My thoughts on social gatherings.......

10 Apr 2005

Quote by Steve_Lincs
I'm going to ask the question again as no one that has problems with how recent munches have gone has come up with any points we can put into can we as munch organisors put into place to make everyone feel more comfortable?????

You're right Steve, we need to move forward with this. However, I think it is more than the munch organisers that need to act... I think we all need to sing from the same hymn sheet, lay down some basic ground rules on the munch terminology page... and more to the point, EVERYONE (whether newbie, mod, or whatever) should know that they have to stick to them.
Way back on page 7 I said this:
I'm sure we've agreed that ANY form of non consensual behaviour should result in ejection from the munch and being banned from the site?
Taking that as an agreed, we need to make sure that people report any forms of abuse that they see or experience, and that they don't keep it to themselves and never tell anyone. Looking out for each other would be good here!
Taking all that as agreed, then we can move on to what is ACCEPTABLE CONSENTING behaviour.
I'm assusing that kissing is OK, so is hugging, so is sexy dancing and light CONSENSUAL stroking that is not overtly sexual - all of which you might see in an average pub.
What is not acceptable are things like nudity - tits, dick out etc. Sexual acts, hand jobs, BJs.... etc... sex in bogs - well, yeah it happens in pubs, but it shouldn't really... so that's a no too.
So... what do we do if someone does these things at a munch? Dunno to be honest... ask them to leave maybe?
Using this as a guide.... can we take this forward?

10 Apr 2005

Quote by Tool
I think Dawn_Mids encapsulated this whole issue in the first post....
She's an established member of the site (and a mod) who admits that she regularly plays at munches (although the site clearly states there is no playing), but says that newbies shouldn't think that it's a green light to grope her.

Can I just clear up that I don't play at a munch, I have fun and games such as putting ice in others clothes and flashing my tits. In my opinion the word play means something completely different.
However I will repeat what I have said a few minutes ago

Quote by Dawn_Mids
However the problem I had occured BEFORE many of the antics started.

10 Apr 2005

Quote by Tool
We have mods and chatroom ops saying different things.

Probably why we need some general rules in writing. But as Shireen just said, I think now people realise there is a problem, all but the most ardent dickheads will stop and think. The ardent dickheads of course do not belong here.
One more thing, the mods are people too - we are allowed to express our INDIVIDUAL opinions, just as everyone else is!
But..... let's move on....... smile

10 Apr 2005

After thinking about it,I havent seen anything at a munch that would differ from a normal "vanilla" Saturday night out in our snog and grope,and even shag in the loo's in nightclubs,so why is it so to do these things at a munch?????
As Judy said earlier,the sheer volume of people that attend the larger munches means that at a rough guess 90% of peeps would be chatting,compared to about 10% of peeps who are having a that is so bizarre then its a damn shame.
We have only been to 2 munches,both of those we thoroughly enjoyed as places to meet peeps,talk a load of drunken twat,have a good snog here and there and generally have a a shame that the odd twats out there appear to be ruining it for everyone even putting peeps off attending munches in the future.
I can't see why just attending "mini munches" would be a better idea either?Surely as there are less people there your going to see more snogging etc????
Wether you attend a munch in a larger or smaller scale,your going to see the same sort of things going on.I for one would hate to be restricted from it mean that I wouldnt be able to even snog Steve and feel up his arse??If thats the case then I think that its verging on the rediculous!

10 Apr 2005

Quote by bluexxx
We have mods and chatroom ops saying different things.

Probably why we need some general rules in writing. But as Shireen just said, I think now people realise there is a problem, all but the most ardent dickheads will stop and think. The ardent dickheads of course do not belong here.
One more thing, the mods are people too - we are allowed to express our INDIVIDUAL opinions, just as everyone else is!
But..... let's move on....... smile

I agree, Blue, and I certainly believe that if you stifle swinging with too many rules, it stops being fun.
I don't think that's what most of us are saying, just that the whole issue needs to be looked at.

10 Apr 2005

Quote by Clare_Lincs
Would it mean that I wouldnt be able to even snog Steve

I don't think anyone is trying to stop that Clare........ smile

I think the "average pub" theme works well.... think about what you would not do in a pub cos it would be just, well, errrrrrr, wrong... and apply that to a munch....
As I said on page 7:
I'm assusing that kissing is OK, so is hugging, so is sexy dancing and light CONSENSUAL stroking that is not overtly sexual - all of which you might see in an average pub.
What is not acceptable are things like nudity - tits, dick out etc. Sexual acts, hand jobs, BJs.... etc... sex in bogs - well, yeah it happens in pubs, but it shouldn't really... so that's a no too.
Are we agreed on that or not?

10 Apr 2005

Quote by bluexxx
Would it mean that I wouldnt be able to even snog Steve

I don't think anyone is trying to stop that Clare........ smile

I think the "average pub" theme works well.... think about what you would not do in a pub cos it would be just, well, errrrrrr, wrong... and apply that to a munch....
As I said on page 7:
I'm assusing that kissing is OK, so is hugging, so is sexy dancing and light CONSENSUAL stroking that is not overtly sexual - all of which you might see in an average pub.
What is not acceptable are things like nudity - tits, dick out etc. Sexual acts, hand jobs, BJs.... etc... sex in bogs - well, yeah it happens in pubs, but it shouldn't really... so that's a no too.
Are we agreed on that or not?
I think that is a good description of what I thought a munch was...
Kissing, light stroking, dancing, etc, but not actual sex acts.

10 Apr 2005

Quote by bluexxx
You're right Steve, we need to move forward with this. However, I think it is more than the munch organisers that need to act... I think we all need to sing from the same hymn sheet, lay down some basic ground rules on the munch terminology page... and more to the point, EVERYONE (whether newbie, mod, or whatever) should know that they have to stick to them.
Way back on page 7 I said this:

I'm sure we've agreed that ANY form of non consensual behaviour should result in ejection from the munch and being banned from the site?
Taking that as an agreed, we need to make sure that people report any forms of abuse that they see or experience, and that they don't keep it to themselves and never tell anyone. Looking out for each other would be good here!
Taking all that as agreed, then we can move on to what is ACCEPTABLE CONSENTING behaviour.
I'm assusing that kissing is OK, so is hugging, so is sexy dancing and light CONSENSUAL stroking that is not overtly sexual - all of which you might see in an average pub.
What is not acceptable are things like nudity - tits, dick out etc. Sexual acts, hand jobs, BJs.... etc... sex in bogs - well, yeah it happens in pubs, but it shouldn't really... so that's a no too.
So... what do we do if someone does these things at a munch? Dunno to be honest... ask them to leave maybe?
Using this as a guide.... can we take this forward?

Right then,we need everyones agreement on this then and anything added,taken away that peeps like or don't it can be put into practice and placed on all the threads on the up and coming munches and will then be able to see if in practice it works better than whats in place already.

10 Apr 2005

Quote by Clare_Lincs
After thinking about it,I havent seen anything at a munch that would differ from a normal "vanilla" Saturday night out in our snog and grope,and even shag in the loo's in nightclubs,so why is it so to do these things at a munch?????
!

Ah, now i think yuou may have hit the nub of the problem. Yes there are certain places that one may go on and see this sort of behaviour, but they arnt the sort of places I or I suspect other non munch goers would go. That perhaps is why some people find this sort of behaviour normal and others dont!!

10 Apr 2005

Quote by foxylady 123
After thinking about it,I havent seen anything at a munch that would differ from a normal "vanilla" Saturday night out in our snog and grope,and even shag in the loo's in nightclubs,so why is it so to do these things at a munch?????
!

Ah, now i think yuou may have hit the nub of the problem. Yes there are certain places that one may go on and see this sort of behaviour, but they arnt the sort of places I or I suspect other non munch goers would go. That perhaps is why some people find this sort of behaviour normal and others dont!!
They happen in nightclubs by me, but not in ordinary pubs.

10 Apr 2005

Quote by bluexxx
I think the "average pub" theme works well.... think about what you would not do in a pub cos it would be just, well, errrrrrr, wrong... and apply that to a munch....
As I said on page 7:
I'm assusing that kissing is OK, so is hugging, so is sexy dancing and light CONSENSUAL stroking that is not overtly sexual - all of which you might see in an average pub.
What is not acceptable are things like nudity - tits, dick out etc. Sexual acts, hand jobs, BJs.... etc... sex in bogs - well, yeah it happens in pubs, but it shouldn't really... so that's a no too.
Are we agreed on that or not?

I have no problem with this first point.
The second one, well as I have already said I get my tits out anywhere redface

I am happy to go along with as a guide line though because I am not happy at sex in the bogs or bj's in public places. I have never seen that at any club I have been to. I might be 36 but I do go dancing sometimes you know biggrin

My only other thought came from the avatar rules, tits but not genitals?

10 Apr 2005

Quote by bluexxx
Would it mean that I wouldnt be able to even snog Steve

I don't think anyone is trying to stop that Clare........ smile

I think the "average pub" theme works well.... think about what you would not do in a pub cos it would be just, well, errrrrrr, wrong... and apply that to a munch....
As I said on page 7:
I'm assusing that kissing is OK, so is hugging, so is sexy dancing and light CONSENSUAL stroking that is not overtly sexual - all of which you might see in an average pub.
What is not acceptable are things like nudity - tits, dick out etc. Sexual acts, hand jobs, BJs.... etc... sex in bogs - well, yeah it happens in pubs, but it shouldn't really... so that's a no too.
Are we agreed on that or not?
I completely agree.I also think that this sort of thing should be sent to ALL munch organisers and also as steve suggested to me should be put on the first post of every munch.I also think that there should be standard rules that an organiser should stick these rules arent stuck to then the event should not be called a way the name munch will always mean to people that those strict rules are adhered to.

10 Apr 2005

Quote by Dawn_Mids
The second one, well as I have already said I get my tits out anywhere I am happy to go along with as a guide line though because I am not happy at sex in the bogs or bj's in public places. I have never seen that at any club I have been to. I might be 36 but I do go dancing sometimes you know
My only other thought came from the avatar rules, tits but not genitals?

The problem I have with tits out is that it then implies that a munch is a little less than "vanilla". In my mind, it is one step over what people would normally see in the average pub. Oh course, I would not like to see people hoofed out of a munch if they flirt a bit and show some (or a lot of) cleaveage... but there does have to be a cut off somewhere, so that people are at least aware that there are boundaries. Yes, i know in some pubs people would just laugh if you got your tits out, but generally speaking you wouldn't normally see topless women in pubs (but maybe I'm just going to the wrong pubs wink

)
I might also add that the kssing and light stroking thing is where ALL parties are totally OK with it. Going up to someone and attempting to join in with a light kissing session without being invited, should of course be considered non consent and thus unacceptable.

10 Apr 2005

Quote by foxylady 123
After thinking about it,I havent seen anything at a munch that would differ from a normal "vanilla" Saturday night out in our snog and grope,and even shag in the loo's in nightclubs,so why is it so to do these things at a munch?????
!

Ah, now i think yuou may have hit the nub of the problem. Yes there are certain places that one may go on and see this sort of behaviour, but they arnt the sort of places I or I suspect other non munch goers would go. That perhaps is why some people find this sort of behaviour normal and others dont!!
I also think that we have a responsibility to act appropriately. Lets fact it we're all adults not hormonal 18 year olds who have no where to go for a shag! These munches are held in a normal environment for a SWINGING community. Can you imagine the headlines and disrepute that inappropriate behaviour brings?
Can I just add .. I mentioned something that happend to me that I didn't report .. that was my choice .. the only reason i have admitted it was that other people have had similar happen to them otherwise I'd forgotten it ok. I've been criticised by two individuals now Clare & Tracey-Jane, one for not understanding how I could complain and let it happen and the other for not telling my husband. I went 6 years not telling anyone i was being abused by my boyfriend because people DON'T understand and then start asking dumb fucking questions like why let it happen. That's me .. I'm not perfect and the attitudes both have you have displayed are exactly why I didn't report it ok!
I think Blue's ideas are excellent and now we do need to sort out a way of feeding back if unacceptable behaviour is observed at a munch and how much of that behaviour is down to alcohol etc. Kicking someone out becasue they can't read another person's body language sounds a little extreme, and what if the perpertrator is a popular long standing member of SH?
C x

10 Apr 2005

Quote by bluexxx
The problem I have with tits out is that it then implies that a munch is a little less than "vanilla". In my mind, it is one step over what people would normally see in the average pub. Oh course, I would not like to see people hoofed out of a munch if they flirt a bit and show some (or a lot of) cleaveage... but there does have to be a cut off somewhere, so that people are at least aware that there are boundaries. Yes, i know in some pubs people would just laugh if you got your tits out, but generally speaking you wouldn't normally see topless women in pubs (but maybe I'm just going to the wrong pubs )
I might also add that the kssing and light stroking thing is where ALL parties are totally OK with it. Going up to someone and attempting to join in with a light kissing session without being invited, should of course be considered non consent and thus unacceptable.

Thats fine by me blue because we need to pull this together some how to encourage people to attend munches.
What is most important to me is the consent for whatever takes place. Snog, kisses, arse gropes or anything else.

10 Apr 2005

Quote by Calista
Kicking someone out becasue they can't read another person's body language sounds a little extreme, and what if the perpertrator is a popular long standing member of SH?

From a personal point of view I think what we need is for people to ask if its ok to give them a hug/cuddle etc.... If faced with "Come here and give me a hug", it goves you the option to say "I would rather not thanks"....
If a long standing member of SH oversteps the boundaries then they should be treated no differently from a newbie... In fact they should know better... There is one word the Blue keeps repeating and long standing members of SH should know what it is without me saying it again.... If they cant RESPECT others then they shouldn't be at the munch in the first place...
Just to clarify I agree with Blue's guidlelines..
Shireen
xxx

10 Apr 2005

Quote by bluexxx
As I said on page 7:
I'm assusing that kissing is OK, so is hugging, so is sexy dancing and light CONSENSUAL stroking that is not overtly sexual - all of which you might see in an average pub.
What is not acceptable are things like nudity - tits, dick out etc. Sexual acts, hand jobs, BJs.... etc... sex in bogs - well, yeah it happens in pubs, but it shouldn't really... so that's a no too.
Are we agreed on that or not?

Can I be awkward blue?
I disagree with the no shagging in the loos rule as if two people want each other so badly and aren't staying over I would prefer them to disappear to the loos for a quicky to get it out of their system than to engage in public acts of sexual conduct. ie. bj's at the bar. Maybe a rule about no hogging the toilets for sexual acts, take it else where to places more appropriate, might be a better way of saying things.
I also disagree with the flashing rule as well. On a night out with my non-swinging friends we have been known to get the odd breast out, usually in drunken fun or in medical inspection purposes. I find this rule rather strong as Iwould have to get my breasts out if I so wished, nobody would be doing it for me. Maybe it should be phrased like excessive flashing is against the rules, cos I'm not interested in seeing someone get them out every two minutes, once or twice in a night is acceptable, having ones bits out everytime you turn around is simply pervy.
I do agree with kissing is OK, so is hugging, so is sexy dancing and light CONSENSUAL stroking that is not overtly sexual - all of which you might see in an average pub.
I also agree the what is not acceptable is PUBLIC sexual acts, hand jobs, BJs.... etc..., not asking before kissing the person and no touching unless it is specifically OKed by the other person.
Sorry to be a pain, but thats just how I feel.

10 Apr 2005

Quote by little gem
As I said on page 7:
I'm assusing that kissing is OK, so is hugging, so is sexy dancing and light CONSENSUAL stroking that is not overtly sexual - all of which you might see in an average pub.
What is not acceptable are things like nudity - tits, dick out etc. Sexual acts, hand jobs, BJs.... etc... sex in bogs - well, yeah it happens in pubs, but it shouldn't really... so that's a no too.
Are we agreed on that or not?

Can I be awkward blue?
I disagree with the no shagging in the loos rule as if two people want each other so badly and aren't staying over I would prefer them to disappear to the loos for a quicky to get it out of their system than to engage in public acts of sexual conduct. ie. bj's at the bar. Maybe a rule about no hogging the toilets for sexual acts, take it else where to places more appropriate, might be a better way of saying things.
I also disagree with the flashing rule as well. On a night out with my non-swinging friends we have been known to get the odd breast out, usually in drunken fun or in medical inspection purposes. I find this rule rather strong as I would have to get my breasts out, nobody would be doing it for me. Maybe it should be phrased like excessive flashing is against the rules, cos I'm not interested in seeing someone get them out every two minutes, once or twice in a night is acceptable, having ones bits out everytime you turn around is simply pervy.
I do agree with kissing is OK, so is hugging, so is sexy dancing and light CONSENSUAL stroking that is not overtly sexual - all of which you might see in an average pub.
I also agree the what is not acceptable is PUBLIC sexual acts, hand jobs, BJs.... etc..., not asking before kissing the person and no touching unless it is specifically OKed by the other person.
Sorry to be a pain, but thats just how I feel.
I understand your points, but it's blurring the edges again, chipping away at the rules.
I think Blue's post was spot on and should be adopted.
What if the loos are engaged? The corridor? It just blurs it. I guess people could go out to a car if they simply couldn't control themselves.
This is not about people being boring, it's about there being a time and a place.

10 Apr 2005

Question:
If Marms has to start wearing clothes at these events, how are we going to recognise him?! :uhoh:
Venusxxx

10 Apr 2005

I think Blue's guidelines are good. That way people can at least make their own judgement as to whether they want to attend a munch.
Sean, just to clarify - I haven't been to a munch. I would like to and would probably only come with Mrs TE, who is very uncertain about things. The 'heresay' (it is in fact much more substantive than that) has merely served to persuade me that even suggesting it to her would be a waste of time - in fact it would be counterproductive. I appreciate this doesn't give me a right to say much but I am really glad that the people here have been able to discuss it in a mature way and, under Blue's guiding hand, produce something constructive from it.

10 Apr 2005

Quote by Tool

Can I be awkward blue?
I disagree with the no shagging in the loos rule as if two people want each other so badly and aren't staying over I would prefer them to disappear to the loos for a quicky to get it out of their system than to engage in public acts of sexual conduct. ie. bj's at the bar. Maybe a rule about no hogging the toilets for sexual acts, take it else where to places more appropriate, might be a better way of saying things.
I also disagree with the flashing rule as well. On a night out with my non-swinging friends we have been known to get the odd breast out, usually in drunken fun or in medical inspection purposes. I find this rule rather strong as I would have to get my breasts out, nobody would be doing it for me. Maybe it should be phrased like excessive flashing is against the rules, cos I'm not interested in seeing someone get them out every two minutes, once or twice in a night is acceptable, having ones bits out everytime you turn around is simply pervy.
I do agree with kissing is OK, so is hugging, so is sexy dancing and light CONSENSUAL stroking that is not overtly sexual - all of which you might see in an average pub.
I also agree the what is not acceptable is PUBLIC sexual acts, hand jobs, BJs.... etc..., not asking before kissing the person and no touching unless it is specifically OKed by the other person.
Sorry to be a pain, but thats just how I feel.

I understand your points, but it's blurring the edges again, chipping away at the rules.
I think Blue's post was spot on and should be adopted.
What if the loos are engaged? The corridor? It just blurs it. I guess people could go out to a car if they simply couldn't control themselves.
This is not about people being boring, it's about there being a time and a place.
I don't feel it is blurring the boundaries to put in the rules:
1. No excessive nudity
2. No touching or kissing without permission
3. Please try to refrain from using the toilets for sexual purposes.
I am NOT a child, I am an adult and have a brain in my head. I would like to be given enough leeway to use it.
I don't want to be dictated to like a child and have all my decision making skills taken away from me. When I have participated in organising a mini munch I put specifically in the invites that it is a pub environment and so please keep all public play out of the venue. If not then I would have to ask the person to leave. How clear is that? Very.
Don't treat me like I am one of the people trying to chip away at the rule and boundaries as I am all for rules, they can make people feel safe, but if they are too restrictive it can make people resent them and not follow them anyway.
Regards.
Gemma. x

10 Apr 2005

being as i havent been to a munch yet i guess i havent got room to say anything. my first mini munch will be in 2 weeks, and really cant wait. id hate to think that anyone would be worried about giving me a squeeze, or a kiss because im very tactile. there is a personal space which we all have in-built. but being ts i would find being seriously groped in a perticular area abit scary if i didnt know them. but as i put at the start, i havent even attended a munch yet so really its not my place to say anything. but hugs and kisses are welcomed smile

, you,ll all know if im not keene lol wink

10 Apr 2005

Quote by westerross
I think Blue's guidelines are good. That way people can at least make their own judgement as to whether they want to attend a munch.
Sean, just to clarify - I haven't been to a munch. I would like to and would probably only come with Mrs TE, who is very uncertain about things. The 'heresay' (it is in fact much more substantive than that) has merely served to persuade me that even suggesting it to her would be a waste of time - in fact it would be counterproductive. I appreciate this doesn't give me a right to say much but I am really glad that the people here have been able to discuss it in a mature way and, under Blue's guiding hand, produce something constructive from it.

I don't think it's fair for munchers to critisise TE or anyone else just because they haven't been to a munch yet. As someone else said, you don't have to jump off a cliff (to paraphrase) to know it wouldn't be much fun.
Surely, the regulars would like to encourage new members to the munches and the parties? Otherwise, it will become an ever decreasing clique who already know each other well.
Yes, newbies are here because they're into sex and swinging, but munches are sold as places they can 'meet the crowd' and get to know the people they may be swinging with face-to-face.
I feel this is more about what the regulars go there for than the newbies. Maybe there should be post-munch parties arranged (as there probably are) for them if they want to get down to it (and any newbies who are interested), but they accept that the munch itself is more of a 'getting to know you' event than anything else.
If I was a regular at a munch, I would spend a lot of the night chatting to newbies and have a laugh and answer any concerns. I would then go back to the hotel or whatever and watch Fabio and Uhuru do the wild thing.

10 Apr 2005

Quote by rachel-lane
being as i havent been to a munch yet i guess i havent got room to say anything. my first mini munch will be in 2 weeks, and really cant wait. id hate to think that anyone would be worried about giving me a squeeze, or a kiss because im very tactile. there is a personal space which we all have in-built. but being ts i would find being seriously groped in a perticular area abit scary if i didnt know them. but as i put at the start, i havent even attended a munch yet so really its not my place to say anything. but hugs and kisses are welcomed , you,ll all know if im not keene lol

You have attended socials though, and these rules will apply to the mini munches and small socials too I presume, and I hope. Did you find the slapper's night out an ok balance for you? I guess that is the atmosphere people are trying to achieve at a full munch and mini munches. The happy flirty new year's eve feeling (tm venus)

10 Apr 2005

Quote by little gem

Can I be awkward blue?
I disagree with the no shagging in the loos rule as if two people want each other so badly and aren't staying over I would prefer them to disappear to the loos for a quicky to get it out of their system than to engage in public acts of sexual conduct. ie. bj's at the bar. Maybe a rule about no hogging the toilets for sexual acts, take it else where to places more appropriate, might be a better way of saying things.
I also disagree with the flashing rule as well. On a night out with my non-swinging friends we have been known to get the odd breast out, usually in drunken fun or in medical inspection purposes. I find this rule rather strong as I would have to get my breasts out, nobody would be doing it for me. Maybe it should be phrased like excessive flashing is against the rules, cos I'm not interested in seeing someone get them out every two minutes, once or twice in a night is acceptable, having ones bits out everytime you turn around is simply pervy.
I do agree with kissing is OK, so is hugging, so is sexy dancing and light CONSENSUAL stroking that is not overtly sexual - all of which you might see in an average pub.
I also agree the what is not acceptable is PUBLIC sexual acts, hand jobs, BJs.... etc..., not asking before kissing the person and no touching unless it is specifically OKed by the other person.
Sorry to be a pain, but thats just how I feel.

I understand your points, but it's blurring the edges again, chipping away at the rules.
I think Blue's post was spot on and should be adopted.
What if the loos are engaged? The corridor? It just blurs it. I guess people could go out to a car if they simply couldn't control themselves.
This is not about people being boring, it's about there being a time and a place.
I don't feel it is blurring the boundaries to put in the rules:
1. No excessive nudity
2. No touching or kissing without permission
3. Please try to refrain from using the toilets for sexual purposes.
I am NOT a child, I am an adult and have a brain in my head. I would like to be given enough leeway to use it.
I don't want to be dictated to like a child and have all my decision making skills taken away from me. When I have participated in organising a mini munch I put specifically in the invites that it is a pub environment and so please keep all public play out of the venue. If not then I would have to ask the person to leave. How clear is that? Very.
Don't treat me like I am one of the people trying to chip away at the rule and boundaries as I am all for rules, they can make people feel safe, but if they are too restrictive it can make people resent them and not follow them anyway.
Regards.
Gemma. x
Blue had said "no sex in bogs", and many of us have said her guidelines are good, yet straight away you said you disagreed with that part.
If that is not chipping away I don't know what is.

10 Apr 2005

Perhaps we could wear different coloured badges:-
Green - for those that don't mind a little social contact with other members
Amber - well maybe not amber ( too much ambiguity )
Red - for those that do not desire any contact at all
Seriously though, I really don't know how to get around this one. The trouble with censorship is where to place the boundaries. At the extremes are the easy concepts about what is acceptable and what is not. The trouble lies in the very large central area, where some actions acceptable by one party would be totally unacceptable by another.

10 Apr 2005

Tool it is an adult forum and I am not going to sit here and agree with bits of rules which I am going to have to follow that I fundamentally don't agree with. I have discussed and offered my suggestions in a mature manner. I have offered a half way house suggestion which I feel ok with and hopefully that will be acceptable to those who are against sex in toilets.
I am more concerned about your theory that newbies are not welcome and that you have implied if you are not there to see you want to swing with then you shouldn't go.
So if I am not wanting to swing at the moment, because I am taking time out, I am no longer allowed to go to a munch because I don't want to swing?
FFS mad

If we all treat each other like we are not swingers and more like individual ADULT people on a fun night out then surely this problem would not arrise.
I am becomming increasingly offended at people's reactions to the hear-say elements that they have heard about munches having never been to one. I agree with Angel's point about isolated incidents being told and re-told that has blown this out of proportion. Yes the unwanted touching has to stop and hopefully writing in a specific no touching without permission rule will curtail this behaviour.
I am also feeling increasingly like this munching lark is going to become so politically charged that I don't want to go anymore.
sad

Gem. x in a huff.

10 Apr 2005

Gem, please don't swell up like that. You know it excites me. :twisted: wink

Venusxxx

10 Apr 2005

We've not been to a munchie yet either but fully intend to.
We will treat it as the same as any other do such as a wedding night/new years eve we might go to.
We will probably get pissed, hopefully have a laugh, try to be friendly and respect people the same way as we expect to be respected. Our dress will not be offensive to anyone nor will we be outlandish in our behaviour. Our sexual organs will remain under wraps and we will manage to keep our urges under control.
If somebody is boorish we will keep out of their way. If somebody tries to do something non consentual to us we will react.
Simple really - its a night on the town.

10 Apr 2005

Geez, I thought this one had finally landed quietly.
Gem, I think the issue is about diversity. It is desirable, I think, to have the full spectrum of activities to enable people to engage at any level they want to. At one end of the spectrum you'd have something like Blue's party - at the other, something vanilla that all (most) will feel comfortable with. If we insist that 'middle of the range' activities are OK at the vanilla events then they cease to be that and are therefore not available. This isn't about rules - it's about conventions which accommodate all.
I don't think you have to have attended anything to have an opinion on this. How this turns out, will influence how and whether people will get involved - so those who haven't yet attended a munch have a stake in it too.