This afternoon i was messing about in my normal chatroom (midslands room) and it got quite heated with the sexiest jokes between the men and women, so to not let the side down myself and rampant bunny started looking for sexist jokes on the interest, only to come across the following which i think is amazing!
I will survive - song - Female Vocals
You have to sing this to the tune of 'I will Survive'
At first I was afraid,
I was petrified.
By the ugly wanker that was lying by my side.
I would've drunk a little less, I would've tried to keep my head,
If I'd known for just one second I'd be in your crusty bed...
I tried to go, walk out the door.
But I laughed so hard at your small knob that I've fallen on the floor.
Your butts a pimply mess, it's just a broken-out disgrace,
But I'd rather look at that, than at your fucken ugly face..!
I want to go, I've got to leave.
Your talk of chicks and football really makes me want to heave.
only know I've got to stop my drinking spirits and the beer
Coz when I looked at you last night, you looked just like that Richard
Gere!
I can't believe, that we both shagged.
You should be wearing concrete shoes or simply bound and gagged.
I'm fucking off right now, I'm jumping on the flippin' train and I'm not
stopping till I'm home and washed your greeblies down the drain.
Please let me go, I feel quite sick,
We had the worst sex in the world and you're an ugly prick
I should have shagged your gorgeous mate, at least he's got a lovely
flat
But no, I go and trust the booze and now I'm stuck with you, you twat.
It's time to go, run out the door.
You look so ugly it should really be against the law.
I'm going to give up all the booze, I'm going to have no stupid fun
Coz waking up beside your mug, just makes me want to be a nun!
MALE VERSION
First I was afraid I was petrified
At the ugly slapper that was lying by my side
I would've drunk a little less, I would've tried to keep my head.
If I'd known for just one second you'd assault me in your bed…
I tried to go, walk out the door
But you've been sitting on my legs and I can't feel them anymore
And now you're sitting on my face, my nose has vanished - not a trace,
I only hope that your big knickers aren't made of liquorice lace
I want to go, I've got to leave
Before your fat and naked body makes me want to heave
Only hope that no one saw me walking home with such a slut.
God the things that you get up to when you're half cut.
Please let me go, I'm getting scared
There's nothing I can do to stop those ugly breasts from being bared.
I think that I must have been mad,
God what made me want to court her?
With t*ts that look like Tesco bags I've just filled up with water
It's time to go, run out the door
She's started hinting she wants sex on her dirty lino floor
I don't think there's anything worse than the al-co-hol-ics curse.
I WILL SURVIVE !
Orgasminator
