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In praise of bullies

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I was bullied sad it was awful and I will never forget how inadequate it made me feel. I would never buy this game for my kids, I don't want the idea to occur to them in any way shape or form. If it happens at their school then I will deal with it then and I don't see any reason to make them aware of this sort of nastiness.
Sorry to be blunt but it's taken me 35 years or so to realise I don't have to put up with it in any part of my life.
Love
FIRE xx
..
we had one problem at my sons school when a cpl of bullies thought it was a good idea to pick on him and knick his bike. i wasnt best pleased so i saw the head teacher and the bullies were pulled in from class and had to apologise to my son and am glad to say that was the end of the matter no more trouble after that .
I was never bullied but the thought of one of my children having to go through it sends a chill up my spine and i can feel the anger of that situation already. I hope and pray that they never have to go through it but im afraid if they do then im not going to lie down and take hurts my children, whether it be physically or mentally they wont know whats hit them. Most schools have great Anti-bullying Policy's but then dont implement them as they should be. The more challenging children who sometimes do the bullying tend to get away with it far too much because "they have a difficult home life". i know certain allowances are to be allowed for these children but the more they get away with at such an early age the more likely they are to progress with their behaviour as they grow up. Bullying needs to be tackled from a very young age. Teach the bullies not to bully and teach the victims not to allow themselves to be bullied. I realise its not all that black and white but we must find a way to stop this from happening. Many peoples lives are ruined not only in childhood but as they become adults too.
louise xx
I was bullied at school. I made the mistake of passing the 11+ and winning a scholarship to a private school. The very first question I was asked on the first day was 'Are you fee, or free?'
As soon as the rich kids discovered I was there on a scholarship, I was ostracised. It was never physical bullying, all verbal, but it got so bad that one lunchtime I just got on my bike and took off. I didn't know where I was going, but I just wanted to run away and never come back. I was finally spotted cycling aimlessly round Wolverhapmton at that night by a couple of coppers who obviously realised there was something wrong. I'd cycled all the way from Warwick. I was 12.
Boy, did I get into trouble for that, but even worse, my mother refused to allow me to leave the school. The misery I was going through wasn't as important as her ability to brag about me being there.
The bullying continued, even worse than ever, until one day I totally snapped. I kicked the shit out of the main ring-leader. I still feel bad about that today, I hate physical violence being used to solve problems, but the bullying did stop. In fact, the girl I battered actually became one of my few friends at the school.
It took me a long time to get over the sense of worthlessness those years instilled in me though.
Quote by de_sade
And what about the larger picture? Are members out there now STILL being bullied? At work?

Unfortunately yes, I was bullied at work, in my first professional position. When I commenced employment, I discovered that my role had been promised to a gap year student..... but I had preformed better at interview (and there were other politics involved too). The staff were all expecting the other person to get the position (including my line manager), and resented me getting it......so they closed ranks. Training was withheld as far as possible, and others who started later were given preferential training. I was given false information......enough to make small mistakes, so I recieved a b*ll*cking, but not big enough mistakes to cause a danger. I was continuosly undermined, and was told I was making mistakes - when I wasn't (luckily due to the nature of my work I could preform tests to prove that I was correct, and therefore able to cover my back).
I left at the earliest opportunity, thinking I would be able to put it all behind me.........unfortunatley it didn't work out like that. Due to an element of my work there, and due to the negligence of my line manager, it has left me with a permenant injury/weekness. Also, even though I know I am more than capable of doing my job, safely and accuratley, and very concientious, the constant nit-picking, undermining and generally putting me down (and being ingnored by other members of staff) has left me being very self concious (in the work environment) and questioning my ability at times.
I have been suffering bully tactics recently at work.........but they aren't so much aimed at me personally, again there are a lot of politics behind it........it is still difficult to deal with, but I'm trying not to take it to heart.
Les x
I was bullied too, for various reasons, but there was one girl who had her life made a misery by a couple of lads who taunted her because she was deaf, and had to wear hearing aids. She was intelligent, very pretty and popular, but as bullies always do, they targeted on her deafness.
One day they really went too far by pushing her around and teasing her about the fact that her speech was "not normal" (according to them mad )
I saw red and i pushed one of them down the grassy bank and onto the tarmac path leading out of the school. The other one was shook very vigorously until two teachers (and they had difficulty getting me off him) seperated us. I don't normally lose my temper that badly, but it was the final straw for me. I'd had it up to "Here". I was so incensed when the teachers tried to get me off him I nearly decked one of them as I was so angry.
To say that I hate bullies is a F*****g understatement..... :x :x :x
Quote by de_sade
:shock:
Actually the title was a bit misleading.
I don't think bullies in any form should be tolerated whatsoever.
But the reason for this thread is a new console game called Canis Canem Edit certainly available on the PS2 and probably other console game systems too. The premise of the game is that you are a school kid who has to get through a school year intact and with your reputation intact. The working title was BULLY and apparently most of the game concentrates on avoiding, fighting with, being picked on by and becoming a school bully. Sensibly the game is rated 15 thereby excluding it legally from most impressionable school children but they will no doubt still be able to hire, borrow or purchase it unchecked relatively easily.
So what do other members think? Would a game like this be sending out the wrong message to children for whom the game was originally devised and developed anyway? Is it just another example of societies desensitization to the plight of those who have to endure this kind of abuse on a daily basis?
And what about the larger picture? Are members out there now STILL being bullied? At work? In other social situations? Did you know a bully from school who has not changed years on? Were you bullied at school and how did it affect you?
What about the forum? Do you think that there are bullies lurking here?
How can you Identify a bully? Do they have similar behavioural characteristics?
N.B. Not a name-and-shame exercise BUT this could be considered a triumphant roar about and against bullies and bullying.
Bullies are cowards. They know it, we know it. Time once again to make a small stand against such abuse not only in the schools and colleges but everywhere.

so many questions on a very interesting topic
one of my mates told me that a kid of 14 whose parents house he lodges at has it.. i was interested to hear that the fighting was pretty violent. i was actually thinking of getting a copy myself although idont really spend alot of time gaming anymore.... i have differnt hobies i concentrate on at the mo........

So what do other members think?
i reckon its safer to pass judgement when youve played it.......
i reckon that we dont really know what messages the game intends to / was devised to send out......... how it will affect people... we cant see into the future.
the game itself is a whole thread on its own......... the rest of your questions seem to relate to the wider issues and im not sure that i want to go into the topic either apart from saying that
if the game has been written as like a "simulator' program....... then i would think that it could be a good thing for as all to play ( tho some would need lessons on how to handle a joypad effectively....... excuse the pun).............to see how we cope with " fight or flight" scenarios.
we all have to deal with this sort of thing appearing at any time..... i suppose being forewarned is forearmed......
Quote by de_sade
What about the forum? Do you think that there are bullies lurking here?
How can you Identify a bully? Do they have similar behavioural characteristics?
N.B. Not a name-and-shame exercise BUT this could be considered a triumphant roar about and against bullies and bullying.

:shock: :shock: :shock: :shock: :shock: :shock: :shock: :shock:
sorry but im just not even gonna go there........ not withut either timing out or rustling a few feathers.......
but again. i might be tempted to answer this bit later.........
Sorry I didn't respond earlier I've been busy sorting out some mutant zombies with a chainsaw and flame thrower.
No computer haven't effected me. :silly:
Quote by keeno
Sorry I didn't respond earlier I've been busy sorting out some mutant zombies with a chainsaw and flame thrower.
No computer haven't effected me. :silly:

Dead Rising perhaps....? dunno
My 11 year old was bullied constantly at school, physical and mental for about 2 years. As it was primary school little was done. My lad was put at a table away from the bullies, allowed to go home 10 minutes early, which all led to further bullying as he was 'differant' now.
It all came to a head last year when the bully caught up with him out of school and tried to take a crow bar to him.
Needless to say charges were pressed and the boy is on a 'final warning' by the police and anger management classes.
I took my lad to karate (hes doing well) so he wouldn't feel intimidated but the first day at secondary school the bully started on him. I reported it to the school who have very strict anti-bullying measures and at the moment it seems to have stopped.
I asked my lad why he hadnt kicked ten bells out of the bully, his answer
"Mum I don't need to, I'm better than him and he doesnt frighten me anymore, anyway I could stop him with a few blocks, I didn't need to hurt him."
mwahhhhhhhh kiss for my lad who at 11 has more about him than the bullies smile
Due to this I would have no fears about my lad playing the game you mention, thou' I wouldn't buy it or encourage it.
Your other questions:
Bullies on the forum ............... ;)
Similar behavioural characteristics....... No, bullies use a lot of differant tactics, from underhand to out and out rudeness. not all bullies are obvious, the sneakier they are the harder to spot
Our 11 year old son was bullied recently at his new secondary school. He confided in me and my advice was to speak to a teacher who he trusted. The school have a very strict no bullying policy and I am pleased to say that it was dealt with quickly and effectively. The bully was moved to another class and put on a final warning. At no time did our son feel like he was a grass etc for reporting this child and has boosted his confidence because of it. biggrin
As for me, if you had asked this question about 2 months ago I would have said I had never been the victim of bullying but that isn't the case at the minute. I cant go in to it too much but I have had to make a formal complaint about a male member of staff at work today. I have been sent home "to avoid further unnecassary stress and upset" while they carry out an investigation. Unfortunately I feel like the person in the wrong as I have been sent home until further notice sad He is still at the place of work like nothing happened... What is more infuriating is that he did the same thing to another member of staff a couple of years ago mad
I am looking for another job wink
I was bullied quite badly during my initial years at school for the usual reasons, slightly above average intelligence, desire to learn/work hard. etc. But as time passed and I got bigger, and good at sport, I soon found those that bullied me became my friends. During sixth form I had a moment of realisation that I had become the vry thing I hated a bully. In order to be socially accepted and as a defence mechanism I had verbally bullied others.
After this moment of clarity I berated myself and have since worked hard on not coming across to others in a negative way. My size and manner can be intimidating and I try my best to soften these aspects, my point often those that believe themselves to be morally just can actually be bulling others unwittingly.
BOy oh boy where to start....
well yes i have experienced it myself as i was always the tall chubby one.....
My kids are the same...it seams we are fare game for bullies but i wont stand for it..
my brother has been effected very badly,was badly beaten up and at the time my parents thought it best to let the school deal with it, and also because my dad wanted to do the same to them.......It has had a dissatrous effect on his life he is now 23 and hasnt left the house for 5 years.
Me? well im very, very protective and want my kids to stand up for themselves, they are tall, chubby but timid, they have moved schools through bullying but fingers crossed are much more settled now....they can also sense trouble brewing , sort of a sixth sense and they are in the house immediatly
as for the game would i buy it? would i bollocks! bin it! anything that promotes this behaviour is bad
Bullies on the forum? well i havent come across any as yet but i have come across a few bitches in disguise but its easy to have a go when you have the magic button to get rid of who you like isnt it? shall i be ready to be booted?
lol pepps xxxx lol wink
Good post De_Sade :thumbup: !!
Quote by de_sade
I don't think bullies in any form should be tolerated whatsoever.

You and I both .
Quote by de_sade
So what do other members think? Would a game like this be sending out the wrong message to children for whom the game was originally devised and developed anyway? Is it just another example of societies desensitisation to the plight of those who have to endure this kind of abuse on a daily basis?

No more than games like GTA et al do just now for random acts of violence against innocents. I’d ban them all, I don’t see entertainment value in slashing a prostitute with a meat cleaver on the silver screen.
Maybe that’s just me? I’d ban them all tbh.
Quote by de_sade
And what about the larger picture? Are members out there now STILL being bullied? At work? In other social situations? Did you know a bully from school who has not changed years on? Were you bullied at school and how did it affect you?

I’m sure that loads of members have been and are the victim of bullying at work. Sad thing is it’s extremely difficult to stand up against where there are no real safeguards for the victim.
There will always be threats etc hanging over people, loss of job being the most significant one, which makes it difficult for most.
The only advice I could give victims is to make clear and concise notes on the bullying, including who was present at the time etc. etc.
The thing about bullies I reckon is that you personally will rarely be the only victim and once one person has the courage, and documentary evidence in particular, to make the complaint then others tend to follow.
Quote by de_sade
What about the forum? Do you think that there are bullies lurking here?

Well it depends on how you classify that de sade really. Personally I reckon that there are people on here who, by throwing about personal comments, accusations and the whole….I know more than you do therefore your opinion is invalid(without being able to back that up)…act in a bullish way. Are they bullies? Well only if you give two fucks as to their opinion!
The forum isn’t real life is it? Is it?? dunno
Quote by de_sade
Bullies are cowards. They know it, we know it. Time once again to make a small stand against such abuse not only in the schools and colleges but everywhere.

Yep
Quote by the_Laird
What about the forum? Do you think that there are bullies lurking here?

Well it depends on how you classify that de sade really. Personally I reckon that there are people on here who, by throwing about personal comments, accusations and the whole….I know more than you do therefore your opinion is invalid(without being able to back that up)…act in a bullish way. Are they bullies? Well only if you give two fucks as to their opinion!
The forum isn’t real life is it? Is it?? dunno
Of course De Sade would never do anything like that would you De Sade? wink
Quote by da69ve

there are people on here who, by throwing about personal comments, accusations and the whole……act in a bullish way.

Of course De Sade would never do anything like that would you De Sade? wink
Nice to see you're not getting personal, Da69ve.....the wink don't fool me.
Also good to see you contributing constructively to a good thread - better than some of the trite that's been around of late.....but then maybe debate is not your strong point.
wink wink.
Quote by BerryBelinda

there are people on here who, by throwing about personal comments, accusations and the whole……act in a bullish way.

Of course De Sade would never do anything like that would you De Sade? wink
Nice to see you're not getting personal, Da69ve.....the wink don't fool me.
Also good to see you contributing constructively to a good thread - better than some of the trite that's been around of late.....but then maybe debate is not your strong point.
wink wink.
a good judge of character, was not my stong point either.....but i have certainly learnt from that mistake haven't i Sunbunny! :wink: ....ooops!.....must have slipped on the wink emoticon!
Play nicely people.
I'll say no more.
Mal
wink

http://www.swingingheaven.co.uk/main/aup.html
Quote by Mal
Play nicely people.
I'll say no more.
Mal
wink

Snap!
:P
Now now da69ve and Belinda..... I dont think we need to air dirty laundry in public do we?? wink
Quote by the_Laird
No more than games like GTA et al do just now for random acts of violence against innocents. I’d ban them all, I don’t see entertainment value in slashing a prostitute with a meat cleaver on the silver screen.
Maybe that’s just me? I’d ban them all tbh.

I am with you on this one Laird.... I cant understand why people would actually create them confused
Sad thing is it’s extremely difficult to stand up against where there are no real safeguards for the victim.
There will always be threats etc hanging over people, loss of job being the most significant one, which makes it difficult for most.

*Nods knowingly*
The thing about bullies I reckon is that you personally will rarely be the only victim and once one person has the courage, and documentary evidence in particular, to make the complaint then others tend to follow.

Unfortunately this isn't always the case... But you have to hope dont you :?
Quote by the_Laird
Bullies are cowards. They know it, we know it. Time once again to make a small stand against such abuse not only in the schools and colleges but everywhere.

Yep
Cant argue with that :wink:
Quote by de_sade
What about the forum? Do you think that there are bullies lurking here?
How can you Identify a bully? Do they have similar behavioural characteristics?
N.B. Not a name-and-shame exercise BUT this could be considered a triumphant roar about and against bullies and bullying.
Bullies are cowards. They know it, we know it. Time once again to make a small stand against such abuse not only in the schools and colleges but everywhere.

Yes there are bullies in schools, yes there are bullies in real life, yes there are bullies online.
Was I supposed to keel over in shock that there might be nasty people online dunno
I'd like to think that you started the thread for the right reasons but I don't think you did.
I think you started it as a veiled c'mon name and shame, if you didn't, why put the comment?
Please bear in mind that every one who disagrees with you is normally accused of either bullying or cliquiness, then the majority are on an loser in your head aren't theyanyway.
Jas
XXXX
Quote by Jas-Tim

What about the forum? Do you think that there are bullies lurking here?
How can you Identify a bully? Do they have similar behavioural characteristics?
N.B. Not a name-and-shame exercise BUT this could be considered a triumphant roar about and against bullies and bullying.
Bullies are cowards. They know it, we know it. Time once again to make a small stand against such abuse not only in the schools and colleges but everywhere.

Yes there are bullies in schools, yes there are bullies in real life, yes there are bullies online.
Was I supposed to keel over in shock that there might be nasty people about dunno
I'd like to think that you started the thread for the right reasons but I don't think you did.
I think you started it as a veiled c'mon name and shame, if you didn't, why put the comment?
Please bear in mind that every one who disagrees with you is normally accused of either bullying or cliquiness, then the majority are on an loser in your head aren't they anyway.
Oh and l Iooked the game up - anything that encourages you to kick someones teeth down their throat when they are already down, isn't teaching you not to be a bully and the fact that it there is little blood shown is what got it the 15 rating. Not the actual violence committed.
Jas
XXXX
Quote by de_sade
I don't think bullies in any form should be tolerated whatsoever.

worship
A timely thread...it was Ban Bullying at Work Day earlier this week and is anti-bullying week for school kids later this month. Zero tolerance to bullying wherever it is :thumbup:
I wasn't bullied at school but I didn't feel I fitted in to any particular group so I was very much a loner for the time I was there. I've always envied people who are still best mates with school friends as I never had any.
My youngest son has spent the last 5 years in school being bullied and despite talking to the Head and teachers, nothing seems to have come of it until one day he came out to his friends as being bisexual. That immediately stopped the taunts about his sexuality as now the bullies have nothing to make fun of and thankfully it's all stopped.
My first husband was a bully, physically, emotionally and mentally. The best thing I ever did was stand up to him and walk away though I remember shaking in my shoes in case he decided that was an excuse to hit me again. As it was he was so dumbstruck that I had stood up to him and made a decision for myself, he did nothing.
I've seen bullies in my workplace too. It's generally a lovely place to work and we have had some people working there for over 30 years. The problem is with one or two of the 'old guard' when we have new people starting. The 'oldies' are reluctant to any type of change in working practice and think they know it all so when someone new comes along with new ideas, they tend to work against them in very subtle but damaging ways and it makes me mad when I see it happen. mad
Unfortunately there are bullies in all walks of life and they'll never go away but the more people stand up to them and not let them get away with it, the less harm they can do
Quote by Sassy-Seren
My youngest son has spent the last 5 years in school being bullied and despite talking to the Head and teachers, nothing seems to have come of it until one day he came out to his friends as being bisexual. That immediately stopped the taunts about his sexuality as now the bullies have nothing to make fun of and thankfully it's all stopped.

My daughter had the opposite experience. She only started to be bullied after she came out. It didn't last long though, as after she'd had the courage to admit her sexuality, several others at the school did the same, and they all supported each other in standing up to the few small-minded idiots.
She had to give a talk about her sexuality at college the other day. One girl asked, 'But how do lesbians have sex?' to which my daughter replied,'Want me to show you?' biggrin
She knows that there will always be people who will be made uncomfortable by her sexuality and may bully her because of it, but she has my total support and that of close friends, and nothing else really matters to her.
Quote by de_sade
If everyone stopped looking for hidden meanings in other peoples postings, (which actually is nothing more than a reflection of their own insecurities) then the thread might get from start to finish without being polluted.

:thumbup:
Quote by de_sade
Bullying shouldn't be tolerated. Simple message.

:thumbup:
Quote by Lissa
She knows that there will always be people who will be made uncomfortable by her sexuality and may bully her because of it, but she has my total support and that of close friends, and nothing else really matters to her.

kiss
Thankfully, that's how my son feels too. My son is my son and I love him whether he's straight, bi, gay, asexual or whatever-sexual he wants to be ( so long as it's nothing illegal wink ) and I will support, comfort, counsel and be there for him anytime he needs me biggrin