The thing that I value most is honesty, yet here I am being dishonest to my other half!
I haven’t lied to him nor have I cheated ( and don’t intend to) but what I haven’t done is told him about this account!
Why?
I can’t talk to him, and when I do he makes a joke about how I feel or thinks he knows what I’m thinking/feeling (jumping to the wrong conclusion of what I am trying to put across).
If I tell him why I’ve done this he’l assume I want to meet people on my own and I don’t, we are a couple and play as a couple!
It’s no good trying to explain things to him once his mind is made up as he has an answer for everything and it’s very frustrating.
Don’t get me wrong though, I love him to bits but I am feeling very frustrated right now. Not sexually but mentally.
There are so many things I want to try, so many things I want to experience (not all to do with swinging) some of which he doesn’t want to even discuss.
Ok I’m fine with that, I’m sure there has been times when he’s suggested something and I wont even entertain the idea, part of a good relationship is a bit of give and take, make compromises etc.
At the moment I feel that this relationship is very one sided side
I feel that I have no control over my life, which being a person who has been fiercely independent all her adult life, is terrifying.
I have so many questions running round my head and no one who I can talk to, hence this account. All I want from it is a chance to express myself anonymously, a chance to explore the real me inside without any jokes or come backs from him.
So that’s why I’m here, don’t be too harsh on me as we all have our own reasons for doing things. I (we) have made some very good friends off this site and for me I know that the answers to my questions lie within the forum walls.
Emily
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I am a Hypocrite!
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Sexpert
Welcome
Emily,
Firstly i'm waaaay to jaded/p****d off/downright exhausted to even think about being judgemental.
You sound like an honest lady in an unhappy situation. If I were a religious type, "There but for the grace of God go I" would be a very handy phrase to use, but I'm not so have this
And I hope you find the clarification & inner peace you crave.
Oh, and whilst you're looking, should you happen to find my marbles- let me know :thumbup:
Firstly i'm waaaay to jaded/p****d off/downright exhausted to even think about being judgemental.
You sound like an honest lady in an unhappy situation. If I were a religious type, "There but for the grace of God go I" would be a very handy phrase to use, but I'm not so have this
And I hope you find the clarification & inner peace you crave.
Oh, and whilst you're looking, should you happen to find my marbles- let me know :thumbup:
Forum Virgin
Hi Emily
Don't worry about people being harsh. Most people on here are very undeerstanding and helpful. You won't be judged in any way
I hope you get some answers and some piece of mind on here.
Don't worry about people being harsh. Most people on here are very undeerstanding and helpful. You won't be judged in any way
I hope you get some answers and some piece of mind on here.
Sex God
you say you have freinds on here,so you must have at least spoke about the scene if he indicated he aint interested....as a couple thats it over and done,if you feel you dont have control over your own life what you expect will happen if you both do start to swing,do you think you will have the same interests ,you know some of your freinds are swingers so must have come up in convo ,then did you go home and speak about,you aint really told us much about this part.i think in your life you have other issues to sort out before you even think about the only person to give you answers is your hubby before asking anything about the scene ,then there will be plenty of advice people in here can give.
Quote by Emily2007
The thing that I value most is honesty, yet here I am being dishonest to my other half!
I haven’t lied to him nor have I cheated ( and don’t intend to) but what I haven’t done is told him about this account!
Why?
I can’t talk to him, and when I do he makes a joke about how I feel or thinks he knows what I’m thinking/feeling (jumping to the wrong conclusion of what I am trying to put across).
If I tell him why I’ve done this he’l assume I want to meet people on my own and I don’t, we are a couple and play as a couple!
It’s no good trying to explain things to him once his mind is made up as he has an answer for everything and it’s very frustrating.
Don’t get me wrong though, I love him to bits but I am feeling very frustrated right now. Not sexually but mentally.
There are so many things I want to try, so many things I want to experience (not all to do with swinging) some of which he doesn’t want to even discuss.
Ok I’m fine with that, I’m sure there has been times when he’s suggested something and I wont even entertain the idea, part of a good relationship is a bit of give and take, make compromises etc.
At the moment I feel that this relationship is very one sided side
I feel that I have no control over my life, which being a person who has been fiercely independent all her adult life, is terrifying.
I have so many questions running round my head and no one who I can talk to, hence this account. All I want from it is a chance to express myself anonymously, a chance to explore the real me inside without any jokes or come backs from him.
So that’s why I’m here, don’t be too harsh on me as we all have our own reasons for doing things. I (we) have made some very good friends off this site and for me I know that the answers to my questions lie within the forum walls.
Emily
There are many reasons for me being in my position, and having a non-communicative wife was a major part in it. I can totally understand where your coming from, you try to talk about it but you never seem to get of second base. If you do shock horror it never lasts long and you slip back into normality again.
This place is a lot of fun so :welcome: to the mad house. I would suggest you take caution with what you are doing though, as you say you want honesty but are not giving it yourself. I always find if I try to be dishonest it eats away at me, and can never be for long.
Seek your answers here on your own, but beware you might actually find them on your own, where as you should be finding them together. I can sympathise totally, and it frustrated me for years.
Sex God
Hi Emily
Firstly I am writing this post under the assumption that you have a joint account on here with your partner and this one is the one he knows nothing about??
When you talk to him and he does'nt listen or
if he jumps to the wrong conclusion then it is up to you to put him right. Who else is there to do that if you don't?
To be truthful if Stormy started an account up on his own it would'nt matter what he said I would be hurt in fact no change that to devastated. We started this together after alot of talking and soul searching so if either of us was feeling in anyway frustrated whether it be sexually or otherwise I would hope that we would talk to each other rather than just starting another account up.
The only way forward with this is talking to him. This account won't help you hun. It won't help you get closer to him, probably quite the opposite. If there are things that he does'nt want to try or talk about then they need to be ideas left alone for a while as swinging is about doing things you BOTH want to do.
If you feel you have no control over your life (presumably because of your partner??) Maybe you are not at a stage in your relationship where you should be swinging? This will surely bring along with it other types of problems that would be difficult for you to deal with whilst you are under this stress.
I hope I'm not coming across as hard on you as that is last thing I am. I'm just concerned that you have an awful lot going on right now and continuing to swing in this emotional environment will not only be detrimental to your relationship but may have some sort of impact on the people you choose to swing with.
Anyway the final decision is of course your own and if you continue with this account there are many people on here who talk good honest sense and of course those of us who talk complete bollox.
I hope you find what you are looking for whatever it is
Firstly I am writing this post under the assumption that you have a joint account on here with your partner and this one is the one he knows nothing about??
When you talk to him and he does'nt listen or
if he jumps to the wrong conclusion then it is up to you to put him right. Who else is there to do that if you don't?
To be truthful if Stormy started an account up on his own it would'nt matter what he said I would be hurt in fact no change that to devastated. We started this together after alot of talking and soul searching so if either of us was feeling in anyway frustrated whether it be sexually or otherwise I would hope that we would talk to each other rather than just starting another account up.
The only way forward with this is talking to him. This account won't help you hun. It won't help you get closer to him, probably quite the opposite. If there are things that he does'nt want to try or talk about then they need to be ideas left alone for a while as swinging is about doing things you BOTH want to do.
If you feel you have no control over your life (presumably because of your partner??) Maybe you are not at a stage in your relationship where you should be swinging? This will surely bring along with it other types of problems that would be difficult for you to deal with whilst you are under this stress.
I hope I'm not coming across as hard on you as that is last thing I am. I'm just concerned that you have an awful lot going on right now and continuing to swing in this emotional environment will not only be detrimental to your relationship but may have some sort of impact on the people you choose to swing with.
Anyway the final decision is of course your own and if you continue with this account there are many people on here who talk good honest sense and of course those of us who talk complete bollox.
I hope you find what you are looking for whatever it is
Sex God
Hey Welcome. And i should imagine your situation is far from unique - If you get the opportunity to drag the bloke in your life to 'marriage counselling' then please give it ago.
It may sound odd being Swingers etc but as long as you are honest and upfront then a counsillor will be non judgemental. I might sound all right on and with the fashion saying this, but in instances like this counselling can be be of untold benefit. Hey what have you got to lose by trying!?
It may sound odd being Swingers etc but as long as you are honest and upfront then a counsillor will be non judgemental. I might sound all right on and with the fashion saying this, but in instances like this counselling can be be of untold benefit. Hey what have you got to lose by trying!?
Hi Emily 
I find it worrying that you feel the need to only give your opinion on things anonymously, in a separate account.
It sounds like you're walking on eggshells so you don't cause any upset, or offend someone.
In fact, it sounds to me like you love this person wholeheartedly, but are beginning to feel suffocated because you feel your input doesn't seem to count?
If I were you, I would maybe write him a letter? If you don't think you'll be listened to, or will get cut short before you've explained yourself, then put it all in a letter .... that way you've said it all without being butted in
As I said up there, it sounds like you do love him very much - so make sure you include strong points of the relationship and why you love him, rather than just pointing out all his faults. Give a balanced input. Otherwise you might just end up with insult ping pong
Hopefully, it would lead to some positive discussion. If it doesn't, then it's on to Plan B ............ which I haven't thought up yet
I find it worrying that you feel the need to only give your opinion on things anonymously, in a separate account.
It sounds like you're walking on eggshells so you don't cause any upset, or offend someone.
In fact, it sounds to me like you love this person wholeheartedly, but are beginning to feel suffocated because you feel your input doesn't seem to count?
If I were you, I would maybe write him a letter? If you don't think you'll be listened to, or will get cut short before you've explained yourself, then put it all in a letter .... that way you've said it all without being butted in
As I said up there, it sounds like you do love him very much - so make sure you include strong points of the relationship and why you love him, rather than just pointing out all his faults. Give a balanced input. Otherwise you might just end up with insult ping pong
Hopefully, it would lead to some positive discussion. If it doesn't, then it's on to Plan B ............ which I haven't thought up yet
Hi Emily and welcome 
I can understand why you're here and you'll soon see that there's no pressure on you to meet up with anyone if that's what you want. Plenty of people are members here just for social reasons. They go to socials and munches, make lots of friends, meet socially and have someone they can confide in on all matters.
I agree with Missy about writing him a letter if you think he won't listen to you. Some men are like that unfortunately
Good luck
I can understand why you're here and you'll soon see that there's no pressure on you to meet up with anyone if that's what you want. Plenty of people are members here just for social reasons. They go to socials and munches, make lots of friends, meet socially and have someone they can confide in on all matters.
I agree with Missy about writing him a letter if you think he won't listen to you. Some men are like that unfortunately
Good luck
Thank you for your kind responses.
Missy you hit the nail on the head when you said I was walking on eggshells! I'm like that constantly, or it feels like it.
Good idea re: writting a letter, I'm not very good at putting my thoughts /emotions across verbally so that just might be the answer.
Missy you hit the nail on the head when you said I was walking on eggshells! I'm like that constantly, or it feels like it.
Good idea re: writting a letter, I'm not very good at putting my thoughts /emotions across verbally so that just might be the answer.
You know we are here for you.
love you loads.
We all strive to be honest, and sometimes our oppinions fall on deaf ear's.
But the person you need to be truthfull to most........is yourself.
Never change who or what you are, to suit someone else,........if they trully loved you, they wouldent want you to.
xxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxx
Von and Toney.
Quote by Missy
Hi Emily
I find it worrying that you feel the need to only give your opinion on things anonymously, in a separate account.
It sounds like you're walking on eggshells so you don't cause any upset, or offend someone.
In fact, it sounds to me like you love this person wholeheartedly, but are beginning to feel suffocated because you feel your input doesn't seem to count?
If I were you, I would maybe write him a letter? If you don't think you'll be listened to, or will get cut short before you've explained yourself, then put it all in a letter .... that way you've said it all without being butted in
As I said up there, it sounds like you do love him very much - so make sure you include strong points of the relationship and why you love him, rather than just pointing out all his faults. Give a balanced input. Otherwise you might just end up with insult ping pong
Hopefully, it would lead to some positive discussion. If it doesn't, then it's on to Plan B ............ which I haven't thought up yet
Send him a PM
Quote by Sgt Bilko
Hi Emily
I find it worrying that you feel the need to only give your opinion on things anonymously, in a separate account.
It sounds like you're walking on eggshells so you don't cause any upset, or offend someone.
In fact, it sounds to me like you love this person wholeheartedly, but are beginning to feel suffocated because you feel your input doesn't seem to count?
If I were you, I would maybe write him a letter? If you don't think you'll be listened to, or will get cut short before you've explained yourself, then put it all in a letter .... that way you've said it all without being butted in
As I said up there, it sounds like you do love him very much - so make sure you include strong points of the relationship and why you love him, rather than just pointing out all his faults. Give a balanced input. Otherwise you might just end up with insult ping pong
Hopefully, it would lead to some positive discussion. If it doesn't, then it's on to Plan B ............ which I haven't thought up yet
Send him a PM
But I don't know him, what shall I say??
Another thing Emily - remember and be confident that you're 50% of the relationship, no more, no less and certainly not just along for the ride, so any input you have should be classed as valid by both parties
I did write a letter, and he has read it....but not before having a go at me about something irrelevant ( which seems to be the norm just lately) anyway...he told me once again to fook off............si i did!
We've spoken since, which is like talking to Dr Jekell and Mr Hyde....dont know which one he'l be next.
He wants to sort things out.....is it too little too late?
I just dont know any more :cry:
We've spoken since, which is like talking to Dr Jekell and Mr Hyde....dont know which one he'l be next.
He wants to sort things out.....is it too little too late?
I just dont know any more :cry:
Sex God
Quote by Emily2007
I did write a letter, and he has read it....but not before having a go at me about something irrelevant ( which seems to be the norm just lately) anyway...he told me once again to fook off............si i did!
We've spoken since, which is like talking to Dr Jekell and Mr Hyde....dont know which one he'l be next.
He wants to sort things out.....is it too little too late?
I just dont know any more :cry:
Sorry to seem unsympathetic but you know him better than anyone on here and nobody knows you, so how could anyone say whether it's too little, too late? It's all very well coming on here and asking but you really need to see someone qualified to do that.
Sex God
Quote by Emily2007
Sorry frecklebird......wasn't really asking a question, just thinking out loud.....
I already know the answer in my heart of hearts but it doesn't make it any easier.
No need to apologise, I just think you need more help than anyone can give you on here honey.
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