Just a thought....

14 Oct 2005

We have been around the SHeaven towers for a while now and we (myself and rach) dont feel quite as newbieish as we did when we first stepped aboard the good ship Swinging Heaven.
although it is primarily me who uses the site (for the forums) we both scan the adds section and regularly update our advert in the "couples seeking couples" section.
something that i have noticed ever more prevalantly lately however has been the systematic erradication of newbies threads.....
before i go any further can i clearly state that this is not an attack on the site (which i think is fantastic) or its Mods (which from PMs and veiwing their comments on the forums are a good bunch) or Mark (whom i think is a true gentleman for not making money from a site which far outclasses others that do charge for a paltry service). this is not a sychophantic ass kiss i merely say it how i see it so please donot confuse me with somebody who will not speak their mind if, and when needed.
I do feel however that some regular forum members have a tendency to thread hijack new members of the site whos opening comments are, shall we say, a little niave. i think it is important to remember that some people join the site with little or no idea as to what they are doing or saying or how the afore mentioned will be construed by more established or experienced forum members.
many people,(initially ourselves included in this bracket), join the site for a quick link to sex, and some see SHeaven as a way to meet people that they believe will jump into bed with them at the sending of a PM. We have been around long enough now to meet some really great people (via cyber-space) and missed the NE munch saturday gone, which i was really looking forward to so that i could physically meet some of you i periodically encounter on the Cafe. Other newbies may either loose interest after not finding sex within a couple of days and some may be scared off as they feel (justifiably in some cases) that they have not recieved a very warm welcome. And some may even stick around and grow to really like the site and become happy little swinging bees wink

Before people start to rip my thread to peices here i would like to add that there are exceptions to every rule and in some cases i find that it is justified to have a go at a newbie who is obviously either extremely antagonistic or gives off negative connatations or seems to have ulterior motives for joining the site.
all i would like to achieve by my thread is to highlight again (yes i DO know it has been done and said before) that we could all at times be a little more considerate and understanding to newbies, as we have all been there ourselves at some stage :shock:

14 Oct 2005

Quote by steanrachy
We have been around the SHeaven towers for a while now and we (myself and rach) dont feel quite as newbieish as we did when we first stepped aboard the good ship Swinging Heaven.
although it is primarily me who uses the site (for the forums) we both scan the adds section and regularly update our advert in the "couples seeking couples" section.
something that i have noticed ever more prevalantly lately however has been the systematic erradication of newbies threads.....
before i go any further can i clearly state that this is not an attack on the site (which i think is fantastic) or its Mods (which from PMs and veiwing their comments on the forums are a good bunch) or Mark (whom i think is a true gentleman for not making money from a site which far outclasses others that do charge for a paltry service). this is not a sychophantic ass kiss i merely say it how i see it so please donot confuse me with somebody who will not speak their mind if, and when needed.
I do feel however that some regular forum members have a tendency to thread hijack new members of the site whos opening comments are, shall we say, a little niave. i think it is important to remember that some people join the site with little or no idea as to what they are doing or saying or how the afore mentioned will be construed by more established or experienced forum members.
many people,(initially ourselves included in this bracket), join the site for a quick link to sex, and some see SHeaven as a way to meet people that they believe will jump into bed with them at the sending of a PM. We have been around long enough now to meet some really great people (via cyber-space) and missed the NE munch saturday gone, which i was really looking forward to so that i could physically meet some of you i periodically encounter on the Cafe. Other newbies may either loose interest after not finding sex within a couple of days and some may be scared off as they feel (justifiably in some cases) that they have not recieved a very warm welcome. And some may even stick around and grow to really like the site and become happy little swinging bees
Before people start to rip my thread to peices here i would like to add that there are exceptions to every rule and in some cases i find that it is justified to have a go at a newbie who is obviously either extremely antagonistic or gives off negative connatations or seems to have ulterior motives for joining the site.
all i would like to achieve by my thread is to highlight again (yes i DO know it has been done and said before) that we could all at times be a little more considerate and understanding to newbies, as we have all been there ourselves at some stage :shock:

Agree mostly, but for those who post the basic advert and "pm me ladies" type of post basically aren't worth taking seriously.
If people want to be brief about what they want and what they're here for, surely the LMU section is designed for that? Or the ads at least?
I think "The Cafe" is community based and almost detracts away from non-stop "lets meet up and fuck" talk - although that has a place, the place is LMU.
I do agree though that at times threads can be hijacked, and its usually when the newbie either has atrocious spelling, has a really horrible screen name or is really seedy in their manner.

14 Oct 2005

My first reaction here was 'Oh no - not again.'
You're not wrong but the fact is the Forum finds its own datum. If people find the treatment of a new member too brusque there will be others who point it out at the time. If they don't point it out, then it's usually not too bad and we'll all get over it.
The wankers will take offence and the good 'uns will come back with a bit of spirit and humour and show their value.
It's a bit like a test.

14 Oct 2005

Quote by westerross
My first reaction here was 'Oh no - not again.'
You're not wrong but the fact is the Forum finds its own datum. If people find the treatment of a new member too brusque there will be others who point it out at the time. If they don't point it out, then it's usually not too bad and we'll all get over it.
The wankers will take offence and the good 'uns will come back with a bit of spirit and humour and show their value.
It's a bit like a test.

14 Oct 2005

points noted guys, and was expecting some criticism as the regular and more established forum users must hear this type of thread many times. i tried to ensure my post was not a rant or whinge but a clearly interpreted slice of my opinion.
a good proportion of the regs on here are ace but some do seem to wield the thread axe a little too comfortably.
i get along on here fine but can empathise with some who do come on and moan on occassion, but your coments about "lets meet up and fuck" are the ones i was reffering to as being the exception to the rule. in every social space there will be those that waste the space that they inhabit.

14 Oct 2005

Quote by steanrachy
points noted guys, and was expecting some criticism as the regular and more established forum users must hear this type of thread many times. i tried to ensure my post was not a rant or whinge but a clearly interpreted slice of my opinion.
a good proportion of the regs on here are ace but some do seem to wield the thread axe a little too comfortably.
i get along on here fine but can empathise with some who do come on and moan on occassion, but your coments about "lets meet up and fuck" are the ones i was reffering to as being the exception to the rule. in every social space there will be those that waste the space that they inhabit.

I think it has a lot to do with the way someone introduces themselves into the forums..... i alway mentain that a nice "hello i am new thread" aren't the ones that are hi-jacked, it tend to be the more "brash" posters so they tend to get taken down a peg.... why that is i am not sure, best guess is that they think the site is one thing and it is in reality something completely different when you get use to the place.......there can be a very fine line between being confident and being arrogent and maybe some of them cross the line and make the hairs on the back of our necks stand up.......
sean xxxxxxxxx

14 Oct 2005

as ever groove a very valid and astute comment. biggrin

the threads i was referring to were the ones that seem to be less of an introduction and more of a question.
one such thread was on here today (i cant bloody find it now though rolleyes

) and was one of the first that had been submitted by the newbie which went along the lines of "has anybody ever been caught in an embarrasing situation?" granted not a very informative intro but it bore no malice and the poor sod was hijacked. :cry:

14 Oct 2005

Quote by 3someinpreston
My first reaction here was 'Oh no - not again.'
You're not wrong but the fact is the Forum finds its own datum. If people find the treatment of a new member too brusque there will be others who point it out at the time. If they don't point it out, then it's usually not too bad and we'll all get over it.
The wankers will take offence and the good 'uns will come back with a bit of spirit and humour and show their value.
It's a bit like a test.

That doesn't make sense tune!
Are you saying that everyone who joins the board should get the crap ripped out of them and take it in good spirit!?!
I sorta get what you mean but that's a bit extreme!!!
No I am not saying that at all (that's a pretty remarkable extrapolation of what I said!). When I said the Forum finds its own datum I meant what Fabio has just said much better i.e. the tolerance level of the Forum is the tolerance level of the Forum and if people come in with crass firstish posts then they'll be tested by some sort of ribbing or hi-jack.
Point I'm making is that it is pointless to try and change the way people are treated. If someone if being treated unfairly then step in - I have on many occasions (and found out that I was wrong sometimes too redface

). If you think people might be put off unnecessarily then PM them - they'll appreciate it (well sometimes they will).

14 Oct 2005

Quote by steanrachy
as ever groove a very valid and astute comment.
the threads i was referring to were the ones that seem to be less of an introduction and more of a question.
one such thread was on here today (i cant bloody find it now though ) and was one of the first that had been submitted by the newbie which went along the lines of "has anybody ever been caught in an embarrasing situation?" granted not a very informative intro but it bore no malice and the poor sod was hijacked. :cry:

Do you mean this one?
http://www.swingingheaven.co.uk/swingers-forum/viewtopic/59391.html

14 Oct 2005

Quote by westerross
My first reaction here was 'Oh no - not again.'
You're not wrong but the fact is the Forum finds its own datum. If people find the treatment of a new member too brusque there will be others who point it out at the time. If they don't point it out, then it's usually not too bad and we'll all get over it.
The wankers will take offence and the good 'uns will come back with a bit of spirit and humour and show their value.
It's a bit like a test.

That doesn't make sense tune!
Are you saying that everyone who joins the board should get the crap ripped out of them and take it in good spirit!?!
I sorta get what you mean but that's a bit extreme!!!
No I am not saying that at all (that's a pretty remarkable extrapolation of what I said!). When I said the Forum finds its own datum I meant what Fabio has just said much better i.e. the tolerance level of the Forum is the tolerance level of the Forum and if people come in with crass firstish posts then they'll be tested by some sort of ribbing or hi-jack.
Point I'm making is that it is pointless to try and change the way people are treated. If someone if being treated unfairly then step in - I have on many occasions (and found out that I was wrong sometimes too redface

). If you think people might be put off unnecessarily then PM them - they'll appreciate it (well sometimes they will).
Ohhh lol.
I thought when you said it was test it was universal no matter what lol

14 Oct 2005

Quote by freckledbird
as ever groove a very valid and astute comment.
the threads i was referring to were the ones that seem to be less of an introduction and more of a question.
one such thread was on here today (i cant bloody find it now though ) and was one of the first that had been submitted by the newbie which went along the lines of "has anybody ever been caught in an embarrasing situation?" granted not a very informative intro but it bore no malice and the poor sod was hijacked. :cry:

14 Oct 2005

14 Oct 2005

Quote by 3someinpreston
My first reaction here was 'Oh no - not again.'
You're not wrong but the fact is the Forum finds its own datum. If people find the treatment of a new member too brusque there will be others who point it out at the time. If they don't point it out, then it's usually not too bad and we'll all get over it.
The wankers will take offence and the good 'uns will come back with a bit of spirit and humour and show their value.
It's a bit like a test.

That doesn't make sense tune!
Are you saying that everyone who joins the board should get the crap ripped out of them and take it in good spirit!?!
I sorta get what you mean but that's a bit extreme!!!
Makes perfect sense to me I just think your interprutation is a tad off. I wont try and explain tunes post, he is big enough to do that himself, but I will endorse it. Having the crap ripped out of you, isn't an approach I've seen other than in cases where it is blindingly obvious that the poster is a plum. What I do see often and happily take part in myself, is piss taking and for that I'm ever gratefull to the quick wit and scathing fingers of other members because without it the cafe (yes I'm only referring to this one small corner of the site) would be as interesting and entertaining as boiling eggs.
As steanrachy said in one part of their post "we were all newbies once" and that includes me, no one gave me room to be a prat, no one dropped their style or persona to accomadate me, I edged my way in gently, gradually bringing in the style of posting that I enjoy for myself, had I have jumped in with the style of posting that I use from the start ,I would no doubt have made it more difficult for myself.
I can't think of many places I've been or associations I've become a part of, where it wasn't up to me to fit in first before gradually making a mark. I joined a local rugby club some years back, did they welcome me with kind words and glasses of Pimms...nope they kicked the crap outa me, did I go whinge and complain, cry and sulk? nope I worked out thats the way it was and gradually won the respect and comradeship that I wanted by fitting into their way, no doubt if I wanted to change the way they operated now, I would be listened to.
I don't believe that the membership would accept out and out nastiness from any member because this place isnt a whole hill of differences between other groups, societies, teams, colleagues, communities or collectives, it thrives on members bouncing off each other in various ways, nasty fucks can't do that easily, because in general they are selfish, get found out in the end and get booted.
I am not a nasty fuck, but niether am I a baby sitter who needs to change his style to accomadate the sensitive, Its a grown up world out there and a grown up world in here, those that can cope do so and do so admirably, those that can't, quickly fall by the wayside, if your reading this and have been here a while then thats exactly what you did...you worked it out, you stuck it out and for the most part are reaping some reward wether that be in a social context, a swinging context, or simply getting entertainment outa the place. Dilute things if you like so that everything in the garden is rosy, but do so at your peril cos a bit like a Fry's chocolate cream, it will get sickly sweet, without an edge in sight.

14 Oct 2005

No, I don't think it was excessive at all - that was mild compared to what others have had!
To be fair, it wasn't really aimed at sexually embarrassing situations was it - it wasn't specific enough, if that's what lordnlady wanted. They haven't been back to comment either, so obviously don't mind that much biggrin

Nor did they contribute any embarrassing stories of their own.

14 Oct 2005

My first impressions were of a tight knit community that did not take to newbies too easliy and I have been swinging for a number of years.
When i first started posting I read the threads and learned first. I was a little intimidated over posting a Hi Look at Me so just slipped in the back door with the odd post here and there... until now its 10 a day....I wonder if you can get help???
confused

14 Oct 2005

Quote by Dune
My first impressions were of a tight knit community that did not take to newbies too easliy

I echo Fabio's sentiments on this. It's all down to presentation... that first impression. I don't think many will dispute that we do get a lot of lamers and many people are wary of newcomers for that reason. However, whenever new people make an effort to introduce themselves and let people know they're not just here gawping, they get a very good reception.
You're right about it being a community, but it's not as exclusive as it might sometimes appear... after all, everyone in it was a newbie once. biggrin

14 Oct 2005

My thoughts mirrored TE's when I first read this. I thought "oh no - not again" nd then " actually - nothing changes whenyou go away for a while does it?!" Thing is - things DO change becuase the peopel change. But newbies will always be newbies and as newbies you/they will always be more sensitive to what established forum users will see as the norm - and in some cases as actually being accepted. I don't want to even start counting the numbre of threads I have had hjacked and flown to outer space (!!). At first I was upset, annoyed, upset etc - but after a year enjoying the banter on here I know what goes on and I actually enjoy and laugh with the hijackers.
We've been through the whole "oldies in a clicque" thing - and we tried to change it - but you can't becuase it is human nature. The best thing to do is laugh, join in, laugh some more and just have some damn good fun - because that's what we're all here for surely?
aRSexxx
:color:

14 Oct 2005

Quote by Rainbows
My thoughts mirrored TE's when I first read this. I thought "oh no - not again" nd then " actually - nothing changes whenyou go away for a while does it?!" Thing is - things DO change becuase the peopel change. But newbies will always be newbies and as newbies you/they will always be more sensitive to what established forum users will see as the norm - and in some cases as actually being accepted. I don't want to even start counting the numbre of threads I have had hjacked and flown to outer space (!!). At first I was upset, annoyed, upset etc - but after a year enjoying the banter on here I know what goes on and I actually enjoy and laugh with the hijackers.
We've been through the whole "oldies in a clicque" thing - and we tried to change it - but you can't becuase it is human nature. The best thing to do is laugh, join in, laugh some more and just have some damn good fun - because that's what we're all here for surely?
aRSexxx
:color:

:thumbup: What a girl! :love:

14 Oct 2005

I thought about correcting my typo's then TE quoted me! - so Sod it!!!! cool

14 Oct 2005

Quote by Rainbows
I thought about correcting my typo's then TE quoted me! - so Sod it!!!!

What typos dunno

:love: :love:

14 Oct 2005

Quote by westerross
I thought about correcting my typo's then TE quoted me! - so Sod it!!!!

What typos dunno

:love: :love:
Apologies for hijacking - but - oh it's so good to be back biggrin

Trust me - if you're a newbie - you won't be for long. These guys are the greatest :D
aRSexx :color:

14 Oct 2005

I just joined in when I saw things I wanted to talk about. I didn't do an introduction. There's dozens of those every day and I don't read them, unless the postings start to grow.
How people are treated is not consistent and even 'experienced' posters can find themselves in deep shit.
I was slightly bashed as a newbie and as a result I have done some newbie bashing.
Although my style is pretty dry and abrupt and minimalist, I have still had some decent pms, and some meets. Some have complained about me in their pms. If they have a point I answer, if they are just whining, I ignore them.

15 Oct 2005

Quote by steanrachy
as ever groove a very valid and astute comment.
the threads i was referring to were the ones that seem to be less of an introduction and more of a question.
one such thread was on here today (i cant bloody find it now though ) and was one of the first that had been submitted by the newbie which went along the lines of "has anybody ever been caught in an embarrasing situation?" granted not a very informative intro but it bore no malice and the poor sod was hijacked. :cry:

Do you mean this one?
http://www.swingingheaven.co.uk/swingers-forum/viewtopic/59391.html
yes thats the one Bev, i did have a look for it but was in the middle of something else at the time :shock:
is a bit excessive though dont you think? was suprised as have engaged in conversation with some of the people in that particular thread in the past and they are generally great.
Yup they are great. That was just high spirits - went a bit off topic but actually not that much really.
The problem there was that Lordnlady just posed a pretty bald question, without any example of their own - one, incidentally that has been posed many times before. When you think about it, asking people you don't know what has embarrassed them in that way is not likely to get much of a response in any circumstance is it.
The other crucial factor was that the original poster never appeared again to either expand a little on their own experience or to get it back on track. By SH standards they were given a good 'gumming' in my view. lol

15 Oct 2005

Well as newbies ourselves, we read the rules and advice before posting. We also read a fair few threads so as to avoid annoying anyone or saying things that may offend and get a general feel for the place.
We have been posting fairly tame comments but then I think that is appropriate as no-one knows us. using a sledge hammer approach will hardly endear people to us. We appreciate that this is a community built on trust. I hope we can gain that trust but it's us two that have to work at that and not other people who have been here well before us.
And I am sure that in the future we will be "baited" - but reading other threads, regulars fall foul of each other but it's not taken persoannly, they move on - life is too short to get hung up on a post that has a dig at you if you can't take it in the spirit in which it was sent.
Anyway, please feel free to pull the post to pieces!
Mr & Mrs KC