As some know, I've been a bit off colour lately. I don't start to get mobile until around 1 or 2pm, and can't use my hands/fingers too well for most of the day. Can't even roll my fags some days. And I get quite a dig in the back and chest if I try to breath deeply, sneeze, cough or laugh
Well. A couple of days ago HLB started to feel pain in her neck (other than me) We're thinking trapped nerve or similar. Last night, as she really struggled to get up off the duvet on the floor, about 1am, I was half an inch from ringing for an ambulance.
Obviously, she has the same problem coughing, sneezing or laughing.
So this morning we decide the best place for her was A&E.
Options
1 - Risk me driving her there. A none starter that early in the day really.
2 - Taxi. Not really suitable. Taxi drivers not that well known for being sympathetic and ill passenger considerate.
3. - Ambulance. Well ............ not strictly speaking a 999 case.
4 - Phone a friend.
We decide on 4. No problem, I think about ringing an SH'er that's been a real pal to me recently, picking me up to get me out of the house for an hour or so, but realise it's the weekend and she'll be with family and not want to disrupt her Saturday. HLB decides to phone her dad. He lives about 15 miles away.
I've met her parents a few times, but they've not been here before.
While she's on the phone I look around the lounge.
Me "I'll have to tidy some of this stuff and de-sex at least the downstairs"
HLB "Hmmm. You're probably right
"Me "Baby, if I went to pick my daughter up from a blokes house to take her to hospital in pain; and walked in to find a duvet and pillows on the lounge floor with a camcorder or camera facing it, mounted on a tripod and connected with wires to the TV - I'd smack the fucker"
HLB " Have you moved all my toys out of the bathroom in case he needs the loo ?" (Toy wash day)
So there we were, me either on my hands and knees, or bent double, her unable to move from the chest up, trying to roll up duvets, disconnect the HLBPorn gear, pick up or move the flavoured lubes, condoms and toys, munch badges and other sex/SH paraphernalia that are scattered about the place, both in agony - pissing ourselves at the situation, trying not to laugh and giggle like girls but failing miserably.
I know – you probably had to be there.
But ………………..
I was wondering while they were at the hospital…………
What’s the quickest/most embarrassing way you’ve had to de-sex a room ???
