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Need some advice....re: son poss being bi

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Right, theres nowhere else i can ask for advice where i would value it as much as on here, and i know that you will be the most help because of your openness on all things sexual lol
It came to light yesterday that our dearest wonderfully smashing eldest child, our son, now aged 15 has a liking for boys, as well as girls too he says.
Now it doesnt bother us in the slightest, as long as he is happy. We didnt react when he told us, and didnt make any sort of deal about it, but i just want to know what to do next.
do i just leave it in case its a phase, leave it until he comes and asks us more, or do i get him books or find internet sites that may help him make sense of his feelings?
Do I talk to him about safe male/male sex as I have done about safe M/F sex? or do I just leave him to find out on his own.....or just say make sure u look it up on the net.......
just a bit unsure as it was all unexpected....I was convinced it was gonna be my only daughter that was gonna be a lesbian!
any help greatly appreciated
Hiyas Bone,
Well at 15 I would say his behavour is something most have to deal with.
At that young age he has seen male and female bodies, and am sure that he finds them both nice to look at. His hormones are going through the roof.
Let him find his own way, which I am sure he will. I remember being about 14 and looking at guys in the changing room when swimming. Does not mean I was bi at that age, merely curious of another guys body.
I suppose I was comparing. I know that does not help but....am sure he will find his own way in good time.
I can't help thinking advice is best left to someone who was in his position...
but I wanted to say it's bloody brill that he told you.
kiss
Quote by Witchy
I can't help thinking advice is best left to someone who was in his position...
but I wanted to say it's bloody brill that he told you.
kiss

i know, i was touched to the very bones, cos hes quite a private lad really
Boney... you make my heart smile! kiss
Quote by Dirtygirly
Boney... you make my heart smile! kiss

ooohhh thank you hun, what a lovely thing to say....what have i done tho LOL
Quote by Bonedigger
Boney... you make my heart smile! kiss

ooohhh thank you hun, what a lovely thing to say....what have i done tho LOL
You've just been you. kiss
Quote by Dirtygirly
Boney... you make my heart smile! kiss

ooohhh thank you hun, what a lovely thing to say....what have i done tho LOL
You've just been you. kiss
would that be a drama queen then :giggle: :twisted:
ermmmmmm i can only comment from talking to my friend who says he knew he was gay from a very young age and seems to have life very much sorted so much so he is a gay and lesbian councillor.
He says the worst thing he ever felt was the fact that his parents treated him differently just cos he was gay (even before he had done anything)as he says sex advice is the same no matter who your doing it with.
So with that in mind i would say homosexuality is no different to hetro so same rules apply and thats gotta be use a condom and be carefull son.
Steve
Boney, my daughter told me a few weeks back that half her friends are bi... she's a year older than your son. It would appear it's either a trend or it's just more socially acceptable.
At that same time she said to me, 'I can't be bothered with lads, I may as well be bi as well', I just replied saying 'whatever, there's not much else that'll shock me with you dear'... 'oh' was her reply.
I know I don't have any advice for you petal, but as others have said I think it's abs. brill that a young lad has been able to confide in his Mum, it may just be a fad, it may just be his hormones, either way I'm sure he'll have your support and there's a lot worse things that can happen than him being bi.
As for what to do next, I'd leave it at that with the promise you'll always be there for him. I can also get you some leaflets if you need to just offer them to him to read on his own?
kiss
You have a pm sweetie kiss
Quote by jaymar
Boney, my daughter told me a few weeks back that half her friends are bi... she's a year older than your son. It would appear it's either a trend or it's just more socially acceptable.
At that same time she said to me, 'I can't be bothered with lads, I may as well be bi as well', I just replied saying 'whatever, there's not much else that'll shock me with you dear'... 'oh' was her reply.
I know I don't have any advice for you petal, but as others have said I think it's abs. brill that a young lad has been able to confide in his Mum, it may just be a fad, it may just be his hormones, either way I'm sure he'll have your support and there's a lot worse things that can happen than him being bi.
As for what to do next, I'd leave it at that with the promise you'll always be there for him. I can also get you some leaflets if you need to just offer them to him to read on his own?
kiss

The term "hit the nail on the head" springs to mind jaymar biggrin and all I can say is big up to you boney, you must be doing something right for you son to be able to confide in you... :thumbup:
Ste
Yes I would advise the same safe sex it a must whomever you play with be it boy girl or both, My mum used to say if you old enough to ask your old enough to be told so im sure if your son needs to know anything he will ask you and you seem to have a great understanding with your son so you will be fine the both of you, might be just a growing up thing but im sure with your as his mum he will be fine xxxx
You have a PM :P x
Quote by BIoke
You have a PM :P x

Im sorry babes....not got it yet....are u sure u sent it sugarlips??
Quote by Bonedigger
You have a PM :P x

Im sorry babes....not got it yet....are u sure u sent it sugarlips??
It's gone now sweet cheeks, I wanted to edit it x
got it, read and replied babes kiss
Once upon a time, no that sounds like a story, and this is true. Anyway, there was this lad, younger than your son. He was doing the girlfriend thing, but it was not his girlfriend he was allowed to camp with, (sorry for the pun).
It was his cousins he camped with. Now things happened. You could say that is what boys do. Perhaps it is not. Things did not go far, and things never went any further later.
What I am saying is at 15 he has not sorted himself out yet. Are you sure you know what he said to you, I know you know what you heard, but that is not always the same. He came to you, so he is looking for something from you. He may not know what he is looking for himself.
To find out what he wants you must ask him. The trouble is, he may find those questions disturbing. You have to find some common ground, you should be supporting him as much as he wants, but not challenging him. A difficult path to tread.
Good luck
Travis
PS
If you are going to get him books, read them first, they are not all independent.
yes t mann Im pretty sure lol...this came about cos he has a photo of someone as his screen saver on his pc....dad commented on "oooohhh is that your latest girlfriend!"
son replies "its not a girl its a guy" (picture is of a very good looking boy in a skirt, over the knee socks, and so on)
dad - why have u got a piccy of a guy as your screen saver
son - cos i like guys
dad - oh so are you telling me your gay son
son - no i like girls too, i just like lads as well.
and yesterday I was joking to son when he gave me some attitude I said "oi gay lads are supposed to be nicer to their mums than any other boys!!!"
he shouts back "mu-um Im NOT gay"
I replied well "Bi lads then"....and he shouts back "ah well there ya go then, we dont have to be as nice to our mums!"
i dont think I can mistake the way his mind is thinking (at the minute)
Quote by Bonedigger
yes t mann Im pretty sure lol...this came about cos he has a photo of someone as his screen saver on his pc....dad commented on "oooohhh is that your latest girlfriend!"
son replies "its not a girl its a guy" (picture is of a very good looking boy in a skirt, over the knee socks, and so on)
dad - why have u got a piccy of a guy as your screen saver
son - cos i like guys
dad - oh so are you telling me your gay son
son - no i like girls too, i just like lads as well.
and yesterday I was joking to son when he gave me some attitude I said "oi gay lads are supposed to be nicer to their mums than any other boys!!!"
he shouts back "mu-um Im NOT gay"
I replied well "Bi lads then"....and he shouts back "ah well there ya go then, we dont have to be as nice to our mums!"
i dont think I can mistake the way his mind is thinking (at the minute)

Sorry, that made me chuckle smile That's the second time in a week I've seen something written on here that could have been lifted from a Willy Russell play :P
Regardless of what's going on in his (and your heads) right now Mrs B you both seem to have a wonderful and very honest relationship with your son and whatever the outcome, I'm sure that won't change. As per my PM, just continue to be honest with him and one another and work as a team x
Hiya Mrs B,
I can't really offer any advice from experience in dealing with a sproglet... All I can say is that for him to be so open with you shows a huge amount of trust and respect for you both and only does you, your hubby and him enormous credit.
I think if I was in your position, now that he has "tested the water" and got a positive reaction from you both. I'd just say to him that if he wants to ask anything then you are there for him no matter what he does. You've had the safe sex talk, that should apply to whatever sex. I'd be wary of bombarding him with books and websites initially, unless he specifically asks you for it. I think I'd give him time and space to realise exactly what it is he wants from you, if he has not done so already. He may have just wanted acceptance. Then just support him as you have been as I don't think you could have done anything better than you already have.
Quote by Bonedigger
yes t mann Im pretty sure lol...this came about cos he has a photo of someone as his screen saver on his pc....dad commented on "oooohhh is that your latest girlfriend!"
son replies "its not a girl its a guy" (picture is of a very good looking boy in a skirt, over the knee socks, and so on)
dad - why have u got a piccy of a guy as your screen saver
son - cos i like guys
dad - oh so are you telling me your gay son
son - no i like girls too, i just like lads as well.
and yesterday I was joking to son when he gave me some attitude I said "oi gay lads are supposed to be nicer to their mums than any other boys!!!"
he shouts back "mu-um Im NOT gay"
I replied well "Bi lads then"....and he shouts back "ah well there ya go then, we dont have to be as nice to our mums!"
i dont think I can mistake the way his mind is thinking (at the minute)

I've changed my mind. A skirt & over the knee socks? He has issues. confused
And while I'm here, I remember one of our daughters saying- I think it was just before she left primary- that she thought she was a lesbian. It came about as a result of a conversation starting "What's the matter?" We replied...."and....what's the matter?"
I'd had an inking since she was tiny that she may be gay- but hadn't ever mentioned it. It was up to her to develop in which ever way she wanted without any suppositions. She now likes boys. A little too much. rolleyes
And our eldest told me a while back that when she was babysitting for the weekend when we were at Wilts camp- she snogged her best mate. FFS. What's society coming to? rolleyes
It sounds like he did not come to you, he reacted. He reacted honestly, but he did not come to you. Time to give some room I think. Be there when he wants. As I do not have children, I can not give you much more advice.
Travis
Quote by Bonedigger
yes t mann Im pretty sure lol...this came about cos he has a photo of someone as his screen saver on his pc....dad commented on "oooohhh is that your latest girlfriend!"
son replies "its not a girl its a guy" (picture is of a very good looking boy in a skirt, over the knee socks, and so on)
dad - why have u got a piccy of a guy as your screen saver
son - cos i like guys
dad - oh so are you telling me your gay son
son - no i like girls too, i just like lads as well.
and yesterday I was joking to son when he gave me some attitude I said "oi gay lads are supposed to be nicer to their mums than any other boys!!!"
he shouts back "mu-um Im NOT gay"
I replied well "Bi lads then"....and he shouts back "ah well there ya go then, we dont have to be as nice to our mums!"
i dont think I can mistake the way his mind is thinking (at the minute)
Quote by
It sounds like he did not come to you, he reacted. He reacted honestly, but he did not come to you. Time to give some room I think. Be there when he wants. As I do not have children, I can not give you much more advice.
Travis

sorry my apologies for misleading anyone...if that changes anyones answers Im sorry.
guess im not as good a parent as I thought then lol lol lol
Quote by Bonedigger
It sounds like he did not come to you, he reacted. He reacted honestly, but he did not come to you. Time to give some room I think. Be there when he wants. As I do not have children, I can not give you much more advice.
Travis

sorry my apologies for misleading anyone...if that changes anyones answers Im sorry.
guess im not as good a parent as I thought then lol lol lolThere are things I never, still do not tell my parents. That never made my parents bad.
A good proportion of my sons and daughters friends are openly "Bi". I am not keen on labels and I'm not sure quite what this one means to the young people who use it. My youngsters tell me it means you fancy other males and females.
Using that definition I think I was, as a teen, but discussed it with nobody.
I think its great young people can be open about what's going on in their heads.
I didn't sort out my sexuality 'til I was in my twenties so I intend to simply support my brood as best I can regardless of how, when or with whom they wish to have sex.
Well done and good luck.
Quote by Witchy
I've changed my mind. A skirt & over the knee socks? He has issues. confused

Hmmm, be careful with statements like 'he has issues' - it's really NOT helpful and not necessarily the case. I just mean consider how you'd feel if you were Mr and Mrs B and were on the receiving end of that kind of statement right now? confused
I have female pals who really fancied Prince, Michael Jackson and Boy George in the 1980's and they spent most of their time dressed in in very feminine clothes etc. In fact, I'm sure Michael Jackson modelled himself on Liz Taylor in the late part of the 1990's :P My female pals are all straight but just found these guys sexy.
What I'm saying is (badly cool ) that the attraction is more to do with the sex of the person they fancy as opposed to what they wear. There's also loads of straight TV's about.
x
Quote by BIoke
I've changed my mind. A skirt & over the knee socks? He has issues. confused

Hmmm, be careful with statements like 'he has issues' - it's really NOT helpful and not necessarily the case. I just mean consider how you'd feel if you were Mr and Mrs B and were on the receiving end of that kind of statement right now? confused
I have female pals who really fancied Prince, Michael Jackson and Boy George in the 1980's and they spent most of their time dressed in in very feminine clothes etc. In fact, I'm sure Michael Jackson modelled himself on Liz Taylor in the late part of the 1990's :P My female pals are all straight but just found these guys sexy.
What I'm saying is (badly cool ) that the attraction is more to do with the sex of the person they fancy as opposed to what they wear. There's also loads of straight TV's about.
x
I do apologise for any offence unwittingly caused. It sure as heck wasn't a jibe at anyones sexuality- just about the fashion sense "issue" as an entirely seperate entity wink
Quote by Witchy
I do apologise for any offence unwittingly caused. It sure as heck wasn't a jibe at anyones sexuality- just about the fashion sense "issue" as an entirely seperate entity wink

Oops, I misread, sorry kiss Although I wasn't arguing, just debating and yes, over the knee socks are so yesterday wink
Quote by BIoke
I do apologise for any offence unwittingly caused. It sure as heck wasn't a jibe at anyones sexuality- just about the fashion sense "issue" as an entirely seperate entity wink

Oops, I misread, sorry kiss Although I wasn't arguing, just debating and yes, over the knee socks are so yesterday wink
How jolly civilised & spiffing. We must debate more often :giggle:
kiss