Minimum information before a meet

30 Aug 2007

Hello All
Hope life is treating you well and that you are flourishing.
Just had a question: what are the minimum requirements before meeting a person? Do you expect to know their real name or occupation or age or location or these things do not matter? Should a person feel offended if you ask them for this info or should you get worried if they decline to provide it?
(Before you respond, please try and see this from the point of view of a single female going out to meet a single male. Obviously couples are safer together.)
I look forward to reading your point of view. Thank you.

30 Aug 2007

I'm not an experienced swingewr with a hatful of meets under my belt but.........
I would expect a lot of these things to come to light in the conversations you had before the meet. I've always taken the effort to get to know someone through PM ping pongs before I've met them.
Regardless of what questions you ask there is always a risk in meeting a stranger as they could have lied to you. This risk extends to everyone, female, male or couples.

30 Aug 2007

I chat to the people, on the telling bone, quite extensively before I meet. 'Information' isn't what I gather. It is more a 'feel' for we get along and I am attracted to them by the way they speak (and vica versa)then we will meet.
When I meet them, generally at a cafe/pub etc I ensure that we are both driving to the place and I meet them at their car and text their licence plate to a friend.
All that said my job role and career history involves assessing people and identifying when they have issues that need resolving for them to be happy, lead more constructive lives etc etc blah blah. So I can and do ask questions that will identify anyone that I wouldn't touch with a bargepole. If I am in ANY doubt I don't meet.
splendid

30 Aug 2007

Quote by splendid_
I meet them at their car and text their licence plate to a friend.

Great thinking :thumbup:
I am part of a couple but i think if i was single i would be a little to afraid of meeting someone i didn't know to well unless its at a club, the first meet anyway lol

Shaz x

30 Aug 2007

I can answer as a single female although I am mainly a couple :thumbup:

Quote by splendid_
'Information' isn't what I gather. It is more a 'feel' for we get along and I am attracted to them by the way they speak (and vica versa)then we will meet.

I guess thats pretty much how it works for me. I do like to know a little about a person because I have to be able to hold a conversation before, during and after.
I need to feel 'comfortable' in a persons company so I guess talking about age and name are easy conversation starters. I would ask location because if someone was 250 miles away, I can't ever see a meet being an opion dunno

30 Aug 2007

Quote by Dawnie
I would ask location because if someone was 250 miles away, I can't ever see a meet being an opion

WHAT ??? you mean I have been sending you unsolicited PM's for months for absolutely no reason?
what a waste of my precious time.
rolleyes

splendid

30 Aug 2007

Quote by splendid_
I would ask location because if someone was 250 miles away, I can't ever see a meet being an opion

WHAT ??? you mean I have been sending you unsolicited PM's for months for absolutely no reason?
what a waste of my precious time.
rolleyes

splendid

Ermmmmmmm......... innocent

I think that if Ian was going to an area that is outside my limit when he travels with work and I could tag along, then the sitaution would be different confused

*Phew, I think I got out of that one :twisted:

30 Aug 2007

I meet as a single ( with Joes full knowledge)so like to know most of the things that you have described. Especially age, im no ageist but I do have an age range that I loosely stick to wink

I also have to know that I will be attracted in some way towards this person. Whether it be they're sense of humour, theyre look or theyre personality.
So I do try to get as much of a feel of :wink: them as I can before arranging anything.
louise xx

30 Aug 2007

I need to make sure they're breathing.... lol

OK - not really - we like to talk on the phone and meet in a pub first, to see if there's chemistry and a mutual attraction.
The various socials and munches are an absolutely wonderful way of doing this without making any type of commitment. And we've met some lovely people this way. (You also get to know that they're real, which is a great bonus)
For us, the friendship angle is quite important, so we need to make sure that our prospective swinging partners are 'on the same wavelength' - otherwise, it's just not going to happen.

30 Aug 2007

Tania
I do agree being a single female you should be more interogative (in a constructive way I mean) to ensure your safety. That's paramount.
For us, like Splendid, I get a feel, I spent years interviewing, recruiting and training and think I have a very good feel for personalities and how well we are likely to get on with them. I don't feel I need to know specifics, certainly not professions which some people are concerned to say till you meet them.
We like to know home background, kids, their approach to swinging etc all this we can find by just chatting on MSN then phone if we decide to meet. I am pretty confident with my intuition.
I also have a hard side to me, bloody crab shell being a cancerian rolleyes

, people have to prove themselves to me and I get far friendlier with people once I know them or respect them. Particularly in chat my approach is 'guilty till proven innocent', but that is partly a defence mechanism to avoid timewasters and wannabes.
pink x

30 Aug 2007

Thanks for your input. I do feel that if someone is unwilling to tell you their name then it is not safe to meet them, so I will go with my gut instinct and not waste any more of my time. confused

30 Aug 2007

Knowing they have the right equipment helps lol

Tony

30 Aug 2007

Hiya Tania biggrin

I remember my first meet on SH
I was an unknown to anybody on SH
In all the excitement I'm a tad sketchy on the details passed to & fro to ensure my 'credentials' (I do hate the context that word is used in! confused

)
Anyways... we met in a chatroom & we arranged a meet at my home! :inlove:
From what I can remember driving license & registration numbers were exchanged
A full address & post code & VERY IMPORTANT her husband did call to check that all was ok
Above all hunny if your not feeling good about it back out or have someone you can call on & who knows where you are at ALL times! :thumbup:

30 Aug 2007

RPM, it is not worth it to put myself at risk. I have a child to look after who is totally dependent on me.
I am ready to give my details to people once we have established a rapport and it feels safe to do so, so I can't see why anyone should withhold his details. I also have my pic and video on the site and together with my location anyone in the area can recognise me (I am not the kind that blends in the crowd). If I am not worried about being identified as a swinger, why should someone else be. And in any case, as you Brits are saying (or is it the Americans? ) if you can't stand the heat, get out of the kitchen. Besides you can't make an omelette without breaking eggs. lol

Sorry, I am getting a bit worked up because I am just thinking of the time I have wasted with this and other guys.

30 Aug 2007

Quote by Tania
RPM, it is not worth it to put myself at risk. I have a child to look after who is totally dependent on me.
I am ready to give my details to people once we have established a rapport and it feels safe to do so, so I can't see why anyone should withhold his details.
I also have my pic and video on the site and together with my location anyone in the area can recognise me (I am not the kind that blends in the crowd). If I am not worried about being identified as a swinger, why should someone else be.
And in any case, as you Brits are saying (or is it the Americans? ) if you can't stand the heat, get out of the kitchen. Besides you can't make an omelette without breaking eggs.
Sorry, I am getting a bit worked up because I am just thinking of the time I have wasted with this and other guys.

With regards to the highlighted piece of text have you not heard of the recent dismisals due to the fact that people have what some term "unsuitable" pastimes ??

30 Aug 2007

Who said anything about risk hun? passionkiss

Quote by redpantherman
...Above all hunny if your not feeling good about it back out...

30 Aug 2007

Nope, I haven't heard of that and it would be discriminatory to do so (on the basis of sexual preferences). If it happened, I would fight it with nails and teeth and win.
For men and women who are afraid to be recognised, there is the private gallery function at this site where one can only view pics by invitation.
I like honest, strong men.

30 Aug 2007

Nobody said anything about risk, RPM - I did. Thanks for the cuddle kiss

30 Aug 2007

Quote by Tania
If I am not worried about being identified as a swinger, why should someone else be.

Because they don't want to lose their job?
Because they don't want to offend their parents/children?
Because they don't think it's anyone else's business?
Just because ...

30 Aug 2007

Quote by Tania
Nope, I haven't heard of that and it would be discriminatory to do so (on the basis of sexual preferences). If it happened, I would fight it with nails and teeth and win.

I somehow think you wouldnt win ;-)

30 Aug 2007

Point 1 see above.
Point 2, I thought real swingers did not have anything to do with cheaters?
Point 3, I didn't say go out with a big sign over your head saying 'I am a swinger'. All I meant is we are on a site for *gasp* swingers, and we all know where we are at, surely? I am not likely to go out and say 'so and so is a swinger' because people would ask how I know and then I'd have to admit to being a swinger myself, get the drift? Paranoia is my domain, men are not allowed to be paranoid with their identities lol

Besides, some of my best friends are swingers! wink

30 Aug 2007

She would win it no problem. Any employer dismissing someone on those grounds (unless it could be proved that someone was at risk) would loose a tribunal. ACAS would have a field day.

30 Aug 2007

I love men who agree with me! lol

30 Aug 2007

usually chat in the room which develops to other means of online chat or pics sometimes.
arrange a place in public to meet and go for it.
In my experience people those who go on chatting without progressing are not going to meet you.
but also meeting new people just for a drink and chat is also on how you both feel at the time doesnt it.

30 Aug 2007

Quote by northwest-cpl
If I am not worried about being identified as a swinger, why should someone else be.

Because they don't want to lose their job?
Because they don't want to offend their parents/children?
Because they don't think it's anyone else's business?
Just because ...
:thumbup:
As some others have said, you don't need to know all the details and some people might be quite unwilling to reveal certain aspects about themselves or their lives. I'd go by a general feeling and if a meet happened quickly, make sure it's in a very public, neutral location.

30 Aug 2007

Quote by Tania
...
I am ready to give my details to people once we have established a rapport and it feels safe to do so, so I can't see why anyone should withhold his details. I also have my pic and video on the site and together with my location anyone in the area can recognise me (I am not the kind that blends in the crowd). If I am not worried about being identified as a swinger, why should someone else be.
...
Sorry, I am getting a bit worked up because I am just thinking of the time I have wasted with this and other guys.

Quote by Tania
Thanks for your input. I do feel that if someone is unwilling to tell you their name then it is not safe to meet them, so I will go with my gut instinct and not waste any more of my time.

Your profile text actually states that you are no longer looking for swinging meets and that you're looking for a life partner:

Quote by Tania's profile
I am no longer looking for swinging partners as I have decided to concentrate my efforts on finding a life partner, something that is more important to me.

30 Aug 2007

Quote by northwest-cpl
If I am not worried about being identified as a swinger, why should someone else be.

Because they don't want to lose their job?
Because they don't want to offend their parents/children?
Because they don't think it's anyone else's business?
Just because ...
:thumbup:
If you don't want to meet anyone because you're doubtful then don't. Your choice - why ask other people about it? It is a very personal thing that can't be decided by open debate.
.

30 Aug 2007

Quote by Davinaukcd
She would win it no problem. Any employer dismissing someone on those grounds (unless it could be proved that someone was at risk) would loose a tribunal. ACAS would have a field day.

Many of those who would be at risk of dissmisal have a little bit in the small print about bringing the profesion(sp) into disrepute which is the employers way of getting rid..
ACAS wouldnt have a leg to stand on :-)

30 Aug 2007

Quote by Mallock2006
She would win it no problem. Any employer dismissing someone on those grounds (unless it could be proved that someone was at risk) would loose a tribunal. ACAS would have a field day.

Many of those who would be at risk of dissmisal have a little bit in the small print about bringing the profesion(sp) into disrepute which is the employers way of getting rid..
ACAS wouldnt have a leg to stand on :-)
And that's dead right too.
.

30 Aug 2007

As an older guy. I'm sure it's better for females to meet 'socially' ie. quiet drink or decent club etc. and make it quite clear that it is just that to begin with....we men are notorious at misinterpreting ladies signals, and fear being dismissed as wimps or geeks if we pussyfoot around trying not to come on too heavy. As for personal details.....would'nt suit me to say too much, nor would I expect other's life history! At the end of the day, always best to play safe...there are some funny folk out there......