Let's Play... talk to a human

28 Jun 2007

Phone: Ring! Ring! Ring! >Click<
Me: Hello?
Phone: Hello, you've reached A Very Big And Important Corporation, where biggest is more than big, it's best.
Me: Oh, joy, I'm talking to a machine, again...
Phone: Our offices are normally open weekdays from nine in the morning until five in the evening. If you are calling outside these times, our Urgent Support Department can be reached on the super-duper-premium-rate number 555-1234.
Me: ... a machine that can't be programmed to know what time it is? Wow. Cutting-edge stuff.
Phone: A lot of questions are answered on our website at double-you double-you double-you dot
Me: Yes, I've looked on your crap website and the question I have wasn't answered there, that's why I'm phoning.
Phone: Press One for this, Two for that, Three for the other, Four for something else, and Zero to hear these options again.
Me: None of those seem relevant. Where's the 'talk to someone' option? OK, let's try '1'. (Pressing '1').
Phone: Press One for the inapplicable option, Two for the inappropriate one, Three for the unrelated one, or Zero to return to the Main Menu.
Me: *sigh* (Pressing '0').
Phone: Press One for this, Two for that, Three for the other, Four for something else, and Zero to hear these options again.
Me: (Stabbing '2').
Phone: Press One for the first choice, Two for the second one, Three to talk to someone in a department that has no bearing on your problem, or Zero to return to the Main Menu.
Me: Aha! (Pressing '3').
Phone: Please wait while we connect you... (muzak chosen for its proven ability to soothe. I quite like this tune.)
Me: tum-te-tum...
Phone: I'm sorry, we are experiencing an unusually high number of calls at present. You are in a queue and your call will be answered as soon possible. (Cuts back into the same soothing muzak, having missed the best bit of it.)
Me: (looking at watch) 'unusually high number of calls' my arse, what you're really saying is that you have a very low number of real people actually answering the phones.
Phone: I'm sorry, all of our operators are currently engaged on another call. Please continue to wait and we will answer as soon as we can. (More muzak)
Me: ALL of your operators are engaged on ONE call? Blimey, must be an earth shattering problem that caller has.
Phone: Your call is very important to us. Please continue to hold, as we get a kickback from your telecommunications provider. We're very grateful for your continued support of A Very Big And Important Corporation. (Soothing muzak again, but this one, I don't like.)
Me: hmmm...
Phone: While you are waiting, please remember that A Very Big And Important Corporation supplies this and that, as well as the other. Full details can be found on our website, assuming, that is, that the Massively Unwieldy And Whizz-Bang-Flash-Centric Web Design Department has got around to actually putting some up-to-date useful information on-line. In reality, if you do visit our website you will probably find that it is very pretty but entirely out of date, and completely lacking the information you seek. (Lullaby muzak)
Me: ZZZZzzzzzz...
Phone: Once again we would like to assure you that your call is of the utmost importa- hello?
Me: Huh? What?
Phone: Hello? Anyone there? >Click< brrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrr
How true is this!? ;-)

28 Jun 2007

Funny u should do this as my mum was on my house phone yesterday for 2 hours :shock: waiting to join a#phone company# and omg u would think they would want your business and do a dedicated line for joining rolleyes

I hate waiting on the phone....always tend to need the loo about 5 mins into waiting redface

28 Jun 2007

Ooooh! Ooooh! Can we play "Name That Corporation!"? Can we? Pleeeeeeze??
My first guess would be.......
Sky TV.
Do I get the prize?
bolt

28 Jun 2007

BT??
If you get to speak to a real person and your problem is too difficult for them to deal with they say "I'll put you through to someone who can help", and then cut you off!

28 Jun 2007

Telewest now known as Virgin Media dunno

28 Jun 2007

Quote by goose35
Telewest now known as Virgin Media

sure is, and according to my pal, it's pants lol

28 Jun 2007

Quote by cu3b4ll
Ooooh! Ooooh! Can we play "Name That Corporation!"? Can we? Pleeeeeeze??
My first guess would be.......
Sky TV.
Do I get the prize?

cu3b4ll this gets my vote - do they still do the " you are in a queue the estimated time until an operator becomes available is 47(or whatever) minutes"
It is a joke though is'nt it and yet we all put up with it. confused

29 Jun 2007

I'm told, and I've never tried this but...... if you get put through to a machine if you repeatedly and quickly hit a number over and over it will put you through to a person. Yes a living breatrhing person.
As I say I've not done this.

29 Jun 2007

sometimes if you dont hit any button you get put through to a real person. Another thing to be aware of is if the company in question has an 0870 number, go to the saynoto0870 here you should be able to find the direct number, usually given as 'if you are calling from outside the uk', all you have to do is replace the +44 with a 0. its worth a try

29 Jun 2007

British Gas! mad

Council Tax! :x
Ring this number urgently or else! Oh, sorry - forgot to say that there's not actually anyone to take your call and we'll keep you on hold for a good twenty minutes before cutting you off entirely. keep trying if you like - we can do that as many times as you want.
Alternatively you can email us and we'll treat it as a completely seperate issue due to lack of internal communications so that you still receive angry threatening letters from us.

29 Jun 2007

NTL?Virgin media same shit different name.
"Technology Tamed"

29 Jun 2007

One day all the creeps who impose these systems on their customers will be sitting in boiling lava in Hell with a phone next to them. All they have to do is to get through to God and the mistake will be rectified and they will get sent to Heaven. Except..........guess who the Devil bought his phone system from?

29 Jun 2007

Quote by ToshUK
One day all the creeps who impose these systems on their customers will be sitting in boiling lava in Hell with a phone next to them. All they have to do is to get through to God and the mistake will be rectified and they will get sent to Heaven. Except..........guess who the Devil bought his phone system from?

I love it!

29 Jun 2007

I never press the option buttons! That way a person HAS to answer and find out what you want cos the computer/automated system hasnt been given any options!

29 Jun 2007

Should ban the automated systems - Why not route all calls through 2nd and third world countries paying adults 4p an hour to answer Questions on stuff they themselves could only dream of having problems with!

29 Jun 2007

Quote by Silk and Big G
NTL?Virgin media same shit different name.
"Technology Tamed"

or any other internet firm! Tiscali Technical Support? now there's an oxymoron! rolleyes

took me half an hour to navigate the options and get through to the techie, then another half hour to get through to him that i'd already tried all his suggestions, and then tried a few he didn't know how to do himself, and none of them work, and no the answer is nowhere to be found on the website, no, not even on page 126 of Frequently Asked Bleedin Questions, before he decided to transfer me, whereupon it was disclosed that the previously undisclosed dialog needed to fix things, that's opened with the previously undisclosed key-combo is kinda kept a bit on the quiet cos users keep buggering their installs and ringing tech support to fix it for 'em? confused

:roll:

at least it was a UK call centre, which is something i suppose. I almost feel ashamed and embarrassed to admit it, but after all the palaver navigating the menu options, being kept on hold forever listening to patronising shite only to then get through to the undertrained, overworked, underpaid newbies that most often staff Indian call centres does my bleedin' 'ead in! redface

as for the automated systems that actually ring me up, wondering if i maybe fancy a nice long chat about cheaper insurance on the car i don't actually own, or balance transfers from the credit cards i don't actually use, or they're great rates on second mortgages on the house i don't actuualy own, the very minute i sit down to eat after a 10 hour bluddy day thanks very much . . . . . and then just hang there, silently, menacingly, nothing and noone there . . . just the cold electric presence of the all knowing, all-seeing, deathly machine mind . . . . . mad

:scared:
neil x x x ;)

29 Jun 2007

Blimey Neil.... breeeaaaathe!
lp

29 Jun 2007

Wibbly ...it's PC World isn't it ...it is isn't it biggrin

I know I went through that exact process 2 years ago. I had to threaten that unless a manager rang me back I was coming down to the local store and was going to stand outside telling all who entered what a shite service they offered for after sale warranty protection.
I would have done it to :twisted: :twisted: :twisted:

30 Jun 2007

The one time I've ever tried, telling the machine "I want to talk to a person" worked. I was somewhat surprised.

30 Jun 2007

bring on the videophone

30 Jun 2007

The BT hub thingie wouldnt work ...... so dialled the help line ( please remember blonde and all techie thingies go straight over my head)
Following a 30 minute conversation when I was told to open this and click on that and what did the thingie say? .........do this do that .......... finally the man said is there a number on the back of the hub? YES .. right well if you type that in it will work??? :shock: It did!!!!
He could have told me that 30 minutes ago???????
:x :x :x :x
But at least I know the weather in India isn't very good either ....... we had a lovely conversation about the rain
Sam xxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxx

1 Jul 2007

Quote by Hungrypussy69
I never press the option buttons! That way a person HAS to answer and find out what you want cos the computer/automated system hasnt been given any options!

actually a number of the companies have now invested in voice recognition software so that you have to verbally choose an option and can no longer perform this great little trick - and if you still say nothing then your cut off for being an obstanate bugga!!
we hate 'em all with a vengeance and so we do use the alternate number sites which allow us to direct dial (or as near as damn it) the UK base of these sad money-grabbing fekking firms

1 Jul 2007

try ringing the DVLA for something!!!!!
I ended up going on the website cos the voice recoginition didnt understand english!!!

1 Jul 2007

Quote by tina1
try ringing the DVLA for something!!!!!
I ended up going on the website cos the voice recoginition didnt understand english!!!

It doesnt do English .......... It does do Welsh! :giggle:
Sam xxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxx

1 Jul 2007

i find it enfuriating.
i end up shouting at the achine in temper.
the worst one i had was bt and after being passed around for 10 mins they cut me off.