I have been ill all day and have not eaten anything bar a bowl of cornflakes. So being very hungry I decided to look in the freezer for something nice and simple.
A pizza. How easy is it to cook a frozen pizza? Very, I hear you all call.
I follow the instructions, heat oven to 195 c, take off packaging and place on a baking tray.
After 5 minutes suddenly realise that I forgot to take off the plastic cover. Contemplated trying to scrape it off but gave up and took second (and final) pizza from freezer. Followed the instructions more carefully and removed all packaging.
Sat waiting for pizza to cook and browsed the instructions again. Time to cook is 30 mins or until golden brown. At 28 minutes a quick look to see it starting to brown, perfect. At 30 minutes I open the door and it looks like someone has attacked my pizza with a flamethrower. The top resembles the ashes after a bonfire.
Well I cooked it so I'll eat it.
The base is as hard as a three month old slice of bread and the top tastes like the charcoal from a bar-b-q. But I will eat it,
I WILL
Dave_Notts
PS Does anybody know a good dentist? I think I have just broke my teeth.
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Men make the best chefs
Sex God
Use the spare set Dave
Sex God
Quote by Dave__Notts
Use the spare set Dave
I only have one.........can I borrow yours
Dave_Notts
You want the smoking ones or the wedding set ?
<searches for his steradent>
Quote by Debbiewebs
ooo Dave shit :shock: i forgot you in me fansie tread.........oo well come over here babes and let Debbiewebs cook a toad in the hole :twisted: :twisted:
Hell, I have had some orders.............but to shit!!!!!!
OK then :shock: no nothing doing.......even though there are teeth marks in the toilet seat cos I was straining. Lucky I borrowed Silk and Big G's teeth for that operation
Do u two want them back before breakfast or are you having porridge?Dave_Notts
Sex God
No worries mate Ill have a coffee , and Silky can suck her porridge through a straw anyways :-)
Quote by Silk and Big G
No worries mate Ill have a coffee , and Silky can suck her porridge through a straw anyways :-)
Thanks for letting me know you can do without them.
Looks like I now have a set of new nashers.
They are a bit big for my mouth though.......I know.....I can go to a fancy dress as Ester Rantzen or Shergar.....woohoo......thanks you two. You have sorted out my costume for the next SH fancy dress party.
Dave_Notts
Quote by Jas-Tim
Are you sure Venus hasn't been teaching you how to cook. :P That definetely sounds like a Venus pizza
Jas
XXX
Definately self taught.............by reading the back of packets. Sometimes get over excited and rip open the packets and only have half the instructions. Makes interesting eating.
Anybody fancy sharing a beef ghoulash and custard :shock:
Dave_Notts
Aww Dave,
I'm the cook in my house, and 98% of the food is edible. (The 2% when I try something totally wacky for fun). Pizza is a total bugger to cook, 28 mins, nice and melted, 28 mins and 15 seconds looks like a piece of the space shuttle heat shield after re-entry.
To cheer you up though here is the account of Mrs TnH cooking a fruit cake, where she confused F and C, ended up putting the cooker as high as it would go. (complaining it could not get hot enough so was a useless cooker). 3 Hours later she removed a nice, solid black, house brick and I worked out her mistake.
Better luck next time mate, I suggest soup not pizza
I'm the cook in my house, and 98% of the food is edible. (The 2% when I try something totally wacky for fun). Pizza is a total bugger to cook, 28 mins, nice and melted, 28 mins and 15 seconds looks like a piece of the space shuttle heat shield after re-entry.
To cheer you up though here is the account of Mrs TnH cooking a fruit cake, where she confused F and C, ended up putting the cooker as high as it would go. (complaining it could not get hot enough so was a useless cooker). 3 Hours later she removed a nice, solid black, house brick and I worked out her mistake.
Better luck next time mate, I suggest soup not pizza
Sex God
I do all the cooking in my house.
There's nobody else here.
There's nobody else here.
Sex God
Quote by Jas-Tim
I do all the cooking in my house.
There's nobody else here.
Ah, but is it worth trying to wangle a dinner invitation :D
Jas
XXX
As it happens I count cooking for my guests as one of my greatest pleasures. Some of them even survive. :D
Wangle away.
Quote by Sexysteph
Awwwwwwwwww Dave One of these days I will have to cook you a curry and then lay you down and give you a sensational massage for a lonnnnnnnnggggggggggggggg time till you are totally relaxed and forget about bloody pizzas. They aint good for hun
If this doesn't make me stop eating pizzas then nothing will
Dave_Notts xxx
