Hi, I don't know if this is a good idea but I thought I'd give it a go anyway! Happily married but now nearly 30 years, I'm looking for some ideas on how to spice up our love life. My good lady loves the IDEA of swinging but it is the thought of it she enjoys, suggestions of participating are quickly rejected. She enjoys a bit of role play and general rudery but I was wondering if anyone has some suggestions of some things they've tried or at least thought they'd like to try. Just for the record but not wishing to exclude variations on the themes we've tried role play, dressing sexily (her not me?) indoors and out, some toys (lots of opportunities there I'm sure), guess the fruit and veg!, blindfolds, mild spanking, etc but I'd like to try to come up with a few 'dare' type ideas (maybe the sort of public flashing where she opens her coat with no top and or no knickers on for me to take a photo in a public place rather than anything that will get us arrested) Or perhaps involve a 3rd person somehow?? Sexy games of chance or consequences? I'd appreciate some suggestions, and as a bonus, if there are some to try I'll post the photos on here :twisted: . Cheers Dave
I'll get in before anyone else does and suggest the first thing you should do is change your profile to 'couple'. ;) I'm not suggesting that it will immediately turn her into a rampant swinger, but if you're open with her about being on here, it might spark an interest. With a couple's account you could just get her involved slowly, maybe with a "what do you think of this forum thread dear?", perhaps the occassional "look at this photo!", or "have a read of this story and let me know what you think". In all honesty that's sort of where we started from on here - with me being an active participant, and my wife being a spectator. Nowadays hardly a night goes by when she's not in the Chatroom, and we've recently had some great meets with women from here. :thumbup: Above all else, keep the dialogue with her going (without any pressure) and be completely open and honest about what you want, and how you're going about looking for it. Good luck.
Quote by Cubes I'll get in before anyone else does and suggest the first thing you should do is change your profile to 'couple'. ;) I'm not suggesting that it will immediately turn her into a rampant swinger, but if you're open with her about being on here, it might spark an interest.
Hi Cubes, thanks for the suggestion, TBH when I originally signed up it was as a couple (as I was part of a couple!) but my wife didn't know about it, one of those 'head above the parapet' moments, but I didn't think she would be overly pleased, anyway, as she never appeared on here someone 'reported' me as not a couple and so my status was changed. I have certainly considered the idea of coming across the site when we are using the laptop together and letting her see all the people in the chat rooms, I think she would find the anonymity exciting, but I haven't thought that through yet - as I'd have to have an account to get on the chatroom... Anyway, I'll dwell on that, thanks for your time Dave
Quote by tarkadahl I'll get in before anyone else does and suggest the first thing you should do is change your profile to 'couple'. ;) I'm not suggesting that it will immediately turn her into a rampant swinger, but if you're open with her about being on here, it might spark an interest.
Hi Cubes, thanks for the suggestion, TBH when I originally signed up it was as a couple (as I was part of a couple!) but my wife didn't know about it, one of those 'head above the parapet' moments, but I didn't think she would be overly pleased, anyway, as she never appeared on here someone 'reported' me as not a couple and so my status was changed. I have certainly considered the idea of coming across the site when we are using the laptop together and letting her see all the people in the chat rooms, I think she would find the anonymity exciting, but I haven't thought that through yet - as I'd have to have an accountto get on the chatroom... Anyway, I'll dwell on that, thanks for your time Dave Don't quite get this comment as you obviously paid to join the site, as you can post in the forum ..free members cannot do this (unless your of the old skool).....seen as your have paid your membership you have full access to all areas of the site..including the chat rooms..the only other fee paying option is extras!!
Quote by whiplash I'll get in before anyone else does and suggest the first thing you should do is change your profile to 'couple'. ;) I'm not suggesting that it will immediately turn her into a rampant swinger, but if you're open with her about being on here, it might spark an interest.
Hi Cubes, thanks for the suggestion, TBH when I originally signed up it was as a couple (as I was part of a couple!) but my wife didn't know about it, one of those 'head above the parapet' moments, but I didn't think she would be overly pleased, anyway, as she never appeared on here someone 'reported' me as not a couple and so my status was changed. I have certainly considered the idea of coming across the site when we are using the laptop together and letting her see all the people in the chat rooms, I think she would find the anonymity exciting, but I haven't thought that through yet - as I'd have to have an accountto get on the chatroom... Anyway, I'll dwell on that, thanks for your time Dave Don't quite get this comment as you obviously paid to join the site, as you can post in the forum ..free members cannot do this (unless your of the old skool).....seen as your have paid your membership you have full access to all areas of the site..including the chat rooms..the only other fee paying option is extras!! Because then he'd have to admit to her that he has a profile on here Whips, and he's already said that she knew nothing about the couples account.
You could try suggesting that you go to a swingers club, but not actually play with anyone else while you're there. There's nothing to stop you going to the club, watching others, and then going off on your own to a private room. The atmosphere and environment at the club is, in itself, a turn-on. It will also be very exciting and certainly add a bit of spice! And if she likes the idea of swinging, but doesn't want to actually try it yet, then this may be a good middle road for you both? After a while, she may decide that she does want to try it, and then you won't need to keep your membership of this site secret any more...
Certainly like the idea Lilith, having never been to a club I'm not sure of the 'etiquette' but I do like the sound of that suggestion. Any recommendations re clubs?
You could tell her that whilst she also thought you had a happy marriage for the last 30 years the last 7 years of it have included you paying to be a member of a swingers site on your own and actively seeking to play without her ...... Now the result of that admission would be very interesting
Quote by MidsCouple24 You could tell her that whilst she also thought you had a happy marriage for the last 30 years the last 7 years of it have included you paying to be a member of a swingers site on your own and actively seeking to play without her ...... Now the result of that admission would be very interesting
is that really any worse than a secret porn collection...? Just being on the site isn't really a big deal, is it now...?
Quote by Lilith You could tell her that whilst she also thought you had a happy marriage for the last 30 years the last 7 years of it have included you paying to be a member of a swingers site on your own and actively seeking to play without her ...... Now the result of that admission would be very interesting
is that really any worse than a secret porn collection...? Just being on the site isn't really a big deal, is it now...? As has been said many times before on this forum, cheating is doing anything your partner wouldent approve of. Including messaging on here, talking dirty on here etc etc. Its all about respect. If you have to hide it you shouldent be doing it.
Quote by tweeky You could tell her that whilst she also thought you had a happy marriage for the last 30 years the last 7 years of it have included you paying to be a member of a swingers site on your own and actively seeking to play without her ...... Now the result of that admission would be very interesting
is that really any worse than a secret porn collection...? Just being on the site isn't really a big deal, is it now...? As has been said many times before on this forum, cheating is doing anything your partner wouldent approve of. Including messaging on here, talking dirty on here etc etc. Its all about respect. If you have to hide it you shouldent be doing it. Does that mean I'm cheating every time I have a sneaky glass of wine during the week... My wife certainly doesn't approve of that!! I guess I just don't think it's my place to judge others... As I've said before (in my previous incarnation as LB1) I don't think the concept of cheating is as black and white as many people make out. And, it's none of my business if someone chooses to secretly have a SH account to chat, flirt, post in the forums, or even arrange meets. It's their life and their business.
Quote by tweeky You could tell her that whilst she also thought you had a happy marriage for the last 30 years the last 7 years of it have included you paying to be a member of a swingers site on your own and actively seeking to play without her ...... Now the result of that admission would be very interesting
is that really any worse than a secret porn collection...? Just being on the site isn't really a big deal, is it now...? As has been said many times before on this forum, cheating is doing anything your partner wouldent approve of. Including messaging on here, talking dirty on here etc etc. Its all about respect. If you have to hide it you shouldent be doing it. What a moral lot we all are, the fact that there are many hundreds of couples on here reflects the fact that there are some couples where both partners find enjoyment in sharing their sexual pleasures with others as well as their own partner, but I suggest that you represent a very small minority of the population as a whole or their would be swingers clubs in every village town and city in the country. The fact is that those couples on here have the consent of their partner to do so, lucky them, I feel happy for you, you therefor don't need to keep it to yourself, and if you've never had a thought, or done anything that you have hidden from anyone you care about then stand up and receive the 'moral person of the year' award. I expect you've all explained to your offspring about your lifestyle - you do respect your offspring don't you? - oh and your friends and relations of course. The fact that for some this lifestyle is only ever likely to be a fantasy shouldn't be knocked, I'm certain my wife has in fact benefitted from me visiting sites like this and others, it has opened up a whole gamut of new sexual fantasies for us to try and share, it is just that some are too far (as yet?) for my wife to accept. All our lives are different, some have little opportunity to pop to a swinging club when the mood takes them, some would be mortified if they knew their profile pics were circulated amongst their work colleagues, and some are in positions where if they were they could expect to lose their job. So for some of us, we seek to lift the corner of the blanket and peep under and wonder what it would be like to venture inside! All I wanted were a few novel ideas that people have played with to improve their sex lives - I didn't expect the Spanish Inquisition! Dave
Quote by Lilith And, it's none of my business if someone chooses to secretly have a SH account to chat, flirt, post in the forums, or even arrange meets. It's their life and their business.
Until it could affect you that is. I wonder how you feel if your " Wife " was to have a secret account on another site and you found out about it. We would rather meet a guy who was single than cheating. We always ask that question. Of course they could lie about it, but attached men find Saturday nights a bit hard to meet, so that is usually a good clue. We do not care per se if anyone wants to cheat on their partners/ Wives, but if possible we would rather not be part of that. We would never openly meet a cheat with the same old excuses. If their relationship is that bad that they have to cheat, then why not just be honest and open and leave? We always ask are they married or in a relationship, and if the answer is anyway near a yes, we decline to meet. Just our preferences.
Quote by starlightcouple Until it could affect you that is. I wonder how you feel if your " Wife " was to have a secret account on another site and you found out about it.
Firstly, there's no need for the inverted commas... We're in a civil partnership, so I think I can happily call her my wife... Secondly, she wouldn't need to have a secret account on another site. But, I'd actually probably be quite pleased if she went and joined another site, as she is far less into swinging than me (I have to be careful to go at her pace) and if she suddenly showed enough interest to join another site, I'd be delighted!! She's lucky enough to have an open-minded, adventurous wife, so she doesn't need to hide things from me. And she's a terrible liar - she can't even manage to surprise me, let alone do anything behind my back! But, I'm not naive enough to think that everyone is in a position where they can be totally honest and open with their partner. I also understand how frustrating it can be when your own needs and desires aren't quite matched by your partner's. I would love to be able to arrange meets right now - with or without my wife - but she doesn't want to at the moment. So, I'm being patient... But it's not easy. I can fully understand how a person could be in love with someone so much that they can't imagine their life without them (especially if they also have kids), but not be fully sexually satisfied and, unless their partner is open to swinging or trying something new, it must be incredibly hard to not look for some sort of outlet in that situation - I think being a member of a site like this is relatively harmless and certainly no worse than a secret porn collection. We do not live in a perfect world where everyone is 100% satisfied by their partner - the whole idea of swinging is based on the fact that we want more in our sex lives than just one person - and I don't like to judge other people's personal lives when I know nothing about them or their particular reasons for the choices they make.
Quote by starlightcouple We would rather meet a guy who was single than cheating. We always ask that question. Of course they could lie about it, but attached men find Saturday nights a bit hard to meet, so that is usually a good clue. We do not care per se if anyone wants to cheat on their partners/ Wives, but if possible we would rather not be part of that. We would never openly meet a cheat with the same old excuses. If their relationship is that bad that they have to cheat, then why not just be honest and open and leave? We always ask are they married or in a relationship, and if the answer is anyway near a yes, we decline to meet. Just our preferences.
It is, of course, entirely your prerogative to prefer to only meet with genuine singles and couples. I never said it wasn't. I just said that it's none of my business what Dave or anyone else chooses to do, and life is just not as black and white as a lot if people think. I just don't think it's as simple as "If you want to cheat, you should just break up"... But, I've written a lot about this on previous threads (under my wife's account name "Inanna"), so shan't repeat myself again here. And we're going off topic again anyway...!
Quote by Lilith And we're going off topic again anyway...!
Only a little possibly. Sorry for the inverted commas I now understand that you say Wife, and of course that is your prerogative to do exactly as you wish, and nothing at all was meant by it. :notes: I and many others may have dilemmas about meeting people who are cheating on their partners/ Wives/ Husbands backs. Many other people would not bother about it. Of course things like this are never black and white but if people were in a good healthy trusting and loving relationship, there would surely not be any need to cheat. I am sure the cheater feels completely different to the cheated. The person who has been cheated on, would I presume in most cases, not see the reason or the need for their partner to have cheated on them. It is always worse being the cheated on rather than the cheater, and one should not presume that this is anything other than that. I do not know how anyone would feel remotely happy about being cheated on in any way, and on that basis my opinions remain the want to cheat on your other half then do the right thing and make a decision. Don't hide behind the " my Wife does not understand my needs " excuses. There I go off into another tangent Lilith.
Quote by starlightcouple Sorry for the inverted commas I now understand that you say Wife, and of course that is your prerogative to do exactly as you wish, and nothing at all was meant by it. :notes:
You're forgiven!
Quote by starlightcouple Of course things like this are never black and white but if people were in a good healthy trusting and loving relationship, there would surely not be any need to cheat.
But, not everyone is in a good, healthy, trusting and loving relationship... And there may be complexities that outsiders don't understand, which mean that it's actually less damaging to cheat on a person than to walk away from the relationship. I completely agree that in an ideal world, couples should be totally compatible and therefore be able to be fully satisfied and totally open and honest with each other. But, people who have that are very fortunate, and I feel sorry for those that don't (and try hard not to judge them...)
Quote by starlightcouple There I go off into another tangent Lilith.
:giggle: ... Yes... We do have a tendency to get distracted, eh? Back on topic... I think my original point was just that we shouldn't be giving the op a hard time or being judgemental. If people have helpful suggestions, then they should reply. If all they want to do is tell him off for being a site member, then... ;-)
Quote by Lilith Back on topic... I think my original point was just that we shouldn't be giving the op a hard time or being judgemental. If people have helpful suggestions, then they should reply. If all they want to do is tell him off for being a site member, then... ;-)
Exactly my thoughts. :thumbup: The OP has made it clear up front that he wants his wife to be involved with swinging, and the best first step to doing that is obviously to approach the swinging community for advice. One of the great things about SH is that it's open for anyone to use as they see fit (obviously as long as they stay within the fairly liberal constraints of the AUP) and that includes people who wish to extend their lives with or without their partners knowledge or involvement. In this case the OP has made no attempt at deceiving anyone about his status, and as far as I'm aware has not sought to meet with anyone for a sordid liaison. So, let's just cut him some slack and see what we can do to help him out. And that goes for all the other people out there in similar positions. After all, would you prefer to just berate people over your perception of their morals, or try to help them into the lifestyle where you might actually get a chance to shag their partners??!! :twisted:
Quote by Cubes Back on topic... I think my original point was just that we shouldn't be giving the op a hard time or being judgemental. If people have helpful suggestions, then they should reply. If all they want to do is tell him off for being a site member, then... ;-)
Exactly my thoughts. :thumbup: The OP has made it clear up front that he wants his wife to be involved with swinging, and the best first step to doing that is obviously to approach the swinging community for advice. One of the great things about SH is that it's open for anyone to use as they see fit (obviously as long as they stay within the fairly liberal constraints of the AUP) and that includes people who wish to extend their lives with or without their partners knowledge or involvement. In this case the OP has made no attempt at deceiving anyone about his status, and as far as I'm aware has not sought to meet with anyone for a sordid liaison. So, let's just cut him some slack and see what we can do to help him out. And that goes for all the other people out there in similar positions. After all, would you prefer to just berate people over your perception of their morals, or try to help them into the lifestyle where you might actually get a chance to shag their partners??!! :twisted: Any help with getting my wife more into the lifestyle will be very well rewarded...!! :rascal:
Quote by Lilith But, not everyone is in a good, healthy, trusting and loving relationship... And there may be complexities that outsiders don't understand, which mean that it's actually less damaging to cheat on a person than to walk away from the relationship. I completely agree that in an ideal world, couples should be totally compatible and therefore be able to be fully satisfied and totally open and honest with each other. But, people who have that are very fortunate, and I feel sorry for those that don't (and try hard not to judge them...)
I understand what you are saying Lilth, but am sorry the profile created is for a single bi guy. Maybe as a thought after 30 years of happy marriage I would have thought asking people on how to get his Wife into swinging would have been a bit obvious. I was not really talking about being compatible, I was talking about being honest. There can be no reason at all to cheat on your other half no matter what the reasons. If the other half would be ok with a sexual relationship outside of their own relationship, then surely if everyone is happy, tell the person who is going to be the cheated. Surely that would be the honest and open thing to do under any circumstances? Many people do not though as they know their own partner would never agree on being cheated on. Any thing else is just making excuses, and it is not nice to have been cheated on for any reason. The phrase cake...eat it springs to mind Lilth. :eeek:
I hadn't intended this to be a lengthy moral discusion, I almost wish I hadn't bothered, but in a way I'm glad I did. It is interesting to read all the comments. As yet I haven't met anyone, arranged to meet anyone, experienced a bi relationship or cheated on my wife, and by cheating I mean I haven't had any physical contact with a member of either sex. What I have done is looked at a bit of porn on the net, some of which was live action from members (no pun intended) from this marvelous site. Now, should some gorgeous female invite to join her in a sex romp I would have to re-appraise my situation, but that hasn't and isn't likely to happen, so can we get back to the original question of how do the wonderful people on this site re-invogorate (bad choice of phrase, should really be 'maintain') their sexual interests. Swinging would be one option that I would like to try, I have discussed this with my wife, she is concerned re - sexually transmitted diseases, emotional complications, possible insecurity and possibly a host of other reasons. So, now we have established my credentials, any sugestions? Dave
Great post Cubes. Cheers for that, you calmly objective voice of reason you! I do think this constant berating of people for their personal choices as regards their own personal circumstances is kinda hypocritical in the first instance, cos hey, the mere fact most of us are here in the first place shows what we think of certain fairly basic societal norms, claiming a right to make moral decisions re: our sexuality and the expression of it for ourselves regardless of what wider society might think, and secondly it's completely counter-productive, in that I'm sure some users read negative comments made to others in a similar position and think 'Sod that for a game of soldiers, easier to just lie about my status, noone'll be any the wiser anyway. We can't demand everyone's completely honest in their off-site personal relationships, but we can and should expect them to be honest about their circumstances and motivations with us at least so we can make informed choices. Berating someone for their honesty among us works against that to some degree I'm sure, some probably thinking honesty and openness just ain't worth the time and energy if all it gets is a negative pay-off anyways. Just sayin'. Having said all that, tarkadahl, this bit looks like it's promising more re: your wife's possible involvement than you're able to give as things stand, assuming I'm reading the situation correctly? Maybe an edit pulling it or further qualifying it would be in order?
I'm still trying to persuade Mrs Tarkadahl to play but she is reluctant but for the right occassion could possibly be persuaded.
Best of luck. Hope you ( and your wife! ) can find what you're looking for.
Quote by neilinleeds ... the mere fact most of us are here in the first place shows what we think of certain fairly basic societal norms, claiming a right to make moral decisions re: our sexuality and the expression of it for ourselves regardless of what wider society might think.
Sorry for snipping you Neil, but I think you've hit a nail on the head there. :thumbup: How many people on here can lay claim to being completely open and honest with their friends/family/workmates/employers etc about their level of involvement in the swinging lifestyle? I know a few, but they're in the minority. The vast majority of us still have to keep it quiet, pretending to be vanilla, and making excuses about meeting old school friends etc when needing child minders. I know it's not the same thing as keeping things from your significant other, but the reasons behind it could be just the same - i.e. non-acceptance of your wishes and desires. Just sayin' like. ;-)
Quote by Cubes How many people on here can lay claim to being completely open and honest with their friends/family/workmates/employers etc about their level of involvement in the swinging lifestyle? I know a few, but they're in the minority. The vast majority of us still have to keep it quiet, pretending to be vanilla, and making excuses about meeting old school friends etc when needing child minders.
This was not about friends or workmates but the other person you share your life with.
Quote by Cubes I know it's not the same thing as keeping things from your significant other, but the reasons behind it could be just the same - i.e. non-acceptance of your wishes and desires. Just sayin' like. ;-)
The bold bit is what you need to concentrate on, who cares about not telling the truth to a work mate? about your roll in the swinging scene. Why would they need to know anyway? No the reasons behind it are not the same Cubes as well you know. You are putting cheating on your partner in the same context of keeping is a bit silent over telling your mates. That is a silly reason to try and back up a debate that you know is wrong to start with. Last post in here from me, The op may well not have cheated ( yet ), but the profile says different as a single bi guy. We would not meet with anyone with a similar profile. But hey good luck if he or anyone else can get away with it eh . I am not usually moralistic but we have heard all the excuses from guys as to why they do not want to tell the ( Wife ), and sorry it is not for us. As an aside, if anyone wants to ask their other half about how to keep their sex lives happy......just bloody ask them.
Dave, the Club I would suggest is Abfabs near Heathrow Terminal 5, on a Saturday night. There is a cheap travelodge if you want to stay over. The club is big so you'll be able to find space for each other. There are hot tubs and a pool (for any in-water fantasies) a stable/dungeon area, with spanking benches and a sex swing (with a door you can close) Lots of places to watch other people. Also a dark room (does what it says on the tin) It's a classy place and the people are cool. If you like the idea of being intimate in the company of other people doing the same, then that is possible too. Be prepeared that at some point you might both just get in the moment and surprise yourselves ;o) Good luck to both of you, it's seldom easy blazing your own trail, but it's well worth it.
Quote by Lilith @Starlight... ok, we get it; you disagree! Now, why don't you go and polish your halo while the rest of us stay here and chat with Dave, eh? ;-)
I think I like you Lilith! Derek, thanks for some positive advice, much appreciated (having, as you have probably gathered) never been to one of these clubs before, are there many 'older' couples there?
I'm not great with ages tbh...or ageist lol. There are people of all ages there I would say. I think the majority of people there are in there 40's but certainly there are people in their 50's too. Of course it depends on the night in question. We have been a few times, on the whole with friends
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I do think this constant berating of people for their personal choices as regards their own personal circumstances is kinda hypocritical in the first instance, cos hey, the mere fact most of us are here in the first place shows what we think of certain fairly basic societal norms, claiming a right to make moral decisions re: our sexuality and the expression of it for ourselves regardless of what wider society might think, and secondly it's completely counter-productive, in that I'm sure some users read negative comments made to others in a similar position and think 'Sod that for a game of soldiers, easier to just lie about my status, noone'll be any the wiser anyway. 
. I am not usually moralistic but we have heard all the excuses from guys as to why they do not want to tell the ( Wife ), and sorry it is not for us.
