I'm crap at jokes...
Don't know any swinging ones, sorry mate
But then you have to take the highs with the lows!
lucky you!
I'll be on the slide if anyone want me.
H.x
guide to personal adds :shock:
WOMEN''S ADS: 40-ish....................................49
Adventurer.............................Slept with all your friends
Athletic..................................No tits
Average looking......................Has a face like a basset hound
Beautiful................................Pathological liar
Contagious Smile....................Does a lot of Ecstasy
Educated..........................Banged her Political Science professor
Emotionally Secure.................Medicated
Feminist..................................Fat ball buster
Free spirit...............................Junkie
Friendship first................Trying to live down reputation as a slut
Fun......................................Annoying
Gentle...................................Comatose
Good Listener........................Borderline Autistic
New-Age...............................All body hair, all the time
Old-fashioned.......Lights out, missionary position only, no BJs
Open-minded..........................Desperate
Outgoing................................Loud and Embarrassing
Passionate..............................Sloppy drunk
Poet.......................................Depressive Schizophrenic
Professional............................Certified Bitch
Redhead.................................Bad dye-job
Reubenesque...........................Grossly Fat
Romantic................................Looks better by candle light
Social..............Has been passed around like an hors d''oeuvres tray
Voluptuous.............................Very Fat
Height/weight proportional.......Hugely Fat
Wants Soul mate......................Stalker
Widow................................Drove first husband to shoot himself
Young at heart. .......................Old bat
MEN''S ADS: 40-ish.....................................52 and looking for 25-yr-old
Athletic...................................Watches a lot of NASCAR
Average looking...........Unusual hair growth on ears, nose, &back
Educated..............................Will patronize the shit out of you
Free Spirit........... ...................Banging your sister
Friendship first...................As long as friendship involves nookie
Fun.................................Good with a remote and a six pack
Good looking...........................Arrogant
Very good looking....................Dumb as a board
Honest....................................Pathological Liar
Huggable.......................Overweight, more body hair than a bear
Likes to cuddle........................Insecure mama''s boy
Mature....................................Older than your father
Open-minded....Wants to sleep with your roommate but she''s not interested
Physically fit............................Does a lot of 12-ounce curls
Poet.......................Wrote ex-girlfriend''s phone number on a bathroom stall
Sensitive..................................Cries at chick flicks
Very sensitive...........................Gay
Spiritual....................................Got laid in a cemetery once
Stable..........................Arrested for stalking, but not convicted
chris tarent was in bed the other night..............and he felt a bit "frisky."
he Said to his wife,"How do you fancy a bit of "the other ?"
"Not on your life !" She replied.
"Is that your final answer ?" Said chris .
"Yes." said his wife
"would you like to Phone a Friend." asked chris
that was the last thing he remembered until he woke up in casualty..................
Althetic redhead widow with contagious smile, fun to be with and young at heart.
H.x
You might be a swinger, if...
your coworkers are convinced you have no social life because you always change the subject when they ask about your weekend.
when your coworkers talk about their sex lives, it takes a real effort not to yawn.
your guy friends invite you to a strip club and you ask if it would be ok to bring your wife
you''ve got a bunch of pictures of the two of you in a hotel room wearing brightly colored wristbands.
your kids see your online Christmas card list and want to know who are "two4fun", "allwaysready", "carresusboth".
your girlfriend wonders why you have both birth control pills and condoms in your purse.
your Saturday night babysitter wonders why mommy already had her coat on when she comes out of the bedroom.
your boss wonders why you''re going to Blackpool "in the middle of winter for God''s sake!"
you both wonder if the sexy lady who just walked past you would like to mess around.
you make plans to meet a "straight" couple at a nice restaurant, and realize you have absolutely nothing you can wear.
the drugstore clerk wonders what you''re going to do with four bottles of Scope, three-dozen condoms, and five bottles of Astroglide.
And the best way to tell that you might be a swinger is...
your neighbors wonder why they aren''t invited to any of your parties.
All of that is us!!!! Guilty as charged on each and every count M'Lud Does that mean we're SWINGERS????
John & Shel
