I, the Penis, hereby request a raise in Salary for the following reasons:
1-------- I do physical labor.
2.------- I work at great depths.
3.------- I plunge head first into everything I
do.
4.------- I do not get weekends or public holidays off.
5.--------I work in a damp environment.
6. -------I work in a dark area that has poor ventilation.
7.------- I work in high temperatures.
8. -------My work exposes me to diseases.
Reply: Dear Penis,
After assessing your request, and considering the arguments you have
raised, the management denies your request for the following reasons:
1. You do not work 8 hours straight.
2. You WORK IN SHORT SPURTS AND fall asleep after EACH brief work period.
3. You do not always follow the orders of the management team.
4. You do not stay in your designated area, and are often seen visiting other locations.
5. You do not take initiative - you need to be pressured and stimulated in order to start working.
6. You leave the workplace rather messy at the end of your shift.
7. You don't always observe necessary safety regulations, such as wearing the correct protective clothing.
8. You will retire LONG before you are 65.
9. You are unable to work double shifts.
10. You sometimes leave your designated work area before you have completed the assigned task.
11. And if that were not all, you have constantly been seen entering and exiting the workplace carrying two suspicious looking bags.
Sincerely,
The Management
Five reasons not to be a penis ..
1. You're bald your whole life.
2. You have a hole in your head.
3. Your neighbors are nuts.
4. The guy behind you is an ass hole and...
5. Every time you get excited, you throw up and then faint
the return
>> >>>This is hilarious!!! Remember this the next time you need to return
>>> >>something and they are giving you a hard time!!!!!!!
>>> >>
>>> >>
>>> >>A woman went to a K-Mart service counter and told the clerk she
>>> >>wanted a refund for the toaster she bought because it won't
>>> >>work. The clerk told her that he can't give her a refund because she
>>> >>bought it on special.
>>> >>
>>> >>Suddenly, the woman threw her arms up in the air and started
>>> >>screaming,
>>> >>"PINCH MY NIPPLES,
>>> >>PINCH MY NIPPLES,
>>> >>PINCH MY NIPPLES!!!!!!"
>>> >>
>>> >>The befuddled clerk ran away to get the store manager
>>> >>in front of a growing crowd of customers.
>>> >>
>>> >>The manager comes to the woman and asks,"Ma'am what's wrong?"
>>> >>She explained the problem with the toaster, and he also told
>>> >>her that he can't give her a refund because she bought it on special.
>>> >>
>>> >>Once again, the woman throws her arms up in the air and
>>> >>screamed,
>>> >>"PINCH MY NIPPLES,
>>> >>PINCH MY NIPPLES,
>>> >>PINCH MY NIPPLES!!!"
>>> >>and doing so draws an even bigger crowd!
>>> >>
>>> >>In shock, the store manager pleads,
>>> >>"Ma'am, why are you saying that?"
>>> >>
>>> >>In a huff, the woman says,
>>> >>
>>> >>"BECAUSE, I LIKE TO HAVE
>>> >>MY NIPPLES PINCHED
>>> >>WHEN I'M BEING SCREWED!!"
>>> >>
>>> >>The crowd broke into applause and her money was quickly
>>> >>refunded!!
