What happens if as a couple have differences about sex or swinging>?
For instance. If one half of the couple really wanted to swing seperately occasionally but the other really didn't and wouldn't, having agreed to only swing together same room at the outset? Where do you go?
Or another example. One half wanted to indulge in same sex sex whilst the other half strongly objected not wanting them to.
Maybe one half wanted to try something different but the other wouldn't let them even though that half had had their boundaries pushed with the other accepting that?
Are these sort of swinging issues compromisable(?) and if they are, how do you go on, knowing that there are things that you or your partner want to do but not allowing each other to do them because you cant bring yourself to? Do these become issues and if they do is that fair and right?
I know maybe this question hasn't been asked in the easiest and water tight of ways although I think most people with half a brain will understand what i'm getting at
I agree with Dawnie here.
I think it is very dangerous to a relationship for someone to push, or do, something that the other person does not want.
I think these items can be discussed and perhaps over time and with other experiences to draw on, opinions may be changed. That's certainly happened with both my partner and I. We've both discovered we'd do more things now than we did when we first started. But that has been, and has to be, a joint decision and not a compromise and at the moment it is entirely hypothetical too in that we have not done those things we have talked about.
I always feel any form of compromise or deception only leads down a rocky road in a relationship. In the end it is a selfish gesture really, you are disregarding your partners wishes to satisfy your own cravings and that is seldom, if ever, a good thing.
I think to fully understand why there are some things you would like to try and J, I believe talking is key. I do think somethings you didn’t set out to do, can be done within time by talking and letting your partner know why you would like to do it.
Maybe if you both totally understood why, perhaps you might push the boundaries slightly.
If there was anything that either one of us had doubt over we have generally talked about it, there hasn’t been many things set in stone only the normal
if worlass didn't do as I said I would dump her- simple.
for those that think I am joking you are right.
worlass is always sure of herself. If she says no then it means no. Even if with more information and time she changes her mind, the original no was still a no.
I would never presume that the no meant anything other than no.
in the 1960's a psycoologist wrote a book called the games people play. It is very enlightening.
For example - the woman whos friends want her to play bingo at night always told them "My hubby wouldn't like me to go out without him" Then one day her hubby said "Go! I don't mind at all" she then had to confess she didnt want to go to bingo.
I have spent the afternoon today telling guys "My hubby doesn't want me to play one on one on cam that is our rules". However, if I am being true to myself I should admit that I dont really want to play 1 on 1 on cam as it dont float my boat.
Many of us hide behind excuses for a variety of reasons.
We all live on a spiral of learning. What we do evolves and may not be the same one month from the next.
As couples we walk tight lines of discovering what we do and dont do. In the end each couple makes there own rules and changes them. But as long as those rules are made together and agreed together all is fine. Communication and honesty are the essentials to a happy and fulfilled swinging life as a couple.
A relationship is about give and take even in sex and swinging
The problems occur when 1 gives and the other takes constantly, Bad feelings can rise and a small issue becomes rather big
Its the same in life I guess what happens when one wants to marry and the other does'nt? or one wants to start a family and the other is dead set against?
the answer im sure would depend on what kind of a relationship you have..it would be very easy to say you should not do this or that if it upsets your partner but lets face it , and im not speaking for myself here..theres plenty of folks around that would and say fuck the other half and just do as they please...
so if you fall into the couldnt give a fuck end of the marital spectrum i dare say you would just get on with whatever it was she / he didnt want you to do and do it anyway.
or am i wrong and this is not just swinging heaven but marital heaven too..
One of the problems we have faced a few times, is the " bi " description in a couple.
Their advert says either bi curious or bi, but when you get to meet and play, it is obvious she is not bi, and sometimes not even curious. It is simply what the guy wants to see.
That is annoying and a tad dishonest. We usually only met couples where the fem was bi. To then meet and the other woman just lies there, with no reciprication is not good.
A lot of guys tend to " push " their female halves into the bi thing, when it is not something she wants to do. If only they could be honest with each other, and also with others.
give it 30-40 years and this point may be redundant - sexual attitudes are changing fast as are attitudes to monogamy and it seems that playing with others is becoming more and more a recreational sport with the younger generations ...... :shock:
I have an issue, my partner and I play away, but she will not play together. Not anymore. Now I would love to be with her, to share, but that is not for her. I think she is changing sometime, then again may be she changes her mind.
I have taken the attitude of not pushing, if it happens, good. Only this morning she turned out a draw, and fine coloured condoms fell out. She did not want me to see then.
Things happen, chances to talk happen, take the chances, but do not push.
Travis
So in then are we saying that the person who isagainst another in a partnership must inevitably be deffered to?
I don't know Lost. I am normally a single swinger and therefore only have myself really to argue with regarding limits and dos/don'ts etc. I am however considering visiting a club for the first time as a couple with someone I know.
Well. We have started discussing what our "boundaries" as a couple would be. We differ wildly in our interpretation. This is leading to much debate. He tends to see us a being a "couple couple" for the night, whereas I see it as we are f*ck buddies and therefore some of the "couple couple" considerations shouldn't really come into play.
What a headache. I would like the freedom to play with whomever I chose to and be involved in a group situation should I wish. I was ambivalent about whether he had to be there or not. This became a sticking point. He wanted to be present at all times as much for my safety as for his own voyeuristic tendencies...
We are having to compromise. We have not yet argued/discussed it all out. I really don't envy couples this aspect of swinging - but am willing to bet it gets easier.
Sorry I can't help. Hope you get it sorted.
I don't know either nola - I must admit J and I both dont know so cant help the situation. I guess advice is talk and talk again.
I wonder though if there is a point in talking when , as one of the couple maybe more of an effective orator, that they woill win out their way just because of talking. Lots to think about.
when couples go on meets it becomes apparent if 1 half doesnt want to play, I just feel sorry for the couple they are playing with coz 1 of them is gonna have a rather embarasing waste of time.
Again if a couple are playing they both have to want to or say no coz its not fair on the people they play with
from the perspective of being the spectator, or on the receiving end, the most common I see is:
1) The male half would like me to play with his partner, but she's making movements and shuffles of feet indicating she wouldn't even if I was the last man on earth - for me that's a definite no no, I don't want a lady that feels coerced into anything.
2) the female half wants to play, but the male half is feeling (dare I say) insecure - I've been in more than one or two scrapes where they basically started "quietly debating the values of their marriage" infront of me. I tend to excuse myself wit "I'll go get a drink" or "I'll give you a few minutes", or the ever unfailing "If its ok, I'll leave things for now, I'm on email".
Whilst I prefer to hear both "Yes", I'd rather hear both "No" than indecision - it scares me!
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