Just an Idea

11 Jun 2005

P.S. and at no extra charge. I've met the peeps you've got a hankering for and in all honesty and good light the've both got faces like bulldogs licking piss off of a thistle, /quote]

Dear agnony Dave!............i have seen one of them on cam. :twisted: .........and they look fanstaic :bounce: but its not just the looks ..........its there personalty that gets me! :twisted:
the other i havent seen sad

........but other peeps tell me they are very good looking! :twisted:
So now i am wondering wheather my mates are telling me the truth! :(

11 Jun 2005

Quote by Debbiewebs
as for the barman............ just shag him.

BUT agony DAVE!! if i shag him like you said ........(this bar man thats has come to bed eyes )............... oooooooooooooooowwwwww ( sos just had one of me moments redface

) I could never forgive me self!..........and would have to Tell Mr Debs
and i don't think he would be very pleased!
I just cannot do anything behind MR Debs back!
wait for mr debbs to get cattaracts and do it in front of him quietly dunno

11 Jun 2005

Quote by Dawn_Mids
Dear agony aunt / uncle,
I have a number of problems I am hoping you can help me with.
1) telling someone I wonna shag them, I try but the words come out all jumbled. Such as "I could so.................give you ............ a hug" Please, even if you teach me how to say "I want to suck your cock" I will be happy Its bloody annyoing that I just can not say it If all else fail, "fancy a snog"
2) Serious problem with farting after anal sex I mean, whats that all about FFS :dunno: I can't help it, honest I can't ops: How can I stop it :
3) My last problem for the moment. Getting my tits out in public. I need to stop. I am getting way to old and if I carry on much longer I will be lifting the bottom of my clothes up to find me knockers rather than lowering the neck :x How do I stop flashing my tits :?:
Please solve my problems.
Dawn

1) - would you like a hug dawn? wink

2) - make sure the next man is on hand to take up the job!
3) - have a t-shirt printed wth your tits on it then you will have no need to!
Roger the Agony Uncle. cool

11 Jun 2005

HOLD UP THERE guys n gals
ffs, we haven't even decided who the aunt / uncle is yet.
lets do this proper or not at all .................. (wtf is Mark when you need him) rolleyes

Right.
VOTE NOW ............ for the aunt n uncles of your choice, and to keep it fair, PM your votes to me, the person with the most votes will get a PM from me, if they r up for it, i will anounce it on here, but not tell you who it is, they will then assume a new/extra persona on SH forums so that he/she stays anonimous (SP)
get voting peeps

11 Jun 2005

Ok, I'd like to put myself up for nomination.
For example, I set up a help line for people with eating disorders, I'm sure it has given lots of comfort.
XXXXXXXXX
MODS EDIT: DO NOT POST PHONE NUMBERS ON THE FORUM PLEASE :lol2:
(Dawn wanders off chuckling to herself)

11 Jun 2005

wheres the poll? do we see a poll confused

and wheres my fucking name on that poll when you get round to doing it. yea im dead good at giving advice me, yep pick me cos errr im good at giving advice not actually i am really good at giving advice, i am i swear to god .
god your a cunt, your a twat, a cad and a bounder, oh yea and your a nezbit, a numpty, and a twonk. sorry god .....ok who needs advice ? anyone???
any takers ???
oh come on
anyone? :uhoh:

11 Jun 2005

Quote by Dawn_Mids
Dear agony aunt / uncle,
I have a number of problems I am hoping you can help me with.
1) telling someone I wonna shag them, I try but the words come out all jumbled. Such as "I could so.................give you ............ a hug" Please, even if you teach me how to say "I want to suck your cock" I will be happy Its bloody annyoing that I just can not say it If all else fail, "fancy a snog"
2) Serious problem with farting after anal sex I mean, whats that all about FFS :dunno: I can't help it, honest I can't ops: How can I stop it :
3) My last problem for the moment. Getting my tits out in public. I need to stop. I am getting way to old and if I carry on much longer I will be lifting the bottom of my clothes up to find me knockers rather than lowering the neck :x How do I stop flashing my tits :?:
Please solve my problems.
Dawn

Dawn there are a number of problems that you have right now and it may well be best to concentrate on one at a time. I would suggest that problem number two is the easiest as it is physical rather than an issue in your mind.
The answer to problem two, is probably in a box in your loft in the guise of a christmas whistle, the type that you blow and it unfurls a paper tube with a feather on the end of it. If you remove the paper tube and the feather (take care not to cut yourself on the exposed wire that keeps it stiff when fully extended), you will be left with a small cylindrical tooter. Insert this tooter into your rectal passage prior to anal sex. This will not prevent you from farting once your partner has withdrawn, but it will turn what is a rather gutteral and nasty fart sound, into a rather pleasant toot of approval.

11 Jun 2005

Quote by davej
as for the barman............ just shag him.

BUT agony DAVE!! if i shag him like you said ........(this bar man thats has come to bed eyes )............... oooooooooooooooowwwwww ( sos just had one of me moments redface

) I could never forgive me self!..........and would have to Tell Mr Debs
and i don't think he would be very pleased!
I just cannot do anything behind MR Debs back!
wait for Mr Debs to get cattaracts and do it in front of him quietly dunno

now theres a good thought!....but i am impatient ...and he has these earing adds that can pick up a pin drop a mile away!
Well all i can think of right now is to take loads of cold showers
all the best......... a very cold ...... shivering .......pissed off .......wet.......and total frustrated Debbiewebs mad

11 Jun 2005

Quote by Dawn_Mids
Dear agony aunt / uncle,
I have a number of problems I am hoping you can help me with.
1) telling someone I wonna shag them, I try but the words come out all jumbled. Such as "I could so.................give you ............ a hug" Please, even if you teach me how to say "I want to suck your cock" I will be happy Its bloody annyoing that I just can not say it If all else fail, "fancy a snog"
2) Serious problem with farting after anal sex I mean, whats that all about FFS :dunno: I can't help it, honest I can't ops: How can I stop it :
3) My last problem for the moment. Getting my tits out in public. I need to stop. I am getting way to old and if I carry on much longer I will be lifting the bottom of my clothes up to find me knockers rather than lowering the neck :x How do I stop flashing my tits :?:
Please solve my problems.
Dawn

Dawn
For your first problem, why don't you get some flash cards with the words printed on, so you can just had them over at the appropriate time biggrin

:D
The 2nd problem, sorry I can't help except to say, treat it like a joke as you would fanny farting, its just natural.
As for your third problem, print this piccie off, and if you feel the urge to flash, have a good look at it and remind to remind yourself why they must be kept well supported.

Hope this helps you in your time of need.
lol

:lol: :lol: :lol:
Agony aunt swallows xxxxx :roll: :roll: :roll:

11 Jun 2005

Quote by Katien_n_John
HOLD UP THERE guys n gals
ffs, we haven't even decided who the aunt / uncle is yet.
lets do this proper or not at all .................. (wtf is Mark when you need him)
Right.
VOTE NOW ............ for the aunt n uncles of your choice, and to keep it fair, PM your votes to me, the person with the most votes will get a PM from me, if they r up for it, i will anounce it on here, but not tell you who it is, they will then assume a new/extra persona on SH forums so that he/she stays anonimous (SP)
get voting peeps

I think it's been unofficially decided - we have agony davej lol

11 Jun 2005

Quote by rogerthedragon
1) - would you like a hug dawn?
2) - make sure the next man is on hand to take up the job!
3) - have a t-shirt printed wth your tits on it then you will have no need to!
Roger the Agony Uncle.

I do have a t-shirt, well Ian does rolleyes

I've only let him wear it in public once because I am so embarrassed by it redface

:roll:

Quote by davej
Dawn there are a number of problems that you have right now and it may well be best to concentrate on one at a time. I would suggest that problem number two is the easiest as it is physical rather than an issue in your mind.
The answer to problem two, is probably in a box in your loft in the guise of a christmas whistle, the type that you blow and it unfurls a paper tube with a feather on the end of it. If you remove the paper tube and the feather (take care not to cut yourself on the exposed wire that keeps it stiff when fully extended), you will be left with a small cylindrical tooter. Insert this tooter into your rectal passage prior to anal sex. This will not prevent you from farting once your partner has withdrawn, but it will turn what is a rather gutteral and nasty fart sound, into a rather pleasant toot of approval.

Dave you would not believe how hard I am laughing, I have tears rolling down my face

:rotflmao: :rotflmao: :rotflmao: :rotflmao:

Quote by kazswallows
Dawn
For your first problem, why don't you get some flash cards with the words printed on, so you can just had them over at the appropriate time :D
The 2nd problem, sorry I can't help except to say, treat it like a joke as you would fanny farting, its just natural.
As for your third problem, print this piccie off, and if you feel the urge to flash, have a good look at it and remind to remind yourself why they must be kept well supported.

Hope this helps you in your time of need.
:lol: :lol: :lol:
Agony aunt swallows xxxxx :roll: :roll: :roll:

How the hell did you get a picture of me mad

:x:x
Its time like this that reminds me why I love this place and you mad posters :inlove:
Dawn :D

11 Jun 2005

:laughabove: :laughabove: :laughabove: :laughabove:

:rotflmao: :rotflmao: :rotflmao: :rotflmao: :rotflmao: :laughabove: :laughabove: :laughabove: :laughabove:

11 Jun 2005

Quote by freckledbird
HOLD UP THERE guys n gals
ffs, we haven't even decided who the aunt / uncle is yet.
lets do this proper or not at all .................. (wtf is Mark when you need him)
Right.
VOTE NOW ............ for the aunt n uncles of your choice, and to keep it fair, PM your votes to me, the person with the most votes will get a PM from me, if they r up for it, i will anounce it on here, but not tell you who it is, they will then assume a new/extra persona on SH forums so that he/she stays anonimous (SP)
get voting peeps

I think it's been unofficially decided - we have agony davej lol

ohhh now there's a thought Bev, however old davej is far more comfortable being in the wings rather than the main turn...sort of a bit like the bloke who huffs and puffs with the pulleys that work the curtain backstage, whilst the prancing peacocks strut their stuff in front of the admiring audiance, so I figure that a volunteer peacock is better than a pulley, pulling, huffing, puffing, Puffin.
dear agony aunt / uncle I like Puffins is that strange...........

11 Jun 2005

Quote by Dawn_Mids
Dawn there are a number of problems that you have right now and it may well be best to concentrate on one at a time. I would suggest that problem number two is the easiest as it is physical rather than an issue in your mind.
The answer to problem two, is probably in a box in your loft in the guise of a christmas whistle, the type that you blow and it unfurls a paper tube with a feather on the end of it. If you remove the paper tube and the feather (take care not to cut yourself on the exposed wire that keeps it stiff when fully extended), you will be left with a small cylindrical tooter. Insert this tooter into your rectal passage prior to anal sex. This will not prevent you from farting once your partner has withdrawn, but it will turn what is a rather gutteral and nasty fart sound, into a rather pleasant toot of approval.

Dave you would not believe how hard I am laughing, I have tears rolling down my face

:rotflmao: :rotflmao: :rotflmao: :rotflmao:
Dawn biggrin

Did you remove the feather?
yes I thought that would be your next problem, it can be quite a funny sensation, but trust me if you can just stop giggling and allow the rectal muscle to relax , your tooter will go up easier.

11 Jun 2005

OO dear Angony Dave!............... i have just got anouther prob could you help me please
I have just tried to ring one me fav sex chatters........... but he has not got it swithched on at mo!................. i have sent him a pm telling him to get hold of his fooking phone!!
but not yet had any reponse!
what shell i do?
A very banghead

Debsxxxxxxxxxxx

11 Jun 2005

Quote by davej
ohhh now there's a thought Bev, however old davej is far more comfortable being in the wings rather than the main turn...sort of a bit like the bloke who huffs and puffs with the pulleys that work the curtain backstage, whilst the prancing peacocks strut their stuff in front of the admiring audiance, so I figure that a volunteer peacock is better than a pulley, pulling, huffing, puffing, Puffin.
dear agony aunt / uncle I like Puffins is that strange...........

Well we have the SH Fluffers - how about the SH Puffers?

11 Jun 2005

Quote by davej
yes I thought that would be your next problem, it can be quite a funny sensation, but trust me if you can just stop giggling and allow the rectal muscle to relax , your tooter will go up easier.

That reminds me of something the doctor would say to a mature male patient

:rotflmao: :rotflmao:

11 Jun 2005

Quote by Debbiewebs
OO dear Angony Dave!............... i have just got anouther prob could you help me please
I have just tried to ring one me fav sex chatters........... but he has not got it swithched on at mo!................. i have sent him a pm telling him to get hold of his fooking phone!!
but not yet had any reponse!
what shell i do?
A very Debsxxxxxxxxxxx

accept the fact that Bill Clinton is a busy guy, that there is a time difference and move on.

11 Jun 2005

Quote by Dawn_Mids
yes I thought that would be your next problem, it can be quite a funny sensation, but trust me if you can just stop giggling and allow the rectal muscle to relax , your tooter will go up easier.

That reminds me of something the doctor would say to a mature male patient

:rotflmao: :rotflmao:
thats me sussed redface

11 Jun 2005

Venus<------- guarunteed to take someone from stable to suicidal in under three seconds.....
Venus you can take me as far as you want with a body like that !!!!!!!!!!!!!

11 Jun 2005

Quote by davej
OO dear Angony Dave!............... i have just got anouther prob could you help me please
I have just tried to ring one me fav sex chatters........... but he has not got it swithched on at mo!................. i have sent him a pm telling him to get hold of his fooking phone!!
but not yet had any reponse!
what shell i do?
A very Debsxxxxxxxxxxx

accept the fact that Bill Clinton is a busy guy, that there is a time difference and move on.
ooo thanks Dave kiss

feel so thick now redface

as i for got about the time zone :banghead:
Hers a very thank full Debbiwebs :kiss:
ps buttt could you tell me time differences???? surprised

ops: :oops:

11 Jun 2005

Quote by Debbiewebs
[
ooo thanks Dave feel so thick now as i for got about the time zone
Hers a very thank full Debbiwebs :kiss:
ps buttt could you tell me time differences???? ops: :oops:

Debbs sweetie, I've got a fit of the giggles here and now dawn has rightly sussed that I've got a christmas tooter wedged up me box, I can openly disclose that when I gets the giggles I also gets the farts....them quick little staccato farts that happen when your giggling. Now this would be fine normally, but it's half past midnight, the family are in bed and she's bangin on the floor shouting me to be quite, cos I've just managed to fart the first four bars of the theme tune from Emerdale through me tooter.
...Give us a minute cos I've got problems of me own................

11 Jun 2005

:rotflmao: :rotflmao: :rotflmao: :rotflmao: :rotflmao: :rotflmao:
ok, will let this one run it's inevitable course then............................. rolleyes

11 Jun 2005

Buuuttttt i want to find the let off steam post!
BUIT I CANNOT FIND IT.......................HELP

11 Jun 2005

Quote by davej
Dear Aunty Davej
I have plucked up the courage to write to you , although anonymously , and hope you can give some advice .
My girlfriend has recently taken to surfing the internet and talking to complete strangers about our sex lives . She has suggested various things and frankly some have been disgusting . I like to think im a liberal person but she is obsessed with having sex up the back passage and that just isnt right as far as I am concerned , sex up the back passage is something I would not agree to , but she wont let it rest . What should I do ?
Confused Oxon

I understand your confusion and your reluctance, but if you love the girl then all I can suggest is that you take the ladders of the wall to create more space, shut the gate, chuck a mattress down on the floor of your passage and give her one.
NEXT!!!
I knew I could rely on you to know that one LOL ( although the version I heard was my brother keeps his bike up there)

11 Jun 2005

Quote by Debbiewebs
Buuuttttt i want to find the let off steam post!
BUIT I CANNOT FIND IT.......................HELP

Can someone...toot...help...toot, toot... debbs...tooooot..out and toottoottoot..show her the thread..tooooooooooot!!

11 Jun 2005

I have just had a PM suggesting that we need two aunts, well actually an aunt and an uncle, mainly because of womenâ€™s problems ................... buttttttttt, having just read what has happened to the thread ............. maybe Iâ€™ll just leave it and htf it goes away :shock: :shock: :shock: rolleyes

11 Jun 2005

Look! I told you, I'm best qualified!

11 Jun 2005

Your over zealousness proves that although qualified , not suitable.

11 Jun 2005

Dear Uncle Arthur
Please help me if you can. I think I'm succumbing to a serious bout of anal rectitude and feel that I'm being messed with. :shock: :shock: :shock: :shock:
I think anal retentiveness may be an easier option. :undecided:
Please can you help? I'm worried every time I sit down that I'm gonna get more than I'd bargained for. redface

ops: :oops: :oops: :oops: :oops:
What happens next? dunno

:kissmyarse: :kissmyarse: :kissmyarse: :kissmyarse:
:huh: