After a thread I posted on Sunday "Should smacking children be banned" got such a response, I read through all the comments and it got me thinking. Could sitting a child on a naughty chair be seen as mental cruelty as if they move I believe you put them back for the period of time you have come up with. Could this not last all day, child getting up you putting them back etc? I was thinking myself if this was the case I would feel this could be seen as mental cruelty!! Mental cruelty is worse in my view as there is no physical evidence.
Mental Cruelty....absolutley not!! hands up who was made to stand in the corner when they were naughty...if you don't like smacking then this is just punishment...if kids don't learn between right and wrong one way or they other how will you ever get it through to them without some kind of punishment.
Yes, there is something in what you say. To people of my generation the "naughty chair" is something new, but years ago children were made to stand out in front of the class which is not dis-similar, but not so kind on the legs in the less health and safety aware climate that prevailed then. Plim
Ive never used a naughty step No 1 reason being having a hyperactive son its more hassle than its worth he would be up and down every second No2 when he has been naughty and a ticking off wont do it he gets sent to his bedroom for chill out time this works good fro him but every child is different
Sending our 4 year old upstairs or out to sit on the stairs works well for us, but im not sure it will work so well the older she gets. I don`t think it is mentally cruel, but I guess it would depend on what the child was being put there for, if it was for say wetting the bed then yes I would think it was mentally cruel but if it was for drawing on the walls then definantly not. Having a prob getting thoughts from brain to fingers tonight so hope this make sense
I have been lucky with our children I think. Usually "the look" or a bluddy good shout does the trick. I like the naughty step idea, better than beating the living daylights out of them in my opinion. Love Fire xxx
In the infant part of the school I work in they have what's know as " the naughty spot ". It's a round rubber mat which the child has to sit on for 1 minute for each year of their life ( 3 yr old = 3 minutes etc). This is usually used as a last resort if all else has failed. I think it is a great thing, my daughter has been made to sit on the naughty spot many times for being disruptive in class or just being her usual stroppy self and its done her no harm. We even have a naughty step at home 1 at the bottom of the stairs for my daughter and 1 at the top for my son (who is 10), this works for us as my son is dyspraxic and suffers short attention span and concentration, sending him to bed can end up in a smashed up room, the naughty step leaves him with nothing to break and less chance of him hurting himself. This method was introduced to me 4 years ago by my sure start worker and works better than sending my son upstairs to to bed only to end up going up there myself to tell him off again for throwing his stuff all over the place which I will only have to eventually replace.
My second wife was a big naughty step advocate. It was a bit of a surprise, I already had two kids about 7 and 5 when we met. I spose Im lucky but I had never needed options for correcting "naughtiness". Until i met that wife Im not sure I even had an insight into what naughtiness was. Before her my kids were just people who hadnt grasped all the rules yet and I just talked to them. Its what I continue to do. I think our radically different approach to parenting meant our relationship was doomed from the start. It was quite hard having two kids around that were happy to discuss their behaviours and how they could modify them and two kids who had naughty steps, withdrawal of priviliges and the occasional paddling with a spoon hand or slipper. (No paddling by me I confess) This thread has made me ponder over whetehr I've been lucky and my kids didnt need much discipline or whether because Ive always talked to my kids they learnt how to behave. I dont think I am lucky. I think a healthy dialogue with your kids breeds a healthy relationship that you get to reap the rewards from. Smacking em from the minute they can explore the world (the stuff on the other thread about a qucik smack of the legs still makes me cringe) then progressing through various other forms of punishment seems to me to be an exercise that will ultimately cause the child and the parent hurt. Last time i went round to see the step kids they had lists of rules that couldnt be broken and the resulting punishments on every wall. My kids who now live with me have no rules other than treating themselves and others with respect and dignity and being honest. The likely outcomes of failing in this regard are a discussion. Well tahst my ten pence worth, it works for me. I realsie I sound like a bleeding heart liberal namby pamby airy fairy wishy washy........ But Im not. Im a typical bad tempered irritable old git.
'Time out' I think it's called, step, chair, stairs it's all about giving the child time to calm down and think register what they've done is wrong. Beats smacking hands down I think. I know she's older, but my daughter always benefits from being told to take ten mins out and go calm down. I'm very similar, if I'm mad I calm down much better being left on my own. I guess it's the same with toddlers
No jay a time out is very different from a naughty step. Just as "go to your room you shit" is very differnt from "hey son lets both take a little time out and talk about this when we have both clamed down". I suspect an awful lot of these practises evolve in the class room and the nursery where limited numbers of people have to control hordes of kids. (I salute any eductaors out tehr cos I couldnt do that) We learn an awful lot from our experiences in these environments. Its perfectly natural that we adopt them in managing our own children. Its also wrong in my opinion.
Quote by benrums0n No jay a time out is very different from a naughty step. Just as "go to your room you shit" is very differnt from "hey son lets both take a little time out and talk about this when we have both clamed down". I suspect an awful lot of these practises evolve in the class room and the nursery where limited numbers of people have to control hordes of kids. (I salute any eductaors out tehr cos I couldnt do that) We learn an awful lot from our experiences in these environments. Its perfectly natural that we adopt them in managing our own children. Its also wrong in my opinion.
Sorry, disagree with you - it's very much the same thing QUOTE: Time-out means time out from positive reinforcement (rewarding experiences). It is a procedure used to decrease undesirable behaviors. The main principle of this procedure is to ensure that the individual in time-out is not able to receive any reinforcement for a particular period of time. How to Use Time Out Effectively: Time Out Area The time-out area should be easily accessible, and in such a location that the child can be easily monitored while in time-out. For example, if most activity takes place on the first floor of the house, the time-out area should not be on an upper floor. A chair in the corner of the dining room is an excellent spot. Placing a kitchen timer on the table is a good way to keep the child informed of how much time he has left to serve. I've never sent or ordered my daughter to her room - I've only ever asked her to take herself off and calm down and think about what she's just said/done and come back when she's calmer and ready to talk to me. At 15 it works well for her and for us. It's about knowing your child and understanding what works for you/her(him) without resorting to raising hands. I'm not perfect either, there are time when I do lose my temper with her and shout, who doesn't?
Thnaks for that Jay. I had no idea time out was used to describe this kind of thing. I dont like it at all. You live and learn. And yes I admit I have the odd shouty and the odd rant too. More often than not its teh kids suggest i take some time to calm down lol.
I've only ever asked her to take herself off and calm down and think about what she's just said/done and come back when she's calmer and ready to talk to me. It sounds like time out is used more to calm the child down. Let me throw this into the dedate then...When your child comes up against someone in the playground or in life in general thats shows anger, do they ask that person to sit on a naughty chair or take time out and discuss the issue when they have calmed down? Is anger just another emotion that we all have within ourselves, just need to know how to control it? Is it not ok to be angry?
Quote by Theladyisaminx I've only ever asked her to take herself off and calm down and think about what she's just said/done and come back when she's calmer and ready to talk to me. It sounds like time out is used more to calm the child down. Let me throw this into the dedate then...When your child comes up against someone in the playground or in life in general thats shows anger, do they ask that person to sit on a naughty chair or take time out and discuss the issue when they have calmed down? Is anger just another emotion that we all have within ourselves, just need to know how to control it? Is it not ok to be angry?
One thing you never do is raise your voice above the level of someone who is shouting, it only makes them angrier. It's fine to be angry, it's how you deal with your anger that matters. Time out isn't always about calming a child down, it's also about understanding why they're there in the first place... quite often an apology follows and eventually the behaviour that was bad in the first place will diminish.. but it takes time.
Quote by Theladyisaminx I've only ever asked her to take herself off and calm down and think about what she's just said/done and come back when she's calmer and ready to talk to me. It sounds like time out is used more to calm the child down. Let me throw this into the dedate then...When your child comes up against someone in the playground or in life in general thats shows anger, do they ask that person to sit on a naughty chair or take time out and discuss the issue when they have calmed down? Is anger just another emotion that we all have within ourselves, just need to know how to control it? Is it not ok to be angry?
The answer is to walk away....this hapens not just in playground but also in latter life. You can quite often come up against a drunkard, who in reality is looking for a fight. Answer is don't give them the satisfaction... I walk away. I can simply not condone violence. I am 42 now and have never had a fight in my life and that includes all throu school days. Some may well call me a wimp for walking away, but i see it sign of my own personal inner strengh
Quote by deancannock I've only ever asked her to take herself off and calm down and think about what she's just said/done and come back when she's calmer and ready to talk to me. It sounds like time out is used more to calm the child down. Let me throw this into the dedate then...When your child comes up against someone in the playground or in life in general thats shows anger, do they ask that person to sit on a naughty chair or take time out and discuss the issue when they have calmed down? Is anger just another emotion that we all have within ourselves, just need to know how to control it? Is it not ok to be angry?
The answer is to walk away....this hapens not just in playground but also in latter life. You can quite often come up against a drunkard, who in reality is looking for a fight. Answer is don't give them the satisfaction... I walk away. I can simply not condone violence. I am 42 now and have never had a fight in my life and that includes all throu school days. Some may well call me a wimp for walking away, but i see it sign of my own personal inner strengh I am 43 and have never been in a fight either, I would normally try to dissolve the situation or as you said walk away. That give me my own sense of satifation and why stoop to their level. But it is very hard to get children to understand these methods isn't it?
Quote by Theladyisaminx I am 43 and have never been in a fight either, I would normally try to dissolve the situation or as you said walk away. That give me my own sense of satifation and why stoop to their level. But it is very hard to get children to understand these methods isn't it?
No, I don't think it is. There will be children who don't understand, who will not be able to walk away, but the majority will (and do) understand. In my experience anyway.
Quote by Theladyisaminx [ I am 43 and have never been in a fight either, I would normally try to dissolve the situation or as you said walk away. That give me my own sense of satifation and why stoop to their level. But it is very hard to get children to understand these methods isn't it?
it can be difficult..but that is what our job as parents is... to try or best to make our children understand these things and hopeful grow up into good members of the wider community. It seems your parents did a good job with you, so sure you to will succeed also.
In my opinion I do not think it is mental abuse and on the other hand I do not think smacking a child is physical abuse. If the child is not unnecessarily harmed then it is not abuse. Dave_Notts
A question for the OP - Theladyisaminx - are you a psychologist or studying for a Phd in psychology or something? I have found these threads fascinating and they have certainly got me thinking. But, the line of questions and occasional inputs by yourself as they progress is starting to look like a source for a peer-review paper called "modern parenting in a liberated culture" or some such. (ok - the question is a bit tongue in cheek - but it makes you think - you rarely know what the other people on this site are in the real world).
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- but it makes you think - you rarely know what the other people on this site are in the real world).