but sometimes late at night...our guilty bit f fun involves surfing back and to through the shopping channels at the arse end of the sky spectrum, and ripping the piss out of the presenters, frantically trying to fill a half hour slot about a single ring or pendant.
" erm...yes....this is an amazing piece of jewelery engineering"
'hand crafted from the finest lab grown topaz, on a gold plated setting, it looks.....well it looks so bling and would grace any gangsta rappers knuckle'
' we promise it wont turn your finger green for at least a whole week........'
erm Simon its over to you.....'
'why thank you marjorie....well what can i say about this astounding piece of....erm.....jewellery engineering.....um.....er....its round and.....erm a goldish looking colour and....erm....yep its lab grown topaz and .....erm......,marjorie its back to you'
'gee THANKS Simon
well its stunning and erm....fits your finger ....well like a ring really, its lab grown, and its a topaz, which is a sort of yellowy colour.....call it a withered buttercuppish, mango-y or even ripe banana with a hint of smoke damage coloured if you like........and....over to you Simon....'makes us
:giggle:but whats bad about doing this is very occasionally....we will get suckered into falling for an item, and actually shelling out hard earned cash for an item....:shock:
have done the speed cooker with super dooper fast cooking dome lid.....and just used it as a wok....the ped egg.....but got one cheaper off a man in the street selling that well known combo of 'peddo' eggs and brollies
done the abgymnic sliming belts that deliver electric shocks to your obliques to tone them....and nearly stopped my own heart with a voltage to far.....
BUtT this time....oh yes....the piece de resistance were.....the 'Chef Tony Pro Blade knives....oh yes indeedy....so sharp you can cut a can of FROZEN SPINACH straight from the freezer....and only get minimal shards of aluminium in your veggies!!
you too can cut your marble chopping block to pieces with his chopper.....and slice tomatoes soooo thin you cant even see them!
cut carpet tiles with your bread knife, and sever hanks of christmas ham FROM THE BONE before defrosting.....with the steak knives!!
never been as excited as the day the postie deliever the GINORMOUS box, and I opened it to find....loads of popping plastic AKA bubble wrap and a much smaller box containing my treasures.
I opened them...like a child on christmas morning.....ooooohhhhed and aaahhed at the magnificent set that lay before me.....cleavers, steak knives...a paring knife, another cleaver....and not one...but 2 chef tony special all purpose knives!!!!!!!!
now let me tell you about these little beauties....they do everything they say on the ad....well i dont have a marble chopping block, but it made nice grooves in my marble hearth.....BUT WHAT THEY DO ULTRA BEST OF ALL..........
is maim the human hand more effective than Jack the Ripper filleted his victims!!
oh yes indeedy.....they lurk in the sink playing the Jaws music, ready to sever hot water softened fingers down to the bone!!
they turn an innocent bread slicing into the texas chainsaw massacre, and a fruit peeling into a freddy krueger film!
I have single handedly boosted sales of elastoplast since the purchase of my Chef Tony Pro Blades.... and as i type, fingers are attached to my hand by so many pieces of plaster, i am looking like Michael Jackson!
.......i really must go and change my dressings.....nurse is coming out to stitch the gash in my leg tomorrow....
might just put my feet up and get the tv remote and have a flick through the chan.......ooooohhhhhhhh would you look at that......a smoothie maker-cum-sink unblocker......i SO need one of those.............
