Lusty and loneliness are powerful forces on our minds, far more powerful than reason and common sense.
Lust for another person can lead us to take foolish risks and pull us into relationships that are doomed to never work. Loneliness can make us cling to a person that shows us any kindness or affection. It is so hard not to grab hold of the of first person who happens along through the flotsam and jettsom of a wrecked life.
How do members of this site avoid becoming emotionally involved with swinging partners
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Lust and Loneliness
its not always easy i agree, but i suppose i do get emotionally involved with swinging partners to a certain level as most of the people i swing with have become friends too, so there is that emotional attachment as friends.
there are the one offs that dont become friends but i'm not someone who can do the whole 'fuck n fuck off thing' apart from club situations etc.
I have known one or two people have the way they look at you when playing etc be taken the total wrong way and someone think it was more than it is. I have also had someone wanting to be my boyfriend after one meet, and another one want to marry me after 3 times, all i can say is they must be mental, i aint that good
anyway am rambling now
Earthy xx
there are the one offs that dont become friends but i'm not someone who can do the whole 'fuck n fuck off thing' apart from club situations etc.
I have known one or two people have the way they look at you when playing etc be taken the total wrong way and someone think it was more than it is. I have also had someone wanting to be my boyfriend after one meet, and another one want to marry me after 3 times, all i can say is they must be mental, i aint that good
anyway am rambling now
Earthy xx
I have to find a partner first 
But I know what you mean, I found the first few months very hard to cope with the lose and breakdown, turned the corner well and truely but you do have to be careful.
I had a vanilla date a few weeks back and because of various reasons we never made the second date, we intended to but things got int the way. Now I have no intention of contacting her again because I dont wish to be seen as desperate, now she might be thinking the same thing of course
Such is life
But I know what you mean, I found the first few months very hard to cope with the lose and breakdown, turned the corner well and truely but you do have to be careful.
I had a vanilla date a few weeks back and because of various reasons we never made the second date, we intended to but things got int the way. Now I have no intention of contacting her again because I dont wish to be seen as desperate, now she might be thinking the same thing of course
Such is life
Quote by Ukwineman
I have to find a partner first
But I know what you mean, I found the first few months very hard to cope with the lose and breakdown, turned the corner well and truely but you do have to be careful.
I had a vanilla date a few weeks back and because of various reasons we never made the second date, we intended to but things got int the way. Now I have no intention of contacting her again because I dont wish to be seen as desperate, now she might be thinking the same thing of course
Such is life
if you like her take a chance ffs, what have you got to lose, she can say no and thats it, she probably thinks you arent interested.
just drop her a text saying hi, and sorry have been busy how are you kinda thing
you just never know.
Earthy xx
Sex God
Quote by Ukwineman
Now I have no intention of contacting her again because I dont wish to be seen as desperate, now she might be thinking the same thing of course
Such is life
Phone her or text her now! - you've nothing to lose! The worst she can do is say 'no'. OK maybe not what you want to hear but at least you'll not be forever wondering 'what if...'
Quote by keeno
How do members of this site avoid becoming emotionally involved with swinging partners
I think actually find it very hard to get emotionally involved, so it's not really an issue.
In 10 years of 'fun' I've only become attached to 2 people I 'shouldn't' have. By attached I mean thinking about them all the time, wanting to spend loads of time with them etc.
At the time I thought it was something more than sex, but it was soon to be proved that it was intense lust and it passed.
Yes I am a very emotional/sensitive person, I just find it hard to connect to other humans!
I agree it's hard, as for friendships, I've come to care for a lot of people I chat to on here, some I cared about their wellbeing far more than I should have then they disappear and you don't hear from them for ages, then boom they're back without a word to anyone.. BUT I would still always be there for them, that's just me!
As for swinging I tend not to try and not get emotionally involved because I love Jay but I do have to say that even swinging sex can open up caring emotions for who you play with, this is natural.
There's a difference between caring for someone and falling in love with them imo.
Keeno, people think a lot of you, and if this is what I think it's about, like Freckled says, pick up the phone
As for swinging I tend not to try and not get emotionally involved because I love Jay but I do have to say that even swinging sex can open up caring emotions for who you play with, this is natural.
There's a difference between caring for someone and falling in love with them imo.
Keeno, people think a lot of you, and if this is what I think it's about, like Freckled says, pick up the phone
I am not sure which comes first, real feelings or contact. I have got to feel something for someone before I can reach out to them. My standards {I will think of a better word later} may change depending on how I feel and how long it has been. Having talked etc my feelings change. I think they change. Anyway call those feeling respect, affection or what you will, I can not have sex without them.
Having said that sex does not mean I feel love, true friendship or long term ties. Sometime it does, but I do not have to have sex to feel love, friendship or ties or care for someone.
As for the lady, call her, you never know the future until it happens.
Having said that sex does not mean I feel love, true friendship or long term ties. Sometime it does, but I do not have to have sex to feel love, friendship or ties or care for someone.
As for the lady, call her, you never know the future until it happens.
Sex God
Good point Keeno. For me I have a kind of emotional attachment to the people I play with (obviousl ynot talking club visits here), we chat about all sorts not just sex, a couple of couples we know well know facets about our life and us them. But ultimately it is pure lust driven, with friendship thrown in. I appreciate lust can be very powerful and we are always aware of this in teh frienships we make so it never oversteps the mark.
I guess for us in a secure marriage we don't have any loneliness issues, we have each other for all our loving, supporting, emotional fulfillment issues. But as a single I can see this may well be an issue.
Winey, please as the others say call her, don't regret not trying, most ladies love keenness and to be chased!
pink x
I guess for us in a secure marriage we don't have any loneliness issues, we have each other for all our loving, supporting, emotional fulfillment issues. But as a single I can see this may well be an issue.
Winey
, please as the others say call her, don't regret not trying, most ladies love keenness and to be chased! pink x
Sex God
whoops double posted
Sex God
Quote by Scandal
How do members of this site avoid becoming emotionally involved with swinging partners
Judging by the number of threads about timewasters I reckon most people here achieve it by never actually meeting anyone in the first place
You're just so scandalous and sceptical
(and correct half the time 
) 
Quote by keeno
How do members of this site avoid becoming emotionally involved with swinging partners
The way that we deal with that is we only shag them once and dont ever contact them again
On a more serious note, I think its hard if you are the type of person who does become attached quite quickly. Therefore it may be to your advantage if you dont see the same people too often. Then again that all depends if you do like becoming friends with potential playmates or if you can do the one night only thing. Only you can decide.
Louise xx
Quote by louise_and_joe
How do members of this site avoid becoming emotionally involved with swinging partners
The way that we deal with that is we only shag them once and dont ever contact them again
On a more serious note, I think its hard if you are the type of person who does become attached quite quickly. Therefore it may be to your advantage if you dont see the same people too often. Then again that all depends if you do like becoming friends with potential playmates or if you can do the one night only thing. Only you can decide.
Louise xx
I used to think the same policy was safest, and tbh chances are it is. However, I realised I was getting very little from the sex. The sort of people who I enjoy having sex with are the sort of people I want to keep as friends. Im flucked.
Trust you keeno to bring up a thought provoking topic on a monday. Yes it is tricky for me to avoid becoming emotionally involved but not too hard. When I stop and think what could happen, then my mind rules and not the heart. I am very fond of my swing partner (yes the absentee 1) but for many reasons that is as far as it goes. He is a lovely guy and we always enjoyed chatting to each other as well as other things, but my life is complicated enough as it is without adding another problem to it. When it says NSA fun then thats how it must stay .. otherwise people get hurt. I have made a lot of friends here .. some good friends but I know that when I leave here I will probably leave them behind as well .. cos that has been my experience in previous totally unrelated situations i.e the workplace. After working over 30 years I don't have 1 work related friend left .. not even an acquaintance and don't see why this would be any different. I'm not moaning, its just the way things happen in my life. Time to stop rambling now :silly:
Quote by blueandpink
Judging by the number of threads about timewasters I reckon most people here achieve it by never actually meeting anyone in the first place
You're just so scandalous and sceptical
(and correct half the time )Only half the time?? :shock:
He's not going to like that!
Fee
XX
Sex God
What about the other way round?
I wouldn't say I would get emotionally attached to someone we swung with, but what about if someone was to get too attached to you?
We meet up with some people quite regularly for threesomes and usually, if we swing with another couple, once the shenanigans have stopped, then it's off to separate beds or taxi time!
If its a threesome though, there is sometimes a tendancy for the '3rd person' to want to stay in bed for the night and do all the usual 'coupley-cuddling' stuff.
That's fine by me- we wouldn't ever want them to feel like a spare part in the threesome, but where do you draw the line between just a 3some and a 3some relationship?
Do you think for someone else being part of a couples 3some, they might start having feelings/wanting the couple experience? perhaps jealousy?
I've seen hints of this so far,what about the rest of you?....
I wouldn't say I would get emotionally attached to someone we swung with, but what about if someone was to get too attached to you?
We meet up with some people quite regularly for threesomes and usually, if we swing with another couple, once the shenanigans have stopped, then it's off to separate beds or taxi time!
If its a threesome though, there is sometimes a tendancy for the '3rd person' to want to stay in bed for the night and do all the usual 'coupley-cuddling' stuff.
That's fine by me- we wouldn't ever want them to feel like a spare part in the threesome, but where do you draw the line between just a 3some and a 3some relationship?
Do you think for someone else being part of a couples 3some, they might start having feelings/wanting the couple experience? perhaps jealousy?
I've seen hints of this so far,what about the rest of you?....
Quote by mazandden
What about the other way round?
I wouldn't say I would get emotionally attached to someone we swung with, but what about if someone was to get too attached to you?
We meet up with some people quite regularly for threesomes and usually, if we swing with another couple, once the shenanigans have stopped, then it's off to separate beds or taxi time!
If its a threesome though, there is sometimes a tendency for the '3rd person' to want to stay in bed for the night and do all the usual 'coupley-cuddling' stuff.
That's fine by me- we wouldn't ever want them to feel like a spare part in the threesome, but where do you draw the line between just a 3some and a 3some relationship?
Do you think for someone else being part of a couples 3some, they might start having feelings/wanting the couple experience? perhaps jealousy?
I've seen hints of this so far,what about the rest of you?....
Is there a line to drawn? Consenting adults engaging in consensual behaviours, but each member of the couple run the risk of developing a deeper relationship with the third party or the third party falling for half of the couple.
There are celebrated cases of people living their lives as a true menage a trois and I'm sure there are examples among this sites membership where a couple's relationship has broken down and one partner has then had a relationship with a current or former playmate.
There is a couple who I met through here, who I have played with for nearly four years now. But there is absolute clarity about our 'ongoing relationship' - I am the third party, my involvement enhances and gives more variety to their already great sex lives! If it were different, then I'm not sure that I would want to be involved.
Do I have an attachment to them? Well yes, it's not clinical, robotic sex - we've explored and experimented in a naturally evolving, no pressure environment.
Is there ever a chance that I would 'fall' for one of them? No! because I am the third party and that's not what I'm looking for.
In which case, what do I get out of it? Consider, if a third party isn't in it 'just for the shag' - then the benefit of developing a regular playing arrangement, is the prior experience with each other, the knowing of the 'right buttons' and (normal reasons for not being in 'the mood' excepted) the knowledge that an arranged meet is likely to end in a satisfying time for all!
As to sleeping arrangements - sometimes I go home (but less often now, as I've moved 100 miles away!), sometimes we share the bed, sometimes I or the male half sleep in the spare bed (three adults in a small double isn't the most comfortable nights sleep!) - it just depends on the mood and situation at the time!
Make your rules, draw your boundaries, respect each other and have fun! Damn, simple isn't it? lol
