Hmmm difficult subject.
But having sex with someone other than your spouse, without their explicit or tacit agreement IS cheating. I don't think that's just my opinion - it is pretty well the definition of cheating.
A person's individual circumstances may allow them to feel such a pejorative term doesn't apply to them, but I suspect that in most of those cases the unknowing spouse may not agree with the justification.
What is certainly the case, is that quite a few people in here will not play with a married person who is playing away and would be furious to find that out after the fact.
Personally I don't care - but I don't cover or lie for anyone and if I ended up face to face with said unknowing spouse crying on my doorstep, I would have no compunction in answering all questions with full honesty.
today i wont say who by but i was judged to be a cheat.
the debate id like to ask is what right does any person have to judge any one else in here?
please keep this as an addult conversation
i dont want any fights
im not inhere for fights
i just want to know peoples views
my background is im married ,,never hid that fact
but i do play or in their words cheat without my wife knowing
.
i know its wrong but certain circumstances exist
what id like to know is what right does another person have to judge me.
How did my earlier post end up at the top?
people certainly have the right to an opinion... though to judge you as an individualmay be a little pre-emptive, if they know not your full situation. (or indeed anyone elses).
They may not like your status, as you may not like thier opinion, however, if all is presented fairly and in a balanced manner, well, I should hope that any decissions based on those circumstances niether offend nor insult.
lp
thanks just flicked into the similar thread
interesting
i honestly aggree with people that what i am doing is wrong
again i never hid the fact that i was married ..my profile has now been dismantled taken off all me pics and decided not to get involved now
this all stems from the fact that someone close to me is in here as a single girl and has no pics on profile
she was labbeled as a non genuine swinger
to be honest she wasnt in here for swinging but simply for chatting.
this was then seen as a target just cos she had no pics or writing
but does it mean that any one who enters must be single or a cple whos wife or hubby knows about what they do?
i feel its too late for me now as ive lost interest now ...........i feel as tho us cheaters are not welcome
hi post many thanks
im not going to make a case for being right to cheat
here is my circumstances
i am a bi cd
simple as that
i dont want my wife to know
she would not approve of me doing this
i dont want a divorce and certainly dont want my family to find out
but again im not asking for any one to judge me tho
simple thing is im in here for people who are willing to meet me as i am .....
some cples are fotunate to have married each other who are tolerant with swinging
i didnt
maybe i should have worded the debate different
I believe in doing as I am done by. Therefore I would happily chat to someone in your position, but never meet them.
Your conscience is not my problem, mine is .
I think its just as difficult for people to 'justify' being swingers. Having become such, are they in any way more 'qualified' in judging other people? There's just as many 'genuine' swingers who are leading an equatable double life, involving layers of deceit; and in effect 'cheating' other people in their life; by being secretive about what they do.
Again I can only repeat what I said in the other thread. Its unlikely that a cheater is going to be honest about what they are doing.
Also why does a cheater wish to reveal their behaviour, anonymously here? Is it just to test the reaction? because its obvious you know what will happen. I think it demonstrates a certain amount doubt about what one is doing. If you are going to cheat there doesn't seem to be much use in telling anyone. So why?
Equally stating that cheaters exist, because of what they do; doesn't present any kind of argument for or against their activities.
Bashing cheaters and single males etc. seems to be without any reasonable argument. Its done just because they are easy victims.
No judgement here. We wouldn't get involved because we wouldn't want your wife, hurting and betrayed, on our doorstep causing a scene. Simples!
I think also that worried people feel more likely to be 'judged' about what they do. There is something preying on their conscience.
And would anyone like to define what judgement involves, here in the forums? To me it seems like its used in fear and awe. That people worry they are going to be eliminated forever because of something they do or believe in. If that's the case, there's not much point in pursuing something here.
A judge in the courts rules on the outcome of your misdemeanours and sets a penalty; which in some cases is severe enough to restrict your life. Its arguable that people in a community can define your outcome and prospects by being judgemental; but do you really think that is applied here?
If other swingers decide not to meet you its often more to do with making a practical decision. Which is often with some prejudice, or forgone conclusion that they will get into trouble with married people. So they employ prejudice to make the decision, but they don't 'judge' you. Do you really think they could?
I don't think anyone has the right to sit and judge anyone they don't know on a matter for which they no nothing about the circumstances which has led to the indiscretion.
Informed judgements about people are part and parcel of the whole swinging doo-dah I'm afraid, we judge people all the time. So I am not going to say "Oh no it's wrong, we shouldn't judge" when everyone of us does it to some extent every day on here. This post will be judged by some to be "another great post by Res" (yeah, right), or "the usual heap of pompous shite I come out with". (Far more likely).
I don't think anyone will judge your sexual choices.
What people WILL judge, rightly or wrongly, is the fact that you chose to deny your partner the knowledge and truth of what you wanted, but still did it anyway. It is that fundamental perceived lack of respect and trust in someone you love that I think makes people rush to judgement, usually harshly I would imagine. I guess the feeling being, 'well if he can do that to HIS wife, he won't have any concerns about lying to mine'. Again, this maybe unfair but it's human nature.
It would be nice not to judge, but when the "rules" as they are are broken (swinging is, at heart, meant to be about total openness and honesty I believe) then people will judge. It's one of human kinds greatest weaknesses and also one of our greatest strengths too.
I have sympathy for your situation as regards your sexual desires and cross-dressing and the fact you have had to lie to achieve some kind of fulfilment for that, but many people feel that the lie isn't worth the risk of upset to your partner, and indeed yourself as regards your future together. That's what you are likely to be judged upon, not your sexual proclivities.
As Jaymar has indicated, without full facts of the situation any judgement is likely to be harsh and uninformed. Unfortunately they are the risks you take when you openly admit to cheating, especially in a community like this where honesty between partners is seen by many as being of the utmost importance.
It was said on another thread but I will happily say it again.
The fact that I like to have sex with folk other than my life partner with her knowledge consent and participation has no bearing on anything else I choose to do or believe in.
I dont see why this choice leads anyone to assume that I or anybody else who swings, think its acceptable to deceive other people.
On two occasions recently, folk in conversation, have mentioned that they play with halves of couples without the other halves knowledge, misatkenly assuming that this would have no bearing on their attractiveness to me.
Swinging fits very neatly with my special words honesty, respect and dignity.
swinging is all about informed choice (well for me anyway) if i found out someone was attached and didnt have full knowledge of what was going on i would choose not to play with them just as i have the right to chose or not to if the other person was black or large or older. its about my own personal choice and is a judgement of the other person (rightly or wrongly)
but i also have double standards. i dont ask someones attached status when i am in a club for example and if they are there with their partners permission .. to be honest in that situation i dont care why they are there. i also do not have the benefit of a profile to look at and make that sort of judgement.
mind you i dont take looks and age into account when i am at a club either like i do when i look at a profile.
I wouldn't judge anyone for being here, but I would choose not to play with certain people for certain reasons.
a nudge more than a push i hope and best of luck in whatever you decide to do xxx
