy shag threads.
So to those of you who expressed their dismay at why a guy gets hammered for being here behind his wife’s back – I hope you have a better understanding now.
In addition though, I have certainly stated an opinion somewhere on this site before questioning the difficulty of avoiding hypocrisy whilst actively swinging. This was particularly in relation to married men (cheats as they were being called – and indeed are) looking for extra-marital activities on a swinging site. I raised the question as when you consider people who go to swinging clubs and play with other club users, people who go dogging and involve the doggers (and a number of other activities) will undoubtedly come across married men who’s wives have no idea what they are doing. However, as it is not shoved under our noses that this is the case - it is not an issue. Ignorance can be bliss.
I guess my personal opinion is:
If they are dumb enough to come on here and announce they are married, their wife doesn’t know, actively look for meets or in someway suggest they want more than a place to chat and think it will be fully accepted – then they deserve what they get.
Somehow there is just too much of a hint of “easy shag†for me to feel comfortable and I just get the impression that their opinion of swingers is not particularly high one.
Edit: Additional Comment....
Move to a village filled with thatch cottages painted white – paint your cottage luminous green and fill your garden with modern art sculptures of decapitated bodies. Do you think the locals will just sit back and say “Oh, there is a different idea. Shall we bake them a cake to welcome them here†???
My god Macman. Bet you didn't expect all this. I've just spent two hours going through this thread becoming more amazed as it goes on. Some are really showing their sides.
I wouldn't be at all surprised if in a few years this thread was being studied by A-Level English students.
Anyway Macman to answer your question, it does greatly vary but an average would be one or twice a day. Sometimes not one day and sometimes five in one day.
As for arrogance, for goodness sake people just look back at what you've been doing. Macmans original post was basically a question with his reason for asking. At no point did he ask for either advice or speculation. If all posts here got treated like this i'd have some really good advice with what they could do with their SH pin badges. There are some here who just love the sight of their own type. If you have no interest other than that go and bother ............. oh i don't know Readers Digest or something.
And BTW I haven't had sex in two days. Anyone up for a sympathy shag. My wife says that i'm allowed one.
I wouldn't be at all surprised if in a few years this thread was being studied by A-Level English students.
Anyway Macman to answer your question, it does greatly vary but an average would be one or twice a day. Sometimes not one day and sometimes five in one day.
As for arrogance, for goodness sake people just look back at what you've been doing. Macmans original post was basically a question with his reason for asking. At no point did he ask for either advice or speculation. If all posts here got treated like this i'd have some really good advice with what they could do with their SH pin badges. There are some here who just love the sight of their own type. If you have no interest other than that go and bother ............. oh i don't know Readers Digest or something.
And BTW I haven't had sex in two days. Anyone up for a sympathy shag. My wife says that i'm allowed one.
I thank you for you support Lucifarious and duncan. I wasn't going to post in here again but I felt I needed to after reading those two - especially yours Lucifarious.
It has upset me that people have drawn the conclusions they have about me. It has made me stop and think why they have drawn those conclusions, but I have no answer. I defended myself as I thought fit, but misjudged the fact that I was asking people who mostly have open and basically happy marriages, relationships and lives, so they are not the best placed to comment on my situation perhaps.
I wish they could meet me and see how I am for real - but I don't think there would be many takers!
Over the years I have posted around 6,000 messages in the various forums where I am a member, never has a thread I have started or contributed to developed in the way this one has. The odd OTT or agressive comment is posted of course, but as the vast majority of members are not of that nature, it is quickly quenched.
Of course, people can give opinions that differ to others, but perhaps there are better ways and manners in which to voice those opinions. I don't know.
JudyTV- I am not sure how many different people have berated me in this thread, but I would just like to point out that 6 different members have PM'd me with their support, not wanting to publicly post due to the reaction they may receive. Not all from single or married men, either! That is not a good sign for how people perceive the members of this web site.
A general and genuine sorry to those who have formed the opinion they have of me, but not an apology for what I have said. Perhaps it needs to be remembered that we are all only reading words - personalities are hard to fathom from letters on a screen. Maybe one day I have the chance to change that opinion.
macman
It has upset me that people have drawn the conclusions they have about me. It has made me stop and think why they have drawn those conclusions, but I have no answer. I defended myself as I thought fit, but misjudged the fact that I was asking people who mostly have open and basically happy marriages, relationships and lives, so they are not the best placed to comment on my situation perhaps.
I wish they could meet me and see how I am for real - but I don't think there would be many takers!
Over the years I have posted around 6,000 messages in the various forums where I am a member, never has a thread I have started or contributed to developed in the way this one has. The odd OTT or agressive comment is posted of course, but as the vast majority of members are not of that nature, it is quickly quenched.
Of course, people can give opinions that differ to others, but perhaps there are better ways and manners in which to voice those opinions. I don't know.
JudyTV- I am not sure how many different people have berated me in this thread, but I would just like to point out that 6 different members have PM'd me with their support, not wanting to publicly post due to the reaction they may receive. Not all from single or married men, either! That is not a good sign for how people perceive the members of this web site.
A general and genuine sorry to those who have formed the opinion they have of me, but not an apology for what I have said. Perhaps it needs to be remembered that we are all only reading words - personalities are hard to fathom from letters on a screen. Maybe one day I have the chance to change that opinion.
macman
Quote by Lucifarious
My god Macman. Bet you didn't expect all this. I've just spent two hours going through this thread becoming more amazed as it goes on. Some are really showing their sides.
I wouldn't be at all surprised if in a few years this thread was being studied by A-Level English students.
Anyway Macman to answer your question, it does greatly vary but an average would be one or twice a day. Sometimes not one day and sometimes five in one day.
As for arrogance, for goodness sake people just look back at what you've been doing. Macmans original post was basically a question with his reason for asking. At no point did he ask for either advice or speculation. If all posts here got treated like this i'd have some really good advice with what they could do with their SH pin badges. There are some here who just love the sight of their own type. If you have no interest other than that go and bother ............. oh i don't know Readers Digest or something.
And BTW I haven't had sex in two days. Anyone up for a sympathy shag. My wife says that i'm allowed one.
So why did you make a new account to post your opinion
Just being nosey :thumbup:
Quote by macman_uk
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JudyTV - I am not sure how many different people have berated me in this thread, but I would just like to point out that 6 different members have PM'd me with their support, not wanting to publicly post due to the reaction they may receive. Not all from single or married men, either! That is not a good sign for how people perceive the members of this web site.
macman
If you believe 6 people to be an indicator of the general feeling towards you/your thread/posts then you are even more out of synch than many people belive you to be...
I don't thnik peopewere really berating u to begin with.
some great advice was given from lots of different people for you to consider and hopefully use some to help you out. Some advice you were ok with and others not. But that's what happens when so many people with different experinces use a forum.
you're not going to like everything offered and others aren't going to like what u have offered.
It makes the world go around. Some peeps here do things I wouldn't shake a stick at but so what? Advice is freely given and can be freely rejected.
I don't agree with everything said but some of the stuff was really good - it's up to you to decide what u want for yourself and your wife.
But next time u want an answer to a question and head it up with the info that u did give - expect replies, expect sum peeps to agree and oters to knock you, others not to give two hoots.
The problem whenwe ask for advice is oftenwe keeplooking until we meet sonmeone with the same ideas as ourselves therefore reinforcing our own judgement and making us feel safe in that judgement. Yes I know you didn't specifically ask for advice but you kinda invited it.
Next time - just say thanks to anyone who responds to you if you don't want to get into anything to deep or just don't post back
x x x
some great advice was given from lots of different people for you to consider and hopefully use some to help you out. Some advice you were ok with and others not. But that's what happens when so many people with different experinces use a forum.
you're not going to like everything offered and others aren't going to like what u have offered.
It makes the world go around. Some peeps here do things I wouldn't shake a stick at but so what? Advice is freely given and can be freely rejected.
I don't agree with everything said but some of the stuff was really good - it's up to you to decide what u want for yourself and your wife.
But next time u want an answer to a question and head it up with the info that u did give - expect replies, expect sum peeps to agree and oters to knock you, others not to give two hoots.
The problem whenwe ask for advice is oftenwe keeplooking until we meet sonmeone with the same ideas as ourselves therefore reinforcing our own judgement and making us feel safe in that judgement. Yes I know you didn't specifically ask for advice but you kinda invited it.
Next time - just say thanks to anyone who responds to you if you don't want to get into anything to deep or just don't post back
x x x
From personal experience, when sex between a married couple has degenerated to this level, there's a chance it's because one of the partners no longer wants to be there. I had no interest in having any sort of intimacy with my husband for over a year. It wouldn't have mattered whether he showered me with gifts or kind gestures during that period, our relationship was dead and I eventually found the strength to end it. Sometimes no amount of counselling can retrieve a situation such as the one highlighted in the original post here, sometimes it's a case of flogging a dead horse.
Macman, I apologise for posting a seemingly negative response. I just wanted to offer a different angle to the conversation thread.
Macman, I apologise for posting a seemingly negative response. I just wanted to offer a different angle to the conversation thread.
Quote by macman_uk
It has upset me that people have drawn the conclusions they have about me. It has made me stop and think why they have drawn those conclusions, but I have no answer.
You take the fucking biscuit.
Why not share with the people some of your other views?
Try answering some of these questions….
What type of site do you really think this is?
What is it that you actually want from this site?
What is it you think the swingers on this site should go and do?
And when you have done that - try apologising to the people who were trying to help you because they believed the sexual side of your marriage had degenerated.
