Just looking at how the voting has changed since the start of the thread.
I'm now wondering if the married folk playing away are the silent majority on SH as most of the people in the Cafe seem like 'proper' swingers. I'd hazard a guess that if the poll was PM'd to all the members (who logged in during the last couple of weeks) the vote would be much higher?
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Married Women and Men who play away don''''t have a category
Should we have Married Men and Woman categories
Quote by plumfabio
Just looking at how the voting has changed since the start of the thread.
I'm now wondering if the married folk playing away are the silent majority on SH as most of the people in the Cafe seem like 'proper' swingers. I'd hazard a guess that if the poll was PM'd to all the members (who logged in during the last couple of weeks) the vote would be much higher?
i was thinking that too .....
most of the people i had contact with never used the forums anyway
Orgasminator
the men who cheat on here really piss me off, there's nowhere near as many women as men on this site as it is without a bunch of bastards doing the dirty behind their wives back and decieving the single ladies here and putting them off the honest single guys.
Lots of respondents seem to be taking the moral high ground on this one (some quite aggressively!!).Until you have been in a situation where any normal sexual activity with your chosen partner (married or not) is impossible, you will not understand the anguish created as you somewhat desperately seek some physical relief with a 'NSA' partner of either sex, rather than engaging ladies of the night or their equivalent. Lighten up, people: To many social, cultural and religious groups, 'swinging' itself is an abomination. Please bear that in mind next time you take off someone else's knickers.
Orgasminator
Quote by laterunnertheres a difference between seeking physical pleasure outside of a serious relationship with a partners consent as opposed to doing it behind their back. If your in a relationship that makes you unhappy leave it before dragging in anybody elses emotions.
Lots of respondents seem to be taking the moral high ground on this one (some quite aggressively!!).Until you have been in a situation where any normal sexual activity with your chosen partner (married or not) is impossible, you will not understand the anguish created as you somewhat desperately seek some physical relief with a 'NSA' partner of either sex, rather than engaging ladies of the night or their equivalent. Lighten up, people: To many social, cultural and religious groups, 'swinging' itself is an abomination. Please bear that in mind next time you take off someone else's knickers.
I think most people on here think cheating is wrong. Some might have mitigating circumstances that cause them to cheat, but the bottom line is their still cheating.
Do you think cheating is wrong? If you can honestly answer NO and that you think cheating is fine, then you have a point, but I’ll hazard a guess that even people who do cheat know deep down its wrong but do it for whatever reasons.
The problem, is that the majority that do cheat don’t even try to communicate with there partners, they just deceive from the word go! Someone mentioned they were in a successful relationship, well if this is the case surely a successful relationship requires communication and trust, so why not talk to your partner, Its proven to work or there wouldn’t be swinging couples here or even singles with their partners consent for that matter.
Although I don’t think anyone on this thread is being judged as such, people are merely giving opinions, and it seems that because it’s a swinging site some people on here think that swingers should be more liberated and less judgemental with people who cheat, from experience that’s far from the truth, in fact, most swingers, see cheating as an even bigger NO NO, due to the fact that their open and honest and don’t see any need to cheat when they can communicate and/or do it together. So I’m not surprised some see cheating as the ultimate betrayal, even more so in this lifestyle.
Isn’t it about time that people recognise that people who swing do still have morals and have a right to like everyone else, are people insinuating that anyone who swings should be in the gutter? That’s what it sounds like, ask any swinging couple on here what’s the worst scenario that can happen in this lifestyle and I’ll hedge a bet a lot will say betrayal, because honest swinging couples have no reason to cheat so why some think they should have no morals is beyond belief.
Do you think cheating is wrong? If you can honestly answer NO and that you think cheating is fine, then you have a point, but I’ll hazard a guess that even people who do cheat know deep down its wrong but do it for whatever reasons.
The problem, is that the majority that do cheat don’t even try to communicate with there partners, they just deceive from the word go! Someone mentioned they were in a successful relationship, well if this is the case surely a successful relationship requires communication and trust, so why not talk to your partner, Its proven to work or there wouldn’t be swinging couples here or even singles with their partners consent for that matter.
Although I don’t think anyone on this thread is being judged as such, people are merely giving opinions, and it seems that because it’s a swinging site some people on here think that swingers should be more liberated and less judgemental with people who cheat, from experience that’s far from the truth, in fact, most swingers, see cheating as an even bigger NO NO, due to the fact that their open and honest and don’t see any need to cheat when they can communicate and/or do it together. So I’m not surprised some see cheating as the ultimate betrayal, even more so in this lifestyle.
Isn’t it about time that people recognise that people who swing do still have morals and have a right to like everyone else, are people insinuating that anyone who swings should be in the gutter? That’s what it sounds like, ask any swinging couple on here what’s the worst scenario that can happen in this lifestyle and I’ll hedge a bet a lot will say betrayal, because honest swinging couples have no reason to cheat so why some think they should have no morals is beyond belief.
Quote by plumfabio
Just looking at how the voting has changed since the start of the thread.
I'm now wondering if the married folk playing away are the silent majority on SH as most of the people in the Cafe seem like 'proper' swingers. I'd hazard a guess that if the poll was PM'd to all the members (who logged in during the last couple of weeks) the vote would be much higher?
or it could be the 'same' person going back in again and again and again and hitting the "yes"??
(note to myself: 2008 NYR, stop being so cynical!
) Orgasminator
Quote by solofunvery eloquently put solofun. I do think humans are a judgemental species by default, even cheats make the judgement that their partner is better off not knowing the truth. They cant complain when more moral people judge them.
I think most people on here think cheating is wrong. Some might have mitigating circumstances that cause them to cheat, but the bottom line is their still cheating.
Do you think cheating is wrong? If you can honestly answer NO and that you think cheating is fine, then you have a point, but I’ll hazard a guess that even people who do cheat know deep down its wrong but do it for whatever reasons.
The problem, is that the majority that do cheat don’t even try to communicate with there partners, they just deceive from the word go! Someone mentioned they were in a successful relationship, well if this is the case surely a successful relationship requires communication and trust, so why not talk to your partner, Its proven to work or there wouldn’t be swinging couples here or even singles with their partners consent for that matter.
Although I don’t think anyone on this thread is being judged as such, people are merely giving opinions, and it seems that because it’s a swinging site some people on here think that swingers should be more liberated and less judgemental with people who cheat, from experience that’s far from the truth, in fact, most swingers, see cheating as an even bigger NO NO, due to the fact that their open and honest and don’t see any need to cheat when they can communicate and/or do it together. So I’m not surprised some see cheating as the ultimate betrayal, even more so in this lifestyle.
Isn’t it about time that people recognise that people who swing do still have morals and have a right to like everyone else, are people insinuating that anyone who swings should be in the gutter? That’s what it sounds like, ask any swinging couple on here what’s the worst scenario that can happen in this lifestyle and I’ll hedge a bet a lot will say betrayal, because honest swinging couples have no reason to cheat so why some think they should have no morals is beyond belief.
Sex God
Quote by jaymar
Just looking at how the voting has changed since the start of the thread.
I'm now wondering if the married folk playing away are the silent majority on SH as most of the people in the Cafe seem like 'proper' swingers. I'd hazard a guess that if the poll was PM'd to all the members (who logged in during the last couple of weeks) the vote would be much higher?
or it could be the 'same' person going back in again and again and again and hitting the "yes"??
(note to myself: 2008 NYR, stop being so cynical!
)i thought i could onlyt vote once :dunno: unless ya got 10 memberships
Quote by X_fanny_x
Just looking at how the voting has changed since the start of the thread.
I'm now wondering if the married folk playing away are the silent majority on SH as most of the people in the Cafe seem like 'proper' swingers. I'd hazard a guess that if the poll was PM'd to all the members (who logged in during the last couple of weeks) the vote would be much higher?
or it could be the 'same' person going back in again and again and again and hitting the "yes"??
(note to myself: 2008 NYR, stop being so cynical!
)i thought i could onlyt vote once :dunno: unless ya got 10 memberships
aha yes, well that scuppas my theory then! :doh:
Sex God
Quote by jaymar
Just looking at how the voting has changed since the start of the thread.
I'm now wondering if the married folk playing away are the silent majority on SH as most of the people in the Cafe seem like 'proper' swingers. I'd hazard a guess that if the poll was PM'd to all the members (who logged in during the last couple of weeks) the vote would be much higher?
or it could be the 'same' person going back in again and again and again and hitting the "yes"??
(note to myself: 2008 NYR, stop being so cynical!
)i thought i could onlyt vote once :dunno: unless ya got 10 memberships
aha yes, well that scuppas my theory then! :doh:
i did try and it wouldnt let me vote :lol:
Quote by easyease
the men who cheat on here really piss me off, there's nowhere near as many women as men on this site as it is without a bunch of bastards doing the dirty behind their wives back and decieving the single ladies here and putting them off the honest single guys.
How very dare you call me a bastard, you know nothing about my circumstances
Not eveyone's lives are a simple as you clearly suggest (or you perhaps are!) Quote by solofun
Come on SH......... smell the coffee...... recognise the opportunity currently being missed.
James
Do you know what your asking
: So you want SH to open a new category for people who cheat :?: not married persons who play on their own, but married persons who play away (your words)
Seems a bit to ask from a lifestyle thats supposed to be based on trust and honesty, yes it happens and i for one don't condone it, but i certainly wouldn't encourage it and thats what your asking SH to do.
And as it stands any single profile can have a married status as it is, and if you wish it also has a text box to describe your current status. But why would people who play away want to advertise that fact anyway :?: no point being honest with strangers about it if they can't be honest with the person their playing away from.
Very good points indeed. We feel that if you want to state you are playing away, you can of course put that in your advert anyway, dont need a seperate box for it. We would not play with a married person if we knew they were " playing away ".
Not going into the morals of it but just find it strange why somebody would want to advertise the fact they are cheating on their wife/husband ? But then again people we know would find it strange why we would want to have sex with other people!! :shock:
Quote by laterunner
Please bear that in mind next time you take off someone else's knickers.
I find greater enjoyment in putting them on... usually I have to admit, without consent.
Though this (perviously considered) harmless passtime is increasingly dificult living where I do; not too many washing lines..fewer opportunities.
lp
Orgasminator
Quote by plumfabio
the men who cheat on here really piss me off, there's nowhere near as many women as men on this site as it is without a bunch of bastards doing the dirty behind their wives back and decieving the single ladies here and putting them off the honest single guys.
How very dare you call me a bastard, you know nothing about my circumstances
Not eveyone's lives are a simple as you clearly suggest (or you perhaps are!)i wasnt aiming my views at any one in particular but what can i say, if the cap fits......As someone who has been shat on from a great height myself I'm perfectly entitled to hold my point of view regarding liars and cheats.
Sex God
easyease every man married or otherwise pays his money like the rest of us what they do here is their business as has previously been said it is not just the men but women to
Orgasminator
Quote by X_fanny_xfair enough, people like that shouldnt be surprised at hearing a point of view they dont like when they chat about this subject in a someones stupid enough to ask the op's original question then dont be surprised if they get some flack for it.
easyease every man married or otherwise pays his money like the rest of us what they do here is their business as has previously been said it is not just the men but women to
Im realistic and realise the world nor this site cant be full of honest people.
d'ya know what, I usually take everything I read on this forums with a pinch of salt, much prefering to bumble along in my own little bubble of happiness.
Its very rare I will stick my head above the parapet and rock the boat, by speaking my mijnd or my true I am truly disgusted at the way this thread has progressed. It has turned into a witch hunt against singlies who for whatever reason chose to seek physical love with another person without their partners knowledge.
There have been some very well though out and salient points, on both sides, but also some downright rude and aggressive posts. Its up to PERSONAL choice as to why people decide to seek sex with another person outside their relationship, and PERSONAL choice if you wish to play with people who do so without their partners knowledge or consent.
But to slag other people off for doing so is not on, and to start flinging names and slurs about because you have suffered personally from a cheating partner, and tarring everyone with the same brush, smacks of bullying. The people who do what they do are not freaks or monsters, they are people, with feelings, and as such deserve respect, civility and manners, as a basic human right.
I am appalled that in this day and age, people can be judged so badly by people that they have never even met, and that such negetive feelings can be spewed forth without so much a s a by your leave. A lot of people have been very hurt by comments on this thread, and it seems that the original OP has skipped off after lighting the blue touch paper.
We cannot all be fortunate enough to be in a perfect relationship, and for everything to be hunky dory, i have said it before, and will say it again....there but for the grace of god go any of us.
And I hope that those who have spat bile and venom on this thread, never need any support or sympathy at any time, and be shot down in flames like some people have been on here.
Its very rare I will stick my head above the parapet and rock the boat, by speaking my mijnd or my true I am truly disgusted at the way this thread has progressed. It has turned into a witch hunt against singlies who for whatever reason chose to seek physical love with another person without their partners knowledge.
There have been some very well though out and salient points, on both sides, but also some downright rude and aggressive posts. Its up to PERSONAL choice as to why people decide to seek sex with another person outside their relationship, and PERSONAL choice if you wish to play with people who do so without their partners knowledge or consent.
But to slag other people off for doing so is not on, and to start flinging names and slurs about because you have suffered personally from a cheating partner, and tarring everyone with the same brush, smacks of bullying. The people who do what they do are not freaks or monsters, they are people, with feelings, and as such deserve respect, civility and manners, as a basic human right.
I am appalled that in this day and age, people can be judged so badly by people that they have never even met, and that such negetive feelings can be spewed forth without so much a s a by your leave. A lot of people have been very hurt by comments on this thread, and it seems that the original OP has skipped off after lighting the blue touch paper.
We cannot all be fortunate enough to be in a perfect relationship, and for everything to be hunky dory, i have said it before, and will say it again....there but for the grace of god go any of us.
And I hope that those who have spat bile and venom on this thread, never need any support or sympathy at any time, and be shot down in flames like some people have been on here.
timely reminder
each to thier own and all that though eh?
lp
each to thier own and all that though eh?
lp
Orgasminator
"It has turned into a witch hunt against singlies who for whatever reason chose to seek physical love with another person without their partners knowledge. "
singlies with partners eh? surely a contradiction in terms?
I'll shut up now you will be pleased to know.
singlies with partners eh? surely a contradiction in terms?
I'll shut up now you will be pleased to know.
each to their own indeed LP
Its just bullying, and downright rudeness and nastiness for nastiness sake, that I cant stand.
Quote by Bonedigger
I tend to steer well clear of commenting on really hot threads, and may occasionally have a peep just to see whats going on, but otherwise i would keep quiet, unless something in the thread REALLY got my goat and I felt that an undeserved injustice had been done.
I go out of my way to avoid conflict of any kind, as I would in real life, and it has to a major thing to make me get all uppity
Its just bullying, and downright rudeness and nastiness for nastiness sake, that I cant stand.
Quote by Bonedigger
d'ya know what, I usually take everything I read on this forums with a pinch of salt, much prefering to bumble along in my own little bubble of happiness.
Its very rare I will stick my head above the parapet and rock the boat, by speaking my mijnd or my true I am truly disgusted at the way this thread has progressed. It has turned into a witch hunt against singlies who for whatever reason chose to seek physical love with another person without their partners knowledge.
There have been some very well though out and salient points, on both sides, but also some downright rude and aggressive posts. Its up to PERSONAL choice as to why people decide to seek sex with another person outside their relationship, and PERSONAL choice if you wish to play with people who do so without their partners knowledge or consent.
But to slag other people off for doing so is not on, and to start flinging names and slurs about because you have suffered personally from a cheating partner, and tarring everyone with the same brush, smacks of bullying. The people who do what they do are not freaks or monsters, they are people, with feelings, and as such deserve respect, civility and manners, as a basic human right.
I am appalled that in this day and age, people can be judged so badly by people that they have never even met, and that such negetive feelings can be spewed forth without so much a s a by your leave. A lot of people have been very hurt by comments on this thread, and it seems that the original OP has skipped off after lighting the blue touch paper.
We cannot all be fortunate enough to be in a perfect relationship, and for everything to be hunky dory, i have said it before, and will say it again....there but for the grace of god go any of us.
And I hope that those who have spat bile and venom on this thread, never need any support or sympathy at any time, and be shot down in flames like some people have been on here.
well said
xx
Sex God
Quote by Bonedigger
d'ya know what, I usually take everything I read on this forums with a pinch of salt, much prefering to bumble along in my own little bubble of happiness.
Its very rare I will stick my head above the parapet and rock the boat, by speaking my mijnd or my true I am truly disgusted at the way this thread has progressed. It has turned into a witch hunt against singlies who for whatever reason chose to seek physical love with another person without their partners knowledge.
There have been some very well though out and salient points, on both sides, but also some downright rude and aggressive posts. Its up to PERSONAL choice as to why people decide to seek sex with another person outside their relationship, and PERSONAL choice if you wish to play with people who do so without their partners knowledge or consent.
But to slag other people off for doing so is not on, and to start flinging names and slurs about because you have suffered personally from a cheating partner, and tarring everyone with the same brush, smacks of bullying. The people who do what they do are not freaks or monsters, they are people, with feelings, and as such deserve respect, civility and manners, as a basic human right.
I am appalled that in this day and age, people can be judged so badly by people that they have never even met, and that such negetive feelings can be spewed forth without so much a s a by your leave. A lot of people have been very hurt by comments on this thread, and it seems that the original OP has skipped off after lighting the blue touch paper.
We cannot all be fortunate enough to be in a perfect relationship, and for everything to be hunky dory, i have said it before, and will say it again....there but for the grace of god go any of us.
And I hope that those who have spat bile and venom on this thread, never need any support or sympathy at any time, and be shot down in flames like some people have been on here.
Mrs B, I salute you!
:thumbup:
Sex God
Quote by Bonedigger
d'ya know what, I usually take everything I read on this forums with a pinch of salt, much prefering to bumble along in my own little bubble of happiness.
Its very rare I will stick my head above the parapet and rock the boat, by speaking my mijnd or my true I am truly disgusted at the way this thread has progressed. It has turned into a witch hunt against singlies who for whatever reason chose to seek physical love with another person without their partners knowledge.
There have been some very well though out and salient points, on both sides, but also some downright rude and aggressive posts. Its up to PERSONAL choice as to why people decide to seek sex with another person outside their relationship, and PERSONAL choice if you wish to play with people who do so without their partners knowledge or consent.
But to slag other people off for doing so is not on, and to start flinging names and slurs about because you have suffered personally from a cheating partner, and tarring everyone with the same brush, smacks of bullying. The people who do what they do are not freaks or monsters, they are people, with feelings, and as such deserve respect, civility and manners, as a basic human right.
I am appalled that in this day and age, people can be judged so badly by people that they have never even met, and that such negetive feelings can be spewed forth without so much a s a by your leave. A lot of people have been very hurt by comments on this thread, and it seems that the original OP has skipped off after lighting the blue touch paper.
We cannot all be fortunate enough to be in a perfect relationship, and for everything to be hunky dory, i have said it before, and will say it again....there but for the grace of god go any of us.
And I hope that those who have spat bile and venom on this thread, never need any support or sympathy at any time, and be shot down in flames like some people have been on here.
amen to that :thumbup:
Sex God
Quote by easyeasefair enough, people like that shouldnt be surprised at hearing a point of view they dont like when they chat about this subject in a someones stupid enough to ask the op's original question then dont be surprised if they get some flack for it.
easyease every man married or otherwise pays his money like the rest of us what they do here is their business as has previously been said it is not just the men but women to
Im realistic and realise the world nor this site cant be full of honest people.
its not peoples points of views that upsets them it is the judgements made without knowing circumstances by others
Quote by easyease
"It has turned into a witch hunt against singlies who for whatever reason chose to seek physical love with another person without their partners knowledge. "
singlies with partners eh? surely a contradiction in terms?
I'll shut up now you will be pleased to know.
I meant people with singles accounts!!!!
This argument will always result in an 'agree to disagree principle'.
Why? because cheaters take their enjoyment quite seriously. What with all the shenanigans, planning , costs etc; its quite an investment in having fun. And for cheaters it really is fun.
All the other arguments about having dissapointing partners, missed opportunities etc. are fine; but the fact is cheaters get off on their behaviour and how they do it. Its what they do in life. And oddly enough they usually find it.
And fun usually involves some risk, some deception and the possibility of a victim.
The swingers code, based on the 'openess' amongst consenting couples; is as is needed for that style of fun. But it equally comes with as much hypocrisy and deceit as cheating. Albeit placed or avoided in different circumstances.
Fair enough for those who hold a strict code of behaviour. But its appears to be unlikely that one can demand equal behaviour from other opportunistic sexaul operators. Unless one has to substantiate the behaviour of swinging within a monogamistic society.
So I am not surprised that there will not be an agreement on this. It appears to be redundant, resulting only in the loss of coherent argument.
Why? because cheaters take their enjoyment quite seriously. What with all the shenanigans, planning , costs etc; its quite an investment in having fun. And for cheaters it really is fun.
All the other arguments about having dissapointing partners, missed opportunities etc. are fine; but the fact is cheaters get off on their behaviour and how they do it. Its what they do in life. And oddly enough they usually find it.
And fun usually involves some risk, some deception and the possibility of a victim.
The swingers code, based on the 'openess' amongst consenting couples; is as is needed for that style of fun. But it equally comes with as much hypocrisy and deceit as cheating. Albeit placed or avoided in different circumstances.
Fair enough for those who hold a strict code of behaviour. But its appears to be unlikely that one can demand equal behaviour from other opportunistic sexaul operators. Unless one has to substantiate the behaviour of swinging within a monogamistic society.
So I am not surprised that there will not be an agreement on this. It appears to be redundant, resulting only in the loss of coherent argument.
Sex God
Quote by duncanlondon
So I am not surprised that there will not be an agreement on this. It appears to be redundant, resulting only in the loss of coherent argument.
:thumbup: indeed.
Orgasminator
so yet again i fail to make friends on this site, what the heck is it with me that makes me the twat for voicing an opinion?
why do i all of a sudden feel guilty for believing cheating is wrong?
I shared my view point here because its a subject i care about ,but all i get is painted as a troll.
why do i all of a sudden feel guilty for believing cheating is wrong?
I shared my view point here because its a subject i care about ,but all i get is painted as a troll.
