Kinky guidance

24 Jul 2012

For the first time in my life I feel the need to ask some sex related advice lol

What do you good folks in the swinging community class as "kinky"? I ask because a guy I've met a couple of times (through another site) has expressed that he's "not sure how kinky" I am (with an undertone that he is far kinkier than I). I've asked him more than once to tell me what kinky is in his opinion, but he goes all coy.
I've even proffered a list of what I do like or have thought about trying (this isn't a job interview, so I won't repeat them here :lol: ) with a "so - is this kinky enough for yer!" type flamboyance, to no avail.
I even put forth sex with animals as my consideration of what really kinky was (and no, I didn't suggest that I might do that, before any of you ask! mad

), and he didn't really bat an eyelid. All of that's a bit worrying, and I will probably gracefully retire from seeing him again, but it did get me thinking - what is kinky?
With ready access to porn of whatever variety floats your boat these days, is anything really considered "kinky" any more? If so, what is kinky? I'd be interested to gauge my "kink" barometer against that of other people :lol:
p.s. can someone tell me how to put a profile pic and a signature on my posts as I'll take an age to work it out on my own :lol:

24 Jul 2012

I wouldn't like to comment as wouldn't want to get banned lol

Tony

24 Jul 2012

Have just ready the sticky and worked out the avatar / signature thingie - doh!

24 Jul 2012

Quote by Shaz_n_Tony
I wouldn't like to comment as wouldn't want to get banned
Tony

Now that really doesn't help! :lol:

24 Jul 2012

I can't help with the kinky stuff 'cos I'm straight as a die in that respect! innocent

But I can help with the PS.
Go here:
http://www.swingingheaven.co.uk/members/my-forum.html
There's a box to add your signature in, and at the bottom there's a button to 'choose' a forum avatar from a file on your PC, or from one of your profile photos. Just be sure it's not 'adult' in nature (no sausages, kebabs, or sex in progress type shots). If you need any more help drop me a PM. ;)
Edit: Note to self... type faster! :doh:

24 Jul 2012

Quote by Cubes
Edit: Note to self... type faster! :doh:

Appreciated anyway lol

24 Jul 2012

Quote by flower411
Sorry to cut a bit out of your post but this does seem to be the relevent bit !!
If you`ve asked and he won`t tell ....move on ...there`s plenty of people who`ll tell you in detail what they like .....lifes to short to wait around for somebody being coy !

Oh, I'm not bothered about that bit (the novelty value of that toy has most definitely worn off lol

) - the whole debacle just got me to wondering what kinky actually is nowadays - more of a philosophical sex question I guess...

24 Jul 2012

Quote by CarrieM
what is kinky?

Doing "it" with the lights on? innocent

24 Jul 2012

"Kinky" is not a word I use at all. The dictionary I looked up defined the word as:
"Slang. Marked by unconventional sexual preferences or behaviour, as fetishism, sadomasochism, or the like."
The word means different things to different people (if it means anything at all) and is probably changing all the time. Who can define what's conventional and what's unconventional? Honor Blackman's long black leather boots in "The Avengers" were the first thing I remember being called "kinky". I'm not sure whether they still are!

24 Jul 2012

just remember its only KINKY the first time !!!

24 Jul 2012

What's kinky? I don't think I find anything kinky, it's often just a word used by those among us who have had a less adventurous sex life.
I'd be wary of your inquisitor, he might be heading somewhere you wouldn't ever wish to go. It's the sort of thing which was likely to raise it's ugly head in the room once upon a time; just leading questions and hints and innuendos...the people asking would never state what they were trying to get to. It always caused me to think that it was, perhaps, something unlawful, sordid, or unacceptable, or perhaps all three.

25 Jul 2012

Kinky's where your heart is?

25 Jul 2012

I don't think it's possible to say which physical acts are, and aren't by definition kinky, not in a way that's universal. Kink involves an intellectual appreciation that you're somehow transgressing a norm, whether that's what could be broadly considered a societal norm, or a much more personal and individual 'what's previously been normal for me?' kinda thing. It's completely subjective and changes over time.
Dean's 'just remember its only KINKY the first time' looks jokey but it's an absolute truism in that respect. Something that seems kinky in the beginning ceases to be so once it's become part of your sexual repertoire and normalised.

25 Jul 2012

Quote by skinny
I'd be wary of your inquisitor, he might be heading somewhere you wouldn't ever wish to go.

Wise words there skinny. The more coy/apologetic of dodgers I have spoken to seemed to be into /sex with minors. It only took me three or four visits to never go into the rooms anymore, it does my head in. I particularly dislike how a lot of these people approach deviation as a competition - very much like the person spoken of in the OP. Extremes in kink are a dangerous and inhuman place to go, not something to brag about in casual conversation.
My thoughts on "kink":
* My own private definition somewhat overlaps "sexual experimentation". Points below may only make sense if read with this in mind.
* It is highly personal. One person's kink can be another person's triviality. Depends on your inhibitions, tendency to sexual adventure, and level of experience.
* Extremes aside, what makes an act kinky has more about the context and the perpetrators' frame of mind than it has to do with the act itself.
* Hornier is kinkier. The bigger your appetite the harder it is to satiate it the more likely you are to try things that go outside the/your "norm".
* Some people try to suppress, ignore or escape from their kinks. Others appear to be chasing after kinks for the novelty factor even though their nature may not require them.
* Fetishists are not always kinky. Paraphilias can get extremely inflexible, which I would tend to classify as "straight".
* For many kink is about exploring the boundaries/taboos, even if just in their own mind. Pornography can be a vent for this, a way to "exercise" an extreme kink without having to go out and do it. For this reason sites were videos are submitted by users can sometimes give an indication on where the collective kink trends are.
And to finish off on this note...

lol

neilinleeds totally in agreement with how I feel on this, that post is bang on what I had been thinking (right down to the comment on Dean's quote).

25 Jul 2012

A good rule of thumb..... using a feather - kinky - using the live chicken..... bit much!! xxx

26 Jul 2012

Having caught up with the comments on here and ranged from nodding sagely in agreement to chuckling away like a madwoman (exactly what did happen in 2006 lol), I tend to agree with you all.
I'm all for trying new things - hell, that's how I ended up here! - but I think all of us have our own little internal barometer which ranges from "hell yeah!" to "doesn't particularly appeal, but I might have a go" to the "jesus, that's a step too far". It may be a fantasy that someone is particularly embarrassed to talk about on first meeting for fear of being laughed at (recalling the time a teenage boyfriend confessed to wanting to be wrapped in clingfilm and I nearly collapsed in hysterics at the thought...), but given that we do what we do, I think too much of an aversion to spilling the beans is a little concerning.
One lesson I have learned from all this though - when prospective partners used to ask the infamous "what do you like in the bedroom?" question, my stock flippant response (because I'm crap at that type of question!) used to be "anything that doesn't involve sacrifical goats". In light of recent events, I think that one-liner may well need a re-think lol