How would you deal with....

6 Aug 2007

my 8 year old son came in earlia this evening red eyed smelling of smoke and in a big rush to get ready for bed... :shock:
So quizzing him he sweared blind he hadnt been smoking but also tripping himself up at the same time confused

something about his coat slipped out so off i goes to get his coat. i find a half empty packet of ciggies (mine) and a lighter. Needless to say i was very shocked and wasnt really sure how to deal with it i gave him a telling of and grounded him before sending him to bed
Im hoping its just a try to look big thing for his mates but how would you deal with it in the same situation???????

6 Aug 2007

Make him eat the rest of the cigarettes in the packet evil

6 Aug 2007

I think because of the fact that you yourself smoke you have to deal with this situation with a fair amount of tact!!
You cant just turn around and say, "your a naughty boy for smoking" as he will see it like "well you smoke", so in this respect i think you should explain to him that smoking is a very dangerous DRUG and that it is something you wished you had never started (even if this is a bit of a lie)but you are now addicted to doing.
I would tell him that although you understand that he might think that because you smoke, its alright for him to do it this is not the case, and that smoking is a choice an adult makes and risks seriously damaging there health by doing so. I might add that you only started to be part of the "in crowd" but by doing this you actually alienated yourself from the people you really liked and respected as they dissaproved dunno

Its only what i would say and do like Tan, at the end of the day you know him best so although we can all give advice the best advice would be "do what you think will work with him".
Hope it helps a bit and you get the little bugger sorted wink

6 Aug 2007

We have 4 kids and I have explained to all of them the problems that smoking can cause later in life. They all know that by starting it they will find it very hard to stop and will probably suffer from some illness and that its a huge gamble that really isnt worth taking. I was really honest about cancer ( which is prevalent in my family anyway), heart probs, bad breath and yellow fingers . It was difficult as my hubby smokes so I didnt want to frighten them too much.
Anyway the eldest is 25 and smokes, but the others don't, so I think I did ok.
I would also speak to him about stealing from you, and fibbing and punish him for that separately as it can also lead to bigger problems as he gets older.
Don't let him out of your sight for a while so he can't have a crafty fag and also ask if he has been doing it some time as you know yourself how hard it is to go cold turkey. He might need some help from the doc if he has cravings.
I know you must be angry but its already done so now you have to help him get off them , shouting and getting angry will make it harder.
Hope this helps a bit xxx

6 Aug 2007

Quote by dekntan
my 8 year old son came in earlia this evening red eyed smelling of smoke and in a big rush to get ready for bed... :shock:
So quizzing him he sweared blind he hadnt been smoking but also tripping himself up at the same time something about his coat slipped out so off i goes to get his coat. i find a half empty packet of ciggies (mine) and a lighter. Needless to say i was very shocked and wasnt really sure how to deal with it i gave him a telling of and grounded him before sending him to bed
Im hoping its just a try to look big thing for his mates but how would you deal with it in the same situation???????

Firstly, well done you for not burying your head in the sand and going into denial! kiss

Unfortunately I didn't confront the problem, when I had it, nearly well enough, resulting in now being the mother of a teenage smoker sad

:(
If I could go back and re-do it, I would maybe give a grounding for stealing, followed by a grounding extension for lying.
Soooooo, initial grounding I would say a week. With no luxuries either, ie computer, computer games, phones, outside contact etc. A week then seems like a lifetime to a kid, mind you it will to you too with the "It's not fairs" every day! :lol2: Then put the grounding extension on, upping it to 10 days or so.
Then maybe go to his savings account if he's got one, and get him to withdraw the money for the packet of cigs he stole, to show him if he's gonna smoke, it's gonna be expensive.
I would also advise on the dangers, but I remember getting all that myself and ignoring it, so wouldn't set my hopes on being listened to with true understanding - although your child could well be totally different to mine, so worth a try.
Good luck with it, I hope you get through it and he takes heed :kiss:

6 Aug 2007

Quote by Freckledbird
Make him eat the rest of the cigarettes in the packet

lol my mum said that to me and it never happen

6 Aug 2007

tis a hard one tan, but hes only copying what u, smoking that is biggrin

6 Aug 2007

i did the cigar thing, bought one for my son, who was a bit older at 12, and made him smoke it, he went green and cried and didnt smoke again...............till he was 15, now he regrets starting and is giving up, tellin me how much he wished hed listend to me then, we all have to learn by our mistakes but when do we decide our kids are old enough ?? good luck tan, hope yer disipline works for you xx

6 Aug 2007

Quote by Missy
Then maybe go to his savings account if he's got one, and get him to withdraw the money for the packet of cigs he stole, to show him if he's gonna smoke, it's gonna be expensive.

I remember my mother doing something similar to me when I was younger.....after stealing something, and being caught out, I was told that the next day we were going to the bank to take the same amount of money out of my bank account and I would have to go and put it in a charity box. I spent the whole night awake worrying that people would know what I had done. Then as promised my mother took me to the bank to get the money out etc. Whilst, in actual fact, people seeing a mother and daughter going and getting some money out of the bank and then taking it to give to charity would not make them assume what had gone on......I was convinced that people knew and totally mortified. It worked....I didn't steal again.

6 Aug 2007

Quote by poshkate

Then maybe go to his savings account if he's got one, and get him to withdraw the money for the packet of cigs he stole, to show him if he's gonna smoke, it's gonna be expensive.

I remember my mother doing something similar to me when I was younger.....after stealing something, and being caught out, I was told that the next day we were going to the bank to take the same amount of money out of my bank account and I would have to go and put it in a charity box. I spent the whole night awake worrying that people would know what I had done. Then as promised my mother took me to the bank to get the money out etc. Whilst, in actual fact, people seeing a mother and daughter going and getting some money out of the bank and then taking it to give to charity would not make them assume what had gone on......I was convinced that people knew and totally mortified. It worked....I didn't steal again.
thieving git i want my underpants back!! lol

6 Aug 2007

Quote by poshkate

Then maybe go to his savings account if he's got one, and get him to withdraw the money for the packet of cigs he stole, to show him if he's gonna smoke, it's gonna be expensive.

I remember my mother doing something similar to me when I was younger.....after stealing something, and being caught out, I was told that the next day we were going to the bank to take the same amount of money out of my bank account and I would have to go and put it in a charity box. I spent the whole night awake worrying that people would know what I had done. Then as promised my mother took me to the bank to get the money out etc. Whilst, in actual fact, people seeing a mother and daughter going and getting some money out of the bank and then taking it to give to charity would not make them assume what had gone on......I was convinced that people knew and totally mortified. It worked....I didn't steal again.
Did she catch u smoking tho Poshkate?????

6 Aug 2007

Quote by Srne
thieving git i want my underpants back!!

:smackbottom: :smackbottom:
come and get them yourself.....or on second thoughts, just send the Mrs :lol2:

6 Aug 2007

Quote by bicuriousuncut
Did she catch u smoking tho Poshkate?????

no it was a teacher that did that.....and it was part of the reason I got expelled.... redface

6 Aug 2007

Quote by poshkate

Did she catch u smoking tho Poshkate?????

no it was a teacher that did that.....and it was part of the reason I got expelled.... redface

AWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWW!!!
Big hugzzzzzz! xxxxxxx

6 Aug 2007

Unfortunatley, children learn by example. If they dont see it at home they see it outside.
What about calling a family meeting and decide to ALL give up together? The only other alternative is to give the usual lectures on the dangers of smoking and hope the child takes it on board. I dont think any sort of punishment is appropriate if you smoke yourself.

6 Aug 2007

Quote by helnheaven
I dont think any sort of punishment is appropriate if you smoke yourself.

I would be inclined to give out punishment for the stealing and the lying.
Then you can explain that smoking is entirely to blame for his lying and stealing.
Otherwise I would be worried my child would think it's ok to lie and steal, providing you do something even worse to cover it up confused

Mind you, I didn't do right as my daughter now smokes sad

6 Aug 2007

Quote by Missy
I dont think any sort of punishment is appropriate if you smoke yourself.

I would be inclined to give out punishment for the stealing and the lying.
Then you can explain that smoking is entirely to blame for his lying and stealing.
Otherwise I would be worried my child would think it's ok to lie and steal, providing you do something even worse to cover it up confused

Mind you, I didn't do right as my daughter now smokes sad

Agree on punishment for lying and stealing.
Sorry didnt make myself clear redface

Some parents have been known to punish their children for smoking, when they themselves, are includes my own parents when I was an inquisitive teenager :? They were both smokers themselves.
As a parent of a grown up child I think you are extremely lucky in this day and age if you can get kids all grown up without them trying something they should'nt. All you can do as parents is try to explain the dangers of smoking etc and if all else fails.....................Keep out of the way till they are all grown up with kids of their own giving them the same grief lol

7 Aug 2007

I know its hard to preach to a kid if your a smoker yourself ( I dont know if you are) but I think that the best thing to do is the scare tactics. Go online with him, go to a website that shows the effects of smoking eg, Lung Cancer, ageing skin etc maybe that will work.
louise xx

7 Aug 2007

Aaaw tan

I think it's wrong for people to suggest that children always learn from example. I myself was a smoker until 4 years ago, but my daughter hates it, absolutely detests the habit. She said she used to hate the fact she smelt when she went to school regardless of how careful I was it still clung to her clothes.
It's a difficult situation because no matter how hard you come down on him he's already had that first draw of nicotine and as all smokers know (and ex smokers) it's that that keeps us hooked I'm afraid.
I would maybe talk to him and let him know the health implications but also maybe if you are thinking of quitting yourself let him know so.
Instead of punishing him for doing this, why not try rewarding him for not doing it again? Maybe I'm wrong but reverse psychology in children often works.

7 Aug 2007

thanks for all you suggestions, the telling of was more for the stealing and lying as i knew doing it for the smoking was kettle and pot lol i have grounded him took away the telly rights and pc rights and give him a talking to about the horrible effects smoking has on people. I know every kid has and will proberly try it i guess i just wasnt expecting it at 8.... i was about 12 when i first ever tried it but never stole it a mates older sister had bought her them rolleyes

but my mam still knew straight away. (they always do scarily) i think the leading by example does and doesnt work me and dek both smoke as do both my parents deks parents never smoked and my brothers and sisters have never smoked.

7 Aug 2007

I haven't got kids but I have watched my brother and sister cope with these situations. Sometimes it has been easier for me to discuss these things than their parents. Their parents are the LAW and I am a mate (grown up)
I had a long chat with each of my nephews before they went to uni. Briefly I said that they could do what they liked. Drink, drugs, sex it was all ok but and it was a big but. They should only do these things if they wanted to not because someone was pressurising them or to appear cool.
So basically I treated them like adults and let them make their own choices, I reckon a similar if modified approach would work with all children.

7 Aug 2007

not sure how i would deal with that, personally speaking my children was not allowed out alone at 8 so its not a situation i would have ever been in at that age, saying that they are teenagers now and do go out with their m8s, if i cought them smoking i would hit them where it hurts most and take their pc, mobile etc off them because i know for a fact my kids would rather get a clip round the ear hole than loose their mobiles for a month so theres no fun in that lol