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I`m in love with you
Theladyisaminx
Sex God
Quote by Laurenxxx_1
How do you work out what is love and what is infatuation then?
Personally I feel it's never clear cut what you are feeling.

Love I have found is when the feeling of infatuation subsides and you still want to be with this person.
Infatuation is the state of being completely carried away by unreasoned passion or love; addictive love. Infatuation usually occurs at the beginning of a relationship. It is characterized by urgency, intensity, desire, and/or anxiety, in which there is an extreme absorption in another. It is traditionally associated with youth.
I have been with my husband for 28 years I know I felt the diffences when infatuation turned to love. To me it is about the commiment of unconditonal love, it is about always knowing you want to be with that person no matter what life throws at you, you know you survive together. Love to me is a lot of feelings emotions it is a deep soul felt state that really is hard to describe, I just know how I feel.
Not really an answer I am sorry! lol
It is so hard to define.
Unknown User
Quote by Laurenxxx_1
Well some people might be able to control their emotions better than me but I can't just dismiss a thing like that. I either need to express it or get away from the person.
What's the worst is when you really like someone but they don't reciprocate - that's the worst.
Especially if it's someone you have to see regularly like at work.
Personally, having never swung in a couple I fail to see how, if you have really good sex with another person and really get on, feelings aren't going to automatically grow, to the extent that you'd end up having to disguise just how much you were enjoying it! Lol

There'd be no point swinging at all if you weren't enjoying it! It's all about enjoyment and if I really loved someone and they loved me, I have no doubt that 'enjoying sex' with someone else wouldn't be able to spoil that.
Obviously there's be boundaries... but all the couples on here, well I'm just jealous!! lol
Unknown User
No you explained it well.
I've had long term relationship where I felt we could have stayed together long term but I would say it was a case of loving as opposed to being in love with the person and I ended up fancying someone at work and having a fling which caused a breakup. To me that meant something was lacking but obviously I felt very guilty about it, still do.
If we'd stayed together we would have been married by now but I don't regret it as marriage just does not appeal to me - the idea of it is like being buried alive! The expectation that you will have sex with one person for rest of your life fills me with horror!
I just don't think I'm up to it.
Swinging is a way round it but still subverting the essential vows in my opinion and seen as ' '/kept quiet about (not criticising at all, that's just how I see it).
Unknown User
Quote by Laurenxxx_1
No you explained it well.
I've had long term relationship where I felt we could have stayed together long term but I would say it was a case of loving as opposed to being in love with the person and I ended up fancying someone at work and having a fling which caused a breakup. To me that meant something was lacking but obviously I felt very guilty about it, still do.
If we'd stayed together we would have been married by now but I don't regret it as marriage just does not appeal to me - the idea of it is like being buried alive! The expectation that you will have sex with one person for rest of your life fills me with horror!
I just don't think I'm up to it.
Swinging is a way round it but still subverting the essential vows in my opinion and seen as ' '/kept quiet about (not criticising at all, that's just how I see it).

I think things are a lot different now though... especially in civil ceremonies you can write your vows yourself.
In my view if you love someone, you have trust and you're not dishonest to each other whether you swing or not it's not 'subverting' wink
Unknown User
Yes but it gets to the stage where what's the point in having a marriage ceremony in the first place if all the basic vows are going to get altered or deleted to suit each person.
Either marry and be faithful or don't and do what you like - this seems the most logical solution to me.
People seem to marry as much for society's benefit as their own in my opinion and then tie themselves up in knots because it doesn't suit them.
Then they have to bend the rules to accommodate them being able to do what they really want.
All so they can remain within society's rules of conventional behaviour.
I find it very funny! smile
Miss_B_Having
Orgasminator
Snap, oh how I can relate to this!!
I met someone in May and we've been seeing each other as much as possible.
And I started to fall for him.
I'm not the type of person that can keep feelings like this to myself so I told him, I'm still not sure if that's a good thing or not to be honest!
His response, well, he didn't really respond - the subject got changed.
A very good indication that he doesn't feel the same way.
Yes I feel like I've totally screwed things up, but for my own sanity I had to tell him as it was driving me crazy (we're both single so no added complications there).
I don't for one minute wish that I hadn't told him, although maybe I hoped that the outcome would be different.
We're still seeing each other so that isn't so much of a bad thing.
Where it's going though....
I'm not sure!!
Quote by Laurenxxx_1
Well I am in love with a person I met recently and I've told him and know he doesn't feel totally the same as that kind of thing does his head in, but I don't care - if you love someone you love them - it doesn't have conditions.
Life is finite; you might as well try and pass time with people you feel something for.
If you meet a person who makes you feel more alive you enjoy it while it lasts, while hoping it lasts as long as possible of course! Lol
Unknown User
Quote by Laurenxxx_1
Yes but it gets to the stage where what's the point in having a marriage ceremony in the first place if all the basic vows are going to get altered or deleted to suit each person.
Either marry and be faithful or don't and do what you like - this seems the most logical solution to me.
People seem to marry as much for society's benefit as their own in my opinion and then tie themselves up in knots because it doesn't suit them.
Then they have to bend the rules to accommodate them being able to do what they really want.
All so they can remain within society's rules of conventional behaviour.
I find it very funny! smile

A lot of what you've said there is very contradictary.. I find that very funny.
It's a Sunday afternoon though and I can't be harished to explain... I'll perhaps tackle it another day lol
Unknown User
Yes but it's a vow! Lol
You take it and are supposed to stick to it presumably otherwise why bother?
I have decided that Swinging is rule breaking for people who don't really like breaking the rules.
ie it's quite conformist really.
Unknown User
Quote by flower411
Strikes me that the only bit of the marriage ceremony that is contradicted by swinging ... is the "forsaking all others" bit !! lol
Don`t see how people will be tying themselves in knots by ignoring that bit :lol:

:thumbup: nicely said
Unknown User
Quote by Bbw4umen
Yes but it gets to the stage where what's the point in having a marriage ceremony in the first place if all the basic vows are going to get altered or deleted to suit each person.
Either marry and be faithful or don't and do what you like - this seems the most logical solution to me.
People seem to marry as much for society's benefit as their own in my opinion and then tie themselves up in knots because it doesn't suit them.
Then they have to bend the rules to accommodate them being able to do what they really want.
All so they can remain within society's rules of conventional behaviour.
I find it very funny! smile

A lot of what you've said there is very contradictary.. I find that very funny.
It's a Sunday afternoon though and I can't be harished to explain... I'll perhaps tackle it another day lol
I don't think so, it's a coherent argument in my opinion.
I look forward to you pointing out the contradictions though biggrin
Unknown User
Quote by Laurenxxx_1
Yes but it's a vow! Lol
You take it and are supposed to stick to it presumably otherwise why bother?
I have decided that Swinging is rule breaking for people who don't really like breaking the rules.
ie it's quite conformist really.

I think you'll find we enjoy breaking the rules :twisted:
Unknown User
Yes but adultery is the rule breaking part if you're married and people aren't doing that, they have found a safe/sanitised form of adultery in swinging hence it's not really rule breaking.
A real rule breaker would not swing, they'd just go out and shag other people on the quiet.
Though I've no doubt a fair bit of playing away on the sly does in fact go on on the swinging scene - it's inevitable; human nature.
Unknown User
The whole logic of your argument was based on this comment which, is really only your opinion and not a ‘rule’
Either marry and be faithful or don't and do what you like - this seems the most logical solution to me.

Who’s bending the rules if they have set agreements made within the marriage?
Then they have to bend the rules to accommodate them being able to do what they really want.
All so they can remain within society's rules of conventional behaviour.

Being a swinger itself, without taking anything else into consideration would appear to me they’re not bothered about conventional behaviour?
Yes, maybe people don’t want it broadcasting in a vanilla setting and people like discretion and privacy… but you tell me what vanilla people in a vanilla setting would broadcast even their vanilla sex life? Why should it be any different for swingers? wink
Unknown User
Quote by Laurenxxx_1
Yes but adultery is the rule breaking part if you're married and people aren't doing that, they have found a safe/sanitised form of adultery in swinging hence it's not really rule breaking.
A real rule breaker would not swing, they'd just go out and shag other people on the quiet.
Though I've no doubt a fair bit of playing away on the sly does in fact go on on the swinging scene - it's inevitable; human nature.

Who said anything about adultery? rolleyes
Versace__Vase
Orgasminator
As an active single male some years ago,( i sound like a bloody secret agent, im very much retired now. ) the same thing happened to me with a couple who i met on a regular basis, i actually think the husband activley encouraged it for some reason. it started becoming a bit ott, so i decided enough was enough, i still get the odd text on the work phone now and then.
Unknown User
I would expect people to defend their position - there's a lot at stake
I'm not tied in knots
I can shag a different person each day of the week
On my own
Can you?
smile
Unknown User
John Smith's anyone? biggrin
Unknown User
Quote by Bbw4umen
John Smith's anyone? biggrin

I'm not with you
Is this some in-joke?
Unknown User
You can't!
Your married!
Unknown User
Quote by Laurenxxx_1
You can't!
Your married!

What is it you're trying to say.... why married people 'can't' swing???
Unknown User
Oh sorry I thought you were
Well you've got a very understanding partner then!
Bet you've never actually done one each day of the week
Unknown User
LOL
Good answer! lol
Theladyisaminx
Sex God
Quote by Laurenxxx_1
I would expect people to defend their position - there's a lot at stake
I'm not tied in knots
I can shag a different person each day of the week
On my own
Can you?
smile

I am married and I can do just what you do with my husband’s consent, if I wanted to. This doesn't mean I love my husband any less, it is something we both spoke about for a long time before we ventured into the choice to try this lifestyle.
I took my marriage vows very seriously some 21 years ago. Before doing this had never looked at another man in a sexual way before. I try this to have different experiences not because I am looking for anyone to love. I have that and would never risk that just to have fun with other guys.
The fact I have one of the guys we have met on a few occasions confess that he felt he had fallen in love with me has changed nothing in my relationship, as myself and my husband know we are soul mates. The one thing in doing this is that you have to trust each other 150%. We have a great marriage 3 great kids I wouldn’t risk anything and lose them. This lifestyle can work for couples in love, and a couple of my friends know and my Mum knows what we are doing. I am not embarrassed about the way we choosy to lead our lives.
Gosh I have rambled a bit! lol
Anybody got some gaffa tape to keep me :gaggedconfused wink
Unknown User
Quote by Laurenxxx_1
Oh sorry I thought you were
Well you've got a very understanding partner then!
Bet you've never actually done one each day of the week

Sweetie,
I am not sure what you are saying?
Do you think swinging is wrong if you are married?
If you do, why are you here?
Not trying to start a row, just trying to understand kiss
Sam xxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxx
Dizzy_DonnaCouple
Casanova
Well me and Rich where both swingers when we meet, after about a year I told him I loved him now we are living together so its not always a bad thing when you tell a swinger you love them.
mazandden
Sex God
Quote by blonde
Oh sorry I thought you were
Well you've got a very understanding partner then!
Bet you've never actually done one each day of the week

Sweetie,
I am not sure what you are saying?
Do you think swinging is wrong if you are married?
If you do, why are you here?
Not trying to start a row, just trying to understand kiss
Sam xxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxx
Yup, I'm not quite sure I've got the right end of your stick either, lauren?
Can you not be a faithful, married swinger?
dunno maz x
Unknown User
I know I'm weird, I put it down to my unusual childhood, but I have a huge strong burning in me to love, hug, cuddle kiss the face off, feel as if I'm in love with, sexual partners.
Hence I don't meet people very often, for my, and their sanity. :neutral:
Lost
Sex God
Ah ha! its back - welcome back you naughty topic you
anais
Sex God
Quote by Lost
Ah ha! its back - welcome back you naughty topic you

It wasn't far away...but it didn't wanna come out an play confused