In light of the supposed fact that the last census uncovered enough Jedi Knights to make it a recognised religion, and that we now have nearly half a million members on this site (allegedly), I think it's time that we considered forming our own religion.
I propose that we call ourselves "The Swingers".
The Swingers won't have one fixed deity, but more of a revolving system where different people would be named "Mod of the week" - nominated by members of the congregation and appointed by consensus.
Instead of attending regular services, Swingers could instead worship together at gatherings called "munches".
There will be various posts available to which people could be ordained based on popular choice. e.g. I'm sure we'd need an Archbishop for each of the Cathedral Cities of the land. They in turn would ordain others to preside over the "munches".
We'd also need saints - people who've gone out of their way to help those in need. The "need" could be anything social or sexual ;-)
The language would be similar to pre-existing religions, but with subtle changes to the phraseology. For example:
"Thank Jags for that!"
"Swinging Heaven help us all."
"The Lord is my Sheddy."
"The Admin gives - the Admin takes away."
"Forgive me Mod for I have sinned."
Then we'd have to decide on which days would become special. If we got official recognition then those days would lead to time off work. I think Mondays would be a good place to start. Monday would be the "day of rest" after a weekend of hard shagging.
You get the idea. Any other suggestions??
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Look out! Religion!
Sex God
I love this, 
gimme a bit of time to ponder the scriptures of swing (AUP) and see what I can come up with. Just don't evoke the holy handgernade of Antiock
gimme a bit of time to ponder the scriptures of swing (AUP) and see what I can come up with. Just don't evoke the holy handgernade of Antiock
Sex God
Quote by cu3b4ll
Bluddy 'ell Pete... I completely forgot about the 10 commandments. We'll need them too! :shock:
1) thou shalt not covet thy neighbour’s wife, unless thy neighbour expressly wishes it.
Sex God
Quote by cu3b4ll
We'd also need saints - people who've gone out of their way to help those in need. The "need" could be anything social or sexual ;-)
How about Saint "Stan"......he can be the patron saint of Doggers.....
:) :) 
that will just about see me killed and banned from every car park......
Sex God
Quote by fabio grooverider
We'd also need saints - people who've gone out of their way to help those in need. The "need" could be anything social or sexual ;-)
How about Saint "Stan"......he can be the patron saint of Doggers.....
:) :) that will just about see me killed and banned from every car park......
:rotflmao: :rotflmao: :rotflmao: 
Quote by cu3b4ll
Or St Christ (not another f****** timewaster) opher - the patron saint of single guys posing as couples
Just out of interest.... what's your position on missionaries??
:giggle:
If that question was referred to me...missionaries serve a tame but nevertheless important part in being a good devoted swinger or in my case, sexaholic.
Quote by cu3b4ll
I suppose we'll need some religious icons:
http://www.swingingheaven.co.uk/swingers-forum/images/avatars/150138928042aa1d4b81b5c.gif:worship:
Now that looks bluddy good if I might say so myself!!! :smile2:
But it didn't even last a couple of posts before it got added to!!
Quote by sheddy
http://www.swingingheaven.co.uk/swingers-forum/images/avatars/150138928042aa1d4b81b5c.gif
:worship: :worship:
Bad Sheddy
Thou shalt quit yer laffin and get bowin! :jagsatwork::smile2:
Is it Monday yet????
:? :?Quote by cu3b4ll
Monday would be the "day of rest" after a weekend of hard shagging.
Ooops, shit, read that wrong :rotflmao: Already want me day of rest and haven't had me weekend of shagging yet :rotflmao:
Sex God
Quote by cu3b4ll
I suppose we'll need some religious icons:
http://www.swingingheaven.co.uk/swingers-forum/images/avatars/150138928042aa1d4b81b5c.gif
Site goes into Mass Trance mode
:worship: :worship: :worship: :worship: :worship: :worship: :worship: :worship: :worship: :worship: :worship: :worship: :worship: :worship: :worship: :worship: :worship: :worship: :worship: :worship: :worship: :worship: :worship: :worship: :worship: :worship: :worship: :worship: :worship: :worship: :worship: :worship: :worship: :worship: :worship: :worship: :worship: :worship: :worship: :worship: :worship: :worship: :worship: :worship: :worship: :worship: :worship: :worship: :worship: :worship: :worship: :worship: :worship: :worship: :worship: :worship: :worship: :worship: :worship: :worship: :worship: :worship: :worship: :worship: :worship: :worship: :worship: :worship: :worship: :worship: :worship: :worship: :worship: :worship: :worship: :worship: :worship: :worship: :worship: :worship: :worship: :worship: :worship: :worship: :worship: :worship: :worship: :worship: :worship: :worship: :worship: :worship:
As with all religions we'll need some sinners. Can I be the patron saint of sinners? :undecided:
.
Quote by de_sade
Here are the swinging Heaven Commandments
1. Though shalt not Kill threads.
2. Though shalt not have membership to any swinging sites but SH
3. Thou shalt covet thy swinging neighbours ass and anything else you fancy
4. Though shalt not worship Billy Idol (or Stan Colleymore) nor store raving images downloaded from chatroom cam sessions
5. Though shalt keep the sabbath as a day of rest after munches and meets
6. Though shalt not bear false witness about how good other swinging sites are
7. Though shalt not commit adultery. Always ask / involve your partner
8. Honour the sites father, wherever Mark is now.
9. Though shalt not take anothers members name in vain except for Trolls
10. Though shalt not steal anothers idea for a thread (their partner is fine, but ask first)
These may need some refinement.
De_sade
:thumbup:
Sex God
Quote by de_sade
Here are the swinging Heaven Commandments
1. Though shalt not Kill threads. Sinner
2. Though shalt not have membership to any swinging sites but SH Sinnerops:
3. Thou shalt covet thy swinging neighbours ass and anything else you fancy Saint :smug:
4. Though shalt not worship Billy Idol (or Stan Colleymore) nor store raving images downloaded from chatroom cam sessions Saint :smug:
5. Though shalt keep the sabbath as a day of rest after munches and meets Saint :smug:
6. Though shalt not bear false witness about how good other swinging sites are Saint :smug:
7. Though shalt not commit adultery. Always ask / involve your partner Saint :smug:
8. Honour the sites father, wherever Mark is now. Saint :smug:
9. Though shalt not take anothers members name in vain except for Trolls Saint :smug:
10. Though shalt not steal anothers idea for a thread (their partner is fine, but ask first) :undecided:
These may need some refinement.
De_sade
Every day I'll check my compliance with thy commandments Oh Mod!
De_sade = Moses! :giggle:
.
Sex God
Quote by Missy
<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<< :smug:
Thank you Tony
:smug: :smug: :smug: :smug: :smug:
You should be glad they are not all pink and fluffy!!!!!!!!!!
Phewwwy!!! Glad of the "it's fines" 
So glad, that I feel me first 'Diva' request coming on
Blame Sarah, not me ......... bald purple ones are cool, but I need some pink fluffy bowing thingies too The idol, just ain't a proper idol without some pink fluffy bowers :lol2:
Right, where's these commandments, gonna go back and scan through them to make sure I'm being a good SHer 8-)
So glad, that I feel me first 'Diva' request coming on
Blame Sarah, not me ......... bald purple ones are cool, but I need some pink fluffy bowing thingies too The idol, just ain't a proper idol without some pink fluffy bowers :lol2:Right, where's these commandments, gonna go back and scan through them to make sure I'm being a good SHer 8-)
Quote by winchwench
Oooooh I like this idea......
Can I take the confessions?
Pwetty pwetty purleeeeeease?? :twisted:
hmmm I've got a few things I wouldn't mind 'confessing' to you... what sort of penance would I be looking at???
you know where the pm button is.... so pm me to let me know...
Sex God
Quote by Missy
Phewwwy!!! Blame Sarah, not me ......... bald purple ones are cool, but I need some pink fluffy bowing thingies too
Oiii
I heard that, :twisted: :twisted:
I off to help winchwench, once confession has been heard, I will adminster the punishment :twisted:
