Ok, mini rant, so apologies in advance...
I told my Mum about SH on Saturday, in passing. Must admit thought she already knew, but obviously not. Got the usual shock response, the smutty comments about people sleeping around, orgies, disgusting antics type things. As if anyone who swings can't have or be in a relationship...
Now in my time on SH I have seen nothing like that. I have no doubt that the couples I have met love each other deeply, so they explore their sexuality, they still love each other. Can't we as a society get away from this open sexually, closed emotionally approach? Swingers can love as deeply as anyone else, sometimes it may be more complex than our stereotypical MF relationship, but there is still the potential for love there. Just because I have made friends with some of the great people here I still love my wife to the ends of the earth. I know some swingers who have met and ended up together, I bet they love each other.
Obviously there also the casual sex side, without the deep emotion. Singles of both sexes and there maybe love is too strong a word. However this is not all swinging is, and deep relationships can thrive in an open context, as much as a closed one. I not touched everything about swinging, not even scratched the surface but I guess I just wish the world would not judge me, or others, just because we have sexual desires and are open enough to admit them.
Edit: Pressed submit, not preview. Changed a spelling error, otherwise this pretty much as typed, so apologies if it makes less sense than the crafted post I was trying to put together.
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Is Love Allowed?
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Sex God
I definately love my other half more than anything.. at the end of the day we've made some great mates and had casual sex with other people.. but we alwasy come home together, discuss it, and feel it brings us closer each time.. we might not do this forever but we will always have each other. :inlove:
Quote by tallnhairy
Ok, mini rant, so apologies in advance...
I told my Mum about SH on Saturday, in passing. Must admit thought she already knew, but obviously not. Got the usual shock response, the smutty comments about people sleeping around, orgies, disgusting antics type things. As if anyone who swings can't have or be in a relationship...
Now in my time on SH I have seen nothing like that. I have no doubt that the couples I have met love each other deeply, so they explore their sexuality, they still love each other. Can't we as a society get away from this open sexually, closed emotionally approach? Swingers can love as deeply as anyone else, sometimes it may be more complex than our stereotypical MF relationship, but there is still the potential for love there. Just because I have made friends with some of the great people here I still love my wife to the ends of the earth. I know some swingers who have met and ended up together, I bet they love each other.
Obviously there also the casual sex side, without the deep emotion. Singles of both sexes and there maybe love is too strong a word. However this is not all swinging is, and deep relationships can thrive in an open context, as much as a closed one. I not touched everything about swinging, not even scratched the surface but I guess I just wish the world would not judge me, or others, just because we have sexual desires and are open enough to admit them.
Edit: Pressed submit, not preview. Changed a spelling error, otherwise this pretty much as typed, so apologies if it makes less sense than the crafted post I was trying to put together.
Morbius and I have a very open relationship, we are very much in love and have a lot of trust within each other. We also have permission from each other to play alone or have liaisons with another, although we much prefer to play together and since "allowing" this with each other (playing alone) we've neither felt the need too (and it's not something we'd advertise for).
There are a few of our friends who know about this and initially challenged their initial "OMG" reactions ... with why ??... who says ?? kind of statements and really debated the social conventions ... now most of those people have much better opinions of us and can see how strong our marriage is. It's getting people to think outside of the box and not be so narrow minded.
There are people though I would never admit being a swinger to ... mainly because it's none of their business and also because I don't think they would ever grasp the underlying concept .. the "if you're looking outside the relationship there must be problems" mentality just isn't worth the hassle.
Someone at work mentioned the Real Wife Swaps in a derogatory light a few weeks back and I really had to bite my tongue and my blood boiled at the attitude.
I share your frustrations .....
You know how new we are.
I was a swinger in a limited way in the year or so before we met each other. I was a single guy in a relationship with a married couple. Until I met a girl who freaked out at the concept and I ended the threesome and made a twosome with the girl. That didn't last and I didn't get back into the threesome. I can't blame them for not wanting me back.
Then I met Maureen and we've been together for eleven years and we started thinking about swinging when we found SH a couple of months ago. We haven't advertised or answered any ads.
A few single guys contacted us, I suppose because they saw Maureen and Tom and saw an opportunity and we have actually met one of them twice.
We found the experience so exciting and the guy so nice that we wrote it up in the Swinger's Stories. Then Maureen decided that the story we wrote together wasn't exactly accurate and wrote it again herself. Soi we have two stories in there maybe presenting two different views of the same action.
It's possible we might now form a fairly stable threesome but I have felt no diminution in my love for and commitment to Maureen.
Don't know what my mother would say but right now we're a couple of happy corporals.
Tom
I was a swinger in a limited way in the year or so before we met each other. I was a single guy in a relationship with a married couple. Until I met a girl who freaked out at the concept and I ended the threesome and made a twosome with the girl. That didn't last and I didn't get back into the threesome. I can't blame them for not wanting me back.
Then I met Maureen and we've been together for eleven years and we started thinking about swinging when we found SH a couple of months ago. We haven't advertised or answered any ads.
A few single guys contacted us, I suppose because they saw Maureen and Tom and saw an opportunity and we have actually met one of them twice.
We found the experience so exciting and the guy so nice that we wrote it up in the Swinger's Stories. Then Maureen decided that the story we wrote together wasn't exactly accurate and wrote it again herself. Soi we have two stories in there maybe presenting two different views of the same action.
It's possible we might now form a fairly stable threesome but I have felt no diminution in my love for and commitment to Maureen.
Don't know what my mother would say but right now we're a couple of happy corporals.
Tom
Sex God
i should really stay out of this thread, cos i have no experience of swinging as a couple.
but . . .
what i have seen of most couples that i've met, socially or sexually, and seen posting here, tells me that they have some of the strongest relationships that i've seen. they are also some of the most open, intelligent people i've met too. to actually feel able to swing, without jealously or insecurities, and for both to be happy, seems to me to indicate a level of trust, and concern for the other partner, that is quite rare in my experience.
i understand the shock horror reaction, cos for many, sex and love are two sides of the same coin, and not easy to seperate. kind of been one of my issues on the whole swinging thing, but if you can seperate them, and explore a sexuality that's generally repressed, and denied, and condemned, well i think it's something to be celebrated, and i see no lack of love in those relationships.
just my two-penneth.
neil x x x ;)
but . . .
what i have seen of most couples that i've met, socially or sexually, and seen posting here, tells me that they have some of the strongest relationships that i've seen. they are also some of the most open, intelligent people i've met too. to actually feel able to swing, without jealously or insecurities, and for both to be happy, seems to me to indicate a level of trust, and concern for the other partner, that is quite rare in my experience.
i understand the shock horror reaction, cos for many, sex and love are two sides of the same coin, and not easy to seperate. kind of been one of my issues on the whole swinging thing, but if you can seperate them, and explore a sexuality that's generally repressed, and denied, and condemned, well i think it's something to be celebrated, and i see no lack of love in those relationships.
just my two-penneth.
neil x x x ;)
I Love Steve with all i have,nothing will ever change that.
The fact that we can go out and share our sexual kicks,then go home and be the same as weve always been is fantastic
I think that only people in a very trusting,Happy,Meaningful relationship can cope with this sort of thing otherwise it would throw all kinds of emotions about,and out would pop the old green eyed monster,Yes a little jealousy can be a good thing but serious paranoia isnt gonna help anyone.
I think you guys are lucky that your friends and family know,as there's not a soul i would would never approve in a million years so its easier to just keep it to ourselves,and friends,well it nice to have a dirty little secret i guess,and also the fact that theyre all gossips in one small town(where our families all live)so not worth it in the long term.
Frustrating as hell,but then again,thats life!!
The fact that we can go out and share our sexual kicks,then go home and be the same as weve always been is fantastic
I think that only people in a very trusting,Happy,Meaningful relationship can cope with this sort of thing otherwise it would throw all kinds of emotions about,and out would pop the old green eyed monster,Yes a little jealousy can be a good thing but serious paranoia isnt gonna help anyone.
I think you guys are lucky that your friends and family know,as there's not a soul i would would never approve in a million years so its easier to just keep it to ourselves,and friends,well it nice to have a dirty little secret i guess,and also the fact that theyre all gossips in one small town(where our families all live)so not worth it in the long term.
Frustrating as hell,but then again,thats life!!
Sex God
Sex is sex but love is everything.
We love each other to bits and swinging would never come between us.
We have a play with other peeps now and again but that is all it is, play. We always go together and come home together. We discuss absolutely everything and feel that is why our relationship is so strong. We trust each other 100%.
We have met swingers that just aren't suited to it. The jealousy and insecurities will rip the relationship apart.
Like clare, we wouldn't dream of telling our family or friends either, it is our wee secret.
Gill & Del x
We love each other to bits and swinging would never come between us.
We have a play with other peeps now and again but that is all it is, play. We always go together and come home together. We discuss absolutely everything and feel that is why our relationship is so strong. We trust each other 100%.
We have met swingers that just aren't suited to it. The jealousy and insecurities will rip the relationship apart.
Like clare, we wouldn't dream of telling our family or friends either, it is our wee secret.
Gill & Del x
There are some great replies to this thread already and i would second each of them.
Swinging couples, or those we've met, appear to have the strongest relationships we've seen. Their ability to trust one another in these situations is testement to the strength and loyality as a couple. I have friends who struggle to allow their partners to go out to the pub on a saturday night without the other half because they feel they cannot completly trust them, let alone consider swinging! I understand that this lifestyle is not for everyone but it rather upsets me when I hear people rant on about it being dirty or seedy, and making prejudice opinions without understanding the people and community involved in this scene. Of course sleeping around with people you don't know or the young bit of stuff at the office is 'socially accepted', but swinging is not - perhaps one day more eyes will be opened?
As for us.....
We love each other deeply and have never been happier!
Mr and Mrs RSAB2 xxx :angel:
Swinging couples, or those we've met, appear to have the strongest relationships we've seen. Their ability to trust one another in these situations is testement to the strength and loyality as a couple. I have friends who struggle to allow their partners to go out to the pub on a saturday night without the other half because they feel they cannot completly trust them, let alone consider swinging! I understand that this lifestyle is not for everyone but it rather upsets me when I hear people rant on about it being dirty or seedy, and making prejudice opinions without understanding the people and community involved in this scene. Of course sleeping around with people you don't know or the young bit of stuff at the office is 'socially accepted', but swinging is not - perhaps one day more eyes will be opened?
As for us.....
We love each other deeply and have never been happier!
Mr and Mrs RSAB2 xxx :angel:
Quote by RSAB2
As for us.....
We love each other deeply and have never been happier!
Mr and Mrs RSAB2 xxx :angel:
That sums us up too. If you haven't got a very strong relationship you are not going to last long in the swinging scene. Most of the couples we know are very devoted to each other. Those that aren't, we don't expect to be seeing around much longer.
Sex God
Not really qualified to say much as we're not swingers but I think it stands to reason that couples who swing and stay together probably have the strongest (in terms of stability) love of all.
I suppose the only question is how many couples swing and break up because of it. I don't think anyone has the answer to that. But it is likely that people on this site could give a false rosy impression??
I suppose the only question is how many couples swing and break up because of it. I don't think anyone has the answer to that. But it is likely that people on this site could give a false rosy impression??
Quote by westerross
I suppose the only question is how many couples swing and break up because of it. I don't think anyone has the answer to that. But it is likely that people on this site could give a false rosy impression??
We know of several couples that have split up and know several that really shouldn't be swinging because it is obvious it is going to end in tears.
It really isn't something that should be undertaken lightly because once the genie is out of the bottle it's very hard to get it back in. At the moment swinging has such a high media profile that it looks very attractive and couples are entering the scene thinking that it is just a bit of fun. It certainly is fun but that first swap can be a life-changing event.
Sex God
Quote by tallnhairy
Obviously there also the casual sex side, without the deep emotion. Singles of both sexes and there maybe love is too strong a word.
Would it surprise you to learn that singles can love too? Sorry, that's a rhetorical question, it's just the way you worded it made me wonder whether some people might think the singles on here are emotionless automatons going through the motions in a purely mechanical way. Perhaps some are, and perhaps some of the couples are too, but for me, and I suspect for very many others, love is definitely not too strong a word. I have made friends, genuine friends, of people on here and yes, I am emotionally involved. Obviously not on the same level as a married couple, but I do love my friends and have no difficulty saying so.
Ice
Quote by Ice Pie
Obviously there also the casual sex side, without the deep emotion. Singles of both sexes and there maybe love is too strong a word.
Would it surprise you to learn that singles can love too? Sorry, that's a rhetorical question, it's just the way you worded it made me wonder whether some people might think the singles on here are emotionless automatons going through the motions in a purely mechanical way. Perhaps some are, and perhaps some of the couples are too, but for me, and I suspect for very many others, love is definitely not too strong a word. I have made friends, genuine friends, of people on here and yes, I am emotionally involved. Obviously not on the same level as a married couple, but I do love my friends and have no difficulty saying so.
Ice
No surprise there Ice, I have made some friends as well. When typing that line I had in mind those who chose "to shag em and forget em", a real quote I remember from a post a while back. So that was just a concession to those into one shot relationships, rather than somthing aimed at all singles. My main post was aimed at those who also seek more than that, like for example Tom who was part of a loving threesome
Sex God
Most of our sentiments have already been put forward but for what its worth we've never felt as happy and content in our relationship as we do now swinging, has had a very positive effect on our relationship we trust each other implicitly we talk about our feelings, fears and desires more than ever.
And as if that isnt enough we've made some fantastic friends along the way (you know who you are
)
Molly & Chris
And as if that isnt enough we've made some fantastic friends along the way (you know who you are
)Molly & Chris
Sexpert
Quote by tallnhairy
Now in my time on SH I have seen nothing like that. I have no doubt that the couples I have met love each other deeply, so they explore their sexuality, they still love each other. Can't we as a society get away from this open sexually, closed emotionally approach? Swingers can love as deeply as anyone else, sometimes it may be more complex than our stereotypical MF relationship, but there is still the potential for love there. Just because I have made friends with some of the great people here I still love my wife to the ends of the earth. I know some swingers who have met and ended up together, I bet they love each other. and are open enough to admit them.
.
I am not surprised by the reaction of people in normal (
lol) relationships, purely because until recently I (we) also considered this to be a rather seedy lifestyle. (Difficult to believe now!)Notwithstanding I have never believed that the more one is willing to open up their attitude to sex the less they love their partner :doh: Sex is far from the be all and end all to a relationship surely???
This style of thought has I guess has helped me greatly to come to turns with the emotional/jealousy which can occur with play. It basically means that I do accept that there may, just MAY be someone out there who is better at some aspects of sex than I am!!! If this happens during the cause of play then I can deal with that.....I suppose
(didnt I see a dummy spitting emoticon recently? Thats the one Im after)HOWEVER, crucially, if someone turned out to be better COMPANY and spritual soulmate than myself, then that would simply destroy me. Now THAT I would struggle to deal with.
To end, I would say this attitude is probably prevalent here in abundance and to me explains why I, for one, feel that relationships here are stronger than relationships elsewhere. This incidentally goes for anyone here whether they partake or not and also singles out there with the same attitude. Its the attitude that matters. If a couple take a relaxed, non dogmatic view on sexual matters between themselves then Im sure its fair to assume that this attitude carries over to other aspects of relationships which to me is a rational explanation as to why relationships appear, indeed ARE* more solid here than elsewhere.
* Simply our findings and opinions based on comparing say 10 couples we know from "this life" and 10 couple friends from the "otherside!"
Foxys x
