Need advice (non swinging type)

5 Apr 2008

I need some advice.
I used to run a business with my husband, we had several employees/self employed subcontractors. Three months after my husband’s death, one of them took off with a van, a load of stock and a week’s takings. It turned out he’d been stealing from us, and subsequently me, for about a year. As the van was found the police didn’t charge him, I was in a mess and just wanted the thing over and done with so I let it go.
Yesterday I had a message from an employment agency requesting a reference for this guy. I couldn’t believe it. My first reaction was to phone them back and tell them exactly what a low life this guy was. But having thought about it I’m not so sure, I’m not a vengeful person and I think everyone should have a second chance. If I phone them back I think I’m being spiteful, but on the other hand if I’d had that information about him before he wouldn’t have got the job.
As the police never charged him, it’s just his word against mine. I’m worried that he might get back in touch with me and dredge it all back up, plus I still live in the same house so he knows where I live.
Should I;
Give him a bad reference.
Not phone them back.
Lie and give him a passable reference.
Your thought please people.
H.x

5 Apr 2008

I THINK (my knowledge isn't current) but when I worked in HR, it was the case that you weren't allowed to give a bad reference.
I'll speak to my HR pals and come back to you.

5 Apr 2008

I don't think you're allowed to give a bad reference, either. I'd ignore it and if they contacted me again, I'd tell them that I didn't want to give him a reference.

5 Apr 2008

You can give a bad referance, but have to be able to back up everything you say..better i would think to ring them back.....and say you do not wish to give a referance. They will understand, that will be as good as a bad referance.

5 Apr 2008

Quote by Freckledbird
I don't think you're allowed to give a bad reference, either. I'd ignore it and if they contacted me again, I'd tell them that I didn't want to give him a reference.

Yes that's the answer that's just been texted to me.

5 Apr 2008

How about refusing to give a reference, and leave it at that?
You're not being spitefull or vengefull... and also niether are you actively presenting this guy to a potential employer where you believe he may not be the most trustworthy person.
lp

5 Apr 2008

if they ask again, tell them the fact that you are unable to give a bad reference stops you from being able to give one.
that will speak for itself.

5 Apr 2008

I would just refuse to give a reference, im sure most employers would see that as a bad sign.
On another note tho how fecking cheeky of him to put you down as a referee!!

5 Apr 2008

YOu can get really pestered for references if you dont respond to a standard form or request for a written one...
I personally wouldnt respond to the first request and wait to see if they get back to you. If they do, I would then either call or write to say that you feel you are unable to give a reference except to clarify that he/she worked for you.
The reason you have been asked for a reference is many places want one from their last place of work. May have had no alternative to put you down as referee..
As he wasnt charged with anything it wouldnt come up on a CRB (if the potential employee needed one) anyway.
It does make me laugh though these standard forms, as they normally have something along the lines of: Are they trustworthy? etc etc and your not supposed to give a bad reference! Thing is, if its the truth is it a bad reference?
If your really unsure about what to do call your local equality office at the local council. Or a CAB agency...
Good luck Hx
Ive got problems with referee's myself at the moment... anyone want to give me one??? biggrin

5 Apr 2008

If you can't give a bad refernce then refuse to give one altogether. That would give his potential employers cause to reconsider without you getting involved. He's earned bad karma and has to pay it back.
Good luck babes kiss

5 Apr 2008

Yes - a response with a refusal will speak the volumes you are not allowed to write and won't end up in a your word against his thing. You really do not owe this person any consideration.

5 Apr 2008

Yes - a response with a refusal will speak the volumes you are not allowed to write and won't end up in a your word against his thing. You really do not owe this person any consideration.

5 Apr 2008

Quote by TheLovelyOne
You really do not owe this person any consideration.

More than that, you can prevent someone else from being abused by this man.
You must not give him a reference - at the very least you do not want your good name to be dragged through the mud because you vouched for his good conduct.
I'm so sorry you've had to go through all this. Big hugs :therethere:
Trix xx

5 Apr 2008

References are extremely important, I appoint people, and will not do so without a reference, whilst I appreciate H-X problem, Id be pissed off with someone who gave a less than truthful reference, and then I went on to appiont them, not knowing what others knew.

5 Apr 2008

Quote by Rising
References are extremely important, I appoint people, and will not do so without a reference, whilst I appreciate H-X problem, Id be pissed off with someone who gave a less than truthful reference, and then I went on to appiont them, not knowing what others knew.

Then surely you need people to be able to give a bad reference?
My choice in H-x's case would be to damn him with faint praise or refuse to give one at all. If you don't reply, they may go to a secondary referee who doesn't know any better.

5 Apr 2008

Quote by foxylady2209
References are extremely important, I appoint people, and will not do so without a reference, whilst I appreciate H-X problem, Id be pissed off with someone who gave a less than truthful reference, and then I went on to appiont them, not knowing what others knew.

Then surely you need people to be able to give a bad reference?
My choice in H-x's case would be to damn him with faint praise or refuse to give one at all. If you don't reply, they may go to a secondary referee who doesn't know any better.
what your allowed to say, and not say is rubbish really, ive often picked up the phone and told someone not to appoint a particular person, I would only do so, if I felt it was in the vert best interest of that company/organisation, the fact that this guy has put HX down as a reference in the first place, sounds a bit silly.

5 Apr 2008

Wow, thanks everyone who's responded. I don't feel so stupid for being in a quandry about this now.
I know, I really can't believe he'd have the cheek to put my name forward, I think he may have had some mental issues at the time, which is one of the reasons I don't want to damn the guy's future but yet I feel for the next person who may employ him.
I think the general consensus of 'no reference is a bad reference' is a good one. I can't not phone this woman back, she's only doing her job afterall.
Thanks again for your thoughts, I appreciate the help.
H.x
PS I'll give you a reference Annais smile