So there is a groper/abuser/bully in our midst, one who obviously feels that he has done no wrong?
He is also a well known long time member of the Forum.
Seeing as the guy has shown no remorse should he not be banned from future events?
Also, because he may want to attend future events, and therefore decides to apologise now, shouldn’t his sincerity be doubted?
I havent read all the most recent replies and to be honest it wouldnt make any difference to my thoughts anyway..
IMHO anyone involved with this most recent act should no longer be a member of this site..
After all that has been said and written of late then people should have been aware of how this kind of act is viewed...
I know for a fact that the idea of the most recent incident was banded about in the chatroom a couple of weeks ago and certain individuals were told in no uncertain terms that in no way should this happen but.........It has and now I believe action must be taken to ensure this never happens again..
And as for the appology well.......As has already been said......Anyone can say sorry after the event cant they but it doesnt detract that it has happened again..
Edited to correct my useless spelling..
There are a few people who if we know they are going to a munch then we definately wont go....
So its started already hasnt it??
I have absolutely no idea what any of you are talking about............... as usual I am the last to know....... and to be quite honest, that suits me down to the ground.......
But just want to say to Dawn and Jiggle........... I love both of you and if you think I am going to stop the cheek pecks when we meet............ then u r very much mistaken !!
To those of you who don't go to munches coz I am going................ I have changed my perfume nad my sense of dress.......lol........... and promised not to get drunk again !!.... Oh yes, and will, of course leave the axe at home next time..........
Happy playing, you sexy people . xxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxx
i was intrigued and was considering nervously attending a munch with a female friend.. but now im horrified...my presumption that these are just social gatherings to say hi , ask questions and meet new likeminded friends is obviously wrong...being snogged or fondled upon entrance didnt appear in any desvcriptions i had read before
i prefer any woman i am with to be safe and wouldnt want to find myself not relaxing due to keeping an eye out for some moron
please please tell me that this is not the norm!
Non alcahol gatherings may be a better idea
Jiggles i know you was offended, but the person(s) concerned took you aside on the night and apologised cause I saw it......................... it was a joke that went too far and you were upset, the people concerned were told and have apologised. You are one of the true gents in the room, I agree, but all this banning for ice throwing and name calling and kissing is riidulous, we are all here openly seeking sex, if ya can't handle it get off the roundabout, cause very soon there won't be anyone left in forums, chat room, munches other than the new people who cant get to attend any of them anyway!!
Ok i dont do muches(one of the reasons being the type of behaviour i have heard of happening at these events) and probably have no right to comment on this matter but i do know Jiggle (not in the biblical sense) and he wouldnt hurt a fly.
He may be little over enthusiastic at times(and yes in the past he has really wound me up) but he didnt deserve to be the butt of this "joke". We all know that he blushes easily and i find it really hurtfull that anyone would bully him like this , knowing the way he would react.
It is not fair to be-little the way he felt and reacted. It has clearly taken him a lot of courage to raise the problem here and he was considerate enough not to mention names.
Also I have not mentioned names but this could lead to confusion :shock:
Untill I receive conformation I will continue not to mention specific names..
The chatlog I spoke of in previous posts does not include any of the people who were present on the night of the munch though..
EssexLady i completely take the point you're making. munches for me, and others i know, have always been very liberating events, and i'd hate to think we've lost that.
i stand pretty much by what i said earlier, that lots of us have really enjoyed and benefitted from the openness and intimacy among friends that has always characterised the munches i've been to. but it seems people have lost sight of the fact that this kind of horseplay, and snogging, and whatever else, should ONLY happen among friends who are BOTH happy with it. when people are getting genuinely upset by it and considering not going to munches any more, things have gone way too far, which is really bloody sad.
i'm absolutely stunned that some members here, who should know better, would so invade someone elses personal space, and seem to be struggling so hard with the concept of mutual consent!
i still hope these are genuinely isolated incidents, and we can resolve this without losing something. i'd hate to feel as though i had to be on my guard and second guess everything i did at a munch, cos if we're all gonna be worrying now what signals we're sending out when we kiss a friend and lark about to others who are seemingly inacapable of making those distinctions, then i think we've lost something really valuable, and that pisses me right off!
neil x x x ;)
I am pretty new to the site and about to attend my first mini munch. Having followed this thread I can see why some people would be put off by the antics that have been described. I can see that a munch or mini munch is a perfect forum to meet and put faces to names personally I like to feel that noone would invade my personal space even though they may feel they know me from having chatted online or exchanges in the forums. These events have to be self policed and at the end of the day its sort of presenting a public face of swinging and that isnt that swingers are easy or that they indulge in sex at every opportunity (now theres a thought) far too many people come on here expecting an instant fix up (a view that could partly be gained from behaviour observed at munches by non swingers) ok i'm rambling now and am gonna shut up.
I've avoided replying to this thread so far, becasue I've done things (consensually) at a munch that I shouldn't have, and I don't want to be the pot that calls the kettle black, but I want to add a few points that haven't come up so far, so with an apology to anyone my behaviour offended, here goes...
It's been suggested that munch organisers be given the power to ban people for life from munches. As a munch organiser, I have to say that that would be an unbearable burden. Running a munch can be hard work. Adding in the knowledge that at any time I could be summoned to the other end of the room to pronounce a permanent and lifestyle-changing judgement on something that I didn't see happening, based purely on hearsay eveidence from (mostly) drunk people, and quite possibly involving people I fancy/or have played with would probably put me off running munches. Anyone can run a munch, not everyone can be, should be, or wants to be a site mod, or have mod-like powers.
Secondly, having been briefly involved in the S&M scene has taught me that never, under any circumstances, does dressing a certain way mean that you 'are asking for it'. If you take that point of view, then you are removing other people's freedom to dress how they please, which is a freedom of self-expression that many people (myself included) think is very, very important.
Lastly, at the top of every page in this site, including the whole of 'lets meet up' and the 'what is a munch?' page, right above the top menu are the words "Meet Swingers". I think those words ahve a great deal of importance in this debate. While a munch is unarguably "a social event, often in a public place", it's also an event where you will, inevitably 'meet swingers'. Does that mean meeting people who are more likely to behave slightly outragously? Or should it mean 'meet swingers who are trying hard to act vanilla'? Would a munch be a good way for people to get to know what our community is like if we all behaved in a very politically correct way? I really don't know, but that is in a sense, what's being discussed here.
Sorry, I've not made my original point very clearly... by 'very politically correct' I meant behaving in a totally vanilla way, ie none of the consensual bottom-patting, same sex kissing, or other behaviour that is totally legal and mutually acceptable for those invovled, but would raise eyebrows if the women's Institute were sharing the room with us.
I certainly didn't mean to imply that anything illegal or non-consensual is in any way acceptable.
Hmm good to see more on this, it has as was said not gone on to a conclusion.
Jiggle I am sorry you also had a problem mate, I don't know the details but do know how much these things can affect people.
As was discussed before I still feel we need Munch Helpers. Volunteers who will try to sort these issues on the night, as well as just look out for everyone. Equally I don't think they or the munch organiser should be making calls to ban from all SH events or the site. What they should be able to do is ask someone to leave a munch if there is a real need to, after exhausting all other ways to resolve an issue. Helpers also should not be site mods as:
1. Mods need nights off
2. Mods need to be the impartial judges if somthing ends up being passed to them to look at
For a stronger response there is only group of people we can trust with it, the mods. They have the overview of us as people, can take via PM views on any incident of complaint, and make a decision of a reasonable response in the cold light of day. Banning for ever from the site and munches I think should be a last resort, or a reaction to some form of criminal action with the Police involved. After all if we make an idiot of ourselves then we want a slapped wrist. However if you hurt someone, or do somthing illegal then you get what is coming to you.
I would suggest that we have levels of response from:
1. Ejecting from the night
2. Private apology
3. Public apology
4. 6 month ban from munches
5. A site and munch ban from a period to forever
6. Civil or criminal action being taken
Final suggestion is that all complaints be done through either munch helpers on the night, or the normal complaints system on the site. I think we should keep names out of the public forum until a decision has been taken. I don't suggest this has happened, but we need to ensure a false accusation does not destroy someones reputation before the person can explain themselves.
Oh and very final point, munches are 99% safe and enjoyable and I have had a great time at a few of them. I have been approached and involved in a few snogs, and politly refused a few offers as well without incident. What we are discussing here is for the very small number of incidents as you would get in any big gathering where things go a little too far.
Even if nothing else comes out of this thread I think everyone will have a new concept of what a munch is and we will be looking out for each other a bit more. I thnk that alone will lead to a better enviroment in future munches and social meets.
People who attend munches are from a swinging website. Some are active swingers, many are probably not and are dipping their toes in the water, maybe for the first time. Since a munch is advertised as a social event in a vanilla environment then surely that is what it should be.
Some of the behaviour that we have witnessed at the 2 munches we have attended, and the behaviour that has been mentioned in this thread, is not vanilla behaviour. We play at clubs every week and probably fall into the category of 'hardened' swingers, but we feel embarrassed to watch adolescent type fumblings in public places, even the social areas of swinging clubs. We are not shocked or disgusted but embarrassed for the participants who give the impression of being desparate for play and unable to wait for the right time or place.
We think that sexual activity should be kept for after the munch but we were surprised to see the relative lack of action at the club after the munches. Possibly the overt sexual behaviour goes on at a munch because of, not despite, it being a vanilla environment. Maybe some people see it as a safe place to indulge in a little soft swing where it is certain that it cannot go further.
As Ice says, self regulation should be the way to sort out the problem, rather than active policing, but until everyone is prepared to take responsibility for their own behaviour then munches will be less than pleasant for many people.
:) :) 
