IT helpdesk conversations

20 Oct 2004

Helpdesk: What kind of computer do you have?
Customer: A white one...
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Customer: Hi, this is Celine. I can't get my diskette out.
Helpdesk: Have you tried pushing the button?
Customer: Yes, but it's really stuck.
Helpdesk: That doesn't sound good; I'll make a note ...
Customer: No ... wait a minute... I hadn't inserted it yet... it's still on my desk... sorry ....
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Helpdesk: Click on the 'my computer' icon on to the left of the screen.
Customer: Your left or my left?
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Helpdesk: Good day. How may I help you?
Male customer: Hello... I can't print.
Helpdesk: Would you click on start for me and ...
Customer: Listen pal; don't start getting technical on me! I'm not Bill Gates damn it!
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Hi good afternoon, this is Martha, I can't print. Every time I try it says 'Can't find printer'. I've even lifted the printer and placed it in front of the monitor, but the computer still says he can't find it...
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Customer: I have problems printing in red...
Helpdesk: Do you have a colour printer?
Customer: No.
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Helpdesk: What's on your monitor now ma'am?
Customer: A teddy bear my boyfriend bought for me in the supermarket.
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Helpdesk: And now hit F8.
Customer: It's not working.
Helpdesk: What did you do, exactly?
Customer: I hit the F-key 8-times as you told me, but nothing's happening...
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Customer: My keyboard is not working anymore.
Helpdesk: Are you sure it's plugged into the computer?
Customer: No. I can't get behind the computer.
Helpdesk: Pick up your keyboard and walk 10 paces back.
Customer: OK
Helpdesk: Did the keyboard come with you?
Customer: Yes
Helpdesk: That means the keyboard is not plugged in. Is there another keyboard?
Customer: Yes, there's another one here. Ah...that one does work!
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Helpdesk: Your password is the small letter a as in apple, a capital letterV as in Victor, the number 7.
Customer: Is that 7 in capital letters?
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A customer couldn't get on the internet.
Helpdesk: Are you sure you used the right password?
Customer: Yes I'm sure. I saw my colleague do it.
Helpdesk: Can you tell me what the password was?
Customer: Five stars.
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Helpdesk: What antivirus program do you use?
Customer: Netscape.
Helpdesk: That's not an antivirus program.
Customer: Oh, sorry...Internet Explorer.
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Customer: I have a huge problem. A friend has placed a screensaver on my computer, but every time I move the mouse, it disappears!
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Helpdesk: Microsoft Tech. Support, may I help you?
Customer: Good afternoon! I have waited over 4 hours for you. Can you please tell me how long it will take before you can help me?
Helpdesk: Uhh..? Pardon, I don't understand your problem?
Customer: I was working in Word and clicked the help button more than 4 hours ago. Can you tell me when you will finally be helping me?
__________________
Take It Easy...

20 Oct 2004

:laughabove: :laughabove: :laughabove:
Brilliant...
Shireen
xxx

20 Oct 2004

Always fun to read through them, course the real customers we have to deal with much worse rotflmao

20 Oct 2004

Ah, someone's found then... :shock:

20 Oct 2004

Monday - arrive at work, v. important document to submit - flippin printer doesn't work.
Call IT Manager - can't be located
Tannoy IT Manager - located in canteen having coffee
2 hours later - arrives and spends 1 hour faffing about then declares "printer's knackered - you need a new one"
We say - "are you sure, cos it's printing when just doing test prints on it's own?"
He says - "yes, weird that, but definetely the printer - you need a new one"!
Today - new printer arrives
WE install it (can't be bothered to wait for Mr IT to end his coffee break) and - suprise - it doesn't work. Check the cables and discover that the printer cable was not plugged in ........................................
ANYONE WANT A NEW PRINTER?????

20 Oct 2004

obviously he's suffering from severe job satisfaction...... which is why I never ever work on our hell-desk !!!
I prefer breaking things in the privacy of my own server room.... much more satisfying creating mayhem than being on the receiving end of it..

20 Oct 2004

:laughabove:
My former employer's office staff, me as tech support (unpaid addition to my real job mad

) :
"There's a funny smell in the office, kinda like burning"
" Where is it coming from ?"
"Well, one of the laptops is hot"
"It should be warm, that's ok, how hot exactly ?"
"Hmm, well, the adaptor's too hot to touch and maybe a little melted ?"
" OMFG !! :shock: :shock: :shock: "
Silence
More silence
Yet more silence
"Do you think we should unplug it then ?"
These people conduct million pound finance deals every day. With your money. Don't have nightmares....

20 Oct 2004

Was working as a tech for a local computer firm up north in Darlington and I'm in the workshop, beavering away building and fixing PCs like a happy little tech when the tech support line rings...
<ME> Good afternoon, *Crappy Computers* (The name of the company has been changed to protect the innocent) how can I help?
<Customer> I bought a computer from you a couple of days ago and I can't get it to work.
<ME> Has it just stopped working suddenly, or was it not working when you first plugged it in?
<Customer> It wasn't working from the start.
<ME> OK, I'm just going to run you through a few troubleshooting tests and see if we can't fix this over the phone first. Now, if you can just give me the serial number of your machine so that I can pull up your records on our database.
<Customer> OK, it's xxxxxxxx
*pulls up info on the build* sure enough, it's one of mine and I know it was working fine when it left the workshop. Something ain't right here...
<ME> Alright, if you'd just like to take a look at the rear of the base unit and make sure all of the cables are plugged in nice and tight, then make sure that everything is plugged into the wall sockets and that they're switched on. I know it might sound daft, but it is a common mistake that many people make accidentally.
<Customer> Yes, everything is plugged in properly, the power leads go to the wall sockets and they're switched on.
<ME> OK, if you.d like to try switching the PC on please and tell me what happens.
<Customer> Alright. I pressed the power switch and nothing happened.
<ME> Nothing happened?
<Customer> Well, the thing that looks like a telly that came with it flickered slightly...
*lightbulb flashes above my head* She couldn't be, I think. Could she?
<ME> Can I ask you where you are switching your computer on from?
<Customer> I'm pushing the button on the front of the telly thing.
banghead

*sound of my head hitting the desk in stunned disbelief* :doh:
<ME> OK, do you see the big box that all the cables plug into? Push the big button on the front of that, please.
*click*
<Customer> Oh, it's working now. Thank you...
<ME> That's what I'm here for... *click* (cue much laughter in workshop)