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Married Women and Men who play away don''''t have a category

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Quote by Bonedigger
d'ya know what, I usually take everything I read on this forums with a pinch of salt, much prefering to bumble along in my own little bubble of happiness.
Its very rare I will stick my head above the parapet and rock the boat, by speaking my mijnd or my true I am truly disgusted at the way this thread has progressed. It has turned into a witch hunt against singlies who for whatever reason chose to seek physical love with another person without their partners knowledge.
There have been some very well though out and salient points, on both sides, but also some downright rude and aggressive posts. Its up to PERSONAL choice as to why people decide to seek sex with another person outside their relationship, and PERSONAL choice if you wish to play with people who do so without their partners knowledge or consent.
But to slag other people off for doing so is not on, and to start flinging names and slurs about because you have suffered personally from a cheating partner, and tarring everyone with the same brush, smacks of bullying. The people who do what they do are not freaks or monsters, they are people, with feelings, and as such deserve respect, civility and manners, as a basic human right.
I am appalled that in this day and age, people can be judged so badly by people that they have never even met, and that such negetive feelings can be spewed forth without so much a s a by your leave. A lot of people have been very hurt by comments on this thread, and it seems that the original OP has skipped off after lighting the blue touch paper.
We cannot all be fortunate enough to be in a perfect relationship, and for everything to be hunky dory, i have said it before, and will say it again....there but for the grace of god go any of us.
And I hope that those who have spat bile and venom on this thread, never need any support or sympathy at any time, and be shot down in flames like some people have been on here.

Great post, have a kiss
Quote by easyease
so yet again i fail to make friends on this site, what the heck is it with me that makes me the twat for voicing an opinion?
why do i all of a sudden feel guilty for believing cheating is wrong?
I shared my view point here because its a subject i care about ,but all i get is painted as a troll. sad

maybe it was the way u said it ...... confused
Quote by easyease
so yet again i fail to make friends on this site, what the heck is it with me that makes me the twat for voicing an opinion?
why do i all of a sudden feel guilty for believing cheating is wrong?
I shared my view point here because its a subject i care about ,but all i get is painted as a troll. sad

Welcome to the club, honey. biggrin
Of course you're entitled to your opinion - you don't have to agree with anyone.
Quote by Bonedigger
Its up to PERSONAL choice as to why people decide to seek sex with another person outside their relationship, and PERSONAL choice if you wish to play with people who do so without their partners knowledge or consent.

Yes it is up to personal choice - I totally agree but the author of this thread was asking if there should be a category for that.
I think the whole thread has been turned upside down on it's arse to be honest.
My opinion is this, I don't agree with people having affairs... that's my belief BUT I would never ever devalue a person for doing so as it is THEIR choice. But the question was.. should we have a category... my answer in my opinion was 'no'. I've said all along each one to their own, I'm sure others will agree.
The thread should never have become an attack on people who have affairs but everyone is entitled to their own opinions as much as what they do in their sexual lives.
Quote by danne-gary
so yet again i fail to make friends on this site, what the heck is it with me that makes me the twat for voicing an opinion?
why do i all of a sudden feel guilty for believing cheating is wrong?
I shared my view point here because its a subject i care about ,but all i get is painted as a troll. sad

maybe it was the way u said it ...... confused
ok so I regret using bad language . I know the swinging community are a sensitive bunch of souls when it comes to rude words. I dont regret my sentiment though.
Ok, Easyease
put your self in my shoes for one minute. I'm in a relationship, (married 14 years, 2 kids) wife devolops medical condition that reduces libedo to zero, then has operation now finds sex painful and has zero urge to have sex. so if it's so easy, black and white what do I do? bearing in mind I am still emotionaly involved with my wife? a little light relief on this web site or break up the family? or give up sex? I have never cheated yet but I may be tempted in the future and many in my position would be tempted to. Ask yourself what would you do? not an easy one, no matter what you do someone gets hurt hardly suprising people arn't allways honest, although I would not play with anyone else without telling them my situation first. At the end of the day there's always a but, if,or a maybe. Personaly for me I'd rather be in the same group as others in a similar situation and not have to explain myself to people who just want to drag you through the mud because you are not as fortunate as they are. Their been honest, now tear me to shreds.
Quote by hornyman69
Ok, Easyease
put your self in my shoes for one minute. I'm in a relationship, (married 14 years, 2 kids) wife devolops medical condition that reduces libedo to zero, then has operation now finds sex painful and has zero urge to have sex. so if it's so easy, black and white what do I do? bearing in mind I am still emotionaly involved with my wife? a little light relief on this web site or break up the family? or give up sex? I have never cheated yet but I may be tempted in the future and many in my position would be tempted to. Ask yourself what would you do? not an easy one, no matter what you do someone gets hurt hardly suprising people arn't allways honest, although I would not play with anyone else without telling them my situation first. At the end of the day there's always a but, if,or a maybe. Personaly for me I'd rather be in the same group as others in a similar situation and not have to explain myself to people who just want to drag you through the mud because you are not as fortunate as they are. Their been honest, now tear me to shreds.
how about talking to your wife and telling her what you feel? what are you scared of? her rejecting you? I can assure you that she would be more hurt by lies and deception of you cheating than your honesty in expressing your feelings.
This thread is going way off topic and in danger of becoming a problem. Please keep your judgements of others within acceptable bounds.
cool
Quote by de_sade
d'ya know what, I usually take everything I read on this forums with a pinch of salt, much prefering to bumble along in my own little bubble of happiness.
Its very rare I will stick my head above the parapet and rock the boat, by speaking my mijnd or my true I am truly disgusted at the way this thread has progressed. It has turned into a witch hunt against singlies who for whatever reason chose to seek physical love with another person without their partners knowledge
Surely some mistake. How can you be single, or a "singly" and have a partner? That invalidates the argument and the accusation...
There have been some very well though out and salient points, on both sides, but also some downright rude and aggressive posts. Its up to PERSONAL choice as to why people decide to seek sex with another person outside their relationship
True but if it is done without your partner's consent it is called CHEATING
and PERSONAL choice if you wish to play with people who do so without their partners knowledge or consent.
Yep, still called CHEATING
But to slag other people off for doing so is not on, and to start flinging names and slurs about because you have suffered personally from a cheating partner
Now who is being judgemental (?), what you suppose is not correct in all cases...Perhaps some people just have more RESPECT for their partner and/or their relationship
and tarring everyone with the same brush, smacks of bullying.
Bullying was covered in another thread and amazingly the biggest bullies were those who expected everyone else to agree with them about bullying...
The people who do what they do are not freaks or monsters, they are people, with feelings, and as such deserve respect, civility and manners, as a basic human right.
What about the rights of their partners? Don't they count then..?
I am appalled that in this day and age, people can be judged so badly by people that they have never even met
What, you mean in the way you are judging those that think that cheating on your partner is WRONG..Double standards or what?
, and that such negetive feelings can be spewed forth without so much a s a by your leave. A lot of people have been very hurt by comments on this thread,
Maybe they should re-think their lifestyles then or simply just stop cheating on their partners
and it seems that the original OP has skipped off after lighting the blue touch paper.
How do you know? Is this another case of pre-judgement? It doesn't make your judgement right...
We cannot all be fortunate enough to be in a perfect relationship, and for everything to be hunky dory,
So does that mean it is OK to fuck up everyone else's relationship then or to justify such action to a minority here on SH?
i have said it before, and will say it again....there but for the grace of god go any of us.
Thankfully not me or quite a few others here on SH
And I hope that those who have spat bile and venom on this thread, never need any support or sympathy
If I did I wouldn't seek it from the folks on SH, there are professionals who offer that kind of support and from bitter experience (though with one or two exceptions) the kind of support offered by most SH members is no better than a knife in the back
at any time, and be shot down in flames like some people have been on here.

This is an unnecessary dissection of a valid point of view, which many understood without your additions.
I've read this thread with a certain amount of trepidation, and reluctance to get too involved, because of the obvious potential for it to get nasty.
However de_sade if you are going to criticize someone for being biased, or missing the point, as you seem to imply, then you must also be very careful that you do not come across as being equally ill-informed.
Quote by easyease
Ok, Easyease
put your self in my shoes for one minute. I'm in a relationship, (married 14 years, 2 kids) wife devolops medical condition that reduces libedo to zero, then has operation now finds sex painful and has zero urge to have sex. so if it's so easy, black and white what do I do? bearing in mind I am still emotionaly involved with my wife? a little light relief on this web site or break up the family? or give up sex? I have never cheated yet but I may be tempted in the future and many in my position would be tempted to. Ask yourself what would you do? not an easy one, no matter what you do someone gets hurt hardly suprising people arn't allways honest, although I would not play with anyone else without telling them my situation first. At the end of the day there's always a but, if,or a maybe. Personaly for me I'd rather be in the same group as others in a similar situation and not have to explain myself to people who just want to drag you through the mud because you are not as fortunate as they are. Their been honest, now tear me to shreds.
how about talking to your wife and telling her what you feel? what are you scared of? her rejecting you? I can assure you that she would be more hurt by lies and deception of you cheating than your honesty in expressing your feelings.
maybe it has already been spoken about and that is from your point of view yes?? im assuming that you can not speak for his wife. do you know for certain that would be her reaction??
I have already disscused this with my wife. She is not happy for me to have sex with other people, and is terrified that I will leave her. Pleasuring myself does not fill the gap. I have considered taking drugs to control my natural urges. I don't intend posting any more responses, didn't realise so many in this community would pre judge and jump to conclusions maybe sh is not as wonderful as I thought it was. Good bye folks....
Why is it that when someone disagrees with you, you're accused of "pre-judging".
You've just posted your life story on a public forum - there's no pre-judging involved there.
Cheating is cheating, regardless of the circumstances unless the other partner consents and then it is an open relationship, surely???
I'm not even getting into whether it has a place within swinging or not. lol
Quote by Marya_Northeast
Why is it that when someone disagrees with you, you're accused of "pre-judging".
You've just posted your life story on a public forum - there's no pre-judging involved there.
Cheating is cheating, regardless of the circumstances unless the other partner consents and then it is an open relationship, surely???
I'm not even getting into whether it has a place within swinging or not. lol

Thanks - saved me typing! It was a 'justification' post, methinks.
cheers buddy!!! thanks.
leaving this thread alone now.
The moral of this story is if your gonna do the dirty dont go bragging about it. Otherwise you might not like what you hear.
Quote by easyease
The moral of this story is if your gonna do the dirty dont go bragging about it. Otherwise you might not like what you hear.

who's been bragging?
Quote by X_fanny_x
The moral of this story is if your gonna do the dirty dont go bragging about it. Otherwise you might not like what you hear.

who's been bragging?
dunno :dunno: :dunno:
Some things are meant to confuse us.
Quote by bbw_lover
The moral of this story is if your gonna do the dirty dont go bragging about it. Otherwise you might not like what you hear.

who's been bragging?
dunno :dunno: :dunno:
Some things are meant to confuse us.
seems so cool
Quote by de_sade
The moral of this story is if your gonna do the dirty dont go bragging about it. Otherwise you might not like what you hear.

who's been bragging?
Maverick.
dunno
I think the moral of this debate is to neither brag about cheating or non cheating or indeed any virtues and qualities you may think you have.
Swinging = Adultery with consent
Cheating = Adultery without consent
Both morally condemned by societies & billions around the world, but such is human nature that some "Swingers", eventhough their own acts widely defined as immoral, find the need to look down at "Cheaters". Yes, people get hurt, but people get hurt in a lot more ways other than being cheated on. A Couple you swing with are perhaps fraudsters, bad parents, etc etc list goes on, but do you check all that!? heck no and you don't try finding out either because you cannot be bothered to do so, but you sure are bothered about "cheaters". so please get off this high horse of selective morality, enjoy sex and live & let live.
as for a seperate section, it would be fruitless/pointless excercise until the majority are neutral - which is just not going to happen anytime soon.
Quote by Freckledbird
Why is it that when someone disagrees with you, you're accused of "pre-judging".
You've just posted your life story on a public forum - there's no pre-judging involved there.
Cheating is cheating, regardless of the circumstances unless the other partner consents and then it is an open relationship, surely???
I'm not even getting into whether it has a place within swinging or not. lol

Thanks - saved me typing! It was a 'justification' post, methinks.
and me, I can't be ars*d with this anymore, it's crimbo time, I need to go get ratted.
Quote by 3verve
Swinging = Adultery with consent
Cheating = Adultery without consent
Both morally condemned by societies & billions around the world, but such is human nature that some "Swingers", eventhough their own acts widely defined as immoral, find the need to look down at "Cheaters". Yes, people get hurt, but people get hurt in a lot more ways other than being cheated on. A Couple you swing with are perhaps fraudsters, bad parents, etc etc list goes on, but do you check all that!? heck no and you don't try finding out either because you cannot be bothered to do so, but you sure are bothered about "cheaters". so please get off this high horse of selective morality, enjoy sex and live & let live.
as for a seperate section, it would be fruitless/pointless excercise until the majority are neutral - which is just not going to happen anytime soon.
the fact you fail to percieve is that by meeting a cheater a person would be directly involved in causing pain to an innocent party. wtf has fraud and bad parenting got to do with this spare us the weak ass excuses you feed yourself to try justify your actions.
Quote by easyease
Swinging = Adultery with consent
Cheating = Adultery without consent
Both morally condemned by societies & billions around the world, but such is human nature that some "Swingers", eventhough their own acts widely defined as immoral, find the need to look down at "Cheaters". Yes, people get hurt, but people get hurt in a lot more ways other than being cheated on. A Couple you swing with are perhaps fraudsters, bad parents, etc etc list goes on, but do you check all that!? heck no and you don't try finding out either because you cannot be bothered to do so, but you sure are bothered about "cheaters". so please get off this high horse of selective morality, enjoy sex and live & let live.
as for a seperate section, it would be fruitless/pointless excercise until the majority are neutral - which is just not going to happen anytime soon.
the fact you fail to percieve is that by meeting a cheater a person would be directly involved in causing pain to an innocent party. wtf has fraud and bad parenting got to do with this spare us the weak ass excuses you feed yourself to try justify your actions.
OK, have you ever dropped litter, used a non-CFC free aerosol or boiled a kettle full of water for 1 brew? What about pirate videos or DVDs? Ever bought those Or dodgy tobacco or cigarettes? What about having sex with a woman who's married, even with her partners consent? The list goes on.
Everything we do in life effects someone, we don't exist in isolation so any ripples we make have to effect someone further down the line. It's the line you personally draw that defines your moral compass and just because someone else draws their line further doesn't give anyone the right to chastise and admonish them, unless it's been criminalised by society (and I'm struggling to remember the last time there was a criminal case brought for adultery. I'm not even sure it is a criminal offence any more confused )
I think 3verve meant do you quantify all aspects of someone's life that you play with and not that people play away because of bad parenting etc.
We all have morals that guide us through life and just because you don't agree with the next, average persons morals it doesn't make them better or worse than you.
Oh and the only person I'd accept moral indignation from is Mother Theresa and to be honest, after all the horrible poverty and harrowing things she'd seen, I don't think she'd have done it anyway.
Quote by 3verve
Swinging = Adultery with consent
Cheating = Adultery without consent

So your saying you have to be married to swing?
That’s very contradicting; do you actually know what adultery is?
Just as an example, two couples swing together, none are married, in your definition their committing adultery. WRONG
Second scenario: A married couple meet a married bi-fem, for fem-fem fun, very popular in swinging if you can find a (singlish) bi-fem that is, but again by your definition their committing adultery. WRONG
Married couples that fully consent to Swinging might be nonmonogamous, but they certainly are not committing adultery if both are consenting. It’s when one does it without the other partners knowledge it then becomes adultery. i.e cheating.
For it to be Adultery one partner would have to file for such.
Thats like saying that if a married man borrows £10 from his wifes purse while she’s out, and pops down the pub for a couple of pints, that IT’S THEFT, sorry its not its called sharing and consenting unless the wife decides otherwise and makes it such.
It’s already been summed up before but it just seems to go on and on, and as a few have said its by people who want to justify cheating. If your going to cheat, then do it, but don’t keep trying to justify it just to lessen your own guilt.
ps.
And if the poll is anything to go by then, Welcome to Cheating Heaven.
"What about having sex with a woman who's married, even with her partners consent?"(easy) yes, but thats not cheating is it?
Quote by easyease
"What about having sex with a woman who's married, even with her partners consent?"(easy) yes, but thats not cheating is it?

No thats nonmonogamy, it would only become adultery if the womens partner filed for adultery.
i think the poll is screwed anyway, peoplecould vote for a seperate section for cheaters to keep them away from everybody else, or they could vote against a seperate section because they realise a cheat is a liar by nature so any system is doomed to be exploited.
No win situation, like this thread lol.
Quote by easyease
No win situation, like this thread lol.

This thread's identified plenty of people that we wouldn't be interested in playing with, so not all is lost. confused
Quote by easyease
Swinging = Adultery with consent
Cheating = Adultery without consent
Both morally condemned by societies & billions around the world, but such is human nature that some "Swingers", eventhough their own acts widely defined as immoral, find the need to look down at "Cheaters". Yes, people get hurt, but people get hurt in a lot more ways other than being cheated on. A Couple you swing with are perhaps fraudsters, bad parents, etc etc list goes on, but do you check all that!? heck no and you don't try finding out either because you cannot be bothered to do so, but you sure are bothered about "cheaters". so please get off this high horse of selective morality, enjoy sex and live & let live.
as for a seperate section, it would be fruitless/pointless excercise until the majority are neutral - which is just not going to happen anytime soon.
the fact you fail to percieve is that by meeting a cheater a person would be directly involved in causing pain to an innocent party. wtf has fraud and bad parenting got to do with this discussion.please spare us the weak ass excuses you feed yourself to try justify your actions.
I didnt realise anyone had to justify anything here dunno