I just wanted some reactions to this problem.
I'm 23 and love my wife but sex is really dull. I've tried to spice things up a bit but to no avail and now I'm considering going else where. My wife can't seperate sex and feelings so wouldn't know, I can just enjoy sex without emotion though and would want it just for the physical pleaseure.
What do you all think I should do?
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Moral dillema - married, in love but sexually frustrated
Sex God
Quote by mandissected
I just wanted some reactions to this problem.
I'm 23 and love my wife but sex is really dull. I've tried to spice things up a bit but to no avail and now I'm considering going else where. My wife can't seperate sex and feelings so wouldn't know, I can just enjoy sex without emotion though and would want it just for the physical pleaseure.
What do you all think I should do?
Contact Relate.
why o why do people come on swinging sites with married and cheating problems 
Most swingers are happily married couples who have a good sex life and do this together so why should we know about your problems?
But seeing as you asked my advice is leave her, if your only 23 and that unhappy your considering cheating already then theres no point carrying on in ur marrage, sorry if thats harsh but thats what i think
Most swingers are happily married couples who have a good sex life and do this together so why should we know about your problems?
But seeing as you asked my advice is leave her, if your only 23 and that unhappy your considering cheating already then theres no point carrying on in ur marrage, sorry if thats harsh but thats what i think
Just add that this is not a moral dilemma really, you are getting sex with the woman you love, where is the dilemma? If it is boring then there is something wrong, if you are thinking of cheating on her there is something more wrong.
The wording of your post seems designed to stimulate argument, rather than seek advice. So the dilemma to me is are you trolling for a row, looking to reinforce your stereotype of swingers as 'shag anything', or really someone asking for advice?
The wording of your post seems designed to stimulate argument, rather than seek advice. So the dilemma to me is are you trolling for a row, looking to reinforce your stereotype of swingers as 'shag anything', or really someone asking for advice?
Quote by mandissected
I just wanted some reactions to this problem.
I'm 23 and love my wife but sex is really dull. I've tried to spice things up a bit but to no avail and now I'm considering going else where. My wife can't seperate sex and feelings so wouldn't know, I can just enjoy sex without emotion though and would want it just for the physical pleaseure.
What do you all think I should do?
Is it me or does that not quite go together ?
If you love your wife you would be sitting down talking to her about this problem and not considering playing away.
It sounds like maybe you have mismatched sex drives? Or maybe there is a new baby ? I am not a counsellor though, so as FB said maybe you could look for some outside help if the problem is that bad?
There is bound to be a way to sort this without cheating and on this site I can tell you there aren't many women who would go near a bloke who was cheating.
There is so much more to swinging than sex.
Good luck to you both.
Minx x x
Orgasminator
When you say you have "tried to spice things up a bit what exactly have you done?
Seems to me that the first thing you should do is forget about your cock and talk to your wife. It may well be that she is thinking the very same as you, and even though you might have tried to spice things up, have you tried doing what she likes ? Have you even bothered to ask her what she likes ?
Its far to easy to just have an attitude of 'I don't like this so I am going elsewhere'... I really hate to break this to you but maybe, just maybe the problem is you just not turning her on. As you said yourself it is entirely possible to love someone without loving sex with them, maybe you should look closer to home for a solution than going elsewhere for sexual gratification.
Seems to me that the first thing you should do is forget about your cock and talk to your wife. It may well be that she is thinking the very same as you, and even though you might have tried to spice things up, have you tried doing what she likes ? Have you even bothered to ask her what she likes ?
Its far to easy to just have an attitude of 'I don't like this so I am going elsewhere'... I really hate to break this to you but maybe, just maybe the problem is you just not turning her on. As you said yourself it is entirely possible to love someone without loving sex with them, maybe you should look closer to home for a solution than going elsewhere for sexual gratification.
Quote by mandissected
I just wanted some reactions to this problem.
I'm 23 and love my wife but sex is really dull. I've tried to spice things up a bit but to no avail and now I'm considering going else where. My wife can't seperate sex and feelings so wouldn't know, I can just enjoy sex without emotion though and would want it just for the physical pleaseure.
What do you all think I should do?
As you say, you want some reactions to your problem.
Well, you are only 23. How long have you been married? Can't possibley have been that long. Even if you got married at 16.
If you marry someone, you can't just drop it because you think it is "dull". Work at it, it may take years before you know if it has worked or not.
If you can seperate sex and feelings, then go and have a wank. If you love your wife, you wont be looking to cheat on her. If none of this is what you wanted to hear, then I guess you wont even be bothering to reply.
Lastly. Have you considered sex may be dull because you are shallow and your wife has seen through you? You may be the cause of the problem...
Sex God
Quote by mandissected
I just wanted some reactions to this problem.
I'm 23 and love my wife but sex is really dull. I've tried to spice things up a bit but to no avail and now I'm considering going else where. My wife can't seperate sex and feelings so wouldn't know, I can just enjoy sex without emotion though and would want it just for the physical pleaseure.
What do you all think I should do?
Write to Dear Deirdre in The Sun. It is exactly the type of problem she deals with.... much more appropriate there than on this site.
I'm interested to know what you mean by dull and wanting some excitement, now i may be wrong but reading your post it sounds to me like you are getting sex but not how you would like it? so what do you want and what does she not do for you? maybe you'd like to try another guy or have a one man band playing Barry White covers in the corner of the bed room
Sex God
if u let a little problem get in your way.............
u`ll never see a good aniversary!!!!!!!!!!!
work thru it if u r man enough-- if not be a coward and run
btw our 20`th aniversary`s next year
2`s
u`ll never see a good aniversary!!!!!!!!!!!
work thru it if u r man enough-- if not be a coward and run
btw our 20`th aniversary`s next year
2`s
Quote by naughtynymphos1
why o why do people come on swinging sites with married and cheating problems
Most swingers are happily married couples who have a good sex life and do this together so why should we know about your problems?
But seeing as you asked my advice is leave her, if your only 23 and that unhappy your considering cheating already then theres no point carrying on in ur marrage, sorry if thats harsh but thats what i think
It's because people are unhappy and looking for help, and HOPEFULLY the attitude of sexual freedom here will allow them to express the condition in which they find themselves and get some good advice, not to have SH people be holier than thou about their problem. Having said that, there has been some good advice.
Quote by musketeer
why o why do people come on swinging sites with married and cheating problems
Most swingers are happily married couples who have a good sex life and do this together so why should we know about your problems?
But seeing as you asked my advice is leave her, if your only 23 and that unhappy your considering cheating already then theres no point carrying on in ur marrage, sorry if thats harsh but thats what i think
It's because people are unhappy and looking for help, and HOPEFULLY the attitude of sexual freedom here will allow them to express the condition in which they find themselves and get some good advice, not to have SH people be holier than thou about their problem. Having said that, there has been some good advice.
So, if it was good advice, why have a go about "holier than thou" attitudes?
Sex God
why get married at 23?
Sex God
Quote by wild rose and the stag
why get married at 23?
Either he got married younger or he's not been married long
Nowt up with getting married at 23 - we did
Quote by wild rose and the stag
why get married at 23?
We were 21 and 20. But it'll never last.
:lol: :lol: mandissected, if you are serious about wanting good advice then you got it immediately. Relate do very good sexual therapy. The other advice I would give is not to ask for advice on life changing situations from a group of strangers on the internet. Would you buy a second hand car on the say so of anyone on here?
Quote by musketeer
why o why do people come on swinging sites with married and cheating problems
Most swingers are happily married couples who have a good sex life and do this together so why should we know about your problems?
But seeing as you asked my advice is leave her, if your only 23 and that unhappy your considering cheating already then theres no point carrying on in ur marrage, sorry if thats harsh but thats what i think
It's because people are unhappy and looking for help, and HOPEFULLY the attitude of sexual freedom here will allow them to express the condition in which they find themselves and get some good advice, not to have SH people be holier than thou about their problem. Having said that, there has been some good advice.
i am not holier than thou, far from it infact, i have many many faults i just do not understand why he thinks genuine swingers would be able to help him on his way to cheating on his wife and for that matter why you think that swingers with the attitude of sexual freedom (as you put it) would even want to help him cheat on his wife, to me swinging is about sexual freedom yes but also about honesty, trust and respect for others, swinging is ment to be fun but how can cheating on the person you claim to love be fun? this is only my opinion to which i am entitled to as are you yours
Well mandissected it’s probably best that you talk the situation over with your wife. What you got to ask your self is if she found out you cheated on her and left you would you be able to live without her? I’m guessing the answers gona be no, if you love her as you say you do. Put your self in her place how would you feel if she cheated on you.
Although sex can be good it can never be as good as true love, in my humble opinion.
Love does involve a certain amount of self sacrifice sometimes. But in your case mate I think the best thing you can do is communicate your feelings/frustrations to your wife, to find a solution to your problems, 2 heads are better than 1.
Plus it’s good to talk
.
Although sex can be good it can never be as good as true love, in my humble opinion.
Love does involve a certain amount of self sacrifice sometimes. But in your case mate I think the best thing you can do is communicate your feelings/frustrations to your wife, to find a solution to your problems, 2 heads are better than 1.
Plus it’s good to talk
. Quote by postie
why o why do people come on swinging sites with married and cheating problems
Most swingers are happily married couples who have a good sex life and do this together so why should we know about your problems?
But seeing as you asked my advice is leave her, if your only 23 and that unhappy your considering cheating already then theres no point carrying on in ur marrage, sorry if thats harsh but thats what i think
It's because people are unhappy and looking for help, and HOPEFULLY the attitude of sexual freedom here will allow them to express the condition in which they find themselves and get some good advice, not to have SH people be holier than thou about their problem. Having said that, there has been some good advice.
So, if it was good advice, why have a go about "holier than thou" attitudes?
THE THREAD contained good advice, I thought the quoted mail "unhelpful".
Quote by Sharif
Well mandissected it’s probably best that you talk the situation over with your wife. What you got to ask your self is if she found out you cheated on her and left you would you be able to live without her? I’m guessing the answers gona be no, if you love her as you say you do. Put your self in her place how would you feel if she cheated on you.
Although sex can be good it can never be as good as true love, in my humble opinion.
Love does involve a certain amount of self sacrifice sometimes. But in your case mate I think the best thing you can do is communicate your feelings/frustrations to your wife, to find a solution to your problems, 2 heads are better than 1.
Plus it’s good to talk
plus u never know if you talk this over with her she may actually want to join this site with you makes both of your sex lifes better :thumbup:
If you need to spice up your sex life sit down and talk to her about If you love her you wont.
Cheat but incourage her to participate in some ideas you may have or better still say to her I do love you but, I would like us to try new things together and think of new ideas together as a couple.
If she loves you she poberly wants to spice things up as well but somtimes a womans pleasures are different to our own so sit down and talk with her married people are supposed to be able to discuss everything together
Cheat but incourage her to participate in some ideas you may have or better still say to her I do love you but, I would like us to try new things together and think of new ideas together as a couple.
If she loves you she poberly wants to spice things up as well but somtimes a womans pleasures are different to our own so sit down and talk with her married people are supposed to be able to discuss everything together
Quote by mandissectedThe first thing is to decide what it is that you want. If the reason that your sex life is dull is because you want sex without feelings, then you can hardly be surprised if your wife is not able to supply that. Perhaps it may even be that without realising it, when you have sex now, you do it without feelings, and that your wife is sitting somewhere wondering why you cannot satisfy her emotional needs during sex.
I just wanted some reactions to this problem.
I'm 23 and love my wife but sex is really dull. I've tried to spice things up a bit but to no avail and now I'm considering going else where. My wife can't seperate sex and feelings so wouldn't know, I can just enjoy sex without emotion though and would want it just for the physical pleaseure.
What do you all think I should do?
If, on the other hand, you are looking for sex without feelings AND variety/excitement then I would recommend a prostitute.
You will be lucky to find someone you are compatible with who is looking purely for sex for the sake of having sex, most swingers enjoy at least some level of emotional connection.
lhk
Kat
Quote by naughtynymphos1
i just do not understand why he thinks genuine swingers would be able to help him on his way to cheating on his wife and for that matter why you think that swingers with the attitude of sexual freedom (as you put it) would even want to help him cheat on his wife
He wanted advice, that's not automatically helping him to cheat, it might equally be helping him to find a better way.
There may be a "classic swinger" type, but people come here expecting different things. I am not a swinger but I found it refreshing to discuss my own sexuality and that of others in an open way which I have never found possible before. I found it very invigorating and I like the fact that it is not condemnatory. I don't think it's a good idea, here of all places, to build walls of rejection.
That is why I responded to your mail in the way I did.
Thanks to you all for replying, I have a feeling I haven't had the most popular start of a member in the forum!
All the answers have been of help, they've really helped give me a perspective on things. I think I should have titled the thread 'perspective needed' instead of 'moral dilema' but it's too late now so never mind.
One word from the replies really stuck out at me - cheating. I wasn't thinking of the sex as cheating because of no emotional attachment (for me), I can see now this was naive and wrong. I have problems and they're my problems, it's a kind of sacrafice like someone said. I want to do things my wife doesn't (such as anal and recieving oral) and I would never force her into anything so I've settled for what was on offer. I haven't tried expanding on what she likes so that we can both enjoy it more so I can see I've been having a selfish view point. I need to work harder, it's down to me.
Just for those of you interested we've been married just over three years and have a daughter that's 3 in November. We got married when Sarah was pregnant, we were already engaged but things were a bit rushed after a little pressure from our families to be married. We are happy though and have some really romantic times together when we get the time!
Thanks again everyone.
All the answers have been of help, they've really helped give me a perspective on things. I think I should have titled the thread 'perspective needed' instead of 'moral dilema' but it's too late now so never mind.
One word from the replies really stuck out at me - cheating. I wasn't thinking of the sex as cheating because of no emotional attachment (for me), I can see now this was naive and wrong. I have problems and they're my problems, it's a kind of sacrafice like someone said. I want to do things my wife doesn't (such as anal and recieving oral) and I would never force her into anything so I've settled for what was on offer. I haven't tried expanding on what she likes so that we can both enjoy it more so I can see I've been having a selfish view point. I need to work harder, it's down to me.
Just for those of you interested we've been married just over three years and have a daughter that's 3 in November. We got married when Sarah was pregnant, we were already engaged but things were a bit rushed after a little pressure from our families to be married. We are happy though and have some really romantic times together when we get the time!
Thanks again everyone.
