There are a lot of things worse than a liar. Then again being lied to can be a very upsetting/frustrating experience, if the lie is a serous one. Little white lies are ok sometimes, when your spareing someones feelings or disguising the new pair of shoes you bought but pretending that you've had them for ages. The type of lies that i really hate are the lies some people tell to get what they want from you, sexual or otherwise. Also the lies they tell to cover up something that they did wrong.
Louise xx
i personally think its a tough one to answer, some lie are said with the best intentions and to spare peoples feelings, i have told lie to people before cause at the time i have thought it the best, for example if some asks if they look fat in something, if they are over weight of course they look fat in it but are you really going to say that? i wouldn't! so if you say no you look fine in whatever you wear, or words to that meaning, is that so wrong? or when on here if someones asking for a meet and you don't like them is it so wrong to make up a excuse rather than just say look i don't fancy you? lol maybe some poeple find that easy to say, personally i don't so i usually say i'm not really looking at the mo, ok so its a lie but a lie with good intentions so again is that so wrong? however to lie about wether your married or not as was suggested in PoloLadys post is not done with good intention and only done with the persons selfish wishes in mind so i can't say i agree with that, a lie covers such a wide range and i think you have to look at the whole rather than the fact its just a lie
I hate lies and yet have told them myself. In fact, my capacity to lie is scarey. I grew up in a houe full of liars and saw the damage that resulted. I was lied to about things which had major implications in my life and I learned to lie in order to survive.
I lied at school to fit in as I was clearly leading a very different life to the other girls - stupid stuff like - liking boybands when I only listened to new romantic stuff at the time. Fancying those yukky boys from Bros - when I was passionate about Larry Mullen the drummer from U2... at one point my whole life was a lie.
Does this make me a nasty person? My lies probably hurt me as much as they hurt anyone else. I have also lied in the past to an ex-boyfriend - I would not have done so if he'd not been abusive.
There are so many complexities to the lying issue and I am probably every one's worst nightmare! My life now is radically different. I don't have to lie anymore and have not had to for over 10 years. That still leaves 23 years of lies behind me.
Not wanting to cause a controversy here, just being honest about the issue. People have so many reasons for lying.
xxxx
Oh Boy.... What a thread.
Very emotive and one that sparks all kinds of very bad memories for us.
Sometimes it seems things get well out of hand and people will lie for whatever reason suits at that particular time, why.. heaven knows but they do and they always will in my view. The result of those lies however just made us more resolute to make sure we find the right people to have fun with, people with humour and people who know how to enjoy themselves without feeling as though they have to drag others to their level to achieve there own happiness... The sad thing is when this happened to us it didn't actually have that great an effect on us but some very new and nervous friends decided the scene wasn't for them after all.. they have missed out sadly as they were just starting to get the hang of it all but this one incident ruined months and months of confidence building..
This lifestyle is made up of so many different characters it’s almost inevitable you’re going to come across someone lying about something or other, we genuinely try to take people at face value, maybe were naïve or even stupid but we just don’t see harm in people till its too late…
Sorry to go on…… it’s a good thread
Mike xx
I've been told lies and I guess I've told them too,little ones I mean,not with any malice,not meaning any actual big lies,the cruel lies,I'd hope I've never done that to anyone.
You yourself know if your heart is in the right place in what you do.I think most of us try to do the right thing and be as honest as we can with our loved ones and friends.
The greater lies are told by institutions,organisations,systems,whatever,things that people conform to for their own ends or out of fear or because of being indoctrinated.
actually reading the last few posts where father christmas has been bough up you have to wonder about that one, we spend half our lifes telling kids not to lie and stay away from strangers then not only do we tell then santas coming but we let him in the bloody house while everyones asleep :shock:
no wonder kids are fucked up lol
At risk of getting flamed here... this is not meant to offend.
I do not agree that you cannot blame upbringing BUT I do agree that everyone has a choice about how they live their lives as an adult.
People are all different - I got out of the habit of lying a long time ago - but do blame it on my childhood. I lied as people didn't believe the truth. As a child, if no-one believes you when you tell the truth - then you lie to become accepted. I did for years.
As an adult, I had the choice - carry on lying - or deal with it, recognise the problem and find somewhere that I could fit in, confront and get over the past and have a future. Not everyone has that point in their lives where they can deal with stuff, and those are the ones that carry on lying.
I do not believe that anyone can honestly say their childhood has not affected how they are today. I do believe that we have the chance and choice to recognise it, and change it. Clasic example being my parenting is vastly different to that which I recieved.
I'm not wanting to recount my life story here but will say this - when you grow up in a house full of liars, you have a choice - lie yourself or become completely isolated, withdrawn and shunned. Telling the truth, I was never believed (as happened - hence I learned to lie fast), and face the consequences at home.
I experienced this again with an ex - told the police, his relatives, everyone and was told that I was lying. So then I did lie - stupidly said he was a nice bloke and apologised - when in fact, he was completely psycho and I thought he was going to kill me.
I lied to protect myself, my mother and my sister. I lied to get a pub job aged 14 so that I could afford the bus fare to school and pay rent, I lied to a violent boyfriend to see the man who is now my husband until I got the confidence to escape, I lied at school so as not to get taken into care for living alone. None of these lies were to hurt anyone, but all were selfish for self-preservation. Can anyone honestly say they'd not lie in that situation?
Having told the truth and getting badly let down by adults - I lied all the time.
I'd be decieving myself if I said i'd never lie again, it's the motives behind the lie that are different. I can honeslty say i'd hope never to lie to hurt anyone, and never have done. We all tell lies in some shape or form, anyone who thinks they don't, is decieving themself.
As you can probably tell, this is an issue very close to my heart. From the replies on here, it'd appear that most think a liar is always a person who lies and does not change. I differ - we all lie but in different circumstances.
On a lighter note... I am size 10, blonde and 6ft tall... honest!
xxxx
but, is telling someone they are mistaken calling them a liar?