I am blessed to have an almost 18 year old son that is a pleasure to be around has charm wit and a lovely considerate nature.
But as there always seem to be a but, he has not found yet apart from a sport that one thing that ignites his fuse until recently a subject that has just woken him up, I feel he has just wasted the last two years at college and we are back to square one.
Where do we go from here?
We are happy to support him in this but I feel can he really start from the beginning again?
Being our first, I feel a little lost where to turn to find out his options.
I don’t know if getting the qualifications he is studying for would help him to move on to higher education to be able to study the subject that has igniting him, because he is very much at the beginning and just starting with it.
O it’s hard being a parent and I feel sorry for first borns as they are out guinea pigs to a degree, we just want to give him the best we can.
Can anyone offer some ideas please?
I never went through this system I left school at 16 it is all so confusing.
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My brain is scrambled
Sexlightened
Hey Minx
You have done all the work and have turned out a teenage son who, in your words, is charming, witty, considerate and a pleasure to be around. Well done!, I am sure that we all strive to bring up such well rounded offspring.
I recognise the problem that you have because I had it with my own two boys. I am not sure what his 'new' thinking is: perhaps he wants to travel or he has found love or it my even be a new career. In any case, as long as it is legal, decent and honest then I would go ahead and let him run with it.
You set your stall out with your kids and you hope that they develop a strong moral code and a decent approach to life. You seem to have done a good job in this respect.
Let him fly.
Steve
You have done all the work and have turned out a teenage son who, in your words, is charming, witty, considerate and a pleasure to be around. Well done!, I am sure that we all strive to bring up such well rounded offspring.
I recognise the problem that you have because I had it with my own two boys. I am not sure what his 'new' thinking is: perhaps he wants to travel or he has found love or it my even be a new career. In any case, as long as it is legal, decent and honest then I would go ahead and let him run with it.
You set your stall out with your kids and you hope that they develop a strong moral code and a decent approach to life. You seem to have done a good job in this respect.
Let him fly.
Steve
Quote by Kazsc
Hey Minx
You have done all the work and have turned out a teenage son who, in your words, is charming, witty, considerate and a pleasure to be around. Well done!, I am sure that we all strive to bring up such well rounded offspring.
I recognise the problem that you have because I had it with my own two boys. I am not sure what his 'new' thinking is: perhaps he wants to travel or he has found love or it my even be a new career. In any case, as long as it is legal, decent and honest then I would go ahead and let him run with it.
You set your stall out with your kids and you hope that they develop a strong moral code and a decent approach to life. You seem to have done a good job in this respect.
Let him fly.
Steve
It is a subject that he has found that has ignited him, but he has only been studying it since September, but it is the first time that he has shown keenness and an eagerness to study beyond what is expected. And his thrust for the subject is great to see.
I guess not many of us really knew what path we wanted to go down at 18
Sexlightened
Hi Minx
Sounds as though you are going to be fully supportive to him whatever path he chooses. Terrific.
I am 50 and still dont know what I am going to do tomorrow
Have a nice day.
Steve
Sounds as though you are going to be fully supportive to him whatever path he chooses. Terrific.
I am 50 and still dont know what I am going to do tomorrow
Have a nice day.
Steve
Sex God
well our first born is almost 19 and we are still waiting for something to ignite himm ffs might have to actually put a rocket under him 
i look forward to the day it finally happens but trust me i'm hoping its real soon 
he is a good lad and despite illness he holds down 2 jobs which exhaust him as his illness fatigues him easily so we would love him to find something that exites him and gives him that get up n go and a smile on his face that makes his exhaustion all worth while rather than the daily grind of his mundane jobs he has now
hope your lad carries on enjoying enjoying his chossen path minxie :rose:
i look forward to the day it finally happens but trust me i'm hoping its real soon he is a good lad and despite illness he holds down 2 jobs which exhaust him as his illness fatigues him easily so we would love him to find something that exites him and gives him that get up n go and a smile on his face that makes his exhaustion all worth while rather than the daily grind of his mundane jobs he has nowhope your lad carries on enjoying enjoying his chossen path minxie :rose:
Quote by bouncy332
well our first born is almost 19 and we are still waiting for something to ignite himm ffs might have to actually put a rocket under him
hope your lad carries on enjoying enjoying his chossen path minxie :rose:
Thanks bouncy!
Its early days could be all pie in the sky!
We will see.
But you sound like us you just want them to have something they enjoy. You should be proud of yourselves and of your son, at least he doing something and I hope for yours like mine he finds something that satifies him. As it far more rewarding to do something you enjoy.
Sex God
Minxy, I started A Levels at 16, fell out after a year, started another set of A Levels a year later, fell out after 6 months, started another course, then another, worked for a bit, did an A Level at evening class, finally went to Uni as a mature student at 22 ((( mature student at 22! oh, the irony! immature bloody perpetual student more like, truth be told. ))) fell out of that, worked for a bit longer, went back to uni again 4 years later, fell out of that cos I was offered the job of my dreams, turned out not to be. Can you begin to see a bit of a pattern forming here?
The point is, I had no clue what I wanted to do, or where I wanted to be going really, but I was able to start again from scratch pretty much any time I chose. It might be somewhat harder now in higher education, but opportunities will still remain open to him even if he doesn't take advantage of them right now, and if he does decide to run with what he's doing now, even though it's new to him, it's in no way too late for him to make a go of it, if he so chooses.
Seems you've done the hard work, in that you've raised a charming, witty and considerate son you actually quite like ((( and liking your kids is a very different thing from loving your kids, yes? ;) ))) so don't sweat the small stuff. He'll either make a go of this all off his own back, or he'll realise it's not for him after all, and move on to something else. It might take him some time to work out what he really wants to do with his life, and the pressure the educational system puts on kids to opt in to certain choices early on, which necessarily means they opt out of certain others, can often be counter-productive IMO. Leave him to his own devices on this one I think, see which way he jumps, and then support him further as best you can whatever decision he comes to. Things will probably take care of themselves in the long run, though the short-term might be a tad fraught for you from time to time. ;)
Neil x x x ;)
))) fell out of that, worked for a bit longer, went back to uni again 4 years later, fell out of that cos I was offered the job of my dreams, turned out not to be. Can you begin to see a bit of a pattern forming here? The point is, I had no clue what I wanted to do, or where I wanted to be going really, but I was able to start again from scratch pretty much any time I chose. It might be somewhat harder now in higher education, but opportunities will still remain open to him even if he doesn't take advantage of them right now, and if he does decide to run with what he's doing now, even though it's new to him, it's in no way too late for him to make a go of it, if he so chooses.
Seems you've done the hard work, in that you've raised a charming, witty and considerate son you actually quite like ((( and liking your kids is a very different thing from loving your kids, yes? ;) ))) so don't sweat the small stuff. He'll either make a go of this all off his own back, or he'll realise it's not for him after all, and move on to something else. It might take him some time to work out what he really wants to do with his life, and the pressure the educational system puts on kids to opt in to certain choices early on, which necessarily means they opt out of certain others, can often be counter-productive IMO. Leave him to his own devices on this one I think, see which way he jumps, and then support him further as best you can whatever decision he comes to. Things will probably take care of themselves in the long run, though the short-term might be a tad fraught for you from time to time. ;)
Neil x x x ;)
Quote by neilinleeds
Minxy, I started A Levels at 16, fell out after a year, started another set of A Levels a year later, fell out after 6 months, started another course, then another, worked for a bit, did an A Level at evening class, finally went to Uni as a mature student at 22 ((( mature student at 22! oh, the irony! immature bloody perpetual student more like, truth be told.
The point is, I had no clue what I wanted to do, or where I wanted to be going really, but I was able to start again from scratch pretty much any time I chose. It might be somewhat harder now in higher education, but opportunities will still remain open to him even if he doesn't take advantage of them right now, and if he does decide to run with what he's doing now, even though it's new to him, it's in no way too late for him to make a go of it, if he so chooses.
Seems you've done the hard work, in that you've raised a charming, witty and considerate son you actually quite like ((( and liking your kids is a very different thing from loving your kids, yes? ;) ))) so don't sweat the small stuff. He'll either make a go of this all off his own back, or he'll realise it's not for him after all, and move on to something else. It might take him some time to work out what he really wants to do with his life, and the pressure the educational system puts on kids to opt in to certain choices early on, which necessarily means they opt out of certain others, can often be counter-productive IMO. Leave him to his own devices on this one I think, see which way he jumps, and then support him further as best you can whatever decision he comes to. Things will probably take care of themselves in the long run, though the short-term might be a tad fraught for you from time to time. ;)
Neil x x x ;)
I have read your response and have taken on board what you have said.
Thanks neil x
Feel for you on this one Minx.
My lad is 16 and just finishing off his GCSE's.
Just like me at his age he hasnt got the first clue as to what he wants from life.
I was forced into my parents projected life path which I quickly abandoned. Determined to avoid the same mistake I try to be as relaxed as I can about his goals. This is a task and a half given the pressure he is put under by his mom and his school to "get a direction in life"
The next couple of years, as he embarks on a wide ranging course of further studies, will be interesting. I try to help him to keep his options open and his eyes open in the hope that something will excite and tantalise him. I live in hope and remain convinced that honest, respectful, dignified, young people will eventually find a life path that gives them joy.
My lad is 16 and just finishing off his GCSE's.
Just like me at his age he hasnt got the first clue as to what he wants from life.
I was forced into my parents projected life path which I quickly abandoned. Determined to avoid the same mistake I try to be as relaxed as I can about his goals. This is a task and a half given the pressure he is put under by his mom and his school to "get a direction in life"
The next couple of years, as he embarks on a wide ranging course of further studies, will be interesting. I try to help him to keep his options open and his eyes open in the hope that something will excite and tantalise him. I live in hope and remain convinced that honest, respectful, dignified, young people will eventually find a life path that gives them joy.
Only a few people get to do that 'special thing' in life. Even with all that education and whatnot I expect about 5% are involved with the real clever/interesting stuff. For the rest of us its counting the beans and mending the fences. But out of that one can find a variety or reasonably satisfying occupations.
So if he gets on with people and is reliable, that's generally good enough.
So if he gets on with people and is reliable, that's generally good enough.
Quote by Theladyisaminx
I am blessed to have an almost 18 year old son that is a pleasure to be around has charm wit and a lovely considerate nature.
But as there always seem to be a but, he has not found yet apart from a sport that one thing that ignites his fuse until recently a subject that has just woken him up, I feel he has just wasted the last two years at college and we are back to square one.
Where do we go from here?
We are happy to support him in this but I feel can he really start from the beginning again?
Being our first, I feel a little lost where to turn to find out his options.
I don’t know if getting the qualifications he is studying for would help him to move on to higher education to be able to study the subject that has igniting him, because he is very much at the beginning and just starting with it.
O it’s hard being a parent and I feel sorry for first borns as they are out guinea pigs to a degree, we just want to give him the best we can.
Can anyone offer some ideas please?
I never went through this system I left school at 16 it is all so confusing.
It is never too late to " start again " and at 18 he is still a baby.
Well he is to me.One of the problems I have seen over the years though, is if you keep starting again, you never seem to move forward with any great speed.
In todays climate many people of 35 and over had HAD to start over, as their skills are no longer needed.
Give him some more time but....if he quits this one and then wants to start again in say a years time, then being too tolerant may not be the right answer.
But hey if you have a child that is a good kid, then a good job must have been done by both of you.
Who said having kids was easy? :shock:
My Son messed school up so started again - he is happier - passing all of his exams with good grades and to top it all has his mind made up which path he wants to take now - He just wasn't ready before...
So - no matter which way your kids want to go just give them one thing...your support x tc
So - no matter which way your kids want to go just give them one thing...your support x tc
Sex God
Minx,
I don't think anything is ever wasted and it isn't really a case of starting again, he is only 18 and perhaps he has just found the thing that ignites that spark of interest and passion that will steer him towards the future he wants to have.
Even the two years "wasted" are not really. He will have qualifications and skills that he has learned that may prove to be invaluable in the future (edited. Sorry. I am a twit). Whatsmore his experiences will have shaped his character and given him the knowledge of what he does want to do. That is invaluable.
My advice would be to discover the path he needs to take to get where he wants to go. In terms of what qualifications or training he requires and then go about organising a way to do this if possible. You've kept details vague for understandable reasons, but I think it would be easier if he had a particular vocation in mind (vet, doctor, psychologist, lemming flinger etc) rather than just discovering a passion for say Geography with no real idea of how to apply it once he has finished learning about it. However it is always better to be at the bottom of a ladder you do want to climb, than halfway up one you don't.
It sounds to me like he may have stumbled upon the structure and goal of what he wants to do in life. That is a precious thing. So many 18 year olds are nowhere near this, so you could say, you are very fortunate.
Whatever he does, we wish you all the best and it sounds like he has a mum who will doubtless do the right thing.
I don't think anything is ever wasted and it isn't really a case of starting again, he is only 18 and perhaps he has just found the thing that ignites that spark of interest and passion that will steer him towards the future he wants to have.
Even the two years "wasted" are not really. He will have qualifications and skills that he has learned that may prove to be invaluable in the future (edited. Sorry. I am a twit). Whatsmore his experiences will have shaped his character and given him the knowledge of what he does want to do. That is invaluable.
My advice would be to discover the path he needs to take to get where he wants to go. In terms of what qualifications or training he requires and then go about organising a way to do this if possible. You've kept details vague for understandable reasons, but I think it would be easier if he had a particular vocation in mind (vet, doctor, psychologist, lemming flinger etc) rather than just discovering a passion for say Geography with no real idea of how to apply it once he has finished learning about it. However it is always better to be at the bottom of a ladder you do want to climb, than halfway up one you don't.
It sounds to me like he may have stumbled upon the structure and goal of what he wants to do in life. That is a precious thing. So many 18 year olds are nowhere near this, so you could say, you are very fortunate.
Whatever he does, we wish you all the best and it sounds like he has a mum who will doubtless do the right thing.
Minxy,
You sound like a good mum! Don't think of the last two years as a waste. Even if he never uses the skills he has learned, he will still have learned life experiences with the people he's been with.
As a mum, I've always told my two that 'they can be whatever they want to be and I'll support them'. Then my son at 16 decided to join the Army. I then went through agonies of being proud he wanted to do it and as a Mum wanting to keep him safe. But it wouldn't have said much about me as a Mum if I changed my pledge to back him all the way.
Our kids grow up, as we did, change their minds, as we did, make mistakes, hopefully learn from them and move on. He's a lucky lad to have your support and if he's all those things you say he is, then job done Minxy.
My son has now been in the Army since the first week in January, and I think they've cloned him. Sounds so grown up - but as a Mum I can't wait to see him in his uniform at his Passing In Parade, and give him the biggest hug in the world!! You see, it doesn't matter how old they are, they're still our babies!!
Gosh, Minxy, I posted again ...............
Mrs 777 xxxxxxxxxxx
You sound like a good mum! Don't think of the last two years as a waste. Even if he never uses the skills he has learned, he will still have learned life experiences with the people he's been with.
As a mum, I've always told my two that 'they can be whatever they want to be and I'll support them'. Then my son at 16 decided to join the Army. I then went through agonies of being proud he wanted to do it and as a Mum wanting to keep him safe. But it wouldn't have said much about me as a Mum if I changed my pledge to back him all the way.
Our kids grow up, as we did, change their minds, as we did, make mistakes, hopefully learn from them and move on. He's a lucky lad to have your support and if he's all those things you say he is, then job done Minxy.
My son has now been in the Army since the first week in January, and I think they've cloned him. Sounds so grown up - but as a Mum I can't wait to see him in his uniform at his Passing In Parade, and give him the biggest hug in the world!! You see, it doesn't matter how old they are, they're still our babies!!
Gosh, Minxy, I posted again ...............
Mrs 777 xxxxxxxxxxx
