ok been reading this.(well not all but a few). some great points from alot of people,apart from the not trusting changing the subject abit..
i agree with what everyone said about a nice bloke maybe to kind... and if he or others. are going to munchs .they have to feel safe..hes not the only person i herd who hashad trouble in the last few its not a new thing....
ive done stuff wrong,,, and i bet everyone on here has..
people have got to know its a drinks thing with new people you never met,or old friends you have met from this site....have a chat have a dance,a laugh,even a snog ..and sort out where or what u doing afterwards..
i dont thinking the kissing,getting hold,snogging what ever you call it is that bad myself why stop that? people kiss in pubs,clubs ,so stopping that at a munch is kind of stuped..
also when i go out.(ie pubs clubs) i see at least 2 different girls snogging their gfs,their ladyfriends a night ,,, its something more ladys do these days..times have change,so i dont think bar staff will be that shocked
but groping people tounge down people. grabbing tits and the rest is not right,everyone knows that..
how do they work round it ?
i think on every munch,they should have on the first page the article about what is a munch, just to let new people know the rules,and to remind people who been to alot.
2..people stop vouching for they met at one munch(ie talking to someone for five mins dont mean u know them)..you cant tell alot from one meet..,as some now know...
3... if u been groped,,felt scared u tell a delete as..there job is to make people feel safe,sorry if sound if they quick anuff to delete somebody for sending a rude pm or post ,,, they should be chucking people of who been out of order just as fast,who ever they may be
its good that jiggles has made people talk on this,even if he wishs he never.,.its wasnt the first, and he probley wont be the last...
sorry about the spelling
and these are just my thoughts.... prob means fuck all. but its done now
Haven't had chance to read up on all the additions to this thread.
There do seem to be a number of idea and suggestions being thrown around and a lot of fingers inteh pot so to speak. remembering that the munches represent SH the site, is it now time that we have a SH Munch Committee?
People can still arrange the munch for their area in terms of where, rooms etc, but the guest list and security is handled by the Committee? Or simply to come up with a set of Munch guidelines which are adhered too for future events.
Not thought it through re logistics etc just literally flying through the forum before going to bed ...
C x
As a new member, I have never been to a Munch but would love to attend one - not for the possibility of an instant shag but to meet the people who are there and see where that leads (if anywhere).
This thread seems to be becoming a discussion on what is acceptable and what is not in general terms and political correctness is yet again coming forward. Politcal correctness can really go too far - particularly when I realise how I have acted in the past!
My own views are:
- There is gropping/snogging in any normal night club or indeed pub these days. If people do not like this they should say so and if the situation continues, the establishment staff should obviously act appropriately.
- In a private party (ie a munch in a room in a hotel/pub) there should be someone who is available to assist anyone who is being bothered. If anyone organises a private event there is a certain amount of responsibility that goes with this. Ultimately you can go to the management/bouncers of the establishment but that is really a last resort.
- A social event is just that - a place to meet people and you should act as you would in any other social event. I have met females at a party and gone on to have sex but you do not have the sex in the middle of the party!
- Self regulation is clearly the answer - if the situataions continue to get out of hand then munches will be a thing of the past as no one will attend. I presume nobody wants that.
Finally, if Jiggle felt he was "abused" then :
- Did he make this clear to the people involved?
- If so, why did they not respect him? - this is the worrying point!
- Did anyone else step in and stop what was going on?
If this has been a stupid joke that has gone wrong so be it - everyone shake hands and say sorry and get on with your life. If however the whole concept of like minded people meeting up for an iniital "vanilla" social event is being jepordised then some rules may need to be involved. I do not want rules - that goes against everything that this community should be about but respecting others views/limits must also be also be a priority. As has been said, we are all adults.
Personly, I do not care what goes on at a private gathering - if I do not like what I see or the people I meet I have the option to walk out the door and go home!
Look forward to seeing you all at a munch in the future!
McC
Sorry, can i just remind people of something?
There is a male, renowned member of the site, that abused/bullied or assaulted a fellow member, that was asked to apologise but hasnt, at large.
What about this?
Sorry, I dint read the thank you thread, I just dived in to this.
However, it doesnt sound like a satisfactory conclusion has been reached.
I hope the guy hasnt been mealy mouthed, but have no way of knowing.
Happy Cats;
I go back to my last post. It depends on what occured obviously but if you and others do not want to associate with the male in question that is your perogative.
If more and more people do not want to be with the guy in question ( and I have no idea who he is) then at the end of the day he will be left alone, no one will speak to him and he will not be invted to any more events etc.
As has been said we are all adults, capable of making our own decisions. The site can not ban someone for his drunken(?) behaviour but if he is ignored, sent to Coventry by other members, not invited to any more events etc. then does this not achieve the same results?
Sorry Happy Cats - you misunderstand me.
In the situation you describe, clearly something has to be done at the time - just like in a normal pub or club if someone is drunk and annoying others and does not stop he/she will probably be thrown out.
What I meant was after the event. If someone gets a bad name either on the site, at a munch or indeed at a full swinging party or meet they will be ignored by others and not be invited to future events. It is just the same in "normal" life - you do not make friends with people you do not like and do not invite them to your house or party and if you walk into a pub and find it full of people you do not like you have the option to go elsewhere.
So I'm just wondering.....
I've had two altercations at meets. The first, we sorted things between us privately, but that still came up later to bite everyone in the arse because it was a personal issue which some board members seemed to feel was their responsibility in sorting out before inviting us both to the next meet. Kinda felt like naughty kids being pulled together by the ears and told to behave.
The second situation hasn't been sorted, but that's a whole other issue and I still don't think it's anyone elses business to sort out besides myself and the other person. We're big girls now.
But to my point...if, at a vanilla meeting, I ask a straight girl if she's sure she's not bi and I snog a few people (men and woman) concensually, and a vanilla person takes offense, is that inappropriate behaviour?
As a newcomer here I do no want to dig myself into hole on this one!!
Steve, the situation can be compared with a normal pub/club where someone makes a nuisance of themselves. Normally I would not advocate direct personal confrontation with someone who is drunk as this will just escalate the situation.
If the staff see the incident they should act appropriately. If the incident goes unseen then it is up to either the victim or his friends to report it. If someone decides not to report it or do anything about it then nothing will happen - and the trouble maker may just get worse. It really comes down to what people think is acceptable - sometimes the best policy is to ignore the drunk that is annoying you and not make a fuss.
My point is that a munch seems to be a private, social gathering where normal or acceptable behaviour is expected and everyone has a responsibility to make shure the party goes well. The organisers of any private party have a responsibility to ensure that things do not get out of hand or that individuals do not make trouble, but the victims, for want of a better word, have also a responsibility to ensure that trouble or nastiness is stopped or does not go any further.
As there will be quite a few munchies and events coming up......lets hope lessons have been learnt and people will be respectful of others!