Just my opinion but...

1 May 2005

A very well thought out and persuasive post there davej. :thumbup:
I would only take issue with your assertion that you can censor the stuff you don't like by choosing not to read it: The trouble with that idea is you have to read it in order to find out that you don't like it, especially since thread titles often give you no clue what the thread is actually about. confused

1 May 2005

Quote by Ice Pie
Ok.. heres my 2 cents.... not that anyone probably cares.. but...
I have been an avid campainger for human rights and I am dedicated to the right to free speach....
I also beleive in the right for freedom of expression....
However, when someone expresses views which are oppressive of other people's right to free speach - they sacrifice that right.

So by oppressing my right to say something you don't like because you consider it oppressive, you forfeit your right to free speech? No, didn't think so. People who talk about free speech generally reserve the right to say whatever they like, which is completely missing the point, and at the same time presume to tell others what they can and can't say.
All of which is beside the point. Freedom of speech is not the issue here. This is not a democracy, it's a private website. The owner of said website permits debate, but he doesn't take votes, and I hope he never does. The captain of a ship may listen to arguments and base decisions on the persuasiveness of those arguments, but I've never heard of a captain asking for a show of hands. Mark's the captain of this ship, and you can campaign as much as you like, the only freedoms you're entitled to on here are the ones he grants you, and that includes what you are and aren't allowed to say. That's the reality, like it or lump it.
I agree with you... this of course a private website and therefore - what the mods says goes, but I was generally considering the point people had made about the right to free speach. Obviously - if you want to chat on such a wonderfully well organsied website for free.. there are certain rules and these must be obeyed.
I dont think the two points are opposed, but maybe Im wrong....
biggrin

1 May 2005

Quote by Neilinleeds
i think what's happening, is a lot like a crowd of regulars hanging out in the pub chatting, then in comes a new group, who are so loud and excited, the regs can't hear themselves think? instead of the newer ones sitting down at the same table as the regs and joining in with the conversations, they talk over the top of everyone else. locking threads is kinda like encouraging them to join in a bit more with the people who are already here.
neil x x x ;)

But is it really so wrong for the newbies to have their own discussions and work the place out for themselves?When me and Steve first came on here it took us time to work out the way that things are done and there are plenty of unwritten rules which if your only new here you just wont get. confused

Yeah it'd be great for all newbies to join right in but perhaps theyre not too sure how?And also not too sure how people would react to them jumping all gotta remember that with out newbies this forum woulnt be half of what it is today.
I do agree that the cafe is well in my opinion just a bit dull lately,but hey theres more to life than this place an Ill just pop in less until it picks up again biggrin

Also I have to say that in my opinion there have been too many locked threads theyre gonna be crap threads let them die or delete them!Obviously it depends on which threads as some do need to be locked,just seems to me like if the thread doesnt fit in or isnt something that the regs will be inerested in its gonna get locked :?
just my 3 penneth worth :P

1 May 2005

Quote by Clare_Lincs
Also I have to say that in my opinion there have been too many locked threads theyre gonna be crap threads let them die or delete them!Obviously it depends on which threads as some do need to be locked,just seems to me like if the thread doesnt fit in or isnt something that the regs will be inerested in its gonna get locked

Well I agree with Clare here that too many locks were going on, but I also see that there have been no locks recently, and I think the cafe is nicer for it in my opinion. I would far rather things as lived or died on there own merits rather than locking and thus stifling the debate.
To answer Dave, actually I am in agreement with you. I would say that Kats vision of the cafe is too narrow for me. My thoughts were if we were going to moderate as we have been, locking threads (not just in the cafe) to keep to a style of posting then a 'Off Topic' forum is a better place to do this than locking and killing the threads.
As to what the cafe 'is' in terms of what we all come here for, I personally don't think it is all about sexually charged discussions or swinging. For me it is a place where open minded adults (not just swingers) come and laugh, debate, and play in a free adult forum. The guidelines have been mentioned many times in the past that the cafe is for discussing anything that is not a meet. God help us if all we discuss is swinging, I enjoy diving and aikido but I can only talk about so long without discussing anything else.
Yes this is a swingers site, thats why we have a 'Meet up' forum, and we can openly discuss sex. However I would hate to see it only about swinging, especially as in the time it has been up we must have discussed almost every swinging topic known to man at some point.
So to clarify my post I saw Kats views as a starting point for discussion on what 'we' would want used as guidence for the cafe if we were to add anything at all. There seemed to be far stronger feeling out there that the cafe should be more 'sex and swinging' and who am I to tell everyone else that it must allow everything just as that what I want? With Kats idea on one side and a more liberal ideas on the other sure we could bash out some comprimise ideals that would work.
I still feel that where mods need to act moving to a 'Off Topic' area is less confrontational than locking or deleting threads. It would also provide a quick reference 'how not to do it' for the new poster, and we could even within the 'off topic' area sticky the common threads that have good answers in other threads with links to the old threads in the cafe.

1 May 2005

As a newbie, can I say that I agree with davej.
After the usual introductory saying hello post, the advice to newbies is almost always to join in the chat, get themselves known to others etc. In my own case that is what I have been trying to do and have had some good replies and a bit of fun in the process - if I have gone about things the wrong way nobody has said anything.
At this stage, I am far happier getting involved in a general discussion or a bit of inane lunacy than trying to get into ,say, the GFZ where there are quite a lot of in jokes etc. that I do not understand just now.
So, keep it general please and as long as we all respect other people then there should not be any problems. (I hope!)

1 May 2005

Quote by davej
I already participate in a cafe where threads are seperated out into 'on topic' 'off topic' 'boring' or 'crap' I make that seperation myself, by avoiding threads that I'm not interested in, I don't need to have others seperate things into little pigeon holes for me, or sweep a path through the 'dross' (subjective anyways) I can do it myself.

Well said.
Remember, "The 'back' button is your friend."

1 May 2005

There have been a few threads on here that I've thought were pointless. Others may think otherwise. Surely its for those who are on the forum for them to decide if there's any point and if they wish to reply. A real pointless one will attract no replies or just one pointing out it's pointless! Seems a bit harsh to have it deleted just for that reason.

2 May 2005

Quote by davej
Well said NorthEastCple, Ice and Foxy I would suggest a 'Off Topic' forum. Seen this in a few sites, off topic can mean what we need it to mean and does not sound inflamatory like 'Crap Bin'
Combine this with Kats great, simple, clearer definition of what the cafe is for them and I think we getting somewhere...

I gotta disagree T&H. I see no reason why the 'off topic' and by that I take it to mean having no reference to swinging, should be put away in another area called the pub or the dump room or what ever. I do believe that if you did that then , yes you would get a cafe that reseambled kats vision of what he would like to see, I also believe that you would actually turn it into a pretty dull place. Lets face it, the old whinge of "this has been done to death" could only ever get worse as the subject matter gets narrower.
I already participate in a cafe where threads are seperated out into 'on topic' 'off topic' 'boring' or 'crap' I make that seperation myself, by avoiding threads that I'm not interested in, I don't need to have others seperate things into little pigeon holes for me, or sweep a path through the 'dross' (subjective anyways) I can do it myself.
In general I've found that people that want to tighten up discussion areas, are normally advocating it so that their own narrow band of interests are met and not ,as is often cited "for the good of the place or others" it's hogwash and for the most part I can spot it,. no matter how well disguised this subtle attempt at influencing direction goes.
I believe I've been an active member long enough to gauge the place and to guage what works, or doesn't work for the posters and in that time I've not seen much of a difference in the wants of the cafe's participants. Yes there is a demand for on topic discussions, there's a demand for flirting, but theres just as bigger demand for inane drivel and bollox as well. If some of that inane drivel and bollox doesn't work and lets face it the best thermometer for that is wether folk participate or not, then it falls swiftly to the bottom of the heap........where's the problem.
I won't do it, only because I couldn't bear to face the word association thread and it's ilk again, but I bet if you go get a list of the top twenty threads that have proved successfull in terms of longevity and replies then by far the bigger proportion of them ,will be off topic and far removed from kats own utopia. I'm aware that when you don't narrow peoples choices of topic and push them down the road of staying on topic, then they will plump for taking part in easier, less demanding threads, but a bit like the old Sun newspaper, it's mighty popular despite it's aloof critics.
If I had my way then almost certainly I would want to pull and push in completely the opposite direction to Kat and yourself, because for me things like the GFZ and other threads that are almost exclusively flirtatious are as dull as dishwater with their little 'evil grin' emoticon popping up every where, how many times can you read......oooooh (evil grin)....mmmmmm(evil grin) or "pour me a glass of wine whilst I slip into the jacuzzi (will someone at least rip it out and chuck a spa pool in the fuckin place) before you throw your hands up and say "this has been done to death" but I havn't got my way, nor would I want it and niether am I conceited enough to believe that my own personnal preferences are the mutts nuts and everything else is wafty shite.
Yes the cafe is very diverse in the subjects that crop up and thank fuck for that, because an overdose of anything isn't good for you and in that I include bollox, crap, on topic, off topic and blah blahs. The place has always managed to sort itself out and its managed to sort out posters who don't really get it, so why does it need diluting and seperating out, or squeezing in a particular direction to suit someones specific wants and needs.....no leave the fucker alone and start accepting that we all have narrow bands of interests and that staying out of the ones that don't 'float yer boat' aint that hard.
Agreed :thumbup:
I come to the cafe for some light relief, no pressure chats and laughs, sometimes a debate, sometimes to stick my opinion in or vote on a poll. The range of things the cafe gives me is very different depending on when I pop in and what threads are going at the the time.
I completely disagree with making the cafe an "on topic" place. In my opinion we already have it and I see that as the LMU section. Wooo, great, let's have every thread of people just flirting badly and wanting to pounce on each other, that's really a community atmosphere isn't it confused

. Quite often there are enough on topic threads to make it known that this is a swinging site and quite frankly I don't want sex forced down my throat every second that I am here as I would become bored very quickly. Plus how many times can you talk about sex without repeating oneself? :?
Some of the best times and favourite threads on here personally are the ones that are sooooo off topic that under a new rule would have been deleted! sad

Gem. x

2 May 2005

Quote by little gem
Some of the best times and favourite threads on here personally are the ones that are sooooo off topic that under a new rule would have been deleted!

Gem. x

I agree, for example, the "Wheres my money thread?" would probably have not got off the ground. I havent contributed to it, but it has given me a bloody good laugh.
If all we did was talk about sex, I think the cafe would die a slow lingering death.