Quote by PoloLady
... kicked off my slippers and went to hang my dressing gown on the door
It's normally a compliment to me to be called 'hot' in bed but the night my lover got going on the foreplay shortly after preparing a very hot chilli with very hot fresh chilli peppers is one I won't forget!
Jezzay
PS Can anybody read this thread without their eyes watering?
Quote by Chunky Love
It's not really in 'the line of duty' when I was injured as such, but I was at work when I damaged the wee soldier so it does kinda count!
Was about a year ago and it was getting late on in the club. I was busting for a piddle so I ran up to the toilets and unleashed the fury against the porcelain. Things were going well, I was draining the main vain and trying desperately to avoid the splashback then as I gave it a wee shake to loosen off any hangers on, (Lets face it lads, "No matter how much you shake your peg, at least one drop goes down your leg) I stood back and ripped up the zipper on my work trousers.
However, in my haste to get out of there I had forgotten one important thing. To return my little soldier to his barracks before pulling up my zipper. :shock:
I felt an almighty pain, and I looked down to see my poor wee friend intertwined with the metal teeth of the zipper. Now, any sensible man would see this travesty and make haste to the nearest A&E. No, not commando Chunky Love. Gritting my teeth like Rambo preparing to stitch a wound, I ripped the zipper downwards to free my dirty water gun.
Now, can I recommend to any other men out there that should you ever get entangled in your Wranglers that you do NOT pull down on the zipper. For the love of god, seek out a man of medicine who knows what the hell they are doing and leave it in their hands..
I looked down to see a very bloody stump wink at me, so at that point I thought it best to make haste to the nearest hospital.
Anywho, ran out to the car and raced like a mad fool to A&E. Slammed the car into a parking space and scarpered inside. Was impressed how well the receptionist managed to stifle her giggles whilst entering my details into the computer, and took a seat in the waiting room.
Shortly guided to a wee treatment room, where several nurses and doctors came through to 'inspect' the wee patient. (Remembering of course folks that it was cold, early in the morning, erm... have I said cold? Ach ok, no excuses.. It wasn't at it's most glorious of length)
Finally after lying there for about an hour bleeding, a middle aged indian doctor arrived who had obviously had just been dragged oota his bed. I think someone said he was a specialist, (Do you get willy mangling specialists?).
Anyway, made it my first priority to make this guy my new best friend, as he quite literally held my future in his hands..
After a quick inspection he said that he would stitch it back up, but should it get any worse over time the old '1-2-3-4 skin' will be getting the chop. So, laid back while I received two local anesthetic injections into the base of the penis, (Good god, I nearly backflipped back into the waiting room. Which undoubtably would have impressed the old lady sitting waiting for her husband) then the stitches.. :shock:
"So, worked here long?" said I in a vain attempt to break the embarrassed silence that was hanging in the air whilst the good doctor, looking very unimpressed, manhandled the meat and two veg... You know, it's amazing the patterns you see in roofing tiles when you do your damndest not to look at what's happening below..
Anyway, to cut a long story even longer, the doctor finished off his sewing with a mean looking cross-stitch, and snipped the thread off. (Can I just add that the snipping noise was not enjoyed either.) 8 stitches in total. And that's not some kinda idle boast to try and make out I'm some trouser gargantuan! No, those stitches were arranged 'inside to out' around my winky's polo neck.
At this point I dared a wee look at the downstairs car crash, and thank the big man I was lying down.. Jesus, it looked for all the world like one of those chest bursters from 'Aliens'.
Anyway, after a few cautionary words of advice and some pills, a handshake with the doctor signalled my departure from the hospital and my swift journey home in the motor.
Now, the worst part was that for about a month afterwards whenever I went for a piss it felt like I was passing hot magma, and the wee soldier swelled up to near three times it's size! (Which would have been impressive had it not turned a kinda black colour..) It healed up eventually though, and now I've been left with some natural ribbing where the teeth caught me!
Quote by Chunky Love
It's not really in 'the line of duty' when I was injured as such, but I was at work when I damaged the wee soldier so it does kinda count!
Etc, etc,etc.....Sniped for brevity.
!
Quote by Sassy-Seren
I can't remember any serious injuries whilst in action besides the usual headboard concussion, shaving cuts to rather sensitive areas :shock: and the inability to straighten my back after a particularly lengthy session ( not THAT type of lengthy
.....
Quote by PoloLady
The Immac bladeless razor is brilliant at removing pubic plumage and leaving a silky smooth finish in 3 minutes.
HOWEVER....
When removing the bikini beard and going for the Kojak look, you may get a slight stinging sensation if you get the cream on the bits you shouldn't get it on ( this sensation may increase to a mild burning, if you have not long got out of a hot bath). At this point you have two options:
Option A: Remove the cream immediately with lots of tepid water.
Option B: Ignore the stinging and complete the full 3 minutes before removing the cream and unwanted fanny-fuzz.
Being behind schedule on Friday evening... I opted for 'Option B'. Fooled by the immediate refief of the cool water at the end of the 3 minutes, there was still some mild irritation as I began to get dressed. So, mirror in hand I gave the silky pleasure purse a visual inspection. Looking good, slightly deeper pink, but looking good none the same.
By the time I arrived at the club it was all feeling much better, in fact it felt normal - panic over!
Pants off and into action. A gentleman friend slid his hand down to part the pleasure curtains "Wow, that's hot!" he said. I put this down to the 1 hour drive with the heated seats on all the way and the car heater on full blast.
As the body bouncing commenced I too began to feel the warmth. The more friction, the more sensitivity - but a kind of nice sensitivity.
Cutting out all of the juicy bits, I'll continue from the point at the end of the evening when I returned home....
My crotch was now generating more heat than a thermo-nuclear power plant with a faulty cooling system.
Mirror in had I yet again inspected the burning beaver. No blisters, lesions or other outward signs of damage or injury, just a change in colour from pink to flaming scarlet. I attempted to conduct my inspection further with the aid of a finger or two. "OUCH" ... "F*CKING HELL" my pussy was so sore, discomfort at the slightest touch, burning hot and definately NOT HAPPY.
I slept with a large cushion between my knees to allow a cool flow of air to pass over the volcanic vulva.
Saturday evening there was no chance of rampant romping due to the uncomfortable sensitivity.
Today (Sunday) it feels better, a lot better, but is still slightly sore and sensitive.
I have no doubt the juicy joy-pot will be back in action midweek and fully recovered in time for the Essex Munch.
But ladies.... BE WARNED.... go for 'Option A', unless you want a glow-in-the-dark duvet heater for a couple of days.
PS: Belated offers to kiss it better are always welcomed :twisted:
I'm wondering if I can taste blood and I can hear her saying "don't stop, don't stop" I was less than impressed. 
ops: :oops: It healed quickly but I was understandably reluctant to really 'go for it' for some months afterwards. 
Quote by Steve_Mids
Once tore my frenum in a desperate bid to commit my old fella to the warm cosy place before the doors were fully open.....
Lots of blood later I woke on the bathroom floor with a rather worried looking missus hovering over me with a rather anxious look on her face...
Its never repaired itself to this day and as such lies as a testament to the fact one should always wait till the doors are fully open before trying to enter
Quote by Steve_Mids
Whaaaatttt!!!!! you're still pouring with blood???!!! :eeek:
Quote by Steve_Mids
Once tore my frenum in a desperate bid to commit my old fella to the warm cosy place before the doors were fully open.....Its never repaired itself to this day and as such lies as a testament to the fact one should always wait till the doors are fully open before trying to enter
Quote by firelizard
Actually, I do seem to remember Stormy being rather mortified when I bounced a little too exuberantly on top of him and folded his very erect little man in half in the process! :giggle: Cant think what all the fuss was about really
Quote by Stormwalker
Actually, I do seem to remember Stormy being rather mortified when I bounced a little too exuberantly on top of him and folded his very erect little man in half in the process! :giggle: Cant think what all the fuss was about really
:rotflmao: :rotflmao: :rotflmao: :laughabove: :laughabove: Quote by Steve_Mids
Once tore my frenum in a desperate bid to commit my old fella to the warm cosy place before the doors were fully open.....
:rotflmao: :rotflmao: :rotflmao:Lots of blood later I woke on the bathroom floor with a rather worried looking missus hovering over me with a rather anxious look on her face...
Its never repaired itself to this day and as such lies as a testament to the fact one should always wait till the doors are fully open before trying to enter
)
:therethere: 
Quote by westerross
One little dutiful injury I incur is a sore lower lip and a rash to go with it after extended bouts of oral. This occurs particularly if the recipient has a 5 o'clock shadow or (curiously) if I haven't shaved soon before (inconsiderate bastard that I am!).
:D :D :D 
Quote by fabio grooverider
i won't name the person who inflicted this serious wound on me.... but they are one of the "people in green".....
:rotflmao::rotflmao::rotflmao: :bolt: 
