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NAME AND SHAME!

Quote by dippergt750
Eh?
What are you on about........
You have attacked my opinion since I offered it whilst expounding your own as "gospel". Your entire attitude is agressive and I think it highly amusing that you can back up being a couple but still use "I" not "we".
Just like you have, actually (highlighted in this post in blue, the references are singular, not plural).
It is usual in this country to allow others their opinion without launching into "attack" mode.

He's responding to your comments, not attacking.
You are correct when you say I don't know you.....I would not want to and THAT is my opinion no matter what you may think!
Why not go and argue with someone else now 'cause I am done all on account of you....so I guess you win.
I would hope that the moderator on this forum would take some notice.

The only person a moderator is likely to notice in this thread is you - your attitude is very defensive and people are only expressing their opinions.
Right, playtime over wink No one is attacking anyone, and it is obvious from the posts that you all have very strong feelings over this, and I fully understand why.
However, if nothing else, this 'misunderstanding' has shown that a feedback system definately would not work. Just look how different people have interpreted each post so differently.
If you all want to discuss this subject like adults, I will leave it open (I know, we normally lock them, but there are some newer forum members arond, and it wont do any harm to have a civilised conversationabout this). BUT please be sensible and dont just use it as a place to argue.
Quote by Naughty Wigan Couple
Right, playtime over wink No one is attacking anyone, and it is obvious from the posts that you all have very strong feelings over this, and I fully understand why.
However, if nothing else, this 'misunderstanding' has shown that a feedback system definately would not work. Just look how different people have interpreted each post so differently.
If you all want to discuss this subject like adults, I will leave it open (I know, we normally lock them, but there are some newer forum members arond, and it wont do any harm to have a civilised conversation about this). BUT please be sensible and dont just use it as a place to argue.

Ooooooo!!!.....i love it when you get all forceful and serious....i've come over all giddy!! lol
Quote by Naughty Wigan Couple
If you all want to discuss this subject like adults, I will leave it open (I know, we normally lock them, but there are some newer forum members arond, and it wont do any harm to have a civilised conversation about this). BUT please be sensible and dont just use it as a place to argue.

:thumbup:
Quote by Mr-Powers
Ooooooo!!!.....i love it when you get all forceful and serious....i've come over all giddy!! lol

Somehow, forcefull and serious, in the same sentance as ME, just does not seem right :lol:
The single men on this site get such a slamming sometimes and it is horrible.
I only play with 'single' men/women. I have made plans and those plans have had to be rearranged. I suppose in some people's opinion I may have been let down..... but that is life.
I may even have let people down.(depending on how they define it) Just for information I was told by a couple that I was not a real bi-fem swingers because I didn't play with couples- does that mean they could have berated me in a feedback system ?
But what I have done is made the most of the time that I have had with people. I also have a life away from this site that steps in quite nicely when a night/evening doesn't go quite to plan.
At the end of the day if someone doesn't like it, they can leave.
oh goodness my sap is rising.. who wants a fuck... ????
wink
Quote by splendid_
oh goodness my sap is rising.. who wants a fuck... ????
wink

Seeing as you asked so nicely :rascal:
Quote by splendid_
oh goodness my sap is rising.. who wants a fuck... ????

wave
I have seen this subject covered so many times, I personally think it's an individual thing, each person has their own viewpoint, and as long as I do things proper and correct, I have nothing to be concerned about
Quote by horney2staff
been so for over two years play all the time at clubs in the midlands but have never found a gen couple on line yet its a waste of time.

So so wrong.... Oh so wrong lol.
Met people off here and other sites, we have a good social network of friends. We meet at theirs ours and only very occasionally clubs..
Maybe its just your preference to how you want to play! wink
Mike xx
we have met real people on here, but had to go though hundreds of time wasters
i know what you mean about the testimonial thing,
now youll get some who wont want to use this and say its not required as they meet via socials etc, fair enough, dont use it.
i actually think verification goes on, just not in such a obvious way.
i am not slating or pointing any one out here but some signatures could be seen as a public im genuie announcement.
i dont think name and shame per say is good, but maybe a testimonial option isnt so bad? its only there with permission of the profile owner.
its happens in the chat rooms and forums where ive witnessed people saying to me ask ...... about me weve met... this is without permission from said member.
if this is a subject that is constantly being raised rather than dismissel every time may be a positive way forward could be found?
xx fem xxx
It seems largely redundant as the idea of creating a list of time wasters is pointless. The majority will always be unidentifiable and will not be recognised.
Posting a list of email addresses, logins and such like would just be tedious and boring to absorb. I have no use for filling my head with such details. That really would be wasting my time, more than being messed about by casual idiots.
I think that a positive testimonials-on-your-profile system as used on *ahem* certain other sites is a good thing, basically for the reasons Scandal has mentioned above. I think a list of timewasters is a bad thing - as described by Naughty Wigan Couple it would basically just be open to abuse and wouldn't really be a very edifying experience all round. Plus I can imagine we might end up on it:
* we don't reply to all the messages we get. I know we should but we just don't have much time, and we'd rather be watching a movie or, well, having sex with each other, than endlessly typing "sorry but no thankyou... sorry but no thankyou..."
* we have cancelled meets (what are you gonna do if you wake up the day of the meet with a yeast infection, to add to Fabio's list of "what ifs"?)
* we've met people and not fancied them.
* and as someone said above, we've rejected lots of people. sometimes after replying positively to their first email; maybe when they sent pictures they didn't do it for us, maybe there was something in the tone of the subsequent messages that put us off.
Nobody should feel under any moral obligation to meet/fuck anyone else if they just don't fancy it. Of course you should be polite and honest and respectful of other people's time and stuff but ultimately if you don't want to do something then there shouldn't really be any pressure to do so. Just because you sign up on here you shouldn't expect a long queue of people waiting to fuck you either...
I personally would welcome the opportunity to publicly say nice things about the people we have had nice experiences with. If it helps their chances of getting more action then that's great, particularly if they're single men who as discussed elsewhere already have the numbers against them. Ha maybe there should be a positive reviews sticky on one of the forums, where you can delete anything mean, and put links to from your profile...
We have met several really nice people via the adverts, and we've never met anyone we spoke to on the chat rooms or forum, largely because we never really have time to use them (Ms Tomu is away on holiday for a couple of weeks right now, that's why I've suddenly gone internet crazy...) so you can get success from the ads, you just have to work at it a bit, or maybe we were lucky.
Quote by Mallock2006
I use the term "I" because my wife has her own account
See profile Shireen for "tittilation"

wave
We are fortunate in as much as that we have only encountered one "no-show" and that was a single female. I wont call her a timewaster as we dont know the reasons for her not showing up, which could have been one of many reasons dunno
Quote by Shireen

I use the term "I" because my wife has her own account
See profile Shireen for "tittilation"

wave
We are fortunate in as much as that we have only encountered one "no-show" and that was a single female. I wont call her a timewaster as we dont know the reasons for her not showing up, which could have been one of many reasons dunno
You two just aint genuine! :giggle:
and neither are we! :smug:
Sam & the old bloke! xxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxx
Quote by blonde
You two just aint genuine! :giggle:
and neither are we! :smug:
Sam & the old bloke! xxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxx

Nope we have never met you and the old geezer on several occasions, ate at the same table, chatted and giggled together.... Nope not genuine at all :smug: :giggle:
bolt
Quote by varca
Ohh and I can assure you that Mallock is perfectly genuine, as is his good lady wife Shireen... so don't go jumping to conclusions based on a profile lol

Why thank you varca kiss Next time I see you, you can claim that one wink
Unless of course, Mallock and Shireen, you both were a figment of my imagination :eeek: biggrin

I have been accused of being on another planet... :giggle:
I think forcing name and shame on people is the wrong way to go about it, some like there privacy and don't like others to know that they met x, y and z.. and also they need to remain anonymous for reasons like work, family and so on.. and this we should all respect.
However, myself, i would love to see an option where this is available..
BUT
AND BIG BUT
nobody has access to this part unless they are part of it themselfs..
So basically..
If you want the site to remain as it is now, then yes, for you if you don't tick that box to enable this feature, the site will remain the same, people can't see or post things about you and you can't see or post about them.
But if your one a quite a few that does like the idea then you can click the box to get this extra feature.
This way keeps all happy..
In edit:: once option is ticked, it can't be unticked, .. to save the few that would just tick it just for a quick peek when its convenient for them then untick it again confused
Sharon x
Quote by varca
Like I said it was totally anonymous, no-one ever gets to know who has met who and it is not a option that you subscribe to
To be honest I couldn't really make any sense of your post sorry smile

I would write it in a simpler formula and make sure all my grammar and spelling is correct...
But i won't, i know what i meen, so i am happy!
Anyway, even a points system should be an option, some just don't want others to know they have met 23 people of the site because 23 have given them a "point"...
Like i said, make it an option but only for them that want to be part of it themselfs :)
Sharon :)
Quote by varca

Like I said it was totally anonymous, no-one ever gets to know who has met who and it is not a option that you subscribe to
To be honest I couldn't really make any sense of your post sorry smile

I would write it in a simpler formula and make sure all my grammar and spelling is correct...
But i won't, i know what i meen, so i am happy!
Anyway, even a points system should be an option, some just don't want others to know they have met 23 people of the site because 23 have given them a "point"...
Like i said, make it an option but only for them that want to be part of it themselfs :)
Sharon :)
I get you now sorry, I wasn't having a go, hence my ending biggrin :) Had a long day me so I was not quick on the uptake lol rolleyes I had forgotten about that bit too, the verification count going up lol, can be just as negative as having zero verification lol. The system I am familiar with also allowed verification for purely social meets i.e. munches and socials etc and so having a points verification score if you are a very socialble person of 2500 if everyone at every munch/social that you attended verified you would be really scary and off putting lol :D
hehe
Its no problem, i can't make heads or tails of what i write myself sometimes lol
I actually like the idea of a points system myself and i know a few others might also but i also respect them that wouldn't want it and can see why not.
But yeah, after 2500 points omg!.. i should be so lucky! :lol: :lol:
Shaz x
Thanks for responding to my post, I feel much better having read through this debate. Perhaps name/shame is not the best idea, just felt pixxed off last night.
Raised the question after wasting a precious summers evening (the sun did shine for a short time) sitting in a car park waiting for a “no show”.
More fool me - I new this guy (and his too good to be true partner) was not for real - you can just tell. How easy is it to communicate these days, mobile, text, voicemail - there’s no excuse for not letting someone now that the meet is off, but then to these people it’s just part of the game.
Us single guys cannot win, you have to go along with rules other people make or risk being turned down at the outset.
What there should be a law against is, the sad guys (with too good to be true imaginary partners) who deliberately set out to con others into turning up for false meets - anyone guess how common this is?
I’ve been had more than once, anyone else with similar experience?
I haven't had this problem, because I have only met up with the one person, someone who I got to know and like long before meeting, via the forums and chatrooms. So were friends before we met.
But I do wonder, of the "no shows" that people encounter, whether some of them DO show up, check out what the intended "meetee" looks like, decide they don't want to take it any further and is too embarrassed/scared/annoyed/bad mannered/not wanting to hurt anyone's feelings - take your pick - to say so? So they just slink off into the night?
Maybe an assertive person would say "I'm sorry but having seen you in the flesh, Ive decided i don't want to take things further."
But - I couldn't say this to someone. I'd be too worried about hurting them.
If I were looking again, I'd do it the same way, get to know the person first.
I know this doesn't actually answer the time-waster issue, but it's just my thoughts.
Quote by blonde

I use the term "I" because my wife has her own account
See profile Shireen for "tittilation"

wave
We are fortunate in as much as that we have only encountered one "no-show" and that was a single female. I wont call her a timewaster as we dont know the reasons for her not showing up, which could have been one of many reasons dunno
You two just aint genuine! :giggle:
and neither are we! :smug:
Sam & the old bloke! xxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxx
dont say that blonde me and him are same age makes me feel older lol (not really lol xx0
Quote by fem_4_taboo
actually think verification goes on, just not in such a obvious way.

of course it does! ;) people vouch for other people all the time. smile their forum-names come up in 'Have you met so-and-so yet? what's s/he like?' type conversations, people are introduced, personal recommendations mean invitations that might not otherwise have been extended, and yes, sometimes notes are taken, so anyone who asks you 'what's s/he like?' can be warned off if need be!? there could be any number of little black books out there, each and every one of them brimful of meticulous detail? who knows? dunno lol ;)
Tomu? agreed with nearly all of it. my objections, in a nutshell! ;) apart from that bit about bigging up the good guys. in my experience, that already goes on to an extent anyway, what with that whole 'my friend-of-a-friend knows your friend-of-a-friend-of-a-friend' type thing? i'm sure there must be guys on here, who have had their way smoothed thanks to that? confused *taps nose, nods sagely* ;) it's probably done dead subtle, and very discretely, but that's what happens. that's what any verification system would be trying to replicate, but soon as you add User Guidelines, site politics, personality clashes, disappointment, inherent flaws in the system kinda stuff, it inevitably becomes about as subtle as a brick through a window, and about as useful. :lol: ;)
NWC? 100% agreed, down to the teensiest details! kiss
general reply to thread . . . who's genuine? pretty much every person i have ever met has been pretty much who they said they were. there seems to be a way to go about things, among the people i know, and luckily for me, i go about things pretty much the same way, more or less? that's all it takes, honest. finding people who go about things the way you do, however you go about things. all it takes is conversation, in my experience, whether it's forum, ads, chat, or munches, and verification cannot help anyone there.
neilinleeds - blank single male profile, bit ambiguous in parts? x x x ;)
Wow Neil when do you sleep !!!! :shock: :shock: very good post though and agree with what you say.
However I was in the chatroom last night and a guy whispered me to say 'Hi corrie would you like to earn money tonight?' - Just a little reminder for me that not every who comes on here has the best of intentions . I did report it to SH.
At the end of the day..no-one has the right to expect someone is going to meet you and "play", they may change their minds ..even at the last minute...
It happened to us a couple of weeks ago..single guy left message the night before..to say he couldnt make it!!
Thats his choice..wouldnt label him a timewater..atleast he didnt leave us waiting lol
But, we wouldnt agree to meet again, cos the excuse was flimsy..why didnt he just say..."your not for me "!! rotflmao
Sara n Graham
Quote by horney2staff
been so for over two years play all the time at clubs in the midlands but have never found a gen couple on line yet its a waste of time.

Why do you bother then? Surely there have been hopefuls?
Im with the majority on this one, a name and shame facility would be open to far to much abuse.
We have never encountered a time waster however we have had to let a single bloke down at the last minute!! :shock: . So would we have been classed as time wasters?? even tho there was no way that we could play on that particular evening! (who`d be a woman eh?).
It happened to us a couple of weeks ago..single guy left message the night before..to say he couldnt make it!!

It's when folks don't let you know, it becomes totally unacceptable.
Quote by funny bucker
It's when folks don't let you know, it becomes totally unacceptable.

I dont think anyone would disagree with you. It is downright bad manners and totally unacceptable when people cant even be bothered to let you know (even if it is after the event) but I personally dont think a name and shame would stop this from happening. It happens in real life and will continue to happen in swinging circles.
As for the rating system mentioned earlier in the thread, does this not make it much harder for newer members to get involved in the scene? If someone has no ratings, are others going to ignore them? How do they get the ratings in the first place? Would these people be disadvantaged when it comes to getting invites to socials? No rating, cant be any good????
Also, what about the ones who have a very high rating? Would this not also put some people off wanting to meet someone who appears to have 'been around' (sorry that is a very bad description of what Im trying to say). So someone who is popular, been to loads of socials/munches etc would have a high rating, meaning more pm's from the 'chancers' or less pm's from the 'genuine' brigade as they dont want to get involved with 'hardened' swingers (the people may never have played, but they have a high rating due to socially knowing a lot of people).
And what about people like us who do not want others to know if we have or havent played? For us, ous swinging (or not swinging) is a private thing and we dont discuss our activities. I would be devastated if I thought someone else was 'posting' something about any activities we had been involved in.
So we could decide to 'opt' out, but what message does that give? Would this not also disadvantage people? It may give the impression that you are not genuine if you are not willing to be involved in a scoring system of some kind.
I really can see where people are coming from and why some want something like this but I cannot see any system that would work for the diverse range of people/swingers we have on here, and I personally feel that it would encourage discrimination.