introducing a partner to swinging..

28 May 2008

Hi,
Ive been a single member on here for a while now and become familiar with the ins and outs, ups and downs of the swinging scene (both literally and metaphorically lol) However, im now with a partner who is quite adventurous sexually, in that she fantasises about many things, in particular a bi scene with another girl.. She knows a little about what ive done in the past.. but im sort of stuck for how to progress.. Do I just tell her, or gradually introduce things a little at a time?? Its always easy to say "oh be direct and open about it" but I dont want to push things too far or too fast with her... if at all. Im sure many people must have encountered this at some point.. id be happy to hear from anyone offering sensible and reasonable advice..
thanks smile

28 May 2008

Try joking to her about it and seeing her reaction, i was lucky cos i got drunk, blurted it out, S seemed to like the idea

28 May 2008

Well if your partner is 'quite adventurous sexually' & seems more than willing to partake in your 'fantasies about many things'
Then may I suggest that you work with her using your very active imagination to kick of your 'bi scene with another girl' from start to finish!
Just create a fantasy scenario where you both set out to meet another girl with the aim to chat to her, seduce her, take her home & have some ladies & gentlemen & ladies biggrin

Also may I suggest you take MORE time to know you lady friend - if you did I bet you would not be asking us for any ideas!
Best o luck :thumbup:

Quote by aalwaps
...but I dont want to push things too far or too fast with her... if at all.

Get to know her better - it's your best option

28 May 2008

Personally i'd just ask her, if she's going to be offended by this then at least you know where you stand and then you can either find a partner that isn't going to be offended or give up swinging for her smile

But that's just me and i've always been one for being upfront and just saying things as it is lol

28 May 2008

all good and valid suggestions.. thanks.. smile

I had actully pretty much dropped out of swinging anyway as I was getting bored of much of it.. (all talk and not much action in the chatrooms etc) but then she introduced the idea of another girl. I also suggested the possibility of another guy or couple too but she doesnt seem so keen on that.. hm, All in good time i guess.

29 May 2008

I take the view is that the site is a community of people interested in swinging and getting along with others interested in swinging. We use the chat rooms to chat 99% of the time the other .1% is when we are arranging something with other people in the shagging department.
So the chat room is for us at least, mostly talk and no action lol

It would be a sadly short affair if everyone just went in to the chat room just for the 'pickup' apart from being a meat market it would be a wholly crap affair no banter no making mates etc. Not really a chatroom. hmmmm not my idea of a community of 'like minded' people (i really really hate that term mad

:
With regards your significant other (significant other ffs im dying under a sea of p.c speak :cry smile

and swinging. Just ask her if she's ever thought about it straight out. Mrs Lost talk about what if's all the time sometimes with intent sometimes just out of interest. Surely you would be able to broach the you get to where you want to be good luck aalwaps

29 May 2008

Well hun, it was actually my other half that introduced this to me, he asked leading questions and gauged my response to them. He then brought a dvd round to see what I thought of it, and again watched my responses. He led me into it slowly, and then told me about the site. It might not work with others, but it worked with me! (he doesn't know whats hit him now though!!!! )
Just ask her questions because it seems like she is responsive to some, just don't force her to do something she doesn't want to do. I'm bi curious, but don't know if I could ever act on what I feel (have a look at my profile) but I am certainly exploring the feelings I have, and its thank to my other half that I can.
Hope this helps! Mskitty

29 May 2008

Hi Mr Lost,
Thanks for the constructive advice, and eloquently put too. I know the chat rooms for most people are more of a social network thing rather than a pick up place, and rightly so, as I was part of a chat room thing some years ago on a similar site and made a few friends through there who im still in touch with though that group long since disappeared in the proverbial ether. I do think that swinging can often be more of an exploratory thing, ie, part of discovering one's self and breaking away from the social norms, though for many it does often seem to remain purely in the realms of fantasy (which is what I meant when i said all talk and no action, no offence intended).. possibly rightly so in some cases too, as I do know of couples who were happily married and only came to swinging as a way to "spice things up", and who are now divorced with the whole mess attached with that too.. often due to the fact that one party in the couple wanted to get into it more than their partner, feelings of betrayal, etc etc.. which kind of brings me back the original question. So I guess this is something time will tell.. maybe I will come back to this, maybe not.
Thanks again for airing your views anyway, its given me food for thought if not clarity smile

29 May 2008

Hi KItty,
thanks for your reply too smile

Thats pretty much the approach ive been taking as you suggested, one step at a time, pretty much letting her lead the way so she feels comfortable :) and only take as far as it goes naturally.. ive already done some things in some clubs that are in fact far more exciting as a fantasy in your head than in reality lol
Good that you have someone to kind of guide you, or at least watch out for you in this, as in my experience there are some strange folks out there too (or maybe thats just me lol) If I can offer a little advice, it would be dont put too much about yourself into your profile.. maybe even disguise your facial pic in some way.. as there are people who will try to exploit things about you.. getting to know people through the chat rooms can actually be a good way to feel more comfortable, and reveal more of yourself once you feel safe.. a bit like unwrapping a christmas present;)Good luck with it and take care anyway :)
Mr Lost.. "dont it always seem to go that you dont know what you got til its gone.." lol I was trying to remember the song lyrics your quote was from:)

29 May 2008

Wouldn't you just start with her fantasy and explore that. First of all she should appreciate your interest and positive attitude towards it? Then keep talking about that and how it might happen getting on to some other areas that might also be mutual a bit later on?
Shay

29 May 2008

Quote by Misskitty_2008
Well hun, it was actually my other half that introduced this to me, he asked leading questions and gauged my response to them. He then brought a dvd round to see what I thought of it, and again watched my responses. He led me into it slowly, and then told me about the site. It might not work with others, but it worked with me! (he doesn't know whats hit him now though!!!! )
Just ask her questions because it seems like she is responsive to some, just don't force her to do something she doesn't want to do. I'm bi curious, but don't know if I could ever act on what I feel (have a look at my profile) but I am certainly exploring the feelings I have, and its thank to my other half that I can.
Hope this helps! Mskitty

:thumbup::thumbup::thumbup:
I totally agree with this! Sound advice Misskitty.

29 May 2008

Thanks hun!

Quote by bbw_lover
Well hun, it was actually my other half that introduced this to me, he asked leading questions and gauged my response to them. He then brought a dvd round to see what I thought of it, and again watched my responses. He led me into it slowly, and then told me about the site. It might not work with others, but it worked with me! (he doesn't know whats hit him now though!!!! )
Just ask her questions because it seems like she is responsive to some, just don't force her to do something she doesn't want to do. I'm bi curious, but don't know if I could ever act on what I feel (have a look at my profile) but I am certainly exploring the feelings I have, and its thank to my other half that I can.
Hope this helps! Mskitty

:thumbup::thumbup::thumbup:
I totally agree with this! Sound advice Misskitty.

30 May 2008

I'm all for coming right out with, preferably in a way that's appropriate to your partner.
Honesty, I reckon, is always the best policy. After all there's no real fun if they have to be persuaded. If there's going to be any shared fun then one's partner needs to want to do it. So tell them you fantasise about it, do they? If they don't then there's no real need to push the point...
...but don't leave it there. Wait a few weeks to see if you've germinated any deep-seated fantasies, if it's still a no, then one is shit outta luck with this partner I'm afraid.

15 Jun 2008

how long have you been with her?....