ideas for verifying members as genuine

13 Jan 2009

Can i get credit for the family tree thing please.... lol

:lol:
anyway the only reason it would even possibly be useful would be if someone caught something nasty... but i get myself tested and always go protected, but i look after my own health....

13 Jan 2009

lol noooo i raised it pages ago lol
i dont want to know whos met who. its sooo tacky.
some people think the amount of shags means they are better,more populer, it doesnt. i know some guys will think showing they have shagged x y z shows they are good rolleyes

it doesnt,and frankly turns me off.
xx fem xx

13 Jan 2009

Quote by splendid_
The best thing about this thread is that it gives us all an insight into how many different ways people can make assumptions on the barest of details and even less fact.

Aw, a touch unfair there Splendid? Admin have said they are looking at verification options, and have asked us which of 3-4 options we prefer on the homepage questionnaire. It's not an unreasonable assumption that we'll get something along the lines of the various verification systems discussed on this thread. I accept though that they might surprise us all and come up with something completely original and never done before, of course. ;)

Quote by Deviants
as for verification being meaningless, then why does people request cam to cam, fem to fem chats on phone etc, which already are all types of verification?

Quote by Duncan
But on the other hand they actually do want to know who's had who, because its kind of important to keep track of these things in as much as it is possible. Particularly if they are in; or close to, you circle of swingers. It would be a bit dumb to be deliberately ignorant about other people's activities, when the implications are important to yourself.

Deviants, and Duncan, of course people use those methods. They will continue to use chats in PM, on cam, by phone, social meets, asking their friends, the whole nine yards. Verification will in no way change the ways we go about doing things, because it cannot replace it. Which keeps on bringing me back to the question, if it changes nothing, because in the end, no matter what a website has to say about someone, we still need to use our own judgement, intuition and common sense when it comes to arranging meets, based on what people have to say for themselves, what is the point of it, given all the potential pitfalls, beyond helping some users feel a bit more secure when they hand over their credit card details that there are actually real swingers on this site, whatever that means. I already know there are real swingers on this site, as does anyone who has ever arranged a meet off here.
Neil x x x ;)

13 Jan 2009

Quote by fem_4_taboo
lol noooo i raised it pages ago lol
i dont want to know whos met who. its sooo tacky.
some people think the amount of shags means they are better,more populer, it doesnt. i know some guys will think showing they have shagged x y z shows they are good it doesnt,and frankly turns me off.
xx fem xx

Is that not a contradiction in terms?
Most would say swinging itself is tacky. Most would say having sex with others just for the sake of it is tacky. We enjoy it but others outside in the Vanilla world, would just not understand it.
I do not know how many times I have to say the same things but....IF verification comes in, it will not be compulsary. Also as we want it, it is US who decide who posts what and more importantly, we have the choice NOT to allow any more verifications than WE want.
As I have already stated, we would probably opt for two, and leave it at that. That would let others know we are who we say we are.......period.
That for me is the only thing we would use, and also to see if another person has been verified as genuine.
I think more people will opt out of verification, than enter into it. So on that basis there should be no problem whatsoever, about meeting people if you have not been verified.
For US it is just another means of trying to eliviate someone not possibly turning up. It is not perfect, but then the current system is not perfect either.
It has worked for us on another site, and am sure it will work for us on this site, IF it comes in.

13 Jan 2009

Quote by Dirtygirlie
I think there is a contradiction in the thread about discretion.
On the one hand people are saying 'I don't want or need to know what other people have been doing'. But on the other hand they actually do want to know who's had who, because its kind of important to keep track of these things in as much as it is possible. Particularly if they are in; or close to, you circle of swingers. It would be a bit dumb to be deliberately ignorant about other people's activities, when the implications are important to yourself.
I think what people may not be comfortable with; is an auditable trail of their activities, and a ready made list of witnesses. So 'secrecy' has the upper hand on discretion in that scenario.

Why?

Erm... I think maybe I'm being a bit thick here... but why is it important to keep track of who's shagging who? Why would it be dumb to be ignorant of it? Why would you care who's shagging who? confused

Why are the implications important? I really don't understand this... and it's not the first time I've come across it. To me it's just a bit weird to care who's fucking who. :?
There has always been and I'm sure there always will be gossip. It's human nature. I don't know that it's necessary though. It's supposed to be NSA. It's not though and it certainly never will be with a verification system of the feedback kind in place.
Sexual health?
I know its all ifs and buts but say your over on the site with the green ticks
You come across a nice fella who ticks all your boxes
He has 6 feedback showing on his profile
You check it out and and 5 of the profiles insists on sex without condoms, the 6th just like bareback gangbangs.
So would you meet him?
…………………
Say you see the same fella on here, no feedback, no verifications, but during chat he tells you he only practises safe sex.
…………………
All hypothetical of course, but we think that’s what duncan was trying to say, and it may just be important to some people.
We’re not for feedback systems, but that’s an example of how people might use it, however it also has its drawbacks, like, they wont meet them because they met someone they’ve had a fallout with…. what’s important to some isn’t important to others and if verification systems are optional then we couldn’t care less.

13 Jan 2009

Quote by Deviants
I think there is a contradiction in the thread about discretion.
On the one hand people are saying 'I don't want or need to know what other people have been doing'. But on the other hand they actually do want to know who's had who, because its kind of important to keep track of these things in as much as it is possible. Particularly if they are in; or close to, you circle of swingers. It would be a bit dumb to be deliberately ignorant about other people's activities, when the implications are important to yourself.
I think what people may not be comfortable with; is an auditable trail of their activities, and a ready made list of witnesses. So 'secrecy' has the upper hand on discretion in that scenario.

Why?

Erm... I think maybe I'm being a bit thick here... but why is it important to keep track of who's shagging who? Why would it be dumb to be ignorant of it? Why would you care who's shagging who? confused

Why are the implications important? I really don't understand this... and it's not the first time I've come across it. To me it's just a bit weird to care who's fucking who. :?
There has always been and I'm sure there always will be gossip. It's human nature. I don't know that it's necessary though. It's supposed to be NSA. It's not though and it certainly never will be with a verification system of the feedback kind in place.
Sexual health?
I know its all ifs and buts but say your over on the site with the green ticks
You come across a nice fella who ticks all your boxes
He has 6 feedback showing on his profile
You check it out and and 5 of the profiles insists on sex without condoms, the 6th just like bareback gangbangs.
So would you meet him?
…………………
Say you see the same fella on here, no feedback, no verifications, but during chat he tells you he only practises safe sex.
…………………
All hypothetical of course, but we think that’s what duncan was trying to say, and it may just be important to some people.
We’re not for feedback systems, but that’s an example of how people might use it, however it also has its drawbacks, like, they wont meet them because they met someone they’ve had a fallout with…. what’s important to some isn’t important to others and if verification systems are optional then we couldn’t care less.
Does that mean you would want to know who he has been with?
So what happens then to the decretion value of this site?

13 Jan 2009

Quote by Deviants
I think there is a contradiction in the thread about discretion.
On the one hand people are saying 'I don't want or need to know what other people have been doing'. But on the other hand they actually do want to know who's had who, because its kind of important to keep track of these things in as much as it is possible. Particularly if they are in; or close to, you circle of swingers. It would be a bit dumb to be deliberately ignorant about other people's activities, when the implications are important to yourself.
I think what people may not be comfortable with; is an auditable trail of their activities, and a ready made list of witnesses. So 'secrecy' has the upper hand on discretion in that scenario.

Why?

Erm... I think maybe I'm being a bit thick here... but why is it important to keep track of who's shagging who? Why would it be dumb to be ignorant of it? Why would you care who's shagging who? confused

Why are the implications important? I really don't understand this... and it's not the first time I've come across it. To me it's just a bit weird to care who's fucking who. :?
There has always been and I'm sure there always will be gossip. It's human nature. I don't know that it's necessary though. It's supposed to be NSA. It's not though and it certainly never will be with a verification system of the feedback kind in place.
Sexual health?
I know its all ifs and buts but say your over on the site with the green ticks
You come across a nice fella who ticks all your boxes
He has 6 feedback showing on his profile
You check it out and and 5 of the profiles insists on sex without condoms, the 6th just like bareback gangbangs.
So would you meet him?
…………………
Say you see the same fella on here, no feedback, no verifications, but during chat he tells you he only practises safe sex.
…………………
All hypothetical of course, but we think that’s what duncan was trying to say, and it may just be important to some people.
We’re not for feedback systems, but that’s an example of how people might use it, however it also has its drawbacks, like, they wont meet them because they met someone they’ve had a fallout with…. what’s important to some isn’t important to others and if verification systems are optional then we couldn’t care less.
If verification was optional, then he may not have put any of the people who play bareback up and only used the verifications that said safe sex...........but in fact he enjoys Saturday morning bukake and gangbangs bareback.
Nobody is any of the wiser.
The only person responsible for your health is you. Trusting no-one is your safest option.......and you don't need to verify that.
Dave_Notts

13 Jan 2009

already gave our opinion on feedback systems, which you've probably read, just merely giving an insight of what duncan may have been trying to say.
If thats ok

13 Jan 2009

i agree that the vanilla world may view swinging as tacky,
i dont,guess i wouldnt be a swinger if i did.
i but i do find it perpetuates the tacky idea when swinging web sites are full of people boasting whos shagged who.
vanillas think we go around fucking willy nilly, no care for our sexual health, and juts seing how many notches we can get on the bed post.
the testimonial/verification will do nothing but reinforce that view people have of swingers.
its not all brash in your face fanny, its about friends having a lovely private evening together.
xx fem xx

13 Jan 2009

Quote by neilinleeds
The best thing about this thread is that it gives us all an insight into how many different ways people can make assumptions on the barest of details and even less fact.

Aw, a touch unfair there Splendid? Admin have said they are looking at verification options, and have asked us which of 3-4 options we prefer on the homepage questionnaire. It's not an unreasonable assumption that we'll get something along the lines of the various verification systems discussed on this thread. I accept though that they might surprise us all and come up with something completely original and never done before, of course. ;)

My comments were about the way some people have assumed a particular type of verification is being introduced which will prevent them from swinging they way they want to and have quit the site, moved country and given up swinging on the back of it. I am, obviously, exaggerating slightly but I hope that is more clear.

13 Jan 2009

Quote by fem_4_taboo
i agree that the vanilla world may view swinging as tacky,
i dont,guess i wouldnt be a swinger if i did.
i but i do find it perpetuates the tacky idea when swinging web sites are full of people boasting whos shagged who.
vanillas think we go around fucking willy nilly, no care for our sexual health, and juts seing how many notches we can get on the bed post.
the testimonial/verification will do nothing but reinforce that view people have of swingers.
its not all brash in your face fanny, its about friends having a lovely private evening together.
xx fem xx

Fem I feel the same way you do, might be why some of us see this site as a swinging site, while there are others that see it a quick fix sex site.
I think verification if come in would help me to decide who I would not like to meet if we ever decided to meet again.

13 Jan 2009

Quote by kentswingers777
I do not know how many times I have to say the same things but....IF verification comes in, it will not be compulsary.

I think once would have been enough. Any more would be trying to force your opinion on others.
If verification comes in how the hell do you know it will not be compulsory ?
Are you in the employ of the company and know more than us.?
medic_1

13 Jan 2009

Quote by Deviants
Sexual health?
Yes... I check mine regularly. I don't rely on other people to make sure I'm safe. I make sure I'm safe!
I know its all ifs and buts but say your over on the site with the green ticks
Yes, I am there and verfication hasn't done anything for me either in people arranging meets with me nor the other way round.
You come across a nice fella who ticks all your boxes
Yup... I come across a few of them over there. Very few manage to tick all my boxes!
He has 6 feedback showing on his profile
His feedback/little green tick make no odds to me. It may well be a personal thing but I don't choose to meet someone using a little green tick to make my decision. I spend time chatting to someone via PM/msn for a while before I meet them which is perhaps why the verification doesn't matter to me. I use my own judgement. What someone does for one person, may not necessarily work for me.
You check it out and and 5 of the profiles insists on sex without condoms, the 6th just like bareback gangbangs.
I think if you go back through this thread I posed exactly the same question. No-one answered my post. I try not, wherever possible, to play with people who play bareback. As I replied to one person the other night, it's very easy to tick a box that says you practice safe sex so why would you proceed to post two pics on your profile which clearly show the opposite? I didn't need verification to make up my mind about him. I advised him that I wasn't interested in people who play bareback. He replied with the usual line about it being a regular partner/ex girlfriend. Doesn't make any difference, my instincts have kicked in and I'm listening to me, not to him.
So would you meet him?
See above. If someone had verification to state as you have above, I wouldn't meet him. I don't want to play with someone who openly plays bareback. Whilst I appreciate using condoms isn't foolproof, it is a step in the right direction. Choosing to play with someone who doesn't take the same precautions isn't in my plan. Maybe I wouldn't have worked that out for myself without the verification comments, but I sure as hell wouldn't be playing bareback with him regardless. I'm sure we've all had meets with someone who has, at one time or another, played bareback. Such is life but we can only look after oursleves in the best way we know how.
…………………
Say you see the same fella on here, no feedback, no verifications, but during chat he tells you he only practises safe sex.
Had I made already the decision I made above, I wouldn't be chatting with him a view to meeting so that makes it none of my business.
…………………
All hypothetical of course, but we think that’s what duncan was trying to say, and it may just be important to some people.
If that's what Duncan was trying to say then I thank you for clarifying, I still don't see the relevance of knowing everyone's business. Has something happened in this nanny state to make people stop using their instincts and feel the need to rely on others? Is that so we have someone to blame other than ourselves when something goes tits up?
We’re not for feedback systems, but that’s an example of how people might use it, however it also has its drawbacks, like, they wont meet them because they met someone they’ve had a fallout with…. what’s important to some isn’t important to others and if verification systems are optional then we couldn’t care enough... same here. I don't have any interest in other people knowing what I do unless I choose to tell them with the agreement of the other party involved. I've nothing to hide, whilst I believe in discretion if/when required, if the people I play with have no objections to it being mentioned and I don't either then fine. If they do, it will never be mentioned. Simple. Respect comes in, once again.

Now just to throw a spanner in the works...
I had a meet arranged last week with a guy from the site with the little green ticks.
He let me down. I've met him loads of times. He's been verified. By me amongst others. There wasn't a great excuse from him, a fairly lame one in fact. He's gonna have to do a bit of grovelling if he wants me to meet him again. However, that's the only time he's ever let me down, is it a case of one chance and that's all you give someone? Or do I remember all the good times he's turned up and we've had great sex? You can't decide that for me though, I need to decide that for myself. Decide what I'm comfortable with rather than taking someone else's word for it. It's my decision. Incidentally, I've had a full apology for him being a dick on Friday night. That was his only opportunity to be a dick though. wink

13 Jan 2009

Anyone who does want a verification system or doesn’t mind either way will stay clear of posting on this thread that’s for sure, it doesn’t matter what they say it will get dissected, twisted around and made to be useless.
Looking more like a, I don’t want it so they can have it thread, now that is forcing opinions on others, especially when the sly digs start coming in suggesting anyone who wants a verification system must be after quick fix sex and doesn’t like the social side of swinging, all assumptions of course, what’s all that about? People respect your choices so why can’t you respect theres.
This is our final post on this thread as some people are turning it into an US and THEM thread, they just cant see that different people want different things, and the only way is there way, you would think this was a cert and it was mandatory the way people are getting there backs up.

13 Jan 2009

Quote by Deviants
Anyone who does want a verification system or doesn’t mind either way will stay clear of posting on this thread that’s for sure, it doesn’t matter what they say it will get dissected, twisted around and made to be useless.
Looking more like a, I don’t want it so they can have it thread, now that is forcing opinions on others, especially when the sly digs start coming in suggesting anyone who wants a verification system must be after quick fix sex and doesn’t like the social side of swinging, all assumptions of course, what’s all that about? People respect your choices so why can’t you respect theres.
This is our final post on this thread as some people are turning it into an US and THEM thread, they just cant see that different people want different things, and the only way is there way, you would think this was a cert and it was mandatory the way people are getting there backs up.

I don't think that at all. I've used it elsewhere. I don't actually care either way if they bring it in here. It's not something that bothers me, I've tried to look at it from both sides and I continue to post because it's been a really great discussion and I want to understand the reasons for and against. :mrgreen:
Of course different people want different things. That's life all over. I just don't understand the difference it makes, which is why I'm still here asking questions. That's what discussion does, it lets everyone see other people's points of view. I don't think there's any need for the to be a them and us thing at all. We're all members, we're all entitled to our views. Others may not agree but it's well within our rights to post our views and debate and discuss as is a forum's purpose.
I do hope none of my posts have been taken as a dig at others for wishing a verfication system to make their life easier, none of my opinions have been meant in that way at all and I apologise if that's how they've been read. :mrgreen:

13 Jan 2009

Those who want verification on SH need there freaking heads sorting.

13 Jan 2009

Those who don't want verification on SH need there freaking heads sorting.

13 Jan 2009

I need my head sorting

13 Jan 2009

We joined and pay our money for this site, after deciding together to try a new lifestyle choice together.
Before joining this site we done research about swinging we looked at many sites most of which were free.
We decided to join this site because
1) It had chat rooms where you could or didn’t have to go on cam.
2) It had a set up so you could use a private room with someone as to then not have to give private contact details where you could see the person first to see if there was some attraction and you could talk in private.
3) Nobody need know if you met, have you met etc unless this was information
that you chose to share with someone.
4) Where discretion was paramount.
5) There are profiles whereby people can say a lot or as little as they like about
Themselves
6) There is the ability to download photos or videos (option)
After taking all those factors into account we felt this had the best to offer us.
We all, when first chatting to someone wonder if they are genuine, or a fantasist, we knew not everyone we would talk to would turn out genuine, as we knew fantasists would be here too, as we read an article on swinging online.
But we took our chances that we would find what we were looking for here. We have spent time looking for we felt would be right for us, but we knew it would take time and effort. Time and effort well spent to make the right choices for us.
If there had been a system in place where people were verified when we joined I doubt very much we would of joined this site as I feel it would have taken away the privacy and protected we feel this site has given us.

13 Jan 2009

Quote by medic_1

I do not know how many times I have to say the same things but....IF verification comes in, it will not be compulsary.

I think once would have been enough. Any more would be trying to force your opinion on others.
If verification comes in how the hell do you know it will not be compulsory ?
Are you in the employ of the company and know more than us.?
medic_1
Now I am a very discreet person, in everything. So will take the fifth ammendment on that one. wink

13 Jan 2009

Quote by Deviants
Anyone who does want a verification system or doesn’t mind either way will stay clear of posting on this thread that’s for sure, it doesn’t matter what they say it will get dissected, twisted around and made to be useless.
Looking more like a, I don’t want it so they can have it thread, now that is forcing opinions on others, especially when the sly digs start coming in suggesting anyone who wants a verification system must be after quick fix sex and doesn’t like the social side of swinging, all assumptions of course, what’s all that about? People respect your choices so why can’t you respect theres.
This is our final post on this thread as some people are turning it into an US and THEM thread, they just cant see that different people want different things, and the only way is there way, you would think this was a cert and it was mandatory the way people are getting there backs up.

Yep the same here for me too.
Will wait and see what admin come up with, if anything. Would be funny though if they came up with nothing. All this talk for nothing....now that would be funny.
Gone and not coming back into this thread. Some will be unhappy and some will be happy, no matter what is decided. Off to find a shag for the weekend. wink

13 Jan 2009

Quote by medic_1

I do not know how many times I have to say the same things but....IF verification comes in, it will not be compulsary.

I think once would have been enough. Any more would be trying to force your opinion on others.
If verification comes in how the hell do you know it will not be compulsory ?
Are you in the employ of the company and know more than us.?
medic_1
Medic, I really really do NOT want verification and believe not having it is part of what sets this site apart from the many swinging sites on the web.
However, IF 'admin' does decide that they are bringing in a form of verification, I know for sure that they would not make it compulsory! They might take a while to fine tunes things in a way that is acceptable to most people but no way would they force all its members to use it. Thats plain stupid and business suicide.

13 Jan 2009

Quote by Dawnie

I do not know how many times I have to say the same things but....IF verification comes in, it will not be compulsary.

I think once would have been enough. Any more would be trying to force your opinion on others.
If verification comes in how the hell do you know it will not be compulsory ?
Are you in the employ of the company and know more than us.?
medic_1
Medic, I really really do NOT want verification and believe not having it is part of what sets this site apart from the many swinging sites on the web.
However, IF 'admin' does decide that they are bringing in a form of verification, I know for sure that they would not make it compulsory! They might take a while to fine tunes things in a way that is acceptable to most people but no way would they force all its members to use it. Thats plain stupid and business suicide.
Dawnie
I am sure you are right. It was not I that first mentioned the word compulsory.
dunno

xxxx

Medic_1

13 Jan 2009

There'll be ructions and touble at mill.
jeeez its starting to sound like any workplace canteen around here. rolleyes

13 Jan 2009

Quote by Dawnie

I do not know how many times I have to say the same things but....IF verification comes in, it will not be compulsary.

I think once would have been enough. Any more would be trying to force your opinion on others.
If verification comes in how the hell do you know it will not be compulsory ?
Are you in the employ of the company and know more than us.?
medic_1
Medic, I really really do NOT want verification and believe not having it is part of what sets this site apart from the many swinging sites on the web.
However, IF 'admin' does decide that they are bringing in a form of verification, I know for sure that they would not make it compulsory! They might take a while to fine tunes things in a way that is acceptable to most people but no way would they force all its members to use it. Thats plain stupid and business suicide.
I thought that..........but have now been proved wrong.
I am a member of another site that has just introduced verification. That is not a problem as it will opt in and not compulsory. Bloody good I thought. Been on site tonight and noticed that to access the forum you have to be verified.
So they are right......to access the site a person needs to opt in as it is not compulsory for you to verify..............you just sit there as a lemon and can't do feck all on the site.
Well I won't be going on that site again........the forum bit anyway as I can't get access.
Dave_Notts
PS I wonder if they done this deliberately to make me clear off lol

13 Jan 2009

Quote by flower411

PS I wonder if they done this deliberately to make me clear off

Can I change my vote ??
Pretty please :lol:

:rotflmao: :rotflmao: :rotflmao: :rotflmao: :rotflmao: :rotflmao: :rotflmao:
Dave_Notts

13 Jan 2009

Quote by duncanlondon
There'll be ructions and touble at mill.
jeeez its starting to sound like any workplace canteen around here.

The bacon butties in this cafe are not as good as at work wink

I really do hope that verification is not brought in, even if you can opt out. However, if it is, I do think it would have a long term negative impact on the site and the quality of the members.
People join here because of what it stands for, because the members, the Mods, The Ops, and Admin actually do care about the site and what it stands for. People join because the site has standards, because it has morals (I know that may sound a bit odd) but also because it dares to be different from the rest. That is why I joined, and if the site did go down the road of being the same as all the others, why would people want to join?

13 Jan 2009

exactly, the admi should use th efact we dont use verification as a selling point, lose this and we are just the same as every other site, except lots of them are free.
xx fem xx

13 Jan 2009

I am against verification as I know I am a genuine person and people I chat to know that also.
If you go down the road o varification you run the risk of discrimination from people who have never met you. If the point of this is to prune out timewasters or non genuine people (ie singles pretending to e couples or people being rude etc) Then the current system of chatroom hosts and bans is sufficient and proven.
The verification system is open to abuse from people who have never met or spoken to and open to ridiclue

14 Jan 2009

“It is the habit of the mind to destroy the state of awareness as quickly as possible. It does this by judging, for judging is thinking.”
Barry Long
sad

whats happening to the forum we always loved for its open and grown up approach

do you think the site should have a verification system