Maturity and understanding emotions

10 Apr 2007

How do we measure maturity:
I've today taken the time to enquire as to someone's wellbeing. If they had of been a little older perhaps I would have received a more mature response, but as such I've been placed with a brick wall which I'm interpreting to be either ignorance or immaturity.
lol

So I googled maturity... and came up with
" term used in psychology to indicate that a person responds to the circumstances or environment in an appropriate manner; often this implies a response that is reasoned or learned rather than impulsive "
"As adults we can better understand the emotional responses from developing learners through our own learning, experiences and understanding. What do we do if we can’t seem to communicate with our developing learners? Are we to blame, has society changed, do we need to develop further or have our developing learners simply rejected us?"
As adults, do we have to understand that younger people are in fact immature therefore need a little bit more understanding from us? If this is so how do we communicate with them? Or is it a case that they simply cannot be bothered? confused

10 Apr 2007

Quote by jaymar
Or is it a case that they simply cannot be bothered?

I fear this may be the case!
kiss

.

10 Apr 2007

Did anyone else read the title of the thread and think it was about
Maturity & Understanding Emoticons? :doh:

10 Apr 2007

Quote by jaymar
As adults, do we have to understand that younger people are in fact immature therefore need a little bit more understanding from us? If this is so how do we communicate with them? Or is it a case that they simply cannot be bothered?

We communicate with them in the same way as humans always have done - give them a bit of emotional leeway, let them make mistakes but rein them in when we can see that they are heading off in a potentially incorrect direction.
Teenagers often can't be bothered because naturally they know best. lol

10 Apr 2007

Quote by HornyLittleBlonde
Did anyone else read the title of the thread and think it was about
Maturity & Understanding Emoticons? :doh:

ops: :oops:

10 Apr 2007

Quote by jaymar
I've today taken the time to enquire as to someone's wellbeing. If they had of been a little older perhaps I would have received a more mature response, but as such I've been placed with a brick wall which I'm interpreting to be either ignorance or immaturity.

That being the case, why worry about it - you've obviously taken the time to show that you're concerned, but they've just shown you that they don't give a shit about what you think.

10 Apr 2007

I work with young people who, in addition to their actual age, are very immature - in both actions and personality. I also work with those who are mature wayyyy beyond their years through life experience & circumstance.
I much prefer the latter because they can, and do, converse on a mature level, even though they need support and guidance in other areas. What I cant stand, and see loads of, is stroppiness, attention-seeking and 'me me me' behaviour that comes part and parcel of immaturity.
with regard to this though:

I've today taken the time to enquire as to someone's wellbeing. If they had of been a little older perhaps I would have received a more mature response, but as such I've been placed with a brick wall

... imo, the mature person will give a short but clear 'I'm ok, just a bit down, it'll pass, thanks for asking' and the immature will give a 'what do u care?', 'i'm not answering you so it makes you worry more' or worse, 'i dont need your help, leave me alone' - which roughly translates as 'gimme attention & if you dont I shall scweam and scweam and scweam *stamps foot folds arms*.
a wise man once said that we put up walls to see who cares enough to break them down. Another wise man said we put up walls to enjoy the attention of someone trying to make a hole in it with a teaspoon. wink

10 Apr 2007

Quote by HornyLittleBlonde
Did anyone else read the title of the thread and think it was about
Maturity & Understanding Emoticons? :doh:

Stop

it you're supposed to be mature! :haha:

10 Apr 2007

Quote by Freckledbird
Did anyone else read the title of the thread and think it was about
Maturity & Understanding Emoticons? :doh:

ops: :oops:
erm yea mee too here :oops:

10 Apr 2007

Quote by Darkfire
with regard to this though: I've today taken the time to enquire as to someone's wellbeing. If they had of been a little older perhaps I would have received a more mature response, but as such I've been placed with a brick wall

... imo, the mature person will give a short but clear 'I'm ok, just a bit down, it'll pass, thanks for asking' and the immature will give a 'what do u care?', 'i'm not answering you so it makes you worry more' or worse, 'i dont need your help, leave me alone' - which roughly translates as 'gimme attention & if you dont I shall scweam and scweam and scweam *stamps foot folds arms*.

:thumbup: You are a very wise women Dark, this is exactly what I was thinking!

10 Apr 2007

Quote by Freckledbird

I've today taken the time to enquire as to someone's wellbeing. If they had of been a little older perhaps I would have received a more mature response, but as such I've been placed with a brick wall which I'm interpreting to be either ignorance or immaturity.

That being the case, why worry about it - you've obviously taken the time to show that you're concerned, but they've just shown you that they don't give a shit about what you think.
:thumbup: Yep, in a nutshell.. last time I do it tho. rolleyes

10 Apr 2007

Quote by jaymar

I've today taken the time to enquire as to someone's wellbeing. If they had of been a little older perhaps I would have received a more mature response, but as such I've been placed with a brick wall which I'm interpreting to be either ignorance or immaturity.

That being the case, why worry about it - you've obviously taken the time to show that you're concerned, but they've just shown you that they don't give a shit about what you think.
:thumbup: Yep, in a nutshell.. last time I do it tho. rolleyes

Good - better things to spend your time on hmm? biggrin

10 Apr 2007

Quote by Freckledbird

I've today taken the time to enquire as to someone's wellbeing. If they had of been a little older perhaps I would have received a more mature response, but as such I've been placed with a brick wall which I'm interpreting to be either ignorance or immaturity.

That being the case, why worry about it - you've obviously taken the time to show that you're concerned, but they've just shown you that they don't give a shit about what you think.
:thumbup: Yep, in a nutshell.. last time I do it tho. rolleyes

Good - better things to spend your time on hmm? biggrin

Oh yes

x

10 Apr 2007

is that emotional immaturity, or ostrich-syndrome though Flower? dunno

i'm afraid I'm a bit of an oaf when it comes to thinks like that...first thing I'll say is 'are you ok?' (no of course he's not ok you daft bint :doh smile

but what else can you do? ..other than ostrich-syndrome it, suddenly find something incredibly interesting in the crack in the pavement or on the back of the bus that's 200 yards down the road etc lol

to avoid eye contact or acknowledgment :dunno:

10 Apr 2007

I found myself in a situation a couple of years ago where i felt everyone at my work on the day shift (i worked perm nights and had a excellent relationship with all nightstaff and i had spoken to them all before it hit the papers)and in my village/town were talking about me because of something that happened in my family.
I found it very hurtfull that the people who would have normaly passed pleasentrys/been friendly with me ignored me or stoped talking/changed subject/deadly silence ect when i was within were treating me diffrently and in a unpleasent manner imho to how they had my family tradgedy got a half page spread in the local paper i was very aware that people would understandably be talking about it.
I'm often talked about at work to my face and behind my back, due to my outspoken manner but this was diffrent and uncomfortable.
My instant reaction after i had a tip off from a friend that the paper was going to be distrubuted that night, and i knew i was returning to work a few days later( i had been off for a couple of weeks)....was to go buy a few copys of the paper walk in to work dueing dinner when all day staff on shift would be in the dining room open the paper on the correct page and state that i was aware there was alot of gossip and rumours flying around regarding my absence and they were all to read it, if anyone had any questions i would be upstairs in the staff room for the hour they had there tea breaks to talk to me. That if they had anything to say to say it then and to my face and afterwards i didnt want to hear a word about it and things to be back to "buisness as usual" :shock:
I still to this day dont know what made me do it, but it was very much a instinctive and impulsive thing for me to do,and quite out of my normal way of doing things...normaly if people talk behind my back i note them,log them to memory and ignore them.
So maybe on reflection it was a learnt behaviour to protect myself or was i being immature confused

:
For me personaly speaking i would have found the ignoring me way of dealing with it hurtfull at that time and would have much rather had a are you ok ect,even tho i would have said yes im fine when i most certainly wasnt redface

still maybe thats just me!!
Nicky

11 Apr 2007

Quote by Darkfire
is that emotional immaturity, or ostrich-syndrome though Flower?
i'm afraid I'm a bit of an oaf when it comes to thinks like that...first thing I'll say is 'are you ok?' (no of course he's not ok you daft bint :doh but what else can you do? ..other than ostrich-syndrome it, suddenly find something incredibly interesting in the crack in the pavement or on the back of the bus that's 200 yards down the road etc to avoid eye contact or acknowledgment :dunno:

I find now that I say "I dont know what to say" and at the same time offer a handshake cuddle or whatever seems appropriate at the time. I have said this to a few people who have experinced loss and thier reaction on both occasions has been "what can you say" Each situation is different of course and we all have to guage what we do but I think ignoring crossing the road is the worst thing anyone can do.
Sorry for not addressing the original topic.

11 Apr 2007

Quote by swing_fun_cpl
I found myself in a situation a couple of years ago where i felt everyone at my work on the day shift (i worked perm nights and had a excellent relationship with all nightstaff and i had spoken to them all before it hit the papers)and in my village/town were talking about me because of something that happened in my family.
I found it very hurtfull that the people who would have normaly passed pleasentrys/been friendly with me ignored me or stoped talking/changed subject/deadly silence ect when i was within were treating me diffrently and in a unpleasent manner imho to how they had my family tradgedy got a half page spread in the local paper i was very aware that people would understandably be talking about it.
I'm often talked about at work to my face and behind my back, due to my outspoken manner but this was diffrent and uncomfortable.
My instant reaction after i had a tip off from a friend that the paper was going to be distrubuted that night, and i knew i was returning to work a few days later( i had been off for a couple of weeks)....was to go buy a few copys of the paper walk in to work dueing dinner when all day staff on shift would be in the dining room open the paper on the correct page and state that i was aware there was alot of gossip and rumours flying around regarding my absence and they were all to read it, if anyone had any questions i would be upstairs in the staff room for the hour they had there tea breaks to talk to me. That if they had anything to say to say it then and to my face and afterwards i didnt want to hear a word about it and things to be back to "buisness as usual" :shock:
I still to this day dont know what made me do it, but it was very much a instinctive and impulsive thing for me to do,and quite out of my normal way of doing things...normaly if people talk behind my back i note them,log them to memory and ignore them.
So maybe on reflection it was a learnt behaviour to protect myself or was i being immature :
For me personaly speaking i would have found the ignoring me way of dealing with it hurtfull at that time and would have much rather had a are you ok ect,even tho i would have said yes im fine when i most certainly wasnt still maybe thats just me!!
Nicky

I Think that maybe you are right when you say that you think that you were protecting yourself Nicky. By facing the masses you are showing that you are not afraid of what others have to say. This may also shorten the possible infuriation of thinking you are being talked about behind your back for ages and ages. It would be the thing i Would do too. Could it subconsciously be "damage limitation" quite possibly
I have a system for how to deal with difficult situations and that is - i ask! for example many people find it hard to talk to people who suffer serious or terminal illness bereavement guilt etc. I go that person if i know them and ask how they want me to be with them.
Mostly people want to talk i find, though you may have to invite them. Others will tell you they need nothing and they wont. I'ts easier for me to deal with things head on and suffer a little rejection myself sometimes than to sit back and watch someone hurt.

11 Apr 2007

Quote by Lost
I found myself in a situation a couple of years ago where i felt everyone at my work on the day shift (i worked perm nights and had a excellent relationship with all nightstaff and i had spoken to them all before it hit the papers)and in my village/town were talking about me because of something that happened in my family.
I found it very hurtfull that the people who would have normaly passed pleasentrys/been friendly with me ignored me or stoped talking/changed subject/deadly silence ect when i was within were treating me diffrently and in a unpleasent manner imho to how they had my family tradgedy got a half page spread in the local paper i was very aware that people would understandably be talking about it.
I'm often talked about at work to my face and behind my back, due to my outspoken manner but this was diffrent and uncomfortable.
My instant reaction after i had a tip off from a friend that the paper was going to be distrubuted that night, and i knew i was returning to work a few days later( i had been off for a couple of weeks)....was to go buy a few copys of the paper walk in to work dueing dinner when all day staff on shift would be in the dining room open the paper on the correct page and state that i was aware there was alot of gossip and rumours flying around regarding my absence and they were all to read it, if anyone had any questions i would be upstairs in the staff room for the hour they had there tea breaks to talk to me. That if they had anything to say to say it then and to my face and afterwards i didnt want to hear a word about it and things to be back to "buisness as usual" :shock:
I still to this day dont know what made me do it, but it was very much a instinctive and impulsive thing for me to do,and quite out of my normal way of doing things...normaly if people talk behind my back i note them,log them to memory and ignore them.
So maybe on reflection it was a learnt behaviour to protect myself or was i being immature :
For me personaly speaking i would have found the ignoring me way of dealing with it hurtfull at that time and would have much rather had a are you ok ect,even tho i would have said yes im fine when i most certainly wasnt still maybe thats just me!!
Nicky

I Think that maybe you are right when you say that you think that you were protecting yourself Nicky. By facing the masses you are showing that you are not afraid of what others have to say. This may also shorten the possible infuriation of thinking you are being talked about behind your back for ages and ages. It would be the thing i Would do too. Could it subconsciously be "damage limitation" quite possibly
I have a system for how to deal with difficult situations and that is - i ask! for example many people find it hard to talk to people who suffer serious or terminal illness bereavement guilt etc. I go that person if i know them and ask how they want me to be with them.
Mostly people want to talk i find, though you may have to invite them. Others will tell you they need nothing and they wont. I'ts easier for me to deal with things head on and suffer a little rejection myself sometimes than to sit back and watch someone hurt.
I understand what you are both saying.. and Nicky.. kiss

But when dealing with a young kid/ late teenager who has been asked on their wellbeing and hasn't the maturity to acknowledge you, what do you do? It is difficult especially when you have a caring nature to start with. I'm just going to go with some advice I've had and let them get on with it.

11 Apr 2007

Quote by HornyLittleBlonde
Did anyone else read the title of the thread and think it was about
Maturity & Understanding Emoticons? :doh:

Oh sorry I know this is a serious thread but I've just wet my knickers laughing at this Horny.
You've made my day rotflmao

As for people not responding to a persons offer of support and help. It is difficult. All you can do is offer love and support. If its not accepted thats their lose. They may not be in a position to be ready for it. So if you can try not to take it personally but see it as probably their problem not yours, cause they can't accept your reaching out for what ever reason, rather than that you are at fault for offering, it helps.
Perhaps in time that person will respond more positively.
Remember lots of people are emotionally damaged and unable to or unwilling to get things sorted and its those hurts that motivate their responses, not your offer of help, love or support.
DD kiss

11 Apr 2007

I'm going through a rough patch right now and last night my best mate called over for tea. I was doing ok but all of a sudden felt the waterworks brewing so I went into the kitchen before bursting into tears. A few minutes later, my mate came out and just hugged me without saying anything and let me cry on his shoulder for ages.
He said later he felt useless as he didn't know what to do or say to help me but just by being there with that hug when I most needed it was the best thing he could have done for me right there and then.
Sometimes no words are needed sad

11 Apr 2007

Quote by Sassy-Seren
I'm going through a rough patch right now and last night my best mate called over for tea. I was doing ok but all of a sudden felt the waterworks brewing so I went into the kitchen before bursting into tears. A few minutes later, my mate came out and just hugged me without saying anything and let me cry on his shoulder for ages.
He said later he felt useless as he didn't know what to do or say to help me but just by being there with that hug when I most needed it was the best thing he could have done for me right there and then.
Sometimes no words are needed

I know just what you mean, just recently there has been times I would have given anything for a hug :therethere: :therethere: :therethere:

11 Apr 2007

Quote by jaymar
How do we measure maturity:
I've today taken the time to enquire as to someone's wellbeing. If they had of been a little older perhaps I would have received a more mature response, but as such I've been placed with a brick wall which I'm interpreting to be either ignorance or immaturity.
So I googled maturity... and came up with
" term used in psychology to indicate that a person responds to the circumstances or environment in an appropriate manner; often this implies a response that is reasoned or learned rather than impulsive "
"As adults we can better understand the emotional responses from developing learners through our own learning, experiences and understanding. What do we do if we can’t seem to communicate with our developing learners? Are we to blame, has society changed, do we need to develop further or have our developing learners simply rejected us?"
As adults, do we have to understand that younger people are in fact immature therefore need a little bit more understanding from us? If this is so how do we communicate with them? Or is it a case that they simply cannot be bothered?

Ahhhhh this is what makes the forums great good threads and thought provoking questions.
I am a well balanced mature person in that in certain circumstances i an be very "dictionary definition mature" whilst in others i can be quite humorous, boisterous and a little mischievous, which i think at times to me is quite funny but to others might seem like im being a twat!
I am generally the type of person that makes decisions in groups, is well focused and "has a plan" possibly as im ex-military so people at work tend to think im "very wise and mature for my years" but then they dont see me driving round in the car with Miss SRNE water bombing innocent bystanders and firing water pistols at them(very funny but not very mature i know rolleyes

)
So in a way i think most of us have our moments but generally we can all be a little "immature for our age"
I think if we are talking more deeply its a case of maturity being the ability to act a certain way at certain times and realise that we must adhere to certain rules and social codes at certain times. If we all acted the dictionary definition of maturity i think we would all be quite boring.
Younger people tend to not be regimented quite so much to this "time and place specific behavior" as they haven't had time or in some cases taken time to analyze the situation. I dont think this is necessarily wrong though, as a child or young adult i think we were all a little guilty of running headlong into situations without giving them and the implications of our behavior in them much thought.
Ah how very mature of me to say so, now where's those bloody water bombs
:twisted:

11 Apr 2007

Quote by Dawnie
I'm going through a rough patch right now and last night my best mate called over for tea. I was doing ok but all of a sudden felt the waterworks brewing so I went into the kitchen before bursting into tears. A few minutes later, my mate came out and just hugged me without saying anything and let me cry on his shoulder for ages.
He said later he felt useless as he didn't know what to do or say to help me but just by being there with that hug when I most needed it was the best thing he could have done for me right there and then.
Sometimes no words are needed

I know just what you mean, just recently there has been times I would have given anything for a hug :therethere: :therethere: :therethere:
Think your bang on guys. Sometimes the physical act of 'being there can at times say more than a thousand words. :thumbup:

11 Apr 2007

Quote by Srne
How do we measure maturity:
I've today taken the time to enquire as to someone's wellbeing. If they had of been a little older perhaps I would have received a more mature response, but as such I've been placed with a brick wall which I'm interpreting to be either ignorance or immaturity.
So I googled maturity... and came up with
" term used in psychology to indicate that a person responds to the circumstances or environment in an appropriate manner; often this implies a response that is reasoned or learned rather than impulsive "
"As adults we can better understand the emotional responses from developing learners through our own learning, experiences and understanding. What do we do if we can’t seem to communicate with our developing learners? Are we to blame, has society changed, do we need to develop further or have our developing learners simply rejected us?"
As adults, do we have to understand that younger people are in fact immature therefore need a little bit more understanding from us? If this is so how do we communicate with them? Or is it a case that they simply cannot be bothered?

Ahhhhh this is what makes the forums great good threads and thought provoking questions.
I am a well balanced mature person in that in certain circumstances i an be very "dictionary definition mature" whilst in others i can be quite humorous, boisterous and a little mischievous, which i think at times to me is quite funny but to others might seem like im being a twat!
I am generally the type of person that makes decisions in groups, is well focused and "has a plan" possibly as im ex-military so people at work tend to think im "very wise and mature for my years" but then they dont see me driving round in the car with Miss SRNE water bombing innocent bystanders and firing water pistols at them(very funny but not very mature i know rolleyes

)
So in a way i think most of us have our moments but generally we can all be a little "immature for our age"
I think if we are talking more deeply its a case of maturity being the ability to act a certain way at certain times and realise that we must adhere to certain rules and social codes at certain times. If we all acted the dictionary definition of maturity i think we would all be quite boring.
Younger people tend to not be regimented quite so much to this "time and place specific behavior" as they haven't had time or in some cases taken time to analyze the situation. I dont think this is necessarily wrong though, as a child or young adult i think we were all a little guilty of running headlong into situations without giving them and the implications of our behavior in them much thought.
Ah how very mature of me to say so, now where's those bloody water bombs
:twisted:
:thumbup: You too are a very wise woman hun. Would you also agree that sometimes a younger kid can appear to be more mature than some adults? I think so... but only sometimes (I'm talking her about my daughter who sometimes has head on her shoulders beyond her age) smile

11 Apr 2007

Quote by devondelight
Did anyone else read the title of the thread and think it was about
Maturity & Understanding Emoticons? :doh:

Oh sorry I know this is a serious thread but I've just wet my knickers laughing at this Horny.
You've made my day rotflmao

I do hope you have changed them DD :shock: innocent