Interested in your thoughts, comments on this one.
A friend of mine has always gone out with slim "model type" women, and frankly not had much luck with them (an understatement to be honest!!)
About a year ago he met a very nice girl who he gets on well with, she's got a good sense of humour, clearly worships the ground he walks on (strangely), is independant, successful, charasmatic, pretty, all the things he's always wanted.
But he's into thin women and she's not. If he's being honest with me he'll admit that she has (in his eyes, can't see it myself) quite a large bottom and thick thighs.
Now he'll be the first to admit that to criticise her for these things given all her good points is pretty damn shallow, and to be fair he doesn't, he accepts that she's not perfect as indeed he isn't, and as I say he's been seeing her for a year, still is.
But I sense, I know in fact that whilst he's very fond of her, cares deeply about her, loves her in fact, he's not really in love with her, do you know what I mean?
So how important is looks to true love? Are (some of, most of?) us men just really really shallow? As a woman, could you fall in love with a man you didn't really fancy (not necessarily ugly, just not your type)?
It strikes me that whenever the subject of intense love crops up, looks is always not far behind. Do you believe in love at first sight? I didn't until I saw someone one day and fell instantly in love. I never spoke to her and I didn't see her for a year but never stopped thinking about her. A year later I saw her again at the same annual event and this time spoke to her. We met up afterwards and almost immediately struck up a full passionate and intense love affair which very sadly ended because despite her many good points and her undoubted beauty in my eyes, she was uncontrollably neurotic and jealous and I couldn't stand or live with the constant accusations, tears and recrimminations from someone I loved so much for no reason. But that "love at first sight" thing, that was, must have been, based just purely on her appearance, right? So does that make me very shallow, or is phsical attraction the most (or one of the most) important ingredience of true love?
And my friend, should he stay with this woman that he gets on so well with, or should the fact that she (rightly or wrongly) isn't his type physically mean that despite how well they get on he really ought to be looking for someone who "really does it for him"?
I think he's having half a relationship. He's got all the true friendship stuff and couple stuff going on, but he's not in love. Is he just a shallow man or is this normal and should he find someone he can be in love with even if that person isn't as "nice" as his current lady?
How much does looks matter in the serious business of being seriously in love?
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Love and attraction, the look of love?
I think sexual attraction can interfere with finding your true love. How many people have walked away from a potential `true love` because they have not met this attraction? Mars and I were talking about this the other day, the difference of attraction between a lifelong partnership and swinging. I told him that sexual visual attraction will always play a large part in choosing partners for swinging for me, mind you, I find all sorts attractive! :mrgreen:
However, if he was to suffer some accident (god forbid) which deprived him of his looks, it would be tough, but it wouldn`t undermine my feelings for him. However, I approached him because I was sexually attracted to him at the start. If I hadnt been attracted I may have missed out BIGTIME.
The more I click with a person, the less thier looks matter to me sexually, but I do not seem capable of diregarding this entirely for sexual matters alone. That`s something I could only reserve for Mars I feel. That`s part of the package of love. Maybe I`d never have to reserve it, beauty is in the eye of the beholder, love is blind, so perhaps I`d always find him visually attractive, accident or no!
Venusxxx
However, if he was to suffer some accident (god forbid) which deprived him of his looks, it would be tough, but it wouldn`t undermine my feelings for him. However, I approached him because I was sexually attracted to him at the start. If I hadnt been attracted I may have missed out BIGTIME.
The more I click with a person, the less thier looks matter to me sexually, but I do not seem capable of diregarding this entirely for sexual matters alone. That`s something I could only reserve for Mars I feel. That`s part of the package of love. Maybe I`d never have to reserve it, beauty is in the eye of the beholder, love is blind, so perhaps I`d always find him visually attractive, accident or no!
Venusxxx
Sex God
I have to be attracted to someone to fall in love with them, but then I am quite shallow in that respect. If I wasn't attracted, then I wouldn't have spent the time/effort getting to know them better.
I find it interesting that in books or films whenever for example someone has a new girlfriend the approving comments from family, friends or whatever are always "wow, she's really beautiful", never, "wow she's really smart" or "wow she's really caring".
Appreciate this is the movies but it does seem that physical attraction plays a bigger part in relationships, love etc than perhaps we care to admit?
I've talked before about my desire for fuller figure women, and I have to say that no matter how great a girl was, I really don't believe I could truely fall for a slim woman. It has less to do with how "pretty" they are, and more to do with "my type", and in women my "type" is big and curvy!
I once went out with an older lady who was a great person but if I'm honest not especially pretty at all. But she just had a body that so did it for me, all voluptuous curves and hips and thighs and breasts. I couldn't keep my hands off her! But I've been out with more conventionally "pretty" girls that just leave me a bit cold...
Maybe this whole "type" thing has more importance than we admit to.
And maybe it extends further than just "the look". Maybe for instance there is a smell compatibility thing that we're not even conciously aware of?
Appreciate this is the movies but it does seem that physical attraction plays a bigger part in relationships, love etc than perhaps we care to admit?
I've talked before about my desire for fuller figure women, and I have to say that no matter how great a girl was, I really don't believe I could truely fall for a slim woman. It has less to do with how "pretty" they are, and more to do with "my type", and in women my "type" is big and curvy!
I once went out with an older lady who was a great person but if I'm honest not especially pretty at all. But she just had a body that so did it for me, all voluptuous curves and hips and thighs and breasts. I couldn't keep my hands off her! But I've been out with more conventionally "pretty" girls that just leave me a bit cold...
Maybe this whole "type" thing has more importance than we admit to.
And maybe it extends further than just "the look". Maybe for instance there is a smell compatibility thing that we're not even conciously aware of?
Aah,a subject that has tortured and confused mankind since time ,yes I believe there is something in that,though of course that could be artificial (perfume).I was head over heels in love with woman and we were together for 2 1/2 years until i screwed it all took me long time (2 years) to get over one day I was trolling around Tescos doing single bloke shopping and I got a whiff of HER wasn't her of course,but it hit me like a canonball there and pain was physical.
To this day I can remember that pain.
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To this day I can remember that pain.
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:worship: :worship: :worship: :love: :love: :love: :worship: :worship: :worship: :worship:
Orgasminator
I love it when a man wears a subtle aftershave - one that you can smell ever so slightly when you are so close to them... So horny.
Sexlightened
I knew as soon as I saw her that she was the one. I've never had a 'type' as such, always gone for people I get along with and most haven't been complete munters... Although I'm sure my beloved will disagree.....
However, i am assured by all of her friends that I'm not Mrs Devil's type at all, but we are both head over heels.... Must have been my wit and charm when we met
However, i am assured by all of her friends that I'm not Mrs Devil's type at all, but we are both head over heels.... Must have been my wit and charm when we met
i don't have a type that i prefer.... iused to think i knew what i was attracted to, but its not so....i have been out with all shapes and sizes and i love that i can and did do this, i am definately attracted to smell, voice, sense of humour, ability to converse, empathy....all the skills and qualities i'd appreciate in a great friend. xxx
Orgasminator
Thought I'd crawl out of my hole and add my opinion on this one......
I'm seeing a guy and although I didn't find him stunningly attractive at first I have now grown to see him in a different light. I never base anything on looks alone as I know from experience that it's not the be all and end all but I will admit that I didn't think we'd last very long. 1: because I wasn't bowled over by his looks and 2: because I didn't think he'd find me attractive. I've got to know him more now and his personality and charm etc have had an effect on me and I now see him as an attractive all round person....looks as well. I don't think I've ever fallen in love at first sight as I'm not into looks completely...... there does have to be some attraction though and what I might constitute as attractive others may find repulsive! I do feel that we can grow to love each other - you may not be stunned by someone's looks straight away, but once you get to know them, their beauty shines through. I'm not sure I've written this too well to try and make my point but I know what I mean!
I agree with others on the smell thing...... everyone has their own unique smell - without perfume/aftershave etc - I love that.
Oh, by the way, for anyone that may have noticed me missing.....I'm back....again! (or for anyone that gives a damn.....I do have a proper explanation.... I'm NOT attention seeking!)
I'm seeing a guy and although I didn't find him stunningly attractive at first I have now grown to see him in a different light. I never base anything on looks alone as I know from experience that it's not the be all and end all but I will admit that I didn't think we'd last very long. 1: because I wasn't bowled over by his looks and 2: because I didn't think he'd find me attractive. I've got to know him more now and his personality and charm etc have had an effect on me and I now see him as an attractive all round person....looks as well. I don't think I've ever fallen in love at first sight as I'm not into looks completely...... there does have to be some attraction though and what I might constitute as attractive others may find repulsive! I do feel that we can grow to love each other - you may not be stunned by someone's looks straight away, but once you get to know them, their beauty shines through. I'm not sure I've written this too well to try and make my point but I know what I mean!
I agree with others on the smell thing...... everyone has their own unique smell - without perfume/aftershave etc - I love that.
Oh, by the way, for anyone that may have noticed me missing.....I'm back....again! (or for anyone that gives a damn.....I do have a proper explanation.... I'm NOT attention seeking!)
Orgasminator
Quote by Bari
But I sense, I know in fact that whilst he's very fond of her, cares deeply about her, loves her in fact, he's not really in love with her, do you know what I mean?
(El snippo)
How much does looks matter in the serious business of being seriously in love?
Flamin' Norah Bari... your friend isn't my ex is it? What you have written could have been about us as we had the exact same problem... C and I met on the Internet and we fell in love with our personalities and we didn't know what each other looked like until we met IRL.
C had a tumour removed from his ear, when he was younger, which resulted in losing movement on the whole of the left hand side of his face resulting in crookedness... he felt blighted by this BUT... it mattered not one jot to me... Although I was taken back initially when I first saw his face it only took a few seconds to see past that and I fancied him... however... he prefers willowy, sultry brunettes and well... I'm not...
I tried hard to become willowy for him but it was never gonna happen so I gave up trying to be willowy and we put our collective effort into building a business and loving and caring for each other but because we were not 'in love' and he didn't fancy me we were celibate for five long years... horrible in retrospect but at the time we both kind of went in to a 'switch off' mode...
Then I met GT and I felt that peculiarly odd sensation of stomach lurching the first time he smiled at me. GT, on the other hand, cannot recall that first meeting so I didn't make much of an impact did I! LOL
I know I'm going on a bit but this is relevant to the subject...
The time I did make an impact on GT was when we bumped into each other a couple of months later. C was in hospital at the time well on the mend from an abscess where the tumour had been before... naturally I was worried and was telling GT about Colin... GT said later that I came across as a very caring, nice person with a lively personality and he said that he thought at the time 'I'd love to go down on her...' So for GT initially it was my caring attitude that was the attraction...
Saying that though GT definitely does fancy me... which he makes quite obvious... Any girl will tell you the best compliment your man can give you is, when you are about to leave the house to go out for the night, him growling saying... 'Let's stay in instead' Absolutely priceless... Whether that's because loving the real me made him fancy me I don't know... all I do know is that he does and it matters a lot that he wants to shag my arse off very often! :twisted:
Attraction, sexuality and love are all highly subjective and complex issues but my admitedly limited experience tells me that looks/sexual attraction do play an extremely important part as we humans are visual creatures.
Ask your friend what he feels when he looks deep into his girlfriends eyes... Has he or does he ever feel his insides melting? If he has never felt that for her then he should do both him and her a favour and and move on because he will be ultimately blighting her life too. She'll thank him in years to come when she has found her true love. Deep down she'll know that something is wrong from observing other couples and comparing relationships and she will feel a failure... When you have a relationship where everything is reciprocated 100% it is everything... believe me... and thank goodness it found me!
Quote by WibblyWobbly
Ask your friend what he feels when he looks deep into his girlfriends eyes... Has he or does he ever feel his insides melting? If he has never felt that for her then he should do both him and her a favour and and move on because he will be ultimately blighting her life too. She'll thank him in years to come when she has found her true love. Deep down she'll know that something is wrong from observing other couples and comparing relationships and she will feel a failure... When you have a relationship where everything is reciprocated 100% it is everything... believe me... and thank goodness it found me!
Thanks WW, for taking the time to write this.
I think you're dead right, and I think that whilst as a couple they have a lot going for them, without that "X" factor it'll never be what it should be...
I wonder how many other people are in similar relationships? I know of several I can think of where the the relationship seems based more on compatibility than real deep down love, at least in the case of one of the couple...
