I am sure some of you both male and female will have experienced this but i do find it difficult at times.
We dont swing that often maybe on average 3 times a year. However we do fantasise before and certainly after any meet.
The problem is Nikki always gets very, very nervous prior to the meet which makes me feel like i am pressuring her. In fact i have cancelled one because i could not handle the way she was, leading up to the night. This really surprised her and she said i had over reacted.
We tend to meet in a pub and the 30 mins or so before she is very uneasy - this is supposed to be fun isnt it? - which in turn unsettles me. Afterwards everything is fine and we usually have a great time.
As i am older i worry about me controlling her because it is usually me who arranges things. i would appreciate your comments and observations.
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Is it normal
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Quote by mikeandnikki
I am sure some of you both male and female will have experienced this but i do find it difficult at times.
We dont swing that often maybe on average 3 times a year. However we do fantasise before and certainly after any meet.
The problem is Nikki always gets very, very nervous prior to the meet which makes me feel like i am pressuring her. In fact i have cancelled one because i could not handle the way she was, leading up to the night. This really surprised her and she said i had over reacted.
We tend to meet in a pub and the 30 mins or so before she is very uneasy - this is supposed to be fun isnt it? - which in turn unsettles me. Afterwards everything is fine and we usually have a great time.
As i am older i worry about me controlling her because it is usually me who arranges things. i would appreciate your comments and observations.
Hi, may be stating the obvious here but have you two talked about this together?
Anyhow, a few suggestions that may or may not help...:thumbup:
You say you feel your pressuring her and controlling because you arrange things, would it feel less so if you arranged meets together or suggest to your partner if she would like a more active part in arranging things.
Also she said you over reacted in calling a meet off once, so maybe your over worrying about your partner worrying (does that make sence?)
Im guessing you do private meets, just a thought....... why not try a club visit for a change, theres so much to take in, look at, explore and think about when you first visit a club that you wont have time to feel nervous, sitting in the pub for 30 minutes waiting to meet up can be nerve racking for anyone.
But the best advice i can give, and its the same advice i give to everyone... is Talk, talk and listen and talk some more, then talk and listen and talk then listen and talk again.
As you said, its meant to be fun, and thats paramount, so talk about how your feeling and listen to how shes feeling and you guys wont go far wrong :thumbup:
Sex God
Oh god you are so not alone. J and I both really like the build up to a meet and then the after meet feelings and experiences. However the few hours leading up to the actual meet can be so fraught as J gets as nervous as can be. Like you Mike, I end up thinking "Is it worth it and an I doing or saying anything that she could think I'm pressurising her into doing this". In the back of my mind I know i'm not though and so does she.
There's a lot of nervous energy and pressure on J in the hours before the meet from picking what she's going to wear, both outer and under clothes, if she'e going to fancy the people we're meeting on the night, even though we've usually met them before hand, and whether she's going to measure up to their, and I guess my, expectations. Mix this with worrying about the kids and the child minder. add all this to the fact that she's as horny as hell puts massive tensions in the air.
Of course during this frought time I am trying to be as supportive as I can be I can often feel as though i'm almost coercing her when both she and I know i'm not. It's a stressful time and I can feel i'm treading on eggshells right up until we get into company. At that point everything usually relaxes and things by and large go swingingly'
I'm sure that if Nikki is anything like J then she would not be doing anything she didn't want to be doing and you'd be made to know if she thought you were pressurising her into doing she wasn't prepared to. swinging for a lot of us is fraught with nervous energy and excitement, let's face it nothing about swinging is like any other leisure time activity is it. Sounds like you both talk about it and thats a major plus in knowing how the other feels and belive me your not alone in how you feel. I'm damn certain that I'd do nothing to risk my relatiionship with my partner, I love her so much, and you probably feel the same towards Nikki. Things do get easier and you both become more confident but the nerves stress and excitement never fully go away. I think if they did then it would be time for us to hang up the condoms and move on to other things.
There's a lot of nervous energy and pressure on J in the hours before the meet from picking what she's going to wear, both outer and under clothes, if she'e going to fancy the people we're meeting on the night, even though we've usually met them before hand, and whether she's going to measure up to their, and I guess my, expectations. Mix this with worrying about the kids and the child minder. add all this to the fact that she's as horny as hell puts massive tensions in the air.
Of course during this frought time I am trying to be as supportive as I can be I can often feel as though i'm almost coercing her when both she and I know i'm not. It's a stressful time and I can feel i'm treading on eggshells right up until we get into company. At that point everything usually relaxes and things by and large go swingingly'
I'm sure that if Nikki is anything like J then she would not be doing anything she didn't want to be doing and you'd be made to know if she thought you were pressurising her into doing she wasn't prepared to. swinging for a lot of us is fraught with nervous energy and excitement, let's face it nothing about swinging is like any other leisure time activity is it. Sounds like you both talk about it and thats a major plus in knowing how the other feels and belive me your not alone in how you feel. I'm damn certain that I'd do nothing to risk my relatiionship with my partner, I love her so much, and you probably feel the same towards Nikki. Things do get easier and you both become more confident but the nerves stress and excitement never fully go away. I think if they did then it would be time for us to hang up the condoms and move on to other things.
Sex God
Think that's a cool analogy Kaz :thumbup: and its a good job you dont do 'poor you' posts as i'm sure this topic aint asking for that :smile:
Sex God
Quote by Kaznkev
Ok,Off the wall answer here,meet more often
If you drove your car three times a year,how nervous do you think you would be?You enjoy the fantasy,fine if it enhances your sex life leave it as you both want the fantasy to be reality,make it less of a be all and end all wonder she is nervous with such a build up.
Sorry i dont do poor you posts.
The other side to that coin is that driving your car everyday becomes boring to the point you do it on auto pilot. The build up to something can be half the fun and I have found nervousness in these situations is normally nervous energy or excitement and dissipates once the meet/event begins like Lost said above. Mrs Tweeky can get in a state even in the build up to a munch or social, think I would be more worried if she didn't get nervous.
I still get nervous when we meet new people and we don`t even swap so it should be a no pressure meet, not having to worry about will I like him, will he like her, how will it all go etc, but for some reason the nerves still kick in til we are there sitting comfortably and having a bit of a laugh.
Like the other posters suggest maybe you are worrying about your partner worrying, and at the end of the day neither of you should be doing anything you don`t want to or feel uncomfortable with, I`m sure if your partner really felt that way she would of said by now.
BMW arranges most of our meets too because he has a schedule which takes him away quite a bit, but if I ever say no I don`t want to meet for whatever reason he takes it at that.
Like the other posters suggest maybe you are worrying about your partner worrying, and at the end of the day neither of you should be doing anything you don`t want to or feel uncomfortable with, I`m sure if your partner really felt that way she would of said by now.
BMW arranges most of our meets too because he has a schedule which takes him away quite a bit, but if I ever say no I don`t want to meet for whatever reason he takes it at that.
Orgasminator
I (*Her*) vomited several times with nerves the morning of our first meet. Didn't mean I didn't want to do it 
Some people just deal with things differently. I've since learnt, instead of letting the nerves control me, to accept that they're there, it's perfectly natural and they haven't bothered me as much since.
As Dino said tho - talk about it.
*Her*
Some people just deal with things differently. I've since learnt, instead of letting the nerves control me, to accept that they're there, it's perfectly natural and they haven't bothered me as much since.
As Dino said tho - talk about it.
*Her*
Since I do not know the both of you the best I can do is speculate based on your question. It seems as though both of you have different ways of expressing nervousness before meeting the third. Your posting seems to suggest to me that you tend to be verbal, liking to talk about it whereby you maybe more "chatty" before meeting the third person and it maybe your wife tends to internalise her feelings which is expressed by showing signs of nervousness. However once you meet them that nervousness, for her, subsides. At least for me, this suggests that her becoming nervous is not about you controlling her but her way of preparing herself for meeting someone new. In my opinion, if the issue was about control I would expect you to mention something about fighting afterwards, her becoming emotionally distant, or her getting depressed after each meet. My opinion the best thing you can do is to speak to her about your observations so that you can better understand it.
Sexpert
If I didn't get nerves before a meet I'd figure I was doing this too much. I agree with Dsfrancetoo it's part of what makes it exciting.
AS long as you know she's happy that's the main thing.
AS long as you know she's happy that's the main thing.
