When you have to visit a public toilet, you usually find a
line of women,
so you smile politely and take your place.*
*Once it's your turn, you check for feet under the
cubicle doors.*
*Every cubicle is occupied.*
*Finally, a door opens and you dash in, nearly knocking
down the woman
leaving the cubicle.*
*You get in to find the door won't latch.*
*It doesn't matter, the wait has been so long you are
about to wet your> pants!*
*The dispenser for the modern 'seat covers'
(invented by someone's Mum, no
doubt) is handy, but empty.*
*You would hang your bag on the door hook, if there was
one, so you
carefully, but quickly drape it around your neck, (Mum
would turn over in
her grave if you put it on the** **FLOOR**!) down with your
pants and assume
' The Stance.*
*In this position, your aging, toneless, thigh muscles
begin to shake. You'd
love to sit down, but having not taken time to wipe the
seat or to lay
toilet paper on it, you hold 'The Stance.'*
*To take your mind off your trembling thighs, you reach for
what you
discover to be the empty toilet paper dispenser.*
*In your mind, you can hear your mother's voice saying,
'Dear, if you had
tried to clean the seat, you would have** **KNOWN** there
was no toilet
paper!' Your thighs shake more.*
*You remember the tiny tissue that you blew your nose on
yesterday - the one
that's still in your bag (the bag around your neck,
that now you have to
hold up trying not to strangle yourself at the same time).*
*That would have to do, so you crumple it in the puffiest
way possible. It's
still smaller than your thumbnail.*
*Someone pushes your door open because the latch
doesn't work.*
*The door hits your bag, which is hanging around your neck
in front of your
chest and you and your bag topple backward against the tank
of the toilet.*
*'Occupied!' you scream, as you reach for the door,
dropping your precious,
tiny, crumpled tissue in a puddle on the floor, while
losing your footing
altogether and sliding down directly onto the** **TOILET
SEAT**.*
* It is wet of course. You bolt up, knowing all too well
that it's too late.
*
* Your bare bottom has made contact with every imaginable
germ and life form
on the uncovered seat because YOU never laid down toilet
paper - not that
there was any, even if you had taken time to try.*
*You know that your mother would be utterly appalled if she
knew, because
you're certain her bare bottom never touched a public
toilet seat because,
frankly, dear,*
*'You just don't** **KNOW** what kind of diseases
you could get.*
*By this time, the automatic sensor on the back of the
toilet is so confused
that it flushes, propelling a stream of water like a fire
hose against the
inside of the bowl and spraying a fine mist of water that
covers your bum
and runs down your legs and into your shoes.*
*The flush somehow sucks everything down with such force
and you grab onto
the empty toilet paper dispenser for fear of being dragged
in too.*
*At this point, you give up. You're soaked by the
spewing water and the wet
toilet seat. You're exhausted.*
* You try to wipe with a sweet wrapper you found in your
pocket and then
slink out inconspicuously to the sinks.*
*You can't figure out how to operate the taps with the
automatic sensors, so
you wipe your hands with spit and a dry paper towel and
walk past the line
of women still waiting*
*You are no longer able to smile politely to them.*
*A kind soul at the very end of the line points out a piece
of toilet paper
trailing from your shoe. (Where was that when you**
**NEEDED**it?)*
*You yank the paper from your shoe, plunk it in the
woman's hand and tell
her warmly, 'Here, you just might need this.*
*As you exit, you spot your hubby, who has long since
entered, used and left
the men's toilet.*
*Annoyed, he asks, 'What took you so long and why is
your bag hanging around
your neck?*
*This is dedicated to women everywhere who deal with any
public rest
rooms/toilets (rest??? you've GOT to be kidding!!).*
*It finally explains to the men what really does take us so
long. It also
answers that other commonly asked question about why women
go to the toilets
in pairs.*
* It's so the other gal can hold the door, hang onto
your bag and hand you
Kleenex under the door.*
Mod
so funny but so true too! try leaning forward next time holding the door with your head. 