5th Dec and the first tuneless carol signers have turned up on the doorstep...:censored:
Invite them in. The look on their faces is priceless.
The European standards for Carol Singers clearly states:
"Carol Singing may not take place before the second Friday before Christmas Day, unless said carols are part of an offically organised event such as school fete or church event. In which case, any date in December is acceptable. Carol concerts, defined as a concert wholly or largely consisting of festive tunes, whether secular or religious, may only take place in the week, defined as seven days, immediately preceding Christmas day."
Carol Singing, when carried out on a door-to-door basis, has its own set of standards which include:
"No less than one person may be considered a carol singing group. Maximum size is based on the standard English doorstep, of 32.5 inches, allowing 2 adults or 4 children or a combination of both. Mutliple steps allow for more singers but the group must refer to the multi-step safety standard appended hereto.
The songs selected must be demonstrably festive although some leeway is permitted where the receiving household is percieved to be of a less than festive temprement.
Maximum monetary reimbursment for said carols singing is set down below -
- the full 4 verses of any carol from "Carols for Choirs" versions 3 onwards - £1 per singer - per carol.
- 2 or more verses as above - 50p
- full descant on the final verse may acheive a further £1 for the descantee.
- 1 verse nicely rendered 25p for each singer.
- a duet of 1 or 2 verses with harmony up to £1 each.
- 25p of any of the above may be converted into a mince pie on any occasion.
- 50p as above, warm with brandy butter.
- one line, badly remembered - no cash although a full 3 minute lecture on the value of "learning the words before getting me to my freezing cold front door" is permitted.
On no account must cold water, violence or swearing be aimed at the carol singers unless they are over 18 and repeat offenders of the 'one line badly rememebered'."
I hope this is of use when deciding how to deal with future doorstep carolers.
We wont be getting any Carol singers this year! Ive boarded up the windows and sprayed all over the front door :lol2:
We find the big red Fork, red eyes :twisted:, tail and the burning fires sort of keep them away