A farmer ordered a high-tech milking machine. Since the equipment arrived when his wife was out of town, he decided to test it on himself first.
So, he inserted his "manhood" into the equipment, turned on the switch and everything else was automatic. Soon, he realized that the equipment provided him with much more pleasure than his wife did.
When the fun was over, though, he quickly realized that he couldn't remove the instrument from his 'member'. He read the manual but didn't find any useful information on how to disengage himself. He tried every button on the instrument, but still without success.
Finally, he decided to call the supplier's Customer Service Hot Line. "Hello, I just bought a milking machine from your company.
It works fantastic, but how do I remove it from the cow's udder?"
"Don't worry," replied the customer service rep, "The machine will release automatically once it's collected two gallons.
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Doctor Dave had slept with one of his patients and felt guilty all day long.
No matter how much he tried to forget about it, he couldn't. Guilt and the sense of betrayal was overwhelming.
But every once in a while he'd hear an internal, reassuring voice that said: "Dave, don't worry about it. You aren't the first medical practitioner to sleep with one of their patients and you won't be the last. And you're single. Just let it go.."
But invariably the other voice would bring him back to reality, whispering: .............. Dave, you're a vet".
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Lorry driver driving through Essex. Stops at a red light, and a car
pulls up behind him, the door opens and a blonde woman gets out, runs up
to the door and knocks on his window. The lorry driver lowers the window
and the woman says: "Hi, my name's Heather, you're losing your load from
your lorry" The lorry driver grunts and winds his window back up and as
the lights change he pulls away, only to get caught at the next set of
lights, where the blonde again knocks on the window, gets him to lower
it and as if it never happened says: "Hi, my name's Heather, you're
losing your load from your lorry" He again rolls his eyes and pulls away
as the lights change.....once again he gets caught by the lights and he
sees her running up once more. She again knocks on the window, he lowers it and again
she comes out with: "Hi, my name's Heather, you're losing your load from
your lorry" He says something rather rude under his breath and roars
away from the lights shaking his head. He swears like mad as he sees the
next set of lights turning red and the woman's car tearing up behind
him. Before she can get out he throws open his door, jumps down and legs it back to
her car. She rolls her window down as he knocks and he says: "Hi, my
name's Dave, and I'm driving a gritter"
Orgasminator
