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Its Christmas!!!
Oh fair Jags, with your symbol of Thistle
To summon me hence, needs but a whistle
You are a vision of beauty,
All in all, quite a cutey.
Into your arms I would come
To your bosom so fullsome
And in time and with luck
Me into bed, you would tuck
So grant me favour and grace
'Cos in the sack I am ace
I promise you heaven
With my big thick seven
Tie me up with black rope
And smother all hope
Come torture and tease
Till I beg for release
And if still not enough
If your still in a huff
Then I know how to get yer
I'll send you a dick picture
To summon me hence, needs but a whistle
You are a vision of beauty,
All in all, quite a cutey.
Into your arms I would come
To your bosom so fullsome
And in time and with luck
Me into bed, you would tuck
So grant me favour and grace
'Cos in the sack I am ace
I promise you heaven
With my big thick seven
Tie me up with black rope
And smother all hope
Come torture and tease
Till I beg for release
And if still not enough
If your still in a huff
Then I know how to get yer
I'll send you a dick picture
Blue Eyes said:
How can you be so cruel, my sweetest darling Blue Eyes
With nipples round and sweet, like perfect christmas mince pies
I have one burning question,
Which I beg you spend some time on
Before you send me off for sutures
Just Where are these bloody pictures??
You'd better start running now, Kat!
How can you be so cruel, my sweetest darling Blue Eyes
With nipples round and sweet, like perfect christmas mince pies
I have one burning question,
Which I beg you spend some time on
Before you send me off for sutures
Just Where are these bloody pictures??
Quote by KitKat
How can you be so cruel, my sweetest darling Blue Eyes
With nipples round and sweet, like perfect christmas mince pies
I have one burning question,
Which I beg you spend some time on
Before you send me off for sutures
Just Where are these bloody pictures??
All good things come to those who wait!!! (sorry, can't even attempt poetry!)
Wilma, Wilma, Wilma, wherefore art thou?
I expected you back before now,
Is your head still thumping?
Are you to ill for humping?
Is your stomach still churning?
But not from your yearning.
Have you got a dry gob
Too much for a blow job
All sympathy is contradicted
You deserve it - It's all self inflicted
I expected you back before now,
Is your head still thumping?
Are you to ill for humping?
Is your stomach still churning?
But not from your yearning.
Have you got a dry gob
Too much for a blow job
All sympathy is contradicted
You deserve it - It's all self inflicted
From Kit to Will
Oh Will, your words so fine
Are to my soul, as my lips to wine
In my breast my heart does quicken
As in my thoughts your tadger does thicken
Now while you pledge that I come first
Our union may already be cursed
In my mind a trembling question
And I beg you for your confession
When you are alone do your thoughts go........
To visions of the nymphette Sappho?
(Kat helped a bit - but only the line about the tadger)
Oh Will, your words so fine
Are to my soul, as my lips to wine
In my breast my heart does quicken
As in my thoughts your tadger does thicken
Now while you pledge that I come first
Our union may already be cursed
In my mind a trembling question
And I beg you for your confession
When you are alone do your thoughts go........
To visions of the nymphette Sappho?
(Kat helped a bit - but only the line about the tadger)
Now look - this is all getting out of hand. If you lot are not careful I will send all this rubbish off to a publisher (you may have to pay a little deposit to cover the cost of the paper) and have you up for the worst poetry since the late great William Topez McGonagall, though he'd be difficult to beat.
The Battle of Bannockburn
SIR ROBERT the Bruce at Bannockburn
Beat the English in every wheel and turn,
And made them fly in great dismay
From off the field without delay.
The English were a hundred thousand strong,
And King Edward passed through the Lowlands all along,
Determined to conquer Scotland, it was his desire,
And then to restore it to his own empire.
King Edward brought numerous wagons in his train,
Expecting that most of the Scottish army would be slain,
Hoping to make the rest prisoners, and carry them away
In wagon-loads to London without delay.
The Scottish army did not amount to more than thirty thousand strong;
But Bruce had confidence he'd conquer his foes ere long;
So, to protect his little army, he thought it was right
To have deep-dug pits made in the night;
And caused them to be overlaid with turf and brushwood
Expecting the plan would prove effectual where his little army stood,
Waiting patiently for the break of day,
All willing to join in the deadly fray.
Etc etc - it goes on for another 30 verses - but you can see how your stuff is a homage to his style.
x xx x
The Battle of Bannockburn
SIR ROBERT the Bruce at Bannockburn
Beat the English in every wheel and turn,
And made them fly in great dismay
From off the field without delay.
The English were a hundred thousand strong,
And King Edward passed through the Lowlands all along,
Determined to conquer Scotland, it was his desire,
And then to restore it to his own empire.
King Edward brought numerous wagons in his train,
Expecting that most of the Scottish army would be slain,
Hoping to make the rest prisoners, and carry them away
In wagon-loads to London without delay.
The Scottish army did not amount to more than thirty thousand strong;
But Bruce had confidence he'd conquer his foes ere long;
So, to protect his little army, he thought it was right
To have deep-dug pits made in the night;
And caused them to be overlaid with turf and brushwood
Expecting the plan would prove effectual where his little army stood,
Waiting patiently for the break of day,
All willing to join in the deadly fray.
Etc etc - it goes on for another 30 verses - but you can see how your stuff is a homage to his style.
x xx x
Quote by KitKat
Wilma, Wilma, Wilma, wherefore art thou?
I expected you back before now,
Is your head still thumping?
Are you to ill for humping?
Is your stomach still churning?
But not from your yearning.
Have you got a dry gob
Too much for a blow job
All sympathy is contradicted
You deserve it - It's all self inflicted
Your sympathy dear Kat
has not gone unnoticed
And yes I am still ill
hence I have not posted
I have made some calls to huey
And pleasant it was not
But fortunately for me
I'm now feeling not so grot
So brace yourselves, I WILL BE BACK
You can be assured of one thing
And Kat my love what a comment you made
I am NEVER too ill for humping!!
Wilma
x x x x
Now look - this is all getting out of hand. If you lot are not careful I will send all this rubbish off to a publisher (you may have to pay a little deposit to cover the cost of the paper) and have you up for the worst poetry since the late great William Topez McGonagall, though he'd be difficult to beat.
It seems to be the words I speak
In terms of quality, they are quite weak
To the well trained eye I may be the pick
of the Poetry school of the great Baldrick
I only seek to raise a smile
And hope that it may linger a while.
So judge me not in terms so strong
For can my efforts be so wrong?
For it is hard from time to time
To find the word to fit my rhyme
Then, I am forced for better or worse
To use the words that fit my verse
The day may come, I say with sorrow
Indeed, may come on the morrow
When for words of beauty I struggle in vain
And my head it throbs with all the pain
An lo! As spake it comes to pass
As I poshly rhyme my pass with arse
That as I struggle to finish, dear Jaggy,
I am forced to say :cry: "your tits are saggy"
Quote by Kat
So as I struggle to finish, dear Jaggy,
I am forced to say :cry: "your tits are saggy"
Ooooohhhhhhhh! I neither need poetry or a crystal ball for this!
Boy oh boy are you gonna get a slappping for that!
Pen is mightier than the sword eh? Tell you what - you grab your pen, Jags will choose her weapon and lets see if your right?
"Roll up! - Roll up! - get your tickets to see the first bit of christmas stuffing!"
*Pulls up a chair and grabs a beer*
Sex God
Mattmoleman quickly runs in throwing some loose change towards Steve and grabs a front row seat.
Right then, I always seem to miss the fights.
I'm not going to move until this one is over.
Fred, throw a beer over here please, I can see this one lasting.
Right then, I always seem to miss the fights.
I'm not going to move until this one is over.
Fred, throw a beer over here please, I can see this one lasting.
Sex God
:cry: Remembers that he has tickets to see LOTR in a few hours
Buggar. Can somebody tape it for me. I'll pay good money. Sappho, you can have my seat, unless an attractive knee becomes available.
Buggar. Can somebody tape it for me. I'll pay good money. Sappho, you can have my seat, unless an attractive knee becomes available.
Quote by sappho
Fred, can I have a dry white wine please my angel?
For you? - Anything! Got a very nice oaky Penfolds Chardonnay - will that do?
Now you come and sit on my knee angel - it will get crowded in here. Ummm? Front row? No dear - 2 rows back at least - blood you know! - goes everywhere!
Quote by mattmoleman
Sappho, you can have my seat, unless an attractive knee becomes available.
You can leave her where she is at the moment - just warming my knees and the cockles of my heart thank you!
*sits patiently holding sapphos glass of wine*
Alas it seems I am accursed
To write of Jags with words badly versed
For yey its true, my hours are not many in number
Because here comes Jags, with a large cucumber
But wait, hope yet, she doth retreat
I am so excited, I may beat my meat
Some flattery, perhaps, will please her
"Jags, you make me come, like a geyser"
Mayhap if it works, I won't pay my due
But be allowed, to start afresh and anew
But nay, gone for me is the straight and narrow
For Jags returns, with a f***ing great marrow :eeek:
To write of Jags with words badly versed
For yey its true, my hours are not many in number
Because here comes Jags, with a large cucumber
But wait, hope yet, she doth retreat
I am so excited, I may beat my meat
Some flattery, perhaps, will please her
"Jags, you make me come, like a geyser"
Mayhap if it works, I won't pay my due
But be allowed, to start afresh and anew
But nay, gone for me is the straight and narrow
For Jags returns, with a f***ing great marrow :eeek:
My friends and my comrades, as you sit in the gloom
Libating and waiting, to see me and my doom
I ask you for patience, you may have a wait
Jags is at work, I hope she is late.
I have time for a plan, one from you if you cared
No matter how silly, I'm getting quite scared
I could hide in a corner, or climb up a tree
Or confuse by disguise, and become a TV.
Without a good plan, my cause is quite lost
Now I quiver in terror, and consider the cost
I know not what will happen,it may be a shock
At the least I should say, goodbye to my cock.
And in the coming of days, at the relevant munch
Spare me a thought, as you nosh on your lunch
And if a newbie should ask, "What happened to Kat?"
He's in Swinging Heaven, and really, thats that.
Libating and waiting, to see me and my doom
I ask you for patience, you may have a wait
Jags is at work, I hope she is late.
I have time for a plan, one from you if you cared
No matter how silly, I'm getting quite scared
I could hide in a corner, or climb up a tree
Or confuse by disguise, and become a TV.
Without a good plan, my cause is quite lost
Now I quiver in terror, and consider the cost
I know not what will happen,it may be a shock
At the least I should say, goodbye to my cock.
And in the coming of days, at the relevant munch
Spare me a thought, as you nosh on your lunch
And if a newbie should ask, "What happened to Kat?"
He's in Swinging Heaven, and really, thats that.
Alas poor Kat, I knew him well...
He was the one with the marrow smell
Since it's removal he has been minging
It has I'm afraid put a halt to his swinging
To flatter Jags with words such as "come like a geyser"
would in my book do nothing to appease her
so look again Kat for Jags is returning with a barrow
Full to the top of f**cking great marrows
uch: :ouch: :ouch: :ouch: :ouch: :ouch:
Love
Wilma
x x x x
He was the one with the marrow smell
Since it's removal he has been minging
It has I'm afraid put a halt to his swinging
To flatter Jags with words such as "come like a geyser"
would in my book do nothing to appease her
so look again Kat for Jags is returning with a barrow
Full to the top of f**cking great marrows
uch: :ouch: :ouch: :ouch: :ouch: :ouch: Love
Wilma
x x x x
Aaaarrrrgggghhh!!!........it's getting worse!! :doh:
Jags.......please hurry up and give him a good slapping :silly:
Sappho.....why do you think I bought two tickets? Got a spare seat here just for you.
*Steve walks over to Fred....."thanks for the wine mate".....here you go Sappho, a very nice oaky Penfolds Chardonnay I believe.
Jags.......please hurry up and give him a good slapping :silly:
Sappho.....why do you think I bought two tickets? Got a spare seat here just for you.
*Steve walks over to Fred....."thanks for the wine mate".....here you go Sappho, a very nice oaky Penfolds Chardonnay I believe.
You are all - Fred, Steve and Matt - perfect gentlemen! Thanks for the seat on your knee Fred - a little bumpy, but fun!
Thanks for my seat, Steve - do you have my wine, darling? Thankyou. Mmmm, yummy - love Penfold's. We'll need someone to keep Matt's seat warm too.
Well, this really is the most interesting poetry recital I've ever been to. Kat really is cowering isn't he? Bless him, but haven't all great poets suffered for their art? Look at Chatterton!
Thanks for my seat, Steve - do you have my wine, darling? Thankyou. Mmmm, yummy - love Penfold's. We'll need someone to keep Matt's seat warm too.
Well, this really is the most interesting poetry recital I've ever been to. Kat really is cowering isn't he? Bless him, but haven't all great poets suffered for their art? Look at Chatterton!
Quote by Sappho
You are all - Fred, Steve and Matt - perfect gentlemen! Thanks for the seat on your knee Fred - a little bumpy, but fun!
Sorry! - was getting a little excited
ops: Quote by Sappho
Bless him, but haven't all great poets suffered for their art?
Great poets have, I agree, suffered for their art. However that suffering is no less than we suffer at the hands of bad poets like Kat - they deserve everything they get!
Quote by KitKat
Oh Wilma! Your here, I need you this hour
I hope your more help, than this giggling shower
I plan to break down, and cry like a baby
Do you think Jags will forgive, if I say "Fred made me"
Yes I have returned
but what can I do
You have well and truly
landed yourself in the Pooh
Fred has learned his lesson
And he is out of the sh*t
He is just sitting back
watching you rolling in it
Let's get this thread locked
For the sake of the forum
For I fear that our poetry
Is beginning to bore them
Love
Wilma
x x x x
It is deteriorating rapidly!!!!!
Quote by Wilma
Let's get this thread locked
For the sake of the forum
For I fear that our poetry
Is beginning to bore them
Good idea Wilma!!
!
If Jags doth return to settle the score
She has a spare key, she can unlock the door
For the rest of you wordsmith’s and all that you’ve wrote
I’m locking this thread, the key’s in the moat!
(unfortunately Kat has a spare key too.......the coward can get out!)
FUCKING HELL... I go to work, happy in my work, contented with life, love and lust and what happens???????????? Someone I regard as a friend, a kindred soul, an oasis in time of trouble, strife or unrest turns into a
My embonpoint has come under attack and you haven't even seen it! In fact my embonpoint is especially impeccalbe and receives regular effleurage guaranteed to madefy other parts.
You, Kat, on the other hand are an obvious example of a grampus, fopdoodle or popinjay and need to come to a state of respinscence before addressing me again!
:x :x :x :cry: :x
My embonpoint has come under attack and you haven't even seen it! In fact my embonpoint is especially impeccalbe and receives regular effleurage guaranteed to madefy other parts.
You, Kat, on the other hand are an obvious example of a grampus, fopdoodle or popinjay and need to come to a state of respinscence before addressing me again!
:x :x :x :cry: :x 