Join the most popular community of UK swingers now
Login

Munches: are you a wallflower or a room worker?

I guess I'll just print off lots of cards then and whoever wants to can play... I'm having fun making up the rules at the mo!
wink
Drink
dance
flirt
simples!!!!!
Quote by niceguysdoexist
I tend to find someone I know and latch on to them for dear life looking I guess more of a wall nettle I guess would describe me.I do love badge watching though and putting faces to icons.
My hearing is also none too brilliant and I can't actually hear very much when there is background music so struggle to hear what people are saying and although I can lip read I am only really good at it if I know the person well. (accents and things throw me)quote]
I am so glad there's someone else that has the same problem as poor hearing comes from lots of ear infections when I was a kid and being beaten up once which perforated my ear drum. Whenever there's lots of background noise I struggle to hear general conversation and I feel embarrased when I say pardon for the 5th time or ask the person next to me what was sai. It's a real social well I'll just have to feel my way around smile

Thirded. biggrin
I have trouble as well because of years abusing my hearing (weekends of clubbing 'til 6 in the morning next to a 2kw speaker tends to make you slightly mutton sad )
Grrrr... Both seem to have unintentional negative views.
In (other) past socials, my attempt to be "social butterfly" have been misconstrued as "tart". Attempts to be non-pushy and laid back have been seen as "anti-socail", so really, Room-worker or Wallflower... do I really care?
I'll chat to those that wanna chat, and be non-pushy to those that wish me not to darken their door. ;)
And to those that want more than chat and room-glancing,... well xxx ;)
Saying that, will have to visit a Wigan Munch one of these days ;)
We tend to be a couple of wall flowers at Munches as we both find it hard to break the ice with people we don’t know yet. Have to say that the Wigan munch is a highlight of the year for us, and NWC and Jo make us feel really welcome. So if you spot our name badges, say hello, we don’t bite unless you ask us too. :twisted:
I haven't been to a big munch for ages, though I've just seen my signature still reflects my early years on SH! lol
I used to get a bit nervous before munches, and also really, really excited, so by the time I actually got there I'd be bouncing and squealing and hugging everyone I knew, and bouncing up to those I didn't know with a 'Hello-I'm-Cocoa-I-don't-think-we've-met!!!' I was single then, and so used to have a few 'partners in crime' among the other single girls to bounce and squeak with, and I was very active on the forums so most people recognised my name. Plus, I was actively on the pull so it was worth my while being brave and talking to a lot of new people!
Because I went to a lot of munches (two a month at the height of it!), I would see my 'old friends' often, so I used to take a lot of time at munches to start conversations with newbies, take them round the room and introduce them to people, and make an effort to make them feel included. As I started to drift away and went to less and less munches, the opportunities to chat to old friends got fewer and further between, and I also felt more and more as though I'd bounce up to someone I didn't know and say 'Hi I'm Cocoa!' and they'd say 'Who?' because I wasn't posting as much. A couple of times I was given rather withering dismissals from people who felt they were part of the new 'core' crowd on the forums and I ought to know who they were, as well! redface By that time Chris and I were together and not so actively looking for people to swing with, and we felt a bit cornered a couple of times when we chatted to new people just to be friendly, and felt pretty clearly that they were taking it as a come-on and weren't interested in friendly chat for its own sake.
Anyway, the last couple of munches I went to, I stuck more or less entirely to catching up with old friends (and I mean that the same way as Easy :lolsmile I find it's harder to be confident about introducing yourself to new people when you're not that active on the forums, as there's a certain amount of 'Oh yes, I recognise the name' that helps to keep the conversation going initially!
We must get round to a munch again soon, I was so disappointed when I got back on here a few weeks ago and saw simultaneously that there was another Wigan munch happening (yay!!) and that the list was full (boooo!!) Chris and I first met at a Wigan munch, it must be five years ago now and my second ever munch! We'll keep our eyes open for the next one, we'd really love to come to one and see a few old friends and meet some new people.
i reckon 80-90 % of folk that attend socials are from the chatrooms as opposed to here ..not sure about munches tho.. but then i reckon thats probably the same for the number of folk that participate 'much' in the forums anyway compared to the chatrooms.. so stands to reason..you dont need to be known in here ..but it can help if you need to be 'known' that you pop your self in the chatrooms from time to time..
You missed out snogging!!! lol
Quote by noladreams30
I go round with a list! :giggle:

It's alphabetised too I bet... rolleyes CDO. Typical! wink
Choon applies to alter his name to Aaaaaaaachoooon!!
Gazuntite!
.
anti-social malcontent.
(but I try)
lp
Quote by __random_orbit__
anti-social malcontent.
(but I try)
lp

Hmm. The first time I saw you, you were on all fours at a munch with a drink balanced on your back. Freak. rolleyes
Quote by Witchy
anti-social malcontent.
(but I try)
lp

Hmm. The first time I saw you, you were on all fours at a munch with a drink balanced on your back. Freak. rolleyes
merely doing as I was told.
(I'm sure I was dragged kicking and screaming from the doorway to the street... my fingernails gouging runnels in the doorframe... two stern women barking orders at me... there were pool cues available too Im sure... I was hardly likely to say "no" now was I?)
I've never been the same since.
lp
Quote by __random_orbit__
anti-social malcontent.
(but I try)
lp

Trying to set fire to your tent at socials doesn't help matters either rolleyes
Quote by Sassy-Seren
anti-social malcontent.
(but I try)
lp

Trying to set fire to your tent at socials doesn't help matters either rolleyes
now then, about this 'incident' in Wiltshire... I was attempting to two things:
One; show a little independance and 'pioneer spirit' by showing I can set camp, and raise a fire for protection of camp and provision of sustinance.
two: provide and share the joys of field-cocoa with my campmates... impressing all with my ray Mears like adaptability and improvisation in the face of natures fiercest elements (mentioning no names) and dangerous wildlife (spiders).
all was under control in my humble opinion until screaming from the dark and mist came a pan-wielding banshee, battering mans-mysterious-fire across field and all present.
And yet STILL I am the one who is blamed for a little unfortunate blaze.!!!
Is it any wonder that I now shrink to the corners and tremble when in company... desperately attempting to summon up the courage to say ... "hi"?
You sophisticated types may well be used to these "on your knees now!" & "fire, burn him!" approaches... but itleaves this poor chap emotionally scared and just a little nervous.
lp
You set up your acme-napalm-ignitalot in the porch of a tent this size.

I've seen carrots with better survival skills. rolleyes
Well excuuuuuse me for saving your sorry ass, but if all your belongings had turned toast on the first night, the rest of camp would have had to endure you nekkid apart from your vaselined boots, cowboy. :scared:

see above for the result of 'intervention'
anyway... we digress...
lp
You're at it again. Only this time it's your pants on fire. rolleyes
Do excuse us Nola....hijack over wink
I sit at home, bereft of fun, lonely as a sparrow in the rain...
sad
Quote by __random_orbit__

see above for site of the initial 'controled' fire, there for the provision of light safety and sustanance for all

see above for the result of 'intervention'
anyway... we digress...
lp

I'm packing a fire extinguisher next time rolleyes
:karaoke: Come on baby light my fire :karaoke:
Quote by easy
I tend to find someone I know and latch on to them for dear life looking I guess more of a wall nettle I guess would describe me.I do love badge watching though and putting faces to icons.
My hearing is also none too brilliant and I can't actually hear very much when there is background music so struggle to hear what people are saying and although I can lip read I am only really good at it if I know the person well. (accents and things throw me)quote]
I am so glad there's someone else that has the same problem as poor hearing comes from lots of ear infections when I was a kid and being beaten up once which perforated my ear drum. Whenever there's lots of background noise I struggle to hear general conversation and I feel embarrased when I say pardon for the 5th time or ask the person next to me what was sai. It's a real social well I'll just have to feel my way around smile

Thirded. biggrin
I have trouble as well because of years abusing my hearing (weekends of clubbing 'til 6 in the morning next to a 2kw speaker tends to make you slightly mutton sad )
Music levels can be too high at munches. I like to keep a respectable distance from those I'm talking too, and give eye contact. It's difficult talking to women if they have to shout into your ear and I appear to be gazing into their cleavage. It doesn't give the right impression does it?
Quote by mancunian
I like to keep a respectable distance from those I'm talking too, and give eye contact. It's difficult talking to women if they have to shout into your ear and I appear to be gazing into their cleavage. It doesn't give the right impression does it?

I find that the poor (or not-so-poor!!wink ) placing of name-badges often causes ones eyes to wander from face to chest..... :shock:
at least that's my excuse!!!
Quote by DeeCee
I like to keep a respectable distance from those I'm talking too, and give eye contact. It's difficult talking to women if they have to shout into your ear and I appear to be gazing into their cleavage. It doesn't give the right impression does it?

I find that the poor (or not-so-poor!!wink ) placing of name-badges often causes ones eyes to wander from face to chest..... :shock:
at least that's my excuse!!!
Mucky bugger! lol
Quote by Freckledbird
I like to keep a respectable distance from those I'm talking too, and give eye contact. It's difficult talking to women if they have to shout into your ear and I appear to be gazing into their cleavage. It doesn't give the right impression does it?

I find that the poor (or not-so-poor!!wink ) placing of name-badges often causes ones eyes to wander from face to chest..... :shock:
at least that's my excuse!!!
Mucky bugger! lol
ooohhh... you know me tooooooo well!!!!
:wink:
Wall flower or room walker?
As a single male I have no choice in the matter. It's walk or die. Sounds simple doesn't it? In realality it's some thing else. It's damed hard work and scary too.
Been to two munches now, both at the same venue with the same host. Both times there was a difinate boundry between terrified newbies and seasoned players. The second time being much more noticeable as the players had arrived from their hotel and gave the impression that they were there to socialse together before returning to the hotel to play.
I tried to speak to some of the players I met in the chat room. 'Come and speak to us' one fem said ' we don't bite'. I did and was cut dead. Not good to say the least especially as the rest of the female memebers did the same. Did it say Leper on my namebadge? However I did speak to one of the male members of the group, and had an intresting conversation so not all was lost.
On the first visit I noticed name badges for newbies and enquired about this with my host. They simply attempted to stick a badge or two on me which failed and then abandoned me. My hopes of haveing some of what was said of munches in the forum about help and guidance was dashed on the rocks. I presume the hosts have never read this.
At no point during the two munches did I ever see a seasoned player approach and speak to any newbie. Due to this I feel forced into a position whereby I have little option but to 'bounce' people in order to meet them. I don't like it and if there is a better way then I would like to know. Felt I bounced Mikeandlucy, who wrote earlier in this thread, and would like to know how they felt about this.
I wonder who many new people to the scene and munches abandon their dreams of being part of this lifestyle due to apparant indifference towards them by seasoned players?
I attended a social elsewhere and had a great night and met a lot of people, so many my head spun. Why the differce you may wonder. Simple. A lovely lady spotted I was new, alone and a litle lost. She took it upon herself to take me by the hand, literally, and introduced me to members of the group. The group then knew who I was and spoke to me as we trailed our way through a number of pubs. I am still in contact with some members and learned a lot about the scene in their locality.
Seasoned players and munch hosts must be aware what it must be like when you are new to the lifestyle after all they were new once. I would like to see better interaction between seasoned players and newbies and think that there should be more hand holders at munches for newbies to help them get over the first and difficult hurdle of introdutions. Not every one is a sophisicated socialite.
To seasoned players I say 'Hold out a hand'
and to newbies 'hard as it is don't get disheartened, keep going. The longest journey starts with one step'
Quote by mancunian
Wall flower or room walker?
As a single male I have no choice in the matter. It's walk or die. Sounds simple doesn't it? In realality it's some thing else. It's damed hard work and scary too.
Been to two munches now, both at the same venue with the same host. Both times there was a difinate boundry between terrified newbies and seasoned players. The second time being much more noticeable as the players had arrived from their hotel and gave the impression that they were there to socialse together before returning to the hotel to play.
I tried to speak to some of the players I met in the chat room. 'Come and speak to us' one fem said ' we don't bite'. I did and was cut dead. Not good to say the least especially as the rest of the female memebers did the same. Did it say Leper on my namebadge? However I did speak to one of the male members of the group, and had an intresting conversation so not all was lost.
On the first visit I noticed name badges for newbies and enquired about this with my host. They simply attempted to stick a badge or two on me which failed and then abandoned me. My hopes of haveing some of what was said of munches in the forum about help and guidance was dashed on the rocks. I presume the hosts have never read this.
At no point during the two munches did I ever see a seasoned player approach and speak to any newbie. Due to this I feel forced into a position whereby I have little option but to 'bounce' people in order to meet them. I don't like it and if there is a better way then I would like to know. Felt I bounced Mikeandlucy, who wrote earlier in this thread, and would like to know how they felt about this.
I wonder who many new people to the scene and munches abandon their dreams of being part of this lifestyle due to apparant indifference towards them by seasoned players?
I attended a social elsewhere and had a great night and met a lot of people, so many my head spun. Why the differce you may wonder. Simple. A lovely lady spotted I was new, alone and a litle lost. She took it upon herself to take me by the hand, literally, and introduced me to members of the group. The group then knew who I was and spoke to me as we trailed our way through a number of pubs. I am still in contact with some members and learned a lot about the scene in their locality.
Seasoned players and munch hosts must be aware what it must be like when you are new to the lifestyle after all they were new once. I would like to see better interaction between seasoned players and newbies and think that there should be more hand holders at munches for newbies to help them get over the first and difficult hurdle of introdutions. Not every one is a sophisicated socialite.
To seasoned players I say 'Hold out a hand'
and to newbies 'hard as it is don't get disheartened, keep going. The longest journey starts with one step'

fabulously put :thumbup:
Well put Manc!
By "bouncing", I presume you mean, came up and chatted to??
You were actually a God send, it was our first and only Munch/Social, what ever it was called.
We walked through the door, very nervous, we had been lost for 30 mins, driving around in circles, at one stage I got so up tight, I said lets go home!
Cocks talked us in by phone(many thanks cocks!)
I found it hard at the do, as so many were already sorted so it seemed, maybe as you said Manc, they had met before at the hotel, or knew each by previous socials. We ended up chatting to fellow newbies, we did stick out a mile!
Its always a bit hard at first in a new situation.
We appreciated your welcome, and I might infact take this chance to apologise, as I did not pay you enough attention, as I was busy looking around, and generally sussing the event out!
Carry on bouncing!!!! lol
Quote by mancunian
Wall flower or room walker?
As a single male I have no choice in the matter. It's walk or die. Sounds simple doesn't it? In realality it's some thing else. It's damed hard work and scary too.

I have to say, that this isnt the case for this single male.
If i was invited to a social event and felt i needed to be sat at the side of the room on my own, scared to approach people and burdened under the weight of percieved discrimination, then I wouldnt go in the first place.
I went to a munch recently and spent some of the night feeling beady eyes burning a hole in my back.... it just gave me the incentive to enjoy myself even more....whilst challenging those who have a problem with my personality, status and objectives to deal with it..... A munch is a social occasion for all, afterall.
I find it hard to understand why people root themselves to one part of the room and make a "corner" for them and their friends that is hard to penetrate and somewhat seperates them from the rest of the group.
Im sure i'm not the only one who finds it off putting to approach certain groups who seperate themselves in this way.
I think it needs to be said that munch guests, even seasoned repeat-munchers, are very often anxious/nervous/on tenterhooks for the early part of the evening.
I am a busy-body muncher who likes to approach all and sundry, especially people who's faces are like this confused and this :shock: and quite often in conversation with them I'll discover this is NOT their first munch.
What I'm saying is, if a newbie feels that they weren't given as good a welcome as they were hoping for, it might be because at that early stage of the night, people are sometimes too anxious to be open to new people.
Quote by Cherrytree
I am a busy-body muncher .....

Ooooh can you busy yer body with me please??
.